A Wealth of Unsaid Words (16 page)

wanted to go, to each and every time Everett had asked him

to his apartment, how he always had, and it had only been

sometime in the past few years that Alex had noticed that he

wouldn"t be able to breathe when Everett was about to ask.

Even when he"d accepted and gone up to watch movies on

Everett"s couch or share dinner, he had stayed tense, as

though he"d known all along what Everett had really meant.

Everett let out a tiny cough. “You know, this reminds

me of a similar special winter drink at this bar near my

apartment. It"s kind of a divey place, but you"d probably like

it. We should go sometime.”

Alex put his hand up. Everett obediently handed him

the mug, and he took a big swallow before holding it blindly

back up. It seemed safer to distract himself with a drink

while he waited for Everett to finish.

“I"ve been meaning to take you there, but of course I had

to wait. I"ve….” Everett swallowed more extremely alcoholic

cocoa. “I"ve been waiting to talk to you about a lot of things. I

miss talking to you.”

“I miss talking to you, too, Everett.” Alex licked the same

taste from his mouth. “Is this about your work?”

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“Work?” Everett seemed surprised. “Some of it. There"s

this boy. His mother is schizophrenic, and I thought you

might have some words to offer him I don"t.”

There were bitter, darkly humorous things that he could

have said to that to mask the shame and confusion that still

filled him when he thought of his father. There was also a

low, constant sadness that his father had never had anyone

to reach out to, even when he"d tried to be good.

Alex let out a breath and leaned against Everett. He

nodded, knowing Everett would see it, then frowned at the

floor. “I would like very much to talk to him, and to you,

Everett, if you really still want me to.”

He wondered if Everett couldn"t breathe. He seemed to

struggle for a moment, and then reached down to rap a

knuckle against Alex"s head.

“Always, Alex. No matter what.” He scolded lightly, but

rapped Alex"s head again. Alex didn"t even protest. Maybe he

deserved it for failing to see so much for so long. It took

moments, long moments of bright hope that he could not

quell and aching relief, but finally, he could breathe again,

and sigh.

He looked out over the rest of the group to give his mind

something else to focus on.

They were all watching either a Christmas special or a

telethon showing a familiar holiday movie because they

seemed to know the lines and were having a good time

drunkenly calling them out. Maybe they were mocking it, but

they were loving it too. Rachel had her feet in Molly"s lap.

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Robert was stretched out on the floor and trying to figure out

a game on Ty"s phone.

“Families like this really exist.” He hadn"t meant to say

it out loud, but it still shocked him, even after years of being

welcome here.

“It takes hard work, don"t be fooled,” Everett warned, his

voice a quiet echo.

“I know. There"s no such thing as perfection.” He didn"t

mean to say that. Everett drew in a breath, so Alex quickly

waved a hand. “And this afternoon your father had me

chopping the wood for that fire.”

Everett"s laugh was genuine but unsurprised and maybe

a touch too loud. “It"s a far cry from your life now, though, I

imagine. It"s not too boring for you?”

Alex wondered if Everett was aware of how his hand was

now trailing through his hair, pulling it from the rubber

band with gentle motions. Everett"s fingernails were light on

his scalp. His fingertips grazed the curve of Alex"s ear. Alex

almost moaned.

“No.” He fought for his breath. His head fell back on its

own, and he looked up. Everett was looking down with

starry, hot eyes. Everett"s mouth was open. Alex"s mouth fell

open to match it.

“Guess what was on sale at the mall?” Ty"s voice carried

from across the room, making Everett scowl and look away.

Alex did, too, blinking as though he was the one who had

been drinking. Ty had Molly and Rachel squealing as he

kissed them, a sprig of mistletoe in his hands.

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Robert firmly shook his head, which was enough of a

clue that Alex should have been less surprised when Ty

approached them after Gigi, but his mind felt bizarrely,

horribly slow. He frowned, not really giving a damn about

being rude when Ty came over to him, though he knew that

it was a surprise to the other man when he shook his head

in polite refusal too.

Everett didn"t have a chance. The booze and the fire and

Alex had done their work. He angled his head up slowly and

parted his lips automatically as Ty"s mouth touched his. He

didn"t move, didn"t blink, and then it was over, a buzzed Ty

running on to find a new victim.

Alex thought about hesitant, exchanged breaths, sticky

mouths, and milky butterscotch. Then Everett looked at him,

and he thought about cocoa and all the liquor he"d poured

into that drink and the wet mouth of a shared bottle of

stolen whiskey on a dark night by the lake. Everett might

have been having the same thought, confusing wants and

dreams and real moments; he licked his lips and stared

sideways at Alex for a long moment before he raised the cup

to his mouth and let Alex watch him swallow every drop in it.

t"s Christmas,” Everett sang in his ear, in a way that

said he thought he was whispering. His breath smelled

“I like rum and chocolate. His declaration was about as

quiet as his footsteps. The staircase was old, and the carpet

didn"t do much to muffle each creak and groan from the

wood.

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“It"s after midnight,” he pointed out a moment later,

right as Alex had been going to remind him of the lateness of

the hour and the fact that they were passing his parents"

bedroom.

“Yes, it is. How astute of you, Everett.” He had a feeling

that with his job, Everett didn"t get to have nearly as much

fun as he should have. It was nice to take care of him for

once, though Everett was no cream puff as he leaned against

Alex, and steering him away from walls and doorjambs took

some effort.

Not that Everett was resisting, he was simply clumsy

with drink and good cheer. Everett had left his shoes

somewhere downstairs, so when Alex got him into the

darkened room and he fell backward onto the bed, Alex

spent a moment considering letting Everett sleep in his

clothes.

It was Everett who decided for him by reaching for the

fly of his jeans and attempting to pull them off. Alex glanced

up at him as he took over, but Everett had other things on

his mind once it was clear that Alex was now going to

undress him. Like sliding his hands under Alex"s clothes. If

he was handsy while sober, he was positively obscene while

drunk; somehow Alex hadn"t let himself remember that part

in detail. But then they"d never shared a bed like this on any

Christmas past.

Everett"s hands moved over Alex"s skin like he had to

learn his body by Braille until Alex panted his name and

pulled out of his reach. He was trembling, but at the moment

Everett wasn"t in any mind to notice. It was almost enough

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to make him wonder how Everett had survived in a world of

not-nice men, especially when he was like this. How he"d

ever said no to Everett at seventeen was a mystery.

Alex slid Everett"s jeans off and then stood over him,

thinking Everett could sleep in his underwear and a T-shirt

just fine and not of the heat of Everett"s skin at his

fingertips. Everett was watching him. The look in his eyes

had not changed in the last few hours.

He struggled to lean on his elbows, then to sit up. “Want