I called in sick the next day, and headed back to the pharmacy. Hoping that I’d simply gotten a faulty test that gave false results, I picked up one of every test available. I bit my nails nervously as I stood in line. When it was my turn, I tossed the boxes onto the counter and reached for my credit card.
“Oh, honey! You can take as many of those as you want, but you’re just going to get the same results you got from the first one,” the middle-aged woman behind the counter said to me. “Which result were you hoping for, positive or negative?”
“How did you know I’d already taken one?” I asked in mid-chew.
She smirked, “The look on your face, and the way you’re tearing up your nails are both dead giveaways. Which result were you hoping for?”
I shook my head, “I don’t know.” I felt tears start to well up in my eyes.
“Oh, you poor thing!” she said and walked around the counter. “Frank! We’ve got another one!” she shouted at the pharmacist in the back of the store. She put her arm around my shoulder and walked me back towards the pharmacy window. “It’s all going to be just fine. What does your husband think of all this?”
“I don’t have a husband,” I sobbed against her.
“Oh, dear, well that does complicate things a little.” She stroked my hair sympathetically.
“What’s going on?” Frank, the pharmacist, asked as he came out from behind his counter.
“She’s just a little upset right now, that’s all. She was buying four different pregnancy tests.” The woman filled Frank in on what was happening. “She hasn’t told me what result she got from her first test, but judging by the fact that she’s crying, and she’s not married, I’d guess she got both lines.”
Frank sighed, “If you got a positive then chances are that you’re pregnant. Have you had any symptoms?”
I sniffled and shrugged, “Maybe.”
“Have you been feeling tired? Had any unusual cramps? Have your breasts been tender? Any morning sickness?” the woman rattled questions off to me.
“More importantly, have you missed your period?” Frank asked me directly.
I counted back in my head as quickly as I could. When my eyes started to well up again, Frank and his coworker exchanged a look.
“I think you should probably call your doctor and arrange an appointment.” Frank said then walked back to the counter.
I wiped my face and sniffed loudly.
“Is there someone you can call to take you?” my comforter asked me.
“I’m fine. I can do this by myself.” I stood up and sniffed confidently.
“That’s the spirit. You’ve already gotten what you needed from a man! You can raise this baby on your own.” She stood up with me and patted me on the back.
I walked away from her and towards the exit of the store. Just before I reached the door, I heard her shout at me.
“Just make sure you stick it to him when it comes to child support! You get your money every month!”
After a shameful confession of what I’d been up to and all that had occurred in the past five weeks, my doctor smiled sweetly at me.
“It happens to the best of us, Camille. Don’t beat yourself up over it.” She patted my hand. “We’ll do a urine test and a blood test just to be sure, but it sounds like you’re not going to be surprised by the results. Are you planning on contacting the father?”
I took a deep breath and nodded.
“What do you think he’ll say?” she asked as she reached in the cabinet.
“I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’ll say to him. I don’t know that I can say it. I’ll probably just end up sending a letter and letting him take it from there.” I rambled and watched my hands twisting in my lap.
“You need to tell him. How you do it is up to you, but he deserves to know.” She handed me a stick to pee on and pointed me towards the door.
I left the doctor’s office with yet another positive pregnancy test. She sent my blood test to the lab, and said she’d call me by the next afternoon to let me know what she’d found out. We both knew what the blood test was going to say, but a small part of me was still holding on to the hope that the other two tests were wrong.
I rode home, completely lost in my own head. I tried to think about what I would say to Nick. I knew that a letter was the best option. If I wrote him a letter then I didn’t have to hear him. If I wrote him a letter and never heard from him again, then at least I wouldn’t have to live with an actual rejection. A letter and no response would give me the freedom to demonize him, and perhaps that’s what it would take to get him out of my system.
Of course, I did have another option.
That thought only lasted half a second. As soon as it came up, my head went down, and my eyes focused on my stomach. Tentatively, a hand came up and rested against my stomach. In that moment, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t have a choice. I knew that things were going to be difficult, and there were some tough conversations ahead, but I had to go through with it. I didn’t know the little creature growing inside me, but I did know that I loved it unconditionally.
15.
I sat down at my desk after the kids had left for the day. I’d spent the last few days since the doctor’s visit composing my letter to Nick. I still hadn’t told anyone, though I planned to break in easily by telling Chrissy before I told my parents. My sisters were in town for my mom’s birthday, so I was taking the train out to their place tomorrow. I figured that telling Chrissy would be a good dress rehearsal for telling my family.
I’d searched online for possible addresses for Nick, and settled on just sending it to him at work in LA. I knew it would reach him if I sent it there. The other addresses were just a guess. I folded the letter, stuffed it into the addressed envelope, and sealed it up. My cell phone rang just as I finished.
“Hi, Chrissy,” I said with forced excitement. I was actually dreading telling her, because I knew she would be angry when she knew I’d kept Nick a secret from her the whole time.
“Do you have plans for tonight?” she asked.
“Actually, I was hoping you would call.”
“Great!” Chrissy said, cutting me off. “Be at my place by six. Gotta run! Bye!”
She didn’t wait for me to say goodbye before hanging up.
When I showed up at Chrissy’s place that night, she was waiting for me outside her door. I still had Nick’s letter stuffed in my purse. I had stopped at the mailbox, but couldn’t work up the courage to drop it in the mail.
“You’re late!” Chrissy shouted her greeting to me.
“I’m not late! You told me to be here by six. It’s six o’clock.” I smiled and shouted back at her.
“I’ve got a cab waiting. Come on! Let’s go!” she said and hopped down the stairs.
“Where are we going?” I asked and followed her into the black and yellow car.
“Mom and Ned’s house,” she answered then threw me a look. “A few weeks ago, I broke down and told them that I was trying to change. Now, they’re both doing everything they can to find me a ‘decent’ man to settle down with. “
I watched her roll her eyes and make a face at their attempts.
“I simply cannot sit through another dinner with some poor sucker my mom and Ned think is perfect for me!”
I laughed then took a deep breath. “I need to talk to you about something, Chrissy.”
“Sure, what’s up?” she turned to face me and smiled anxiously.
“It’s about that week at the beach.” I stopped to take a breath. Just as I was about to start up again, Chrissy’s cell phone rang.
“I have to take this,” she said apologetically.
I waved her on and turned to look out the window. I didn’t listen to what she was saying on her end of the conversation. I was too busy planning what I would say. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance. Chrissy’s phone conversation lasted until we got into Ned’s house.
“She’s always on that phone!” Ned said with a smile as he greeted me in the foyer. “It’s wonderful to see you again, Cami.”
“Thank you, Mr. Davis. It’s good to see you, too.” I smiled warmly at him. I had always liked him, but after what Nick had told me about Ned and his brother, I liked him even more. The memory of Nick telling me about Ned made me nervous about what might happen to us all when the truth came out. Would things change, or would everything remain the same?
“Cami! What a surprise! We didn’t know you were coming.” Chrissy’s mom greeted me with a hug. I knew that she hadn’t meant that statement as a snide remark. She was always happy to see me. She told me once that she felt better knowing that Chrissy had me around, to prevent her from making every stupid mistake out there.
“Chrissy kind of tricked me into coming. I thought we were just going to hang out at her place, but here we are!” I hugged her back.
“Well, if we had known you were going to be here we would have invited another young bachelor to join us for dinner. You are quite the catch, Miss Cami.” Ned said and laughed loudly.
“Don’t worry about me, Mr. Davis. I assure you I’m not that much of a catch.”
We all laughed politely, and Chrissy finally hung up her phone.
“What’s everyone laughing at?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Ned said with a smile. “I’m afraid our other dinner guest is running late. He called me a few minutes ago and said for us to start without him.”
We all headed to the dining room and settled in for the meal. Chrissy spent the first course being drilled with questions about how her new life was going.
“Enough about Chrissy!” Ned said with a laugh. “Let me tell you ladies about Fletch! He’s nothing short of amazing, trust me. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am to have him on my team now. He’s been a godsend to Tim over the past few years, but he’s all mine now.”
“Sounds like maybe you should date him, Ned.” Chrissy rolled her eyes at me.
Ned laughed loudly, “Believe me, Chrissy, if I were a woman I would! Not only is he a genius in the office, he’s also quite handsome. When he walked in today, you should have seen the heads turning!”
Chrissy’s mom laughed.
“He’s got this whole west coast vibe that just exudes off him,” Ned added and shook his head.
“Still, a name like Fletch is pretty much a deal breaker for me.” Chrissy stuck her tongue out.
“Actually,” a familiar male voice said from behind us. “It’s Fletcher, and it’s my last name. Of course, if you’d bothered to get to know me at all at the beach, you would know that.”
Everyone but me looked up in the direction of the voice. I didn’t need to look. I knew who was speaking. I’d been hearing that voice in my head for the past five weeks. I felt the familiar tingle run through me.