Authors: Rae
If he couldn't get the charges dropped, then he would accept a plea. He didn't care what others thought as long as he knew he didn't do it. He had done a few things that he was ashamed of during his lifetime but that one wouldn't go on his conscience. He could honestly say that he didn't do it. There was no mis-communication between them. She was more than willing. Knowing that she was the type of person who would conjure up such a story to attempt to take away his freedom and ruin his image made him let go of the little bit of guilt he had for the way he'd treated her that night.
It was something about seeing Stefan lying across the bed with the line of his G-string disappearing between his firm hips that had raised a passion in Wayne that he thought he had left behind him and promised himself that he would never acknowledge again.
He was sixteen when the feelings started. He had been friends with Jason ever since they were in first grade but he had never thought of Jason that way until that day on the basketball court. Jason had taken his tee shirt off and poured his bottle of water over his head to cool himself off. It was then that Wayne noticed Jason's body. He noticed how Jason's body was different from his and the other guys. Jason's shoulders were broader and his body robust. His developed chest brought attention to how prominent his nipples were and the way his shorts sat low on his round, chocolate hips aroused Wayne. When Wayne got home that evening, he tried to dismiss Jason's image from his mind and forget about what he'd felt earlier that day on the basketball court. He thought of all the times they had played together and the times they had fought, trying to convince himself that he only thought of Jason as a friend; a good friend and nothing more.
His memories became twisted as he thought about the wrestling matches they'd had and the fights they'd gotten into. The thought crept into his mind of what may have happened if they would've gotten a little closer, or paused for a moment when their eyes made contact, or when one of their genitals accidentally rubbed against the other's body, and took advantage of the situation. He became aroused and masturbated to relieve himself, hoping it would cure his lust. He was disgusted by his actions so much it nauseated him to even think about it. He decided to avoid Jason and began sitting as far away from him in class as possible. Wayne decided not to go to the basketball court anymore and not to answer Jason's calls. It worked for about a month.
Wayne missed his bus one Friday evening and decided to walk home from school. Jason pulled up beside Wayne in his car and offered him a ride. At first Wayne declined, not knowing if he could stomach being in Jason's presence for the ten minutes it
would take to get to his house. But Jason was persistent and made Wayne feel foolish, asking him did he plan to cry on his way home or something, and didn't want anyone to see him. Wayne got in the car, figuring he could find it in himself to deal with Jason for that short period of time. They took a shortcut through the wooded area behind the school that had a dirt road that led to the street that Wayne lived on. After a few seconds of quietness, Wayne started to feel awkward, turned on the radio, and started flipping through the stations.
Jason looked at Wayne and smiled, seeing how dissatisfied he was. “Nigga, what is you doing?”
“Trying to find something to listen to.”
“I've got some tapes in the glove compartment.”
Wayne opened the glove compartment, started looking through the tapes, and found one that he'd loaned Jason the year before. It was one of Wayne's favorites. Jason had told him that he'd lost it and changed the subject every time he asked him to replace it. It wasn't like Wayne couldn't replace it himself. It was the principle of the matter.
Wayne held up the tape, showing Jason that he had found it. “I thought you lost it.”
Jason glanced at the tape, reading the title. “Naw, man, that one is mine.”
“Well, it's mine now.”
“Yeah right,” Jason said. “You better put my shit back.”
“Hey, just think of it as you replacing mine.”
Jason pulled to the side of the road and grabbed for the cassette tape. Wayne quickly put it in his pocket. Jason reached over and grabbed Wayne's pocket, his hand rubbing against Wayne's dick.
Wayne grabbed Jason's hand, removing it from his pants. “Come on, man; stop playing.”
Jason snatched his hand away from Wayne and reached for Wayne's pocket again. Wayne could feel Jason's breath on his neck and his dick stood at attention. Wayne became frightened. He was afraid of what his feelings might cause him to do. Wayne shoved Jason into the car door. Jason became infuriated and swung on Wayne, landing a punch on Wayne's jaw. Wayne wrapped his hands around Jason's neck and began to choke him. Jason struggled to lift his leg off of the floor and kicked Wayne, but there was not enough room for him to do so. Jason tried to pry Wayne's hand from around his neck.
Wayne leaned in closer to Jason. “How the fuck you start some shit and can't even handle yours? I should throw your ass out your own car and make you walk home.”
Wayne's rage made him want to follow through with his threat but he was captivated by Jason's eyes; even in rage, they seduced him. He wanted to act on his impulse to kiss Jason but before he could, Jason kissed him and all his reservations disappeared. He caressed Jason's hips like he had fantasized about. It didn't take two minutes for them to begin fogging up the windows.
Sweaty, embarrassed, and ashamed, Wayne and Jason were silent the few minutes it took them to get to Wayne's house. When they pulled up, Wayne didn't say bye, see you later, or nothing. He got out of the car, slammed the door, and went inside the house, not saying a word to his parents who greeted him when he walked in. He made his way to the bathroom and showered. He scrubbed so hard that his skin became red. He wanted it to go away, what he had done and the sensation he'd felt when he was doing it. He could still hear Jason's voice in his head. He could still imagine the feeling he'd gotten when their lips had touched.
Wayne could hear his father's words; his hatred of anyone who
wasn't heterosexual. He could see the scornful look on his father's face when he said homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to share the same space with those who weren't sexually immoral. His father would preach about how homosexuals should be jailed because their crime was one of the worst types, a crime against nature and a crime against God. Wayne's father always told him that homosexuals infested the world the same way roaches did a home and they shouldn't be allowed to breathe the same air as everyone else. Wayne's father thought all homosexuals should be shipped off to the same place they dumped the world's garbage because they were nothing but trash polluting society. That way they could wallow in garbage until the day they died off and their souls burnt in eternal fire.
As soon as Wayne got dressed, he got a trash bag to put his clothes in. Not wanting to touch his soiled clothes, he wrapped them in a towel, put them in the trash bag, and went outside and stuffed them in the garbage. He went back to his room and knelt down beside his bed and prayed. He spent hours repenting for what he did, crying with a wail that came from deep down in his soul. Afterwards Wayne asked for a sign that he was forgiven and that his soul would not burn in the fire that his father had talked about. He lay in bed crying the rest of the night, afraid of what would become of his soul. He waited for a sign but one never came.
The next morning Wayne's mother went into his room to wake him up for school. Wayne wouldn't get up; he just lay there looking at her with his teary bloodshot eyes. Wayne's mother placed her hand on Wayne's chest to see if it would rise and fall, to see if Wayne was still among the living. She was relieved that there was still breath in his body but frightened by the way he lay there. Not knowing what to say or do, Wayne's mother asked
him why he wasn't up and getting ready for school. Wayne didn't answer. He just lay there, staring blankly as tears fell from his eyes. Wayne's mother called to her husband, who was on his way out to work.
Wayne's father came in the room and looked Wayne over. “The boy looks fine to me. Get him up and send him to school.”
Wayne's mother shook her head. “He ain't going to school. Something's wrong with him. Look at him; he's just lying there, not saying nothing.”
Wayne's father took off his belt and shook it at Wayne. “Boy, get up 'fore I come over there and get you up myself.”
Wayne didn't move; he just looked at his father. Wayne didn't care about his father's threat. In his mind, his soul would perish in a lake of fire on Judgment Day and he would cease to exist. Nothing his father or anyone could do would hurt him; he was already doomed.
Wayne's mother called the ambulance and, about ten minutes later, Wayne was being carried out the house on a stretcher.
After a day of running tests on Wayne and examining him, the doctor advised Wayne's mother that he was suffering from a nervous breakdown and then committed him into a mental institution. Wayne's mother wondered what had happened to him, what had caused him to lay there speechless and to have a break with reality. Her precious child was in so much misery that she never wanted to see him like that again.
She visited Wayne every week and watched him sit there and stare at her. It was after her tenth visit with Wayne that she went home and sat in her living room and cried. She wondered if Wayne would ever be his energetic, good-natured self again. She longed for him to be able to come home.
Wayne's mother heard a knock on her door. She dried her
tears, went to the door, and cracked it open. Jason was standing there with his head down and his shoulders slouched.
Wayne's mother took a deep breath, trying to keep her composure long enough to tell Jason that Wayne was in the hospital. She looked at Jason and smiled. “Sweetheart, Wayne isn't here. He's in the hospital and won't be home for a while.”
“I know,” Jason said. “That's what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” Wayne's mother said, stunned by Jason's nerve. Who did he think he was? Where did he get the nerve to come over and pry into her family's business? “What is it that you want to say?”
“What's wrong with Wayne?” Jason asked. “I mean, does he have some kind of disease or something?”
Her eyes widened. “Little boy, I don't know who you think you are, coming here and asking me some mess like that. You better do yourself a favor and run on home before you get your feelings hurt.”
Jason's voice began to crack. “But Mrs. Jasperâ”
“But nothing!” Mrs. Jasper screamed. “Run on home! It's none of your business!”
“It
is
my business.”
Mrs. Jasper tried to shut the door. Jason pushed the door open and forced his way inside.
“Child, if you don't get out of my house, I'll beat two years off your life.”
Jason stood there, unyielding. “Does Wayne have AIDS?”
Mrs. Jasper gritted her teeth. “What did you say, boy?”
Jason tried to repeat his question. “Does Wayne haveâ”
Mrs. Jasper slapped Jason on his cheek. “How dare you come in my house and make an accusation like that?”
Jason began to cry. He was getting nowhere with her. He needed to know that his health wasn't in jeopardy. He'd skipped school
and gone to the free clinic as soon as he'd heard about Wayne. But it was taking too long to get his test results and his paranoia had increased every day. All he'd heard around school was that Wayne was sick but no one could tell him what ailed Wayne. He had to know. He was on the verge of losing his sanity.
Mrs. Jasper's face was the color of blood and her eyes swelled with tears. “Boy, you should be ashamed, coming in here with that nonsense. If you don't get out of my house right now, I'm calling the police.”
“But you don't understand.”
Mrs. Jasper huffed.
This boy must take me for a joke.
Mrs. Jasper picked up the phone to call the police.
“We had sex,” Jason blurted out.
Mrs. Jasper dropped the phone and grabbed her chest. “What?”
Jason began to cry. “The last time I saw Wayne, we had sex.”
“You stupid, stupid boy,” Mrs. Jasper said. “How could you do such a thing? You probably can barely get yourself ready for school in the morning. What makes you think you're ready for the consequences of sex; especially the type you're having.”
Jason tried to speak but he was too shaken for Mrs. Jasper to understand his dialect. Mrs. Jasper made Jason sit on the sofa with her and attempted to calm him down. Jason told Mrs. Jasper how sorry he was. How he and Wayne were playing around and it just happened. Mrs. Jasper rubbed Jason's back while he wiped his tears. She assured Jason that Wayne did not have AIDS or any STDs. She told him how Wayne had had a break with reality and was in a psychiatric hospital.
Jason expressed his regret about what had happened. He asked Mrs. Jasper to tell Wayne that he wanted to put what happened behind them and be friends again. Mrs. Jasper promised that she would tell Wayne and then sent Jason on his way.
Mrs. Jasper was relieved to know what had caused her son's condition. Her husband could never find out. She would have to kill him. She refused to let him degrade Wayne for what he had done. She would see her husband dead before she would let him poison Wayne's mind with his ignorance.
Mrs. Jasper didn't plan to give Wayne Jason's message. She wanted to keep Wayne as far away from Jason as possible. They needed to move but she needed her husband to agree to it. She had no money. Her husband was the wage-earner in the family and she took care of their home.
When Mr. Jasper came home that evening, she did everything she could to seduce all of his senses. She fixed her hair and wore his favorite perfume. She fixed his favorite meal for dinner. She didn't even complain when he sat in front of the TV with the volume turned up as high as it could go, gorging himself with beer.