Authors: Aris Whittier
She looked at the ground for several seconds and then looked up at him.
"I know you said we weren’t crazy, but I feel crazy. I don’t
just hear you with my ears and see you with my eyes, I feel you with my body. I
know you, deep in here—" she held her hands to her chest, over her
heart. "I know you. But for some reason I can’t place you."
To Logan, it looked like she was fighting a war from within. She was struggling
with all that was happening inside her as she tried to make heads or tails of
it. Her internal battle caused his stomach to knot with a mixture of sympathy
and understanding.
"You create emotions in me that I’ve never felt in my life. In
fact there’s so much of it I feel like it’s out of control and
I’m not sure how to control it."
"Don’t control it…just let it do what it will." It
took every scrap of will power he possessed not to move to her.
"I feel powerless and I don’t like it. No one should make me
feel this way."
"I am the only one who can make you feel that way."
"Why you?"
He stood there solemnly, not knowing what to say and wanting nothing more
than to ease her pain and uncertainly. Standing in silence he contemplated and after
a moment he spoke. "Some people believe that the world is in divine
order. You know what I think. I think we must learn to trust what’s
happening to us. It’s happening for a reason. We may not know the reason
and we may not like it, but it’s what’s meant to be."
"You sound like Heather."
"Do I?"
"Yes. She used to tell me, ‘If it’s meant to be it will
happen and it will make you stronger’."
"This is meant to be. We are meant to be. Please, Amber, trust
what’s happening to us." He held open his arms and when she took
that initial step forward he said a silent prayer of thanks. As she walked into
his embrace he pulled her close to him. "I’m sorry this is hard for
you. I really am."
Wrapping her arms around his waist, she rested her head against his chest,
giving into all the emotions that were pushing her to the brink.
Logan stroked her hair and whispered, "Would you like to rest?
It’s been a very long night." When she nodded he quietly led her
into the house and down the hall to one of the guest bedrooms. Placing her on
the bed, he pulled the covers up and then he kissed her brow tenderly. At the
door, with his hand resting on the light switch he said, "Get some sleep.
You’ll feel better when you do."
Amber rolled onto her back and opened her eyes. It was still dark out and
she wasn’t sure what time it was or how long she had been asleep. It
couldn’t have been more than an hour or so. She had dreamt of him. The
dream was cloudy and different. Logan was unlocking something that lay deep in
her soul. In her dream, she had asked him what he was doing, what they were
doing, but he hadn’t answered her. He’d done what he always
did—he smiled at her sweetly but knowingly, never saying a word.
The dream confirmed what she was feeling as she had drifted to sleep. She
trusted him. She couldn’t explain why but she trusted him with her life.
Deep within her, she knew they belonged together. She sensed they’d never
really been apart. But she didn’t understand how she knew this. It was more
than just the strong emotions that were between them that hinted at this
closeness. It was something that went deeper.
Rolling over, she stared out the window but she didn’t see how the sky
was filled with an endless span of stars or the moon, which filtered through
the towering canopy of trees. Instead she saw Logan’s eyes—his
exquisite, telling eyes. They spoke to her revealing all sorts of things that
she wasn’t ready to hear or believe.
Her nose tingled as the tears pushed at her eyes. She wished more than
anything that she could wrap her mind around what was happening between them.
Their situation was perplexing and when she thought about it logically it
didn’t make sense. She didn’t believe two people could have the
type of dramatic effect they were having on each other particularly, especially
after only knowing each other a day.
A mere forty-eight hours ago she would have claimed she didn’t believe
in the love-at-first-sight mumble jumble. Feelings and love had to form slowly
and gradually over time. However, what she and Logan were experiencing was
anything but slow.
If she removed all logic from the situation, which her practical side urged
her not to do, she knew that what was happening felt right. She might not have
an explanation for it but it worked. She turned over again, pulling the covers
up to her chin even though she wasn’t cold.
She blinked back the tears that managed to surface. For her, it felt as if
it was almost an epiphany they were sharing. The notion was theatrical to say
the least, but it was also honest. Honest to the point that it worried her,
intrigued her, and made her want to hear Logan’s side of it.
Crawling out of the bed, she opened the door and she felt her way down the
dimly lit hall to the master bedroom. When she looked in and found it empty she
made her way back down the hall toward the living room. She glanced at the
degrees on the wall briefly before she looked straight ahead. That’s when
she saw him—sitting in the recliner, his eyes closed, his head titled
back. A single lamp lit the space around him.
There was an unexplainable energy that suddenly formed in the air and it
consumed her as she watched him silently, not wanting to interrupt him. He was
an exceptional man. Down-to-earth, wise and funny, and he clearly had a head
for business. One only had to be with him for just a few minutes to see that he
had integrity and decency too. It was odd, in one way he was remarkably
complex, and in another he was entirely straightforward.
She sucked in a deep breath and willed herself to remain composed as the
energy grew and swirled between them. There were other layers to Logan that she
knew existed but she had not yet seen. He would allow her to unravel them at
her own pace, discovering everything about him, but she still wasn’t sure
she’d ever figure them out. Some things just weren’t
comprehensible. Certain aspects to Logan would fall in that category.
"I’m awake," he said without looking up.
She had a feeling he was. He had been giving her time to think, time to
watch him. He was generous when it came to giving her space or a moment to deal
with things. Nothing about him was rushed. Everything came in due time.
She moved silently around a piece of furniture to position herself so she
could see him better. Closely, she watched him, unsure of what to say.
"What’s going on with us?"
Logan didn’t move as he spoke. "There’s so much. Where
would you like to start?"
"I’m not sure. But we need to talk about it."
"Yes, we do," he agreed softly.
"Since you appear to be a little more familiar with what’s
happening between us, how about you start."
He nodded. "I’ll start at the beginning. When I was a little boy
I had a best friend. She was blond haired and beautiful. She spent almost every
moment with me." He opened his eyes and slowly sat up in the chair.
"Actually, I have very few memories that don’t include her."
His eyes found her from across the room. "Yet no one could see her except
me."
"She was an imaginary friend?" Amber asked curiously as she
watched him.
"No, she wasn’t imaginary. She was very real."
"How could she be real? Do you see ghosts?"
"No, I don’t see ghosts. I see you and only you."
"Me? I don’t understand."
Logan stood up and moved toward her. Stopping a few feet away he spoke.
"I’ve never seen another spirit other than you. I’ve never
dreamt of anyone other than you either."
"I can wrap my mind around the dreaming but I have no idea what you
mean when you say you saw my spirit."
"Amber, my best friend was you. You were the little blond haired
girl."
"But how?"
Logan’s hands went to his hips and he glanced out the window, into the
darkness, desperately organizing his thoughts. After a moment he looked at
Amber and said, "I know this is hard to understand but please bear with
me. We are ten years apart in age right now."
She nodded.
"When I was ten you left to come here."
She stared at him blankly.
"Twenty-seven years ago while we were sitting in my favorite oak tree
you came to me and told me you were coming back."
She drew in a shaky breath.
"I knew you were here because after that day I never saw you again. At
least that was until I began to dream about you." He smiled at her.
"You were right."
"About what."
"You told me before you left that I would dream about you. And even
though those dreams were good there was a time in my life that I doubted
you."
"If you knew I was real, why did you doubt me?"
"Because I had missed you so badly I thought my mind was playing
tricks on me. When I was a young man I fantasized about you. I thought my mind
made you up because you were perfect and there’s no such thing as
perfection." His hands tightened as he spoke. "Then just a few
weeks ago I saw you going into my restaurant and all my dreams came true. It
was you. I’d found you at last. I can’t tell you how it feels to
know you’re now here. I can hold you, I can touch you, and I can smell
you. You’re real."
"You make it sound like you were looking for me."
"I have, from the moment you left me." He was quiet. "I
always knew you were out there, I just never knew when I would stumble upon
you. That’s why I traveled so much. I never knew where you were going to
be."
She tried to relax when she sensed the openness in his voice, but she
couldn’t bring herself to do so.
"This I all so
hard to believe."
"Is it really?" He asked sincerely. "You feel I’m
familiar because Heather and I share traits. We may share the same eyes, but
that’s not why I am familiar to you."
"Then why?"
"Because we belong together.
I have never
known a life that we haven’t shared. You know me because you’ve
never lived without me and I’ve never lived without you."
"How are you so sure of that?"
"I’ve seen most of our lives—if not all of them.
I’ve had decades of nights watching us together."
"We’re always together?" she asked surprised.
"Always."
He was quite as he looked
about, his eyes finally resting on her. "Did you ever dream about
me?"
She thought she heard his voice tremble when he asked the question. She was
anxious and she fought to keep the emotion out of her voice, which proved to be
damn near impossible. "I think I have. But at the time I didn’t
know it was you."
"And you do now?" he asked gently.
"Yes," she breathlessly confirmed.
"How do you know it’s me?"
"Because the
person in my dreams made me feel
the same way you make me feel."
"And how do I make you feel, Amber?"
The darkness, which consumed the large room, closed around them and cut them
off from everything other than each other. She felt her body being slowly
consumed by the emotions building between them.
"Like
I’ve found a piece of me that's been missing."
"Do you believe in such a thing?"
"I do now."
His voice came out in a rugged whisper. "I’ve waited my entire
life to hear you say that." He reached out for her and when her body
relaxed under his touch, he gathered her into his embrace. With his hand, he
cupped the back of her head and held it against his chest. "I promised
you I would help you remember."
"I don’t know if I can," she said sadly as she clung to
him.
"You will," he said as he pulled back and saw the forlorn expression
on her face. "Today is Wednesday. Take the rest of the week off. My
family is coming this weekend and I want you to meet them. They would love to
meet you."
"How do you know that?"
"I called my mom this morning and told her all about you. She
didn’t think it was very professional of me to pick up on one of my
employees. I got a lecture."
"Good, you deserved one."
Logan allowed his head to fall so his forehead touched her forehead. His
lips smiled just inches from hers. "You’re right I did. I’ll
help you remember."
"What if I don’t? Why are you smiling?"
"You asked me that same question a long time ago. Don’t worry,
you will," he insisted.
"Okay."
"You’re amazing. Do you know that?"
"I believe I’ve heard that somewhere before," she replied.
His lips found their way to hers. "Then it must be true." He
kissed her two more times. "Trust me." He rested his head in the
crook of her neck. "Please, just trust me."
Their days were spent on the beach, going to lunch, sightseeing with the
tourists, and doing what they enjoyed most, talking. They laughed and learned
with eager devotion and humble affection. They were serious when they had to be
and absolutely uninhibited the rest of the time. Secrets about each other,
which were told to no other, were revealed and shared without fear or
hesitation. Their relationship reached new heights that even surprised them.
The intensity of the bond they shared grew swiftly and bound them tighter.
When they were together nothing was amiss. How could it possibly be? They
were made for each other. It didn’t matter what they did or didn’t
do. They enjoyed every moment because for them it was all about being together.
Logan wanted nothing more than to be with Amber, to please her, and to watch
her enjoy the time they were sharing and the sweet memories they were making.
This was what he’d always dreamt of. He had found someone to share his
life with, someone that understood him completely. He had found the woman that
was made for him. Sometimes the discovery seemed almost too good to be true.
But at those times all he had to do was look at her and he knew he’d not
only found her but he truly needed nothing else.
The closeness that Amber found with Logan was new and extraordinary. She loved
to be with him, to listen to his voice, to have him talk to her and look at her
like she was the only thing that mattered. She had never been treated with so
much care and compassion before. He really wanted to hear the things she had to
say and he genuinely wanted to be with her. No man had given her anywhere near
the respect Logan so easily gave. Slowly she was beginning to understand what
he meant when he said she’d always be there in the back of his mind. She
experienced bouts of déjà vu where she was almost certain she and
Logan had already done many of the things they were doing and already shared
many of the conversations they were having.
At night, while alone, Amber secretly prayed that all the memories would
come flooding back to her. And to her frustration nothing substantial ever did.
But right now, as she stood on a private beach on Catalina Island, she knew
life couldn’t get any better. She and Logan had spent the day cruising
around the island on his catamaran. Just before lunch they had
snorkeled
the clear warm waters. She had only snorkeled a
few times before. But with Logan’s patient instructions she had caught on
quickly.
With the boat anchored, they were now sunbathing on the secluded beach.
There were a few other boats, in the distance off shore, but other than that
they were completely alone.
"This day has been amazing," Amber said to Logan as she rolled
over on the blanket to tan her backside.
"Do you need more lotion?"
She rested her cheek against her arms as the sun warmed her back. "No,
I’m fine. I think I fell asleep for a little while. Something about being
on the beach with you that puts me to sleep," she said with a drowsy
laugh.
"You dozed for about ten minutes," he said looking at his watch.
"Sorry."
"Don’t be. We have been up since the crack of dawn and
haven’t stopped since." He touched her hair, soothing it in the
wind.
"Mmm, I think that’s what puts me to sleep," she said as
he stroked her hair softly. "I like it when you do that."
"I think you have a knack for sailing," he said as he looked at
her. "You did very well today."
When Amber opened one eye, she saw him lying on his side, his head propped
up with his arm and he was watching her.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Logan agreed with a smile.
"Fortunate for me I happened to have a very good teacher." She
pushed herself up. "I’m getting warm. I’m going to cool
off." She stood up and looked down at him. "Would you like to join
me?"
"I think I’ll stay right here." He watched her walk toward
the water. "I like watching you," he whispered to himself. This was
his favorite part. He turned and leaned back into the sand, his legs stretched
out and his arms resting on his elbows so he could enjoy the view. He never
took his eyes off her as she waded into the cool water and swam.
As she stepped out of the surf a rush swept over him. The sunlight moved
across her body and she began to glow. The wind pushed at her hair as she
walked along the shores edge in a white bikini. He heard the beating of his
heart in his ears as the golden light danced over every curve. She was
magnificent, she was real, and she was his. As she bent to pick up a shell and
inspect it, he felt his chest tighten with emotion.
He saw himself wrapped in her arms as she held him closely. His breath
caught and he tried to swallow but the slow and steady emotion gripped him and
caused him to see them side by side tangled in sheets and each other’s
arms. He saw himself sliding his arms around her and pulling her tighter
against him. His lips were kissing her, touching her, loving her…
It was selfish and indulgent and one of the reasons he loved to be alone
with her. When he had these quiet moments with her, he always had a vision of
them together.
"What are you thinking about," she said as she walked toward
him.
"You."
The shell she was holding dropped from her fingers when she drew closer and
saw the way he was looking at her. "What about me," she said
against the breeze and she dropped down to him.
"That I would love nothing more than to sit right here forever and
watch you."
Without a word, she reached for him and kissed him. "You remembered
something," she insisted in between kisses.
He smiled against her lips.
"That’s not fair. Tell me."
His hand moved to the back of her neck. "You’ll remember."
She shook her head. "But I’m not."
"Don’t rush it. It will come."
With both hands against his chest, she gently pushed him so he was lying
flat on his back. Straddling him, she stared down at him for a moment. Finally,
as she leaned down her lips parted right before she placed them on his. A jolt
shot through them both when her tongue touched his and the kiss deepened. Pure
desire caused a soft moan of pleasure to escape her lips as she spoke. "I
want to know what you just saw."
"I saw you," he whispered, his eyes heavy as he stared up at her.
"And what was I doing?" When he didn’t answer, she pulled
him to her mouth again and kissed him with an urgency she’d never
experienced before. Her hands moved across his chest, against his neck, and
into his hair before she felt Logan pull his lips from hers. Her breaths came
in small gasps as she watched him curiously.
"The look
in your eyes."
"What about it."
"I want to have that look too."
He sucked in a deep breath as he fought for control. His hands moved over
her bare thighs and gripped the skin tightly as he worked to steady his
breathing. "Amber, if you knew how you were looking at me right
now…" Slowly, he took her by the waist and gently lifted her off.
Setting her beside him, he got up. "We should get going. We can eat an
early dinner on the island before we head back."
Without a word, Amber nodded. She took Logan’s hand when he helped her
up. They packed up their belongings in silence.
****
They had eaten dinner on the island and as they were sailing back to the
harbor Logan asked, "Care to watch the sunset and have dessert when we
get back." He looked into the sun. "If the winds keep up
we’ll time it just perfect."
"That sounds nice," she said as she adjusted the wide brim hat
as it caught in the wind when she looked at him.
"Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?"
She shook her head. "No.
Just as long as it
isn’t
The Pavilion
.
Rachael would undoubtedly freak out if
we walked in together.
Though her expression might be worth
all the commotion."
"It’s your choice," he offered.
"I’d love for her to meet you, but I really don’t want to
be around anyone I know."
"We can go to
Le Petite Gemme
. Have you ever heard of
it?"
"I think I have. Do you own it?" she asked curiously.
"Yes, I do. It’s a nice French Bistro that has a private
balcony. It’s just a short drive from the harbor. It’s quiet and
the food is outstanding."
"A private balcony sounds wonderful and French desserts sound even
better. I’m in."
He pulled out his phone. "I’ll call ahead and make sure
everything is ready."
Logan was true to his word, he’d timed the sunset perfectly. When they
got to the restaurant the balcony, which faced the ocean, was ready for them. A
small table for two had been set. Candles had been lit and coffee and tea were
waiting. It didn’t take them long to pick what they wanted from the menu.
"Would you like some more tea?" Logan asked as he came up behind
her, loosely draping his arms around her shoulders. "I could call for the
waitress." He dipped his head taking in her fresh, sweet scent. The day
in the sun had done amazing things to her skin.
"I’m fine." Her gaze never left the vast blue body of
water before her.
He nuzzled against her neck, pushing her hair aside with his nose and chin.
"You’ve hardly touched the Strawberry Crème Brulée.
Did you like it?"
"Yes, it was delicious. And I ate almost half of it."
"Is everything okay?" he whispered against her ear. "You
seem quiet."
Logan moved to accommodate her as she turned around in his arms, smiled at
him, and then placed her arms around his neck. He didn’t say anything as
she looked up at him for moment before she gently kissed his neck, his chin,
and his cheek. Then out of nowhere she kissed him so passionately and so
thoroughly he felt a fierce ache for her throughout his body.
"God, I love it when you do that." He pushed at her hair and the
look that flashed in her eyes stayed with him. "What is it?"
She shook her head. "It’s nothing."
"It’s something. Talk to me."
"Everything’s fine." She smiled. "In fact today was
perfect. You’re perfect." She eyed him curiously. "How can
that be? You yourself said that there’s no such thing as
perfection."
"I’m not perfect." He gathered her closer, fitting her
into the curve of his body. "Although, I like knowing you think
so." The sun had turned her face and shoulders a soft pink, despite the
sun block he’s slathered on her several times. He looked intently at the
golden freckles scattered across her nose.
"You appear to be," she said with endearing honesty.
"Things aren’t always what they appear."
"I don’t know, you might be the exception," she teased
lightly.
"You think so." He touched the heated skin on her shoulder
lightly with his thumb.
She nodded. "Yes, I do." She looked around the small balcony.
"What’s it like owning a restaurant like this?"
He thought for a moment as his fingers played with the strap of her
sundress. "It’s a convenience," he finally said.
"I’m serious."
"So am I. I don’t have to cook if I don’t want to. I
don’t have to do the dishes either," he continued on.
"There’s no waiting. And I don’t have to pay."
"Okay now you’re just bragging." She leaned into him so
his lips touched the slope of her neck. "What is your favorite
restaurant?"
"This one."
"Why?"
"Because of this."
"The balcony?"
When he nodded she continued.
"Why?"
"I like my privacy." His hands gripped the iron rail behind her,
pinning her tightly against it.
"Most people in your position like to be visible."
"They like the fuss because they think that’s who they are. I
know who I am and what I’m about." He moved his lips to the curve
of her shoulder. "I don’t need a bunch of people I don’t
really know or like admiring me."
"I admire you."
"Do you?" He kissed a trail across her shoulder to her ear.
"I admire you too."
"What do you admire about me?"
"Absolutely everything.
Now back to my
original question. What’s up?"
"You make me feel…"
"Finish it."
"I can’t."
"Try."
She was quiet for a long moment. "It feels weird. You know so much
about me, about us and I only feel what’s happening between us
now." She rested her forehead against his chest. "I didn’t
remember anything today."
"You will. It takes time."
"I want to remember what we shared so badly."
With his finger he lifted her chin. "Amber, our souls don’t
forget."
"The way you looked at me on the beach today nearly took my breath
away. I know you’ve looked at me like that a thousand times before yet it
didn’t trigger any memories. It stirred other emotions but nothing from
the past."
"We have to be patient."
"I don’t want to be patient. Why don’t you just tell me
everything I’m supposed to remember?"
"Relax and don’t force it. They will come when you least expect
it."
* * * *
An hour later, in the car, Amber rested her head against the window enjoying
the beautiful ride back to Logan’s house. "I love this drive.
It’s peaceful. It’s like we’re leaving the rest of the world
behind." She looked out at the view. "As we round each turn I feel
like a weight is slowly lifting."
"Yes, I always feel my stress level drop as I drive home," he
said quietly.
She turned and smiled at him. "You mean you have a stress
level."
His gaze shifted from the road to her.
"Of course.
I’m just like everyone else."
Her laugh rang throughout the car. "You’re
so
not like
everyone else. You’re comfortable in your skin when half the world
isn’t."