Adventurous Me (15 page)

Clint points at me. “Ladies first!” he laughs, but underneath it he still seems nervous. Once I’m seated in the main commons room on one of the leather sofas, I look around.

“Looks a lot different with all the lights on!” I giggle, and Dave grins at me. “So, what do we do?”

“We just talk. How do you think it’s going?”

“In what way?”

“Let’s try again. How’s the sex?” That’s Dave, blunt as hell.

I nod. “The sex is good – very good. Great, in fact. We’ve done things I never thought I’d do.” That was sure true.

Dave’s face clouds. “No hitches? He hasn’t used sex as punishment, has he?”

“Discipline maybe, but not punishment. He told me up front he doesn’t believe in that.”

“Good.” He seems relieved. Does he know something I don’t? “How about getting along? Do you seem to get along okay?”

I think for a minute. “I didn’t think so at first, but he’s been a lot warmer to me over the last couple of days. I’m a whole lot more comfortable around him.” I stop, not knowing if I should say what I was about to. Then I decide to go for broke. “But there is something that bothers me a lot.”

His brows shoot up. “Oh? What’s that?”

I shake my head. “He’s either hot or cold. There’s no in between. He’s either mad at me and doesn’t even want to look at me, or he’s all lovey-dovey and wants to cuddle and I’m his best friend. It’s hard to handle, Dave. I never know what’ll set him off.”

He nods. “I understand. In his defense, he is responsible for teaching proper protocol and enforcing rules. But otherwise, that’s something he and I need to address. Be aware that after he and I talk, you may get called back in for a discussion regarding something he’s said.” I nod. “But I understand what you’re talking about. I like to know how I’m going to be received when I walk up to someone.”

“Exactly.” I can see Dave understands.

“Are you having any trouble with any of the house protocol? Feel like there’s anything that’s really not fair?”

“Not really. It’s all pretty average stuff, pick up after yourself, rinse out your washcloth, stuff like that. No big deal. I’m still trying to get used to the ‘nude’ rule though.” I think about Clint’s kids. “How do people with kids do this?”

“It’s difficult. They have to keep their D/s stuff under wraps, practice it when the kids are away or asleep. But it can be worked out.” He thinks for a minute. “Has he shared anything of his history with you yet?”

“No. I know he has two girls, but that’s all. He practically threatened me with death if I asked him about his marriage, and he let me know he wasn’t interested in mine.” Dave frowns at this. “I know his kids have a bedroom and I’m not supposed to open the door. I know his mother has them right now. And I know they’re not coming back until I’m gone. So I don’t know that any of it matters anyway.”

“Yes, it matters. It matters a lot. I think he and I have a lot to talk about. So, Trish, here’s the big question.” Dave sits back in the chair and folds his arms across his chest. “If Clint were to ask to collar you, what would you say?”

I wondered if this would come up and, even though I’ve thought about it, I still don’t have an answer. “Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, I like him a lot. But I don’t think he likes me. Well, maybe he likes me better than he did before, but still not much. I wouldn’t think that’s a question I even have to consider.”

“I think you should.” What? Really? Surely not. “If not Clint, who? Is there anyone you’d consider allowing to collar you?”

I shrug. “Maybe Steffen, but I don’t know.”

“Were you hoping your name would be drawn with Steffen’s?”

I’ve asked myself that a million times. I shrug again. “At first I think I was glad it was Clint. But after some of the things that have happened and the indifferent way he’s treated me at times, I started thinking about Steffen. He doesn’t strike me as someone whose personality is a toss-up. He seems pretty even-tempered.”

“But you said things have been better between you and Clint.”

“They have. I pulled a stupid stunt the other day, well, not really, it didn’t start out as one but it turned out that way. He punished me . . . and it was pretty harsh. Then afterward, he was very kind and sweet, and we’ve had a good time since then. He was very careful to make me see how I would’ve felt if he’d done the same thing I did; actually, he intentionally did something similar to drive home his point. And it’s been fine since.” I stop, then add, “But I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Do you think he’s helped you grow sexually? Really pushed your limits?”

“Yeah, I do. He set some things up that really threw me for a loop, but they were good learning experiences. He’s very erotically creative. Sometimes he fucks me hard and uses me like a slut, even talks to me like one, and other times he’s quiet and gentle and it feels like he’s making love to me.” I look down at my hands. “It’s very confusing. I really don’t know what’s going on most of the time.”

“But do you think this is a positive experience?” Dave sounds almost apologetic.

I think for a minute. “Yeah. I do. But for the wrong reasons.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s really helping me see what I
don’t
want in a Dom. And I’m really sad about that.” Then something shoots through my brain and I panic. “Oh, god, please tell me you’re not going to tell him what I say!” I’ll be in trouble for sure.

Dave’s face takes on a concerned look. “No plans to, just general discussion with him. But I think I’d like to call the two of you in together and talk to you. Can you do that?”

A tremor runs through my body and I’m pretty sure Dave sees it. “You have to make him promise not to punish me for the things I say or I just can’t say anything.”

Dave’s shoulders square. “You just let me know if he even tries and I’ll put a stop to it. That’s against the code. I’ll not have that. You don’t have to be afraid, Trish. Clint’s not that unfair.”

Yeah? He should have to be Clint’s sub for two weeks. He might sing a different tune.

When we’re done, Dave hugs me and says, “Go back over to my office and send Clint over. And thanks, honey.”

“No, thank you. I love you, Dave.” I realize what I’ve said, and then I throw in, “You know, like you’re, well, it’s more . . .”

He laughs. “Don’t worry, little one. I love you too. You’re just special to me, and I know I’m special to you.”

I hug him again. “You are. You always will be.”

Once I’ve pointed Clint across the hallway, I settle in to wait. The pictures Dave has around on the walls are interesting, and I look at them for awhile. I peruse his bookshelf; not the books I thought I’d see. Instead of
The History of Bondage in America
, he has a couple of Stephen King books and some Dean Koontz. I tear a piece of paper off his notepad and doodle, but that’s boring. But when I glance over at his credenza, I see something I hadn’t noticed before.

The envelopes with the pairings in them.

I know every couple has a number, but I don’t know what ours is. I rifle through, trying to find some kind of order, and then I figure it out: It’s the order in which we’re being interviewed. I know there are five couples after us, so that should make us sixth from the back. I pull the envelope, listening carefully for footsteps or voices, and open it.

There’s my card. And with it . . .

Steffen Cothran. What the fuck? I don’t understand. I pull open the next envelope and it’s two names I don’t recognize; same for the next. The third after me opens and there’s Clint’s card. The name with it is Katrina Brandon. She’s the sub Steffen’s got for the two weeks.

I hurry and put the envelopes back in the right order, then sit down and try to figure out what’s going on. But I know one thing for sure.

Dave threw the drawing. He wanted us together, but I’m not sure why. Does Clint know? If he did, would he say anything? Was it his idea? I’m pretty sure the answer to that question is no. I’m still sitting there, reeling, when Clint opens the door. “He wants us together,” he says without a hint of emotion.

I follow him up the hall and back into the big room. Clint waits until I sit before he does. Then Dave begins. “I really thought I should get the two of you together in here and talk. Trish, you brought up some things that were bothering you. I think you should tell Clint about them.” I sit, mute. “Go on, honey. The two of you need to air this.”

It’s impossible for me to look at Clint, but I should keep my eyes averted anyway, so it’s okay. I sit for awhile before I’m able to say, barely above a whisper, “Sometimes it seems like you really like me, and sometimes it seems like you want me anywhere but near you. And it’s hard to spend time with someone when I don’t know how they’re going to treat me from one minute to the next.”

He doesn’t say anything for quite some while – at least two minutes. The wait is terrifying. When he does, he starts with, “Trish, look at me.” When I finally look up at him – and it’s hard to do so – he says, “Sometimes I don’t know if I want you around or not.”

Wow. Why don’t you tell me how you
really
feel?
, I want to scream, and I feel my lip begin to tremble. “If you don’t want . . .” I start, but he stops me with a finger to my lips.

“Honey, I’ve got a lot of issues. I’m still having a very hard time. It’s not you, it’s me.” He stops and his cheeks turn pink.

“Yeah, but it’s not fair to take it out on me,” I tell him.

“I didn’t realize you thought that I was. I don’t think I have, but I’ll be more careful about that from now on. I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you, because I do. I want this to be a positive experience for you, and I want you to learn all you can.” He pats my knee and leaves his hand there. I can feel its warmth through my jeans.

“Okay. I guess.” I don’t know what else to say. “But I never know if you’re going to kiss me or kill me. It’s hard to be around someone like that.”

He nods. “I will admit I come across like that, I’m sure. Again, not you – me. But as your Dom, I should be the one constant in your life, the one point of contact you can always trust and confide in, the one person you’re always sure has your best interests at heart. I’m guessing you haven’t felt that way. I’m really sorry, and I need to work on that. Fair?” he asks. I nod. “I really do like you, Trish. I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone else. If nothing else, I’d like for this to end with us being friends and you feeling like you can call on me if you need anything.”

“I’d like that too. I really do like you too, Clint.” I want to say,
I think I’m falling in love with you
, but no way would I do that.

“That makes me feel good,” he says as he smiles at me. I have to admit, I love to see him smile.

“Now, Trish, Clint has some things he needs to say to you. Go ahead,” he says, motioning to Clint.

“You’re far too concerned with what others think. I don’t mean just about when we’re scening publicly; I mean what others think about how you look or what you’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a lovely person, and I want you to know that you don’t have to worry about what anyone thinks. I do think you’ve gotten over some of the stage fright sexually, though. The incident with the hikers was an eye-opener for me. You’ve grown in your openness and you’re really beginning to own your sexuality. You should be proud.” He gives me a tiny little smile – god, he’s sexy when he does that.

“Thanks. That’s a nice thing to say,” I manage and try to smile back.

“One thing that does bother me is your flirting. A Dom won’t put up with that.”

I frown. “I didn’t realize I was flirting. I don’t mean to.” That’s the truth.

“Maybe you’re not, but it certainly seems that way to me. That incident with Steffen . . .”

“I
told
you, I wasn’t flirting with him. He was flirting with me and I was trying to get him to go away. I didn’t want to get in trouble.” He starts to say something, but before he can, I say, “And before you tell me that I must have invited it in some way, let me assure you that I didn’t even know he was anywhere around until he started in on me. It seemed like he just came out of nowhere. And regardless, if you’ll remember, you punished me – fifty lashes. And made me walk through the club so everyone could see. Even though I didn’t do anything wrong. So even though I wasn’t flirting, I would never do it again if I were. Which I
was not
.” I’m almost panting by the time I finish.

“I’d really like for it to stop.” That’s all he says.

“Okay. Well, let’s try this. If you think I’m flirting, tell me. I want to know what I’m doing that looks like flirting to you so I can stop. Will you do that? Because I don’t know what else to do.”

“Yes. I’ll gladly do that if you think it will help.”

“Well, I’d much rather you told me so I can figure it out than to keep accusing me of it when I’m not doing it, at least not to my knowledge.” I’m feeling a little shaky now.

Clint reaches over and takes one of my hands. “It’s okay. We can work on it. Don’t get upset with me, please?” I nod.

“Anything else?” Dave asks.

Clint looks a little embarrassed. He looks directly into my eyes and says, “If we’re making lo . . . having sex, and I use your real name, I’d like it if you’d do the same for me.”

I’m wondering where that came from. “Okay, that’s doable. I just didn’t want to be labeled impertinent.”

He chuckles. “Won’t happen, I promise. But I’d really like that, okay?”

“Sure! Not a problem.” For some reason, that makes me very, very happy.

“So!” Dave says, slapping his knees. “Master Clint, do you have a lot more adventurous things planned for our girl here?”

“I do indeed. But she’ll have to wait to see what they are,” he says and winks at me. He’s never winked at me before. I take that as a good sign. “Looking forward to that, Vännan?”

“Yes, Master, I am.”

“Good!” Dave seems satisfied. “You two go on. I think if there are any other issues you’ll work them out. You’ve got another week. Make the most of it.” With that, he escorts us out of his office and goes in search of the next couple.