After Midnight: (A Penguin Special from Signet Eclipse) (Killer Instincts) (8 page)

“So good,” he said hoarsely. “Being inside you . . . it’s the greatest feeling in the world.”

His lips found her neck, teeth grazing the sensitized flesh before his mouth traveled up her jaw and closed over hers again. He groaned when their tongues met, and she felt his cock pulsing inside her, thickening even more.

Abby hooked her legs around his waist and dug her heels in his tight buttocks, the position bringing him deeper inside her. They moved together in a lazy rhythm, his heart vibrating against her breasts, matching the erratic beating of hers.

“Love you,” she whispered.

His green eyes flooded with pleasure. “Love you too, sweetheart.”

He withdrew slowly, then drove in again. Abby saw his features grow taut, his muscles tense, like he was straining to hold back. She knew he was close, but he waited, as he always did, until she reached the same peak, and only when she cried out in pleasure did he give himself to her. They came together, kissing frantically, bodies locked as they both trembled with release.

Afterward, Kane rolled them over and held her tight, stroking her hair and caressing her back until she fell asleep in his arms.

Kane and Abby headed back to the Costa Rica the next morning. They’d ended up chartering a plane because Morgan had usurped the company jet, leaving Cairo at the crack of dawn with no warning except for a brief text message to Kane that he was heading to the Middle East to “take care of a few things.” Kane was used to the man’s secrecy, and besides, he was glad to be alone with Abby. There were still so many things left to discuss, but unfortunately, they hadn’t been able to do much talking during the long journey home.

Abby had slept for the first half of the twenty-plus hour flight, only waking up when they’d stopped in Spain to refuel. By then, Kane was the exhausted one, and he’d fallen asleep with his head on her shoulder for the second leg of the trip.

Now they were both finally awake, but the pilot had already begun the descent into San Jose, and since Kane didn’t want a rushed conversation, he’d decided to wait until they got back to their compound before bringing up the baby subject again.

As he buckled his seatbelt, he glanced over at Abby, smiling at the beautiful sight she made. Red hair tied back in a ponytail, sunglasses resting on the top of her head, and already appropriately dressed for their return home. Her denim shorts, tank top, and flip-flops made up an outfit he’d come to expect from her ever since they’d relocated the team compound to Costa Rica. It was simply too damn humid to wear anything else, which was why he was also dressed like a beach bum in his white wifebeater and navy blue board shorts.

To the crewmembers on board, Kane knew they looked like a happy young couple heading for the coast. Those two flight attendants would probably shit their pants to learn that he and Abby were hardened mercenaries, their combined kill counts and successful extractions reaching astonishing numbers.

Despite her casual getup, Abby seemed anything but relaxed. She’d been wringing her hands together and biting her lower lip ever since the pilot’s announcement that they were landing, and when he noticed her doing it again, he tried to distract her by saying, “Why do you think Morgan flew off to Pakistan?”

Her answering shrug had Kane narrowing his eyes. He suspected Abby knew a lot more than she let on when it came to the mysterious trips Morgan took between assignments, but whenever Kane pushed, all she ever said was that their boss was “looking for someone.”

“What exactly does he do on his solo trips?” Kane demanded. “I
know
you know.”

“He’s looking for someone.”

Lord. His wife was secretive as hell, but she didn’t normally keep
him
in the dark. Now he knew what everyone else felt like whenever Abby refused to offer any details about a topic.

“That’s what you always say,” Kane grumbled. “Can’t you ever give me more? Three years of marriage and
you
still don’t trust me?” He scowled at her in mock anger.

That earned him a crooked grin. “That’s all I know.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m serious,” she insisted. “Jeremy once told me that Morgan was looking for someone. I asked who, and didn’t get an answer. That is
literally
all I know.”

Kane was appeased. “Yeah? I just figured you were dodging all these years.”

“Nope. And shame on you for being so suspicious. I don’t keep secrets from you, Kane.”

“You sure took your sweet-ass time telling me about the pregnancy,” he pointed out, arching a brow.

Guilt flashed in her eyes. “I wasn’t planning on keeping it secret
forever
.”

Kane paused, wanting to keep the topic of discussion open now that it’d been raised, but he didn’t want to push her again. With a careful voice, he reached for her hand and gave it a light stroke. “We’ll need to make a doctor’s appointment when we get home. You should probably get a blood test done to . . . you know, confirm things.”

Although her shoulders tensed, she offered a quick nod.

“And I’d rather find someone in San Jose, if you’re okay with that.”

“There’s a doctor in Turtle Cove,” she protested, referring to the tiny coastal town not far from the team’s sprawling, isolated compound.

“Oh, you mean the dude who wears Hawaiian shirts and hands out Band-Aids with red and purple hearts on them?” Kane shot back. “Nuh-uh, babe. I’m not letting that hack anywhere near you.”

He didn’t care that they’d be forced to make the hour-long drive to San Jose if they chose to see a doctor there. They weren’t going to the small clinic in Turtle Cove that didn’t even have a specialized OBGYN.
No way
. Kane knew he was being bossy again, but Abby was the one person who mattered most to him in this world, and he wanted the best possible care for her.

A sidelong glance revealed that her expression had gone dead serious, and now it was flickering with what looked like panic.

“Hey, don’t be scared.” He squeezed her hand in reassurance. “We’ll see the doctor just to confirm the pregnancy and talk about our options. I promise I’ll be there with you every step of the way.”

That got him another nod, and another round of lip-biting.

Christ, it was all so surreal, and even more overwhelming to think that their first doctor’s visit might not be their last. They would have to come back for regular checkups as the pregnancy progressed.

If
it progressed.

He swallowed, trying not to dwell on that, trying to remember the promise he’d made about being a supportive husband and not a selfish ass.

Next to him, Abby had fallen quiet. Her face now looked pale. So pale that it evoked a spark of worry, making Kane realize that he hadn’t once asked her how she was feeling. Physically, that was.

“Hey, you okay?” he said gently. “Are you feeling nauseous or anything?”

She shook her head, a twinge of confusion creeping into her voice. “Strangely enough, no.” She paused. “But shouldn’t I be throwing up all the time?”

Kane didn’t know enough about pregnancy to answer the question. Were there some women who didn’t experience morning sickness? He wasn’t sure, which only made him all the more determined to schedule a doctor’s appointment ASAP.

“We’ll have to ask the doctor,” he said, feeling a tad helpless. He was so used to having all the damn answers, and it bothered him that he couldn’t offer more assurance than that.

A shaky breath left Abby’s mouth. “I don’t deserve you.”

The abrupt declaration caught him off guard. He blinked and then recovered with a chuckle. “Sure, you do. I’m the alpha asshole in the relationship, remember? You, on the other hand, are a goddess. Which means
I
don’t deserve
you
.”

She laughed, and the sound warmed his heart. “Fine, let’s just say we deserve each other then.”

“Damn straight.”

Kane intertwined their fingers, leaning his head back as the plane’s wings dipped from the steady drop in altitude. He had a million more things to say, suggestions to voice, ideas to discuss, but he swallowed them all. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t push her about their plans for the pregnancy. Morgan was right—Abby was skittish, and the last thing he wanted was for her to pull away from him.

Whatever her ultimate decision, he had vowed to support it.

It was seven p.m. local time when they landed, nearly twenty-four hours after leaving Cairo, but the team traveled so frequently that jet lag and time differences barely affected Kane anymore. Abby, on the other hand, looked tired and ashen as they walked off the plane and into the massive hangar at the private airport outside the city.

“Is there a restroom I can use?” she suddenly blurted out, the question directed at one of the nearby mechanics working on an old Cessna.

The man responded in Spanish, gesturing to a corridor to their left.

“I’ll be right back,” Abby murmured.

She scurried off so fast that Kane’s concern levels skyrocketed.

He went after her, uncharacteristic panic churning in his gut as he waited outside the ladies room door. He hadn’t missed the fear on Abby’s face or the deep groove of worry digging into her forehead.

Something was wrong.

He was tempted to burst into the washroom and find out precisely what it was, but he forced his feet to stay rooted to the dusty linoleum floor. A minute ticked by. Then another. And another.

Unable to wait a second longer, Kane reached for the door handle just as Abby stepped out of the restroom.

The devastation in her eyes tore a hole in his heart.

“What’s wrong?” he said immediately.

Her bottom lip trembled, and she looked so stricken his pulse started racing.

“Abby,” he said firmly. “Talk to me.”

Now she was downright shaking, her expression swimming with agony as she met his eyes.

“I think I’m losing our baby.”

Abby felt like she was in a daze. A suffocating, paralyzing daze that she couldn’t seem to snap out of. She was vaguely aware of leaving the airport, Kane ushering her into their waiting Range Rover, the squeal of tires as he sped to the hospital like he was trying out for the NASCAR circuit.

Her brain was only capable of focusing on one thought. One terrifying thought.

She was losing the baby.

There was no other explanation for the bleeding, and the awful reality triggered a confusing jumble of emotions that made it impossible to think clearly.

She suddenly became aware that the car had stopped. The passenger door flew open and then Kane was tugging her out, his worried gaze fixed on her face.

“Abby . . . hey . . . sweetheart, look at me.”

His deep voice penetrated the muddled fog. She raised her head, opened her mouth, but no words came out. All she could do was shoot him a helpless look.

“It’ll be okay,” he said firmly. “Whatever happens, you’ll be okay.
We’ll
be okay.”

Would they? She couldn’t help feeling that she had let him down, and the crushing guilt was too much to bear. This was all her fault. She must have done something wrong to cause the bleeding. Maybe she shouldn’t have gone to Cairo. Maybe the flight was too long for someone in her condition. Maybe she’d made it happen with her fear and hesitation to embrace this child.

The merciless rush of inner accusations refused to stop. God, what if her negative response to the pregnancy had caused her body to reject the baby?

Their
baby.

Hers and Kane’s.

Abby’s throat seized up. She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t focus on anything but the overwhelming grief shivering through her in cold, pulsing waves.

“Breathe, sweetheart. Just breathe,” she heard Kane murmur.

Impossible. Her lungs had stopped working.

Abby lost touch with her surroundings again. She thought she heard Kane shouting, then threatening someone—an orderly? She couldn’t be sure. All she knew was that suddenly she blinked, and they were inside the emergency room. Kane was gone.

She searched the fluorescent-lit space in panic, relaxing when she spotted him across the room, barking orders at a woman who kept trying to shove a pen and clipboard at him. Eventually Kane took the items, blond head bent as he hurriedly scribbled away.

He was back at Abby’s side a minute later, his expression grim. “We have to wait. C’mon, let’s sit down.”

Abby was frozen in place. The large waiting area wasn’t packed, but enough people filled the rows of chairs that she felt exposed. Scared. Like they could all see exactly what was wrong with her. Like they all knew what a failure she was.

Nausea rolled through her, bringing a rush of sickness to her throat. “I . . . I can’t be in here.” She stumbled backward, swaying on her feet. “I need a washroom.”

Kane’s strong arm steadied her. His voice rang with assurance. “It’s okay, take my hand.”

She snatched his hand, gripping so hard she saw him wince, but he didn’t say a word. He simply led her toward a bright corridor, marching all the way to the end of it before halting in front of a restroom door.

“Do you want me to wait out here?”

As another uncontrollable shiver swept through her, she quickly shook her head.

Without delay, Kane pushed open the door and ushered her into the ladies room. Fortunately, it was empty, which meant that the only person who witnessed Abby bursting into tears was her husband.

In the blink of an eye he’d pulled her into his arms, holding her so tight she could barely breathe. She choked out a shaky exhale, blinking through her tears as she finally found her voice.

“This is my fault.”

He sounded shocked. “What? Of course it isn’t.” His hands moved in soothing strokes up and down her back. “You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.”

As her mind continued to spin, she wiggled out of his embrace, overcome by a wave of self-loathing. “Yes, I did! I didn’t want the baby, and now I’m being punished for it!” She began to pace the tiled floor. Her flip-flops snapped with each hurried step, heart pounding like a jackhammer as she tried to make sense of everything she was feeling. “But it wasn’t true. I was wrong. I . . .”

Her throat tightened as realization dawned on her.

Oh God. She’d
wanted
this baby.

“You wanted the baby.” Kane spoke her thoughts, his voice thick with wonder.

Her face collapsed as she turned to look at him. “I did. I
do
.” She shook her head in dismay. “Maybe I have some maternal instincts in me after all.”

He walked over and cupped her cheeks. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother. I know you will.”

His impassioned conviction and perpetual faith in her spurred a fresh rush of tears. “I’m so sorry, Kane. I don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m so damn sorry.”

“Hey.
Hey
.” He grasped her chin to force eye contact. “You didn’t do anything wrong. We don’t even
know
if something’s wrong. So until we talk to the doctor, you’re not allowed to say things like that, you hear me?”

She nodded weakly. “I just—”

A sharp knock on the door interrupted them. The nurse Kane had been arguing with before appeared in the doorway, her dark eyes flickering with disapproval at finding him in the ladies room.

“Mrs. Woodland?” the nurse said to Abby. “Our staff OBGYN just finished up a delivery and she’ll be able to examine you.” The woman frowned at Kane. “Though for future purposes, Mr. Woodland, you can’t walk into the emergency room and demand to be seen by a specialist. Our emergency staff is quite proficient and—”

He cut her off. “I’m sure they are, but right now, my wife needs attention, so can we please take care of that first?”

Abby had to hide a smile as the nurse glared at Kane. He wasn’t usually so abrupt with people, but clearly he wasn’t making any friends at this hospital tonight.

“Follow me,” the nurse said stiffly.

They stepped into the hall after her, where the dark-haired woman focused on Abby again. “We’ll need to draw some blood and get a urine test from you before the doctor sees you. Your husband can come with you if you’d like.”

Abby hesitated. “No,” she murmured, turning to Kane. “I’d like to do this alone.”

Unhappiness clouded his expression. “Abby—”

“Please,” she said softly. The hurt look in his eyes killed her, but she wanted to spare him the devastation she knew would hit him once the doctor confirmed their bleak suspicions.

She wanted him to hold on to hope for as long as possible.

After a long, agonizing moment, he nodded in defeat.

“Thank you.” Abby brushed a kiss over his lips, and then followed the nurse down the hall.

*   *   *

Kane felt like tearing his hair out by the roots. He’d been sitting in the waiting room for more than an hour, stuck next to a pair of women chattering on in Spanish about what sounded like a seriously bad date. But he didn’t give a shit about that. He was going crazy there, riddled with fear and worry as he wondered what the hell was being done to his wife.

He couldn’t believe she’d banished him to the waiting room, but he’d seen the impenetrable look in her eyes when she’d asked him to stay behind, and he hadn’t wanted to argue with her in front of Nurse Ratched.

But enough was enough. Abby had been gone way too long, and each time he looked at the clock over the doorway and saw that more time had passed, his spirits sank lower and lower.

Their baby was gone.

The thought ravaged his body like a fast-acting cancer, making it difficult to breathe.

He’d really wanted this kid. He’d only known about the baby for two days, yet it had already felt
real
to him.

And now he only felt a sense of crushing loss.

“Mr. Woodland?”

He’d been so lost in thought he’d neglected to hear the nurse’s footsteps or notice her approach. Some soldier he was.

Gulping, he met her eyes, but her expression revealed nothing. “Your wife is waiting for you. Come with me.”

He dove to his feet, his strides impatient as he followed her to the corridor. They took the elevator up to the third floor, Kane wishing like hell that she would walk faster, but the woman took her sweet-ass time as she ushered him down another long hallway.

“She’s right in here,” the nurse said, leaning in to open a door for him.

Kane brushed past her and skidded into the room—only to stop dead in his tracks when he saw Abby.

She was lying on an examination table, wearing a blue hospital gown and a serene expression he didn’t expect. Next to the table was an ultrasound machine, but the screen was off.

Kane’s heart stopped beating. “Are you . . . is it . . .”

There was an excruciating silence.

And then Abby smiled.

“The baby is fine.”

The relief was so strong he nearly keeled over. “Oh my God. Oh fuck. Thank God.” Kane launched himself in her direction and threw his arms around her. He forced himself not to cling too tight, the kiss he dropped on her forehead gentle and brief.

“What did the doctor say? Why are you bleeding? What’s happening to the—”

He halted at the sound of footsteps. His and Abby’s heads swiveled at the door, their hands instinctively lowering to their waists, and they both grinned when they realized they’d each gone for a gun neither one had brought.

“Well. At least our kid will have vigilant bodyguards,” she quipped.

His heart leapt at her words.
Their kid
.

Kane couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off his face as the door swung open and a pretty woman in her forties walked in. She had dark eyes and skin the color of creamy mocha, and she wore a white coat, pink scrubs, and bright red sneakers that squeaked on the floor. Kane liked her on sight.

“Mr. Woodland, I presume? I’m Dr. Diaz, but you can call me Sylvia. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The woman spoke perfect English, but with a Spanish accent, and she easily extended a hand toward him.

After they shook hands, Sylvia gave him a warm smile. “Your wife wanted me to go over what she and I talked about. She said you two had quite a scare.”

Understatement of the year.

Kane nodded and sank into the chair at Abby’s side. “Why is she bleeding?”

“Actually, the bleeding has stopped,” Dr. Diaz answered. “And it was very light to begin with, which is a good sign. The blood and urine tests we ran did show that your wife is pregnant, and the ultrasound confirmed it.”

His gaze strayed to the machine. “You did an ultrasound?”

“We did, and it showed that your baby is strong and healthy. We even heard the heartbeat today.” The doctor continued in a calm, reassuring tone. “It’s normal for some women to experience spotting in the first trimester.”

He swallowed. “But isn’t that a sign of miscarriage?”

“Sometimes, but it doesn’t always result in one. Your wife mentioned that the two of you had intercourse last night. Sometimes that can cause bleeding, since the cervix becomes very sensitive during pregnancy.”

Discomfort roiled in his stomach. Jeez. He felt like a teenage boy in health class again, cringing at words like
cervix
.

“But Abby isn’t experiencing any cramping, which is another good sign, and as I said before, the bleeding has already stopped. The ultrasound didn’t raise any red flags, so at the moment, I can tell you that the pregnancy seems to be progressing normally. If the bleeding returns, and if it’s heavier than normal and doesn’t stop in a few hours like it did now, then I’d like Abby to come in immediately. But for now, there’s no reason to keep her here.”

Another wave of relief swept through him, before his curious gaze moved back to the ultrasound machine. “Do we know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“It’s too early for that,” the doctor replied. “If you two would like to know the sex of the baby, we can arrange for another ultrasound in the second trimester.”

“I hope it’s a boy,” Abby murmured from the bed. She glanced at Kane in distress. “What if it’s a girl and she prefers to play with dolls instead of knives?”

Dr. Diaz coughed wildly. “Pardon me?”

“Nothing,” Kane said quickly. “My wife is just joking.” He shot Abby a death stare. “We don’t have a preference. We just want a healthy baby.”

Abby spoke up again. “I forgot to ask you—what about morning sickness? I’ve been feeling queasy, but I haven’t thrown up at all.”

The doctor shrugged. “Not all women do. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones. But if the morning sickness does come, you don’t have to worry. It’s perfectly natural.” She clapped her hands with a smile. “You can get dressed now, and then we’ll schedule your next checkup.” The smile widened. “And don’t forget to show your husband the picture.”

They thanked the doctor, who waltzed out of the room on her red sneakers. Once she was gone, Kane turned to his wife with an inquisitive look. “What picture?”

Grinning, Abby gestured to the machine next to them. “It’s on top of that. Take a peek.”

Kane stood up and swiped the glossy print she’d indicated, then flipped it over and stared. The grainy, gray scale image was impossible to decipher, but he knew their baby was in there somewhere.

“I don’t see it.” He pouted.

Abby leaned close and studied the photo, then heaved out a sigh. “Honestly? I don’t either. She pointed it out to me like ten times, but I can’t see a damn thing.”

The two of them exchanged a look before bursting out in laughter.

“Don’t you dare tell our kid about this,” Kane warned her. “Far as he or she knows, we spotted his little peanut-size face instantly, and it was the most beautiful thing we’d ever seen.”

Abby’s lips twitched. “Agreed.” Her amusement, however, faded fast, replaced by a cloud of uncertainty that floated into her eyes. “I’m still scared.”

“I know.” His tone softened. “I am too, if I’m being honest.”

He saw her pulse throbbing in her throat. “Can we really do this?”

“Sweetheart, we can do anything. As long as we’re in it together. We’ll help each other through this, no matter how overwhelming it gets.” He swallowed, a dark thought creeping in. “But . . . I need to know something . . . do you want this baby, Abby? Like,
really
want it? Or are you only saying you do because of me?” His chest ached. “I need to know you’re not keeping it just for me.”