After the Ending (18 page)

I looked from him to Sanchez with dread.
Now what?

Harper stood by my bed with his arms crossed, and before
he even spoke, I knew I wouldn’t like what he was about to say. I suddenly
wanted to throw myself onto the bed in a temper tantrum and sob because
everything seemed so shitty. But I refrained, knowing that such a reaction
would be unbecoming of a twenty-six-year-old.

“I’m not going to freak out if that’s what you’re waiting
for, H,” I fibbed.

“Good, then you should know we’re staying here for a
while. It’s too dangerous to travel during the winter.” He opened a bottle of
ibuprofen and handed me three capsules along with a glass of water.

I swallowed them begrudgingly. My throat was still sore
from screaming in the woods. As I sipped the water, I wondered how the
postponement would alter my plans to meet up with Dani and Jason.

Sanchez finally broke the silence. “We know you’re eager
to meet up with your friends at Peterson.”

Seeking privacy, I stood and walked over to the window.

“We’re going to announce it tomorrow during breakfast,
when we’re all together. We’ll go over our plans with the group and see who’s
on board,” Harper explained.

“I’m adamant about staying,” Sanchez told me. “Our group
just got a hell of a lot bigger. It’s not smart to keep traveling
now—especially when we have everything we need right here.”

It was sound justification, but I still didn’t like it.
“You need to do what you need to do.”

I heard Harper’s heavy footsteps as he approached me.
“I’ll come get you when it’s time to eat. Rest up in the meantime, okay?” He
placed his hand on my good shoulder and squeezed lightly. I could feel his
concern, and I was comforted to know he cared.
There are worse things than
staying here a little longer
, I admitted. When he ordered me to lie down
and stop pacing, I groaned but promised I would.

Then they were gone. Once again, I was alone with my
thoughts.

Dani

When I woke, the
warmth of the summer sun was seeping into my skin. A gust of tangy sea air
caressed me, cooling my body from the heat. My whereabouts were more than a
little disconcerting, considering I’d fallen asleep in a barn…in the dead of
winter.

I opened my eyes
and found that I was sunbathing on my favorite stretch of beach near my coastal
hometown. Looking to my left, I fully expected to find Zoe’s curvy, bikini-clad
body reclining languorously. We only ever came to this particular spot
together, but my best friend was nowhere in sight.

Confused, I sat up
and looked around. Everything was exactly as it should’ve been, from the
Pacific Ocean’s rhythmically crashing waves to the rocky outcropping erupting
from the sand several yards away—everything except the tall man silhouetted in
the bright morning sky.

As the man Zoe had
dubbed MG walked toward me, I should have been nervous and panicking, ready to
run away. But I wasn’t. I was annoyed.

“You!” I exclaimed,
hopping up from my sandy towel. I stomped toward him, ignoring the excessive
sway the sand lent to my usual stride. In my little purple and green polka-dot
bikini, my strut was positively strip club worthy.

“Me?” His smooth
voice was growing familiar from our dreamtime rendezvous. He leered, happily
taking in my state of undress.

“Yes, you! What the
hell? Repeating ‘LEARN’ and surrounding me by a bunch of
molesty
fog…that’s so not okay! Especially because I dreamt you up to begin with…which
means it was really me doing it to myself…” I was growing increasingly
weirded
out by my own subconscious.

With raised
eyebrows and an unsuccessful attempt at not smiling, MG responded, “Is that how
it came through? Interesting. And what exactly do you mean by ‘
molesty
’?”

“You know, your fog
was totally feeling me up…everywhere. And making me feel…things. It was very
annoying. And you should already know all of this. You’re in my head. Hello!”

He was most
definitely smirking. “Are you saying my ‘fog’ turned you on?” He took several
steps, closing the distance between us.

As soon as he was
within arm’s reach, I remembered the last time I’d met him face-to-face in a
dream, the night Cece had tried to slice me open. “I don’t want you to kiss
me,” I blurted.

MG barked a laugh.
“Alright. I’m here to teach you. I suppose I can do that without touching you.”
He finished with a deep, dramatic sigh.

Suddenly, I was
completely frustrated with my stupid brain for continually conjuring the
strange man in my dreams. “Seriously?” I yelled. “Why do I keep dreaming of
you? I don’t even know anyone like you! You chase away my rotting boyfriend,
kiss me, and tell me cryptic things. What the hell?! My brain is so demented!
Maybe I really am one of the Crazies.
Ahhhh
…this is
so incredibly, pathetically me! I dream you up, Mr. You-Are-Ready. Mr. LEARN.
Mr. I’m-Here-To-Teach-You. Stop laughing at me!” I shrieked the last words like
a banshee.

“Wow,” he said with
a chuckle. “You’re adorable when you’re angry.”

Jack appeared
beside me, and together we stalked off toward the ocean, seeking comfort from
its familiarity. Staring into the endless, ever-changing, blue-gray abyss, I
heard the coarse sand compacting under MG’s footsteps as he approached. For a
while he said nothing, standing close enough that I could feel hints of his
breath on my neck. Irritated, I wondered if he was staring at my bikini-covered
butt.

Beside me, Jack
began a low, steady growl.

MG heaved a lengthy
sigh. “I’m real, Dani.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m real. Not a
creation of your sleeping mind. I live. I breathe. I sleep and have my own
dreams.”

“Right,” I scoffed,
turning away from the rolling surf to face him. After staring into his sincere,
sky-blue eyes, I laughed and patted his cheek. To prove how not-real he was, I
kissed him…or at least I tried to.

With a frustrated
grunt, MG gripped my shoulders and held me away from him. “I have to teach you
some extremely important things, and I can’t do my job if you think I’m some
fantasy. Not that I’d mind really…” His mind seemed to wander briefly. “But I
have to teach you! So,” he started, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes
shut like he was concentrating on something, “when you wake, it’ll be 3:23 in
the afternoon where you are, and your dog will be standing beside you,
whimpering at nothing.”

“What?” I asked,
unbelievably confused.

“If I’m right,
you’ll know I’m real. I couldn’t possibly be a creation of your pretty little
red head because you don’t know those things. You couldn’t know those things,
not while you’re sleeping. I’ll see you next time.”

“But…,” I mumbled to a mouthful of hay. I was awake. I
was peeved. And I was staring into the worried face of my beloved, whimpering
dog.
Crap!
What time is it?

I hastily checked the watch I’d scavenged several days
earlier. It was 3:23 p.m.—exactly the time MG had predicted.
Double crap!
Maybe it’s just a coincidence…or maybe he
is
real. That’s totally
insane!

Thinking through the situation, I realized it wasn’t
really
that
crazy
—
especially considering Zoe’s unnatural new
talent. So why couldn’t a man spend his spare time wandering through people’s
dreams?
Or…I’m losing my mind.

Sitting up, I shook my head to clear the mental cobwebs
and immediately regretted both actions. “
Owww
,” I
groaned. “I think I’m broken.”

Every muscle, bone, and inch of connective tissue ached
relentlessly. I considered braving Aunt Janet’s house-shaped tomb in search of
prescription pain killers, but I decided a half-dozen over-the-counter
anti-inflammatories would do just as well. Pushing through the pain, I ate and
got ready in record time and started hobbling around the barn in search of useful
items
—
like a pad for my unbelievably sore, possibly bruised, butt.

It had been about six years since I’d last ridden a
horse, and though I kept myself in okay shape, nothing could prepare the body
for horseback riding like, well, horseback riding. The last time I’d ridden,
I’d taken Grams, Zoe, Jason, and Tom, their dad, on a farewell trail ride. The
Bodega Bay Riders’ Ranch, my summer employer, had a tradition of comp-
ing
a family and friends’ joyride for employees as a
parting gift. I’d worked there for four consecutive years, so they’d been
especially generous in their offerings. The five of us had spent the entire
day, with a picnic lunch, riding around the coast and hills surrounding our
little town.

Zoe and I had both been shocked when Jason had shown
interest in the outing. He’d been home on leave for a few weeks and had
overheard us talking about the adventure.

“Can I come along?” he’d asked.

Zoe and I, in the midst of consuming copious amounts of
chocolate chip cookie dough, had just stared at him in awe. Jason
never
wanted to spend time with us. Not ever. He’d always preferred hanging out with
girls he could have sex with.
Which hasn’t really changed…

“
Uhhh
,” I’d said, sounding
completely idiotic.

Zoe, being her amazing self, had exclaimed, “Uh…yeah!”
Under the table her feet had jabbed into my shins excitedly—she’d witnessed
every moment of my obsession with her older brother and had known I would want
him to join us, desperately…even if I’d been momentarily speechless.

And so, we’d all ended up on the trail together in a day
of simple joy and relaxation. Jason had been friendlier and flirtier than I’d
ever seen him. It was the last time I saw him before I met Cam.

And with that errant thought, my mind tried to unravel
into emotional chaos.
Cam is dead…and Callie…and Aunt Janet…

No!
I couldn’t let myself lose it.
Not now…not
here
… I needed to do something to avoid the dark thoughts. They loomed on
my mind’s horizon like a mass of enemy troops, their attack inescapable. It
wasn’t a question of
if
, but
when
.

I filled the afternoon
—
and my disobediently
wandering mind
—
with saddling Wings and loading up our bags. Appearing to
sink into the glittering ocean, the sun set as we left the familiar ranch and
plodded onto the shoulder of the deserted highway.

No longer occupied with menial tasks, my brain was free
to wander once again. It began slowly, the depression lurking around the edges
of my mind like a thief in the shadows. Longing thoughts of the world before
the Virus crept in, followed by heartbreaking images of death. Before I knew
it, I was under mental attack. Every ounce of my being wallowed in loneliness
and despair.

Cam, Callie, Aunt
Janet…everyone is dead…everyone except the people I just cut myself off from.
What if something happens to the few people I have left?

How long will it
take me to get to Zoe this way? Was this a huge mistake? Should I have stolen a
car? Where would I have found gas? What am I even doing?

I shook my head, trying to dispel the questions
unraveling in my mind.

What will I find in
Bodega Bay? That Grams is dead? And Zoe’s dad? Will anyone still be alive?

What if Cece lied? What if she goes after Jason
anyway? What if she already did?
If he died…was dead, I knew I’d never be
the same. The Dani who’d recovered from Cam’s death, from the death of the
world, would cease to exist. I would become the personification of revenge and
vengeance, misery and death.

My next thought stole my breath like a kick to the chest.
Am I in love with Jason?

The pieces of Cam I carried in my heart began to wail and
beat their imaginary fists against the inside of my ribcage.
How could you
abandon me like this? How could you love him? I just died! Did you even love
me?

No. No. No! I loved
you. I know it. I wanted to spend forever with you. But you died!

I suddenly despised myself.
Maybe I deserve loneliness. If I stay away from everyone, I can’t
betray, hurt, or abandon them. It’ll be as if I never existed. They’re better
off without me.
With that final thought the attack lessened, reducing to a
slow barrage near the surface of my awareness. I lost myself in the rhythm of
Wings’s canter.

In the faint light of pre-dawn, I spotted a sign through
bleary eyes: WOODSIDE CAMPGROUND, NEXT RIGHT. It had been another long night,
and though I was tempted to push through the final twenty-five miles to Bodega
Bay, we needed to stop. I was hurting—badly—and the animals were showing
obvious signs of weariness.

“What do you guys think?” I asked my animal companions
after dismounting. The horse whinnied and bobbed her head while Jack rolled
onto his back and stuck his feet in the air. He was playing dead. My sarcasm,
it seemed, had rubbed off on my dog.
Delightful
…

“Let’s get you unsaddled and find something to eat,” I
told an exhausted Wings. Her stamina was impressive
—
far better than mine
—
but
even she looked utterly pooped.

As I set up my little orange and white tent for the first
time, I was thankful for the slowly rising sun. I wasn’t afraid to admit that I
needed the instructions to manipulate the fabric and poles into something
resembling a shelter.

I couldn’t help but think about the people I’d left
behind. Jason would be waking soon; he always rose with the sun. He was weird
like that. In a few hours, he and the others would begin their second day of
searching the city of Fort Bragg. I guiltily wondered if Jason blamed himself
for my sudden departure. I’d made it abundantly clear that I wanted to continue
on to our hometown, and he’d flat out denied me, but not before he’d let me
glimpse the deep emotions hidden beneath his stoic façade.

Not for the first time, I wondered how Jason had reacted
when he’d discovered I was gone.
And Chris? Ky?

With my campsite finally set up, I crawled into the tent
and then into the sleeping bag, cringing in pain.
I hurt like hell.
Loneliness and self-loathing kept me company as I tossed and turned, trying to
find a comfortable position. My last, hazy thought was of MG.
Will I see him
again?
I wondered before finally falling into a fitful sleep.

Again I woke
somewhere entirely different from the place I’d fallen asleep. Much to my
surprise, I was standing with a badminton racquet in my right hand. As I looked
around, my surroundings coalesced into a jumble of odd elements. A perfectly
trimmed grass field extended in all directions, met by a cloudless blue sky at
the horizon. A net appeared in front of me, justifying the racket clasped in my
hand. Zoe stood on the opposite side of the net, patiently waiting for the game
to begin.

Conjuring a birdie,
I served. The joy of playing with Zoe, especially doing something we hadn’t
done since the carefree days of high school, overtook me, and I laughed. I felt
two hundred pounds lighter, like I might just float away with happiness.

“IT’S TIME FOR
DOUBLES MATCHES,” announced a booming, disembodied voice. I half-expected it to
continue with, “PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!”

Out of nowhere, MG
appeared and stepped onto my side of the grassy court while Jason did the same
on Zoe’s side of the net. We had our partners. I took a moment to study the two
new arrivals. MG was around the same height as Jason, making him about
six-foot-four, but Jason was thicker, his body more heavily muscled, and where
MG was pale and blonde, Jason was tan and raven-haired. For the briefest
instant, both men’s clothing disappeared, giving me a full view of their
various attributes. I hastily returned their t-shirts and shorts, blushing
furiously.