After the Ending (37 page)

Searching through her vintage, buttercup-yellow jewelry
box, I was suddenly struck by the realization that I was looking through her
favorite necklaces, rings, and earrings—things she would never wear again. I
was surprised to find the long, silver chain with its heavy silver pendant—a
medallion the size of a silver dollar imprinted with the hands, heart, and
crown of a
claddagh
ring—that Grams only took off to
bathe. It had been a gift from her husband on their wedding night.
Did she
leave it for me?
With trembling fingers, I picked up the necklace and
reverently slipped it over my head, tucking the pendant beneath my shirt. The
chain was so long that the cool metal settled low between my breasts.

Before leaving the room, I sprayed a little of Grams’s
lavender perfume. With horror and wonder, the delicate scent made me feel like
she would come striding through the doorway at any moment. Jason sat quietly
and watched, letting the silent tension continue to build.

Finally, I led the way upstairs to my childhood bedroom.
The closer we came, the more nervous I felt, like I was doing something
forbidden. Grams had maintained a strict policy against boys in
bedrooms—specifically
my
bedroom. On top of that, Jason had never even
been in my house, let alone in my bedroom.

Sudden self-consciousness overwhelmed me as Jason entered
the room behind me. Juxtaposed with his undeniable masculinity, the space
seemed so much
girlier
than usual, so innocent when
compared to his intense sexuality. I often felt the same way about myself in
his presence. Having him in my room—studying my white, vine-embroidered
comforter, antique vanity, and menagerie of stuffed animals—felt like letting
him open me up to peek inside. I felt exposed. Naked.

With an odd mixture of discomfort and curiosity, Jason
stood in the middle of the room. Unlike in Grams’s bedroom, he seemed to have a
hard time figuring out where to sit. He approached the bed, hesitated, and
turned to the vanity chair. He shook his head before making a decision,
displacing a large stuffed dog on the window seat. The dog, Ralph, remained in
his grasp, resting on his lap. I couldn’t decide if seeing Jason in my room
made him look larger, or the room look smaller.

Again, he watched me but said nothing, letting me look
through my belongings for any desirable keepsakes. It was impossible to ignore
his increasingly pensive presence, but I made a show of pretending.

As I perched on the edge of the mattress, searching the
drawers of the nightstand only a few feet from Jason, I found the purple diary
I’d written in throughout high school. There wasn’t a secret written on its
pages that Zoe didn’t know. But if she’d kept a diary, how much of its
cherished contents would end up being news to me? Hot tears slowly snaked down
my face, and the silence reached a critical point.

“Dani?” Jason’s voice was a soft rumble.

“Hmmm?” I shut the drawer, leaving the diary inside, and
turned all of my attention on him. I smiled faintly at the sight of him, such a
strong, dangerous man, holding a stuffed animal.

“What’s wrong?”

If I said “Nothing,” he’d let it go. Or he’d wait until
the next time I drowned in silent tears to ask again. But I didn’t want him to
let it go. I wanted Jason to know me, insecurities and all. “It’s Zoe,” I told
him.

When I didn’t elaborate, he said, “And the box?”

I sighed, still arranging my thoughts into a
comprehensible pattern. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” I paused, then the
words spilled out without thought. “She didn’t tell me about it. She’s been
obsessed with it forever, and she never told me about it. If it’s so important
to her, how could she not tell me? We’re…I thought we were closer than that. I
thought we told each other
everything
. Now I just don’t know.”

Spurred on by my admission, the steady stream of quiet
tears flowed more quickly. I wiped them away with both hands.

“Does it change anything?”

I considered his question carefully, thinking about Zoe
and everything we’d been through together over the years. “No.” My voice was
wobbly, but my answer was true. Zoe was my best friend, and I loved her…even
with the stupid secret box.

Jason lifted a single shoulder, not taking his eyes off
me. Abruptly, something changed in his face, making the contours more evident.
As he studied me, he seemed intensely intimidating. “Why were you avoiding me?”

“What?”

“This morning—why were you running from me?”

“Um…well…I don’t think I was actually
running
…it
was more of a quick walk. Possibly a slow jog.”

Jason’s bland expression said, “And…?”

Sighing, I prepared to spill my guts. “I didn’t want to
hear what I thought you were going to say.”

Jason was practically turning to stone before my eyes.
Completely monotone, he asked, “And that would be…?”

I giggled unexpectedly, feeling my pulse increase and my
hands tremble. The last thing I wanted to say spewed from my mouth before I
could stop it. “Did you care about Cece? I mean…when I saw you guys…you
know…um…”
Oh my God, stop talking!
Wide-eyed, I slapped both hands over
my mouth.

Until I’d blurted the question, I hadn’t realized how
much his relationship with that psycho bitch had been bothering me. I’d spent a
good portion of my life mooning over Jason, so I was pretty practiced at being
jealous of any chick he was involved with. It was a familiar, expected feeling.
But with Cece it was far more intense…like, at a murderous level.

The question shattered his stony façade, and I watched
the shadows of a handful of emotions flash across his face: shock – confusion –
embarrassment – fury – worry – confusion – surprise – hope – curiosity.

Only the massive amount of time we’d spent together over
the past month—where I had the opportunity to analyze his every nuance—allowed
me to interpret each minute change in his expression.

He shook his head and looked down to study Ralph, the
stuffed dog he still held. “She was just someone to help pass the time…to
fulfill certain needs.”

To top off my mortification and flaming blush, my mouth
opened of its own accord again. “And Holly…is she helping you…um…fulfill
certain needs?” I covered my entire face with my hands, peeking between my fingers
like I was watching a horror movie.

A hint of a dimple appeared on Jason’s left cheek as the
corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “No. Why do you ask?”

“No reason,” I squeaked. With my usual lack of grace, I
scrambled over the bed, away from Jason. I stood in front of the dresser set
against the opposite wall and opened the top drawer—what Zoe called my “junk
drawer”—to busy myself by searching its contents.

“Dani?” Jason’s voice was hushed, but it still made me
jump in surprise. I’d been so focused on my fake rummaging that I hadn’t
noticed him coming up behind me. Again. “You never answered my question—Why did
you keep running away from me?”

I ceased my pointless searching and grasped the top edge
of the open drawer. Defeated, I said, “I overheard your conversation with Chris
last night—the one about ‘clearing things up.’ I thought you were talking about
me and…” I paused, closing my eyes and taking a deep, unsteady breath. “I
didn’t want you to…so I avoided you.”

Jason placed his hands either side of mine, trapping me
between him and the drawer. “Dani,” he said, his voice deep and rough. His
breath caressed the back of my neck. “Turn around.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head.

“Turn. Around.” Though his words were demanding, his
voice held the barest hint of a plea.

After a few seconds of indecision, I removed my hands
from their death grip on the drawer and lowered them to my sides. I slowly
pivoted until my back pressed against the open drawer, and then I opened my
eyes again. Standing so close to me, Jason seemed even taller than usual. I
forced myself to look up, up, up, and to meet his sapphire eyes. Back and
forth, his eyes scoured mine.

“Do you really want to do this?” he whispered.

Swallowing consciously, I nodded.
More than anything
.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded again, my eyes fixed on his. My heart was
beating with such force that I was certain he could hear it.

Only when my backside pressed against the dresser did I
realize Jason had slid the drawer shut, forcing me backward. Parts of his
jacket and jeans brushed against mine, tickling the hyperaware skin beneath. I
suddenly felt overheated, like I might melt into a puddle right there on my
bedroom floor.

Jason leaned in with deliberate slowness, bringing his
burning eyes and slightly parted lips closer to mine. Even though we’d kissed
only once, I craved the feel of his lips, the brush of his tongue. His eyes
flicked from my mouth to my eyes and back repeatedly. Giving me time. Letting
me decide. Making sure I wanted him.

I did.

My heart pounded, and my breaths came quickly, like the
air was too thin.
I can’t believe I’m about to do this…
Leaning forward,
I tilted my face up and brushed my lips softly against Jason’s, granting him
permission. The barely-there contact still sent a thrilling jolt through my
body, charging the length of my nerves and circling back to collide low in my
abdomen. The sensation intensified, causing a delicious ache between my thighs.

Jason’s eyes darkened to a deep midnight, and he breathed
deeply. His hand slid underneath my braid, grasping my neck to pull me closer
as his other settled in the curve of my back and held me flush against him. The
tip of his tongue slipped out and slowly wet his lips. I watched the movement,
entranced.

When his lips finally touched mine, I was lost,
completely and utterly. My hands slid up over his coat and twined behind his
neck, holding him against me. I opened my mouth to him, and our tongues
collided. A low purr escaped from my throat, and he answered it with a guttural
growl. We kissed as though we were starving—the only thing that could satiate
our hunger was more of each other.

I let go of his neck for a single purpose—to unzip and
remove his coat, then his holster. They landed on the floor with a soft thump,
and seconds later, my own coat and holster joined his. Not once did we break
our kiss.

His hands moved over my long-sleeved shirt, seeming to
light my nerves on fire. They slid down my back and over my hips, eventually
teasing the skin above my belt before slipping lower over my jeans. Abruptly,
he gripped the backs of my thighs and lifted me up, forcing me to wrap my legs
around his hips. I did so eagerly.

He carried me to the empty wall beside the dresser,
pressing me against it with a grunt. I squeezed my legs and arms around him
more tightly, freeing his hands to roam over my body. They seemed to be
everywhere—my hips, breasts, neck—almost like he’d transformed into the Hindu
god, Vishnu. I moaned at each new sensation, shocking myself with my brazen reactions.
I was eager for what I hoped would happen next.

Jason had just shifted me from the wall to the bed and
was kneeling between my legs, removing my shirt, when Jack’s panicked warning
invaded my mind. “
Two-legs. Many. Smell wrong. Close. Hurry!”

“Jason! Stop!” I breathed, clutching his wrists before he
could yank my shirt over my head. When he let go, it sat uselessly around my
neck like a scarf.

Chest heaving, Jason looked down at me in disbelief. I
could see the question form in his eyes—had I changed my mind?

To reassure him, I traded his wrists for his face and
pulled him closer for a deep, though brief, kiss. “I’m sorry…we have to
leave…now,” I said against his cheek. “Jack said people are coming. Crazies.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” Jason exclaimed
incredulously, standing and taking a step back. I instantly missed the feel of
him. He raked his eyes over the slender curves of my shirtless body one last
time. “Fuck!” he repeated before resituating his clothes and quickly grabbing
his holster and coat.

I hastily pulled my shirt back on and rearmed myself as
well. Zipping our coats and grabbing our packs, we sped down the stairs and
through the kitchen. According to Jack, the Crazies were approaching the front
door, but he and the horses were still behind the house. We rushed out the back
door, practically leaping into our saddles, and sped off through the sparse
woods beyond the garden. As we rode, I used Jack and a handful of volunteer
animals to scout both ahead and behind us. The Crazies weren’t following
us—they were still searching in and around the house.

Our desire for safe surroundings and formidable allies
drove us back to the ranch at a gallop. We were all—horses, humans, and
dog—panting when we trotted into the stable. Jason jumped out of his saddle and
helped me down, having noticed me sway when we slowed at the driveway. During
the ride, I’d maintained a mental connection not just with Jack, but with the
dozens of other scouting animals as well, and it was exacting its toll.

“Are you okay?” Jason asked, setting me down facing him.
His eyes searched every part of me, seeking out an ailment that couldn’t be
seen.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry. I just need a snack…and maybe a
nap.” I stood on tiptoes and gave him a slow, promising kiss.
To reassure
him
, I told myself.

“Can you make it inside on your own?” he asked when we
separated.

I nodded.

“Go lay down…I’ll take care of everything out here.” As I
slowly walked away, he added, “And Red?”

I looked at him over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

“This isn’t over,” he promised.

“
Good
.”

Dani

Smiling, I opened my eyes to see the fire’s gentle glow on
the wall.
Jason must’ve built it back up while I was asleep
. Quick,
heavy footsteps mingled with the soft sound of the crackling wood.
It’s him,
I thought excitedly. He knelt near my head and gently pulled the blankets
lower. While I waited for his touch, my giddiness was almost impossible to
contain.

Suddenly, a rank-smelling hand was over my mouth, and
hot, foul breath brushed my ear. “Pretty girl,” he said, and I realized the man
touching me definitely wasn’t Jason. My already increased heart rate spiked. “
Wanna
have some fun?”

A gunshot cracked from another part of the house, and the
man momentarily loosened his grasp on my face. Sensing my only chance, I
shifted and bit down on the meaty flesh between his thumb and index finger
until blood oozed into my mouth. I gagged on its warmth, on its metallic taste.

Shrieking, the man shoved me away, and I fell off the
couch…but not before my fingers closed around the handgun I’d stowed between
the cushion and the couch back. I’d finally learned my lesson—guns stay within
arm’s reach,
always
.

Stumbling, I extricated myself from the blankets and
stood, aiming my gun at the repulsive intruder. I spat as much of his blood
from my mouth as possible, terrified by what diseases it might be carrying.
Almost as alarming was the familiarity of his face—Mr. Monk—he’d been a teacher
at my high school, alongside Mr. Grayson. He’d taught PE and had a
well-deserved reputation as a pervert, at least among the girls. A large group
of his female students had eventually gone to the principal and then to the
police, and Mr. Monk had been charged with multiple counts of molestation. Last
I’d heard, he was still in prison.

“Bitch!” Mr. Monk howled, clutching his bleeding hand to
his chest.

“You have no idea,” I growled and fired the pistol. The
bullet impacted his shoulder, twisting him to the side. Without hesitation, I
pulled the trigger again. The second bullet shot straight through his temple,
and he collapsed to the floor, his head hitting the hardwood with a heavy, wet
thunk
.

Lowering the gun, I spat again, spraying pink saliva in
his direction, and hissed, “Goddamn pervert!” Anger was all that kept me from
crying. Screaming. Puking.

“Dani! Are you okay?” Jason shouted, his voice preceding
his arrival. As he ran into the room, I heard more gunshots elsewhere in the
house. Jack followed him in, hurrying to my feet and whining pathetically.

As Jason’s eyes landed on the crumpled heap on the floor,
he froze. Cautiously, he moved closer to the dead man and stared at his
hemorrhaging head. “Is that Mr. Monk?”

I wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist. “Yeah. I…I
killed him,” I said weakly, beginning to shake. Mr. Monk was the second man I’d
killed in less than a week, and my psyche was having some not-so-minor issues
avoiding the reality of my actions.

I’m a killer.

Jason shifted his intense, blue eyes to my face. “Did he…
touch
you? Did he hurt you?” When I didn’t respond, he closed the distance and
grabbed me by the shoulders. “Dani!”

Tearing my eyes away from the oozing mound of lumpy,
bloody gore that had once been the side of Mr. Monk’s head, I whispered, “Not
this time.” I just wished I could stop shaking, stop remembering.

“What do you…,” Jason began, but stopped short, letting
his mouth fall open. His eyes widened, and he searched my face for answers, his
throat convulsing rhythmically. He tried twice to speak before words actually
formed. “You were one of them…one of the girls he…?”

I looked away, disgusted and ashamed. “Yeah. But I was a
lot luckier than the others. Zo…she found me in his office before he could get
his pants down. She knew I had a meeting with him about my grades.” I laughed
bitterly. “
Grades
. What a joke. I thought I was going to suffocate with
his hand over my mouth…I couldn’t fight him off. I was too weak…too small. I
don’t know what she did…I could only see the wall…but one second he was there
and I could barely breathe, and the next, Zo was hauling me out of his office
while I cried in her arms. Mr. Monk said he’d kill us if we told.”

“I didn’t know.” Jason’s voice was tight, restrained.

“Nobody did…except Zo, the other girls, the principal,
and the police. It was hard to keep Grams from finding out.” I shook my head.
“So hard. I didn’t want to tell anyone, but Zo made me. She said his threat was
empty. She said that if enough girls got together and told the truth about him,
he’d go away and never hurt anyone again.” I waved my hand in the direction of
Mr. Monk’s body. “I guess he got outta prison.”

I looked at the dead man and smiled. When I spoke, my
voice was cold. “Now he’s dead.”

“Yeah, he is,” Jason said, pressing his fingers against
my jaw and gently turning my face back to his. “Why’s your mouth bloody? Did he
hit you?”

“I bit him.” I snatched a water bottle off of the coffee
table, took a swig, swished the water around in my mouth, and spat the mouthful
into the fire. I did it three times. “I can’t get the taste of his blood out of
my mouth.”

Without hesitation, Jason clamped his hands on the sides
of my head and kissed me, hard, giving me something else to focus on. His touch
and his taste drove the unhappy memories from my mind. He was the perfect
distraction, and I could tell he was desperate to help me forget.

“Fuck!” he growled, breaking contact and taking a step
back. “He deserved a slower death. Fucking bastard!”

When I took a step toward Jason, he held out his hand.
“We’re leaving tonight. As soon as possible. Change into something warmer.” His
eyes scanned my body, taking in my pajamas—cotton shorts and a tank top.
“Something
much
warmer…and get your things together.”

“What? We’re leaving? But we’re not ready! We don’t even
have a saddle for Mr. Grayson,” I said without a breath’s pause.

“He can use Dalton’s shit. We have to leave…they’ll come
back with more. And would you put on some clothes for fuck’s sake?”

“But Dalton—”

“He’s dead,” Jason said harshly.

“Oh.” I hadn’t been close to Dalton, but I could feel
tears suddenly welling in my eyes. “Turn around,” I said unsteadily, and waited
until Jason obeyed to swap my pajamas for a bra, sweater, long underwear, and
jeans.

“What about everyone else?” I asked, zipping my jeans.
I
hope they’re okay…

“They’re alive. What
d’you
need
to pack?” Jason was walking around the room, picking up the various possessions
I’d strewn about—it was remarkable how much I’d settled in since I’d only been
staying there for a little over a week.

“It’s fine. I can take care of my own stuff…go get your
things together,” I told him, setting my hiking pack on the couch.

Jason shook his head and handed me a lime-green journal—I
was planning to use it as a stand-in for writing to Zoe once the Internet died.
“I’m not leaving you alone,” he told me.

“Jason, I—”

“No!” he yelled. Very carefully, he repeated, “I’m not
leaving you alone.”

For a few long seconds we stared at each other, chests
rising and falling heavily. It felt like a magnetic force connected our eyes,
preventing us from looking away. Finally, I cleared my throat and nodded.

Together, Jason and I packed all of my belongings and
then his before heading out to the stable. As the first to arrive, we began
saddling eight of the horses for riding and the rest as pack animals. We
currently had fifteen horses, including the handful we’d gathered into our herd
over the last few days from nearby farms and ranches. We fit the goats with dog
collars and leashes, unwilling to leave them behind—the protein from their milk
would be an invaluable nutrient once scavenging for food became less reliable.
As the others arrived, we added their backpacks to ours on the
riderless
horses. It was a hurried, late night job that
would require a lot of rearranging the following morning, especially
considering all of the supplies and equipment we still needed to gather as we
traveled.

Once everyone was packed and had mounted their horses, we
assembled in a misshapen circle on the driveway. Nudging his mount forward—a
chestnut brown Thoroughbred he’d yet to name—Jason addressed the group. “We’ve
lost Dalton. He fought until the end, giving us the warning we needed to
survive the attack. We all owe him our lives.”

Everyone but Holly nodded gravely. She just stared ahead
with empty eyes. They’d been close friends, she and Dalton, closer than I’d
previously realized.

“When we have a night to rest, we’ll celebrate his
memory.” Jason paused, meeting the eyes of each individual. “We’re heading
east. It’ll be hard, but you all know that. Some of us have new, unique
skills—Abilities.” He looked at Chris, Ky, Ben, and finally, me. “And others
may be able to do things we’ve yet to discover. We have to use every advantage.
Ky will lead us, paying attention to the feel of the path ahead. If he says
stop, you stop. If he says get down, you get the fuck down. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” the military personnel responded, though Mr.
Grayson and I only gave sharp nods.

“Dani will take care of scouting by communicating with
animals.” Jason looked at me, his expression fierce. “That way nobody will need
to risk their safety by going ahead to scout alone. Alright, we’re pairing up
for the duration of the journey. Anytime you leave the immediate vicinity of
the group, you
will
let your partner know, or better yet, bring them
with you.” He studied each of us, then said, “Let’s go with Hunter and Holly,
Ben and Ky, Daniel and Chris, and Dani and me.”

It took me a moment to remember that Daniel was Mr.
Grayson’s first name.

“Any last questions before we head out?” When everyone
shook their heads, Jason said, “
Today’ll
be long, so
save your strength whenever possible. Ky, lead on.”

Date: January 6, 8:20 PM

From: Danielle O’Connor

To: Zoe Cartwright

Subject: And so it goes

Zo,

We left BB. We had no choice. Some Crazies attacked us last
night. Five of them. We killed four, but one got away. So, we couldn’t stay. We
knew more would come.

Dalton is dead, and without him we’d be dead. One of the
Crazies snuck up on him and slit his throat. He must’ve been dozing off or
something, because that’s the only way anyone would get the drop on him. The
remarkable thing is…he was still able to shoot the guy in the face, even as he
lay dying. Dalton was quiet and kind, and I wish I’d known him better. I just
can’t believe he’s dead.

We’ve been riding all day, so I apologize if this is a
little incoherent. We’re staying in a big fancy winery in Napa. Too bad we’re
all too tired to indulge. The electricity actually works here, though the internet
connection is on and off. I don’t know when I’ll be able to email you again. I
can’t believe how fast this is all happening.

Please be careful. I love you, Zo...I’ll see you soon. In
February hopefully. Assuming you’re okay. Please be okay.

Ciao,

Dani

“You feel different,” Ky said, sitting in the chair opposite
me. I’d settled in what had been a private dining room, soothed by its rich
brown wood, creamy walls, and burgundy carpet. Jason had left me alone in the
isolated room to write to Zoe while he washed up.

Apparently modeled after a French chateau, the winery was
filled with ivory marble floors, rich mahogany furniture, and crystal light
fixtures. The main tasting room—a vast chamber with a two-story-high ceiling
and ornately carved tables of various sizes—had become our “camp” for the
night. Nobody seemed overly interested in privacy after what had happened the
previous night, instead opting to share one big room.

I eyed Ky. “Um…thanks?”

He grinned. “Anytime. But really…you feel like a bomb
that’s been diffused. Before, you just felt like a bomb.”

“Okay…why are you ‘feeling’ me exactly?”

Leaning forward, Ky rested his elbows on the table.
“Jason’s orders. Everyone gets checked out by Chris and me. Making sure
nobody’s losing it.”

“I’m not losing it.”

“So you say.” Ky cocked his head to the side like he was
trying to hear the words of a barely audible song. “Huh…that’s interesting.”

“What?” Knowing he was listening to what could best be
described as my emotional volatility was starting to creep me out.

“Nothing really…it’s just that…Jason felt similar,” he
said, letting his eyes refocus on me. They held a mischievous glint.

“Ky…,” I warned.

His mouth tensed as he tried not to smile. “It’s about
time!”

“We are
so
not talking about this!” I scooted my
chair backward, planning to flee. My sex life was not about to become a topic
of public conversation.

“Do us all a favor and get it over with.”

Before I could stand, hands were on my shoulders, holding
me firmly in place. “Get
what
over with?” Chris asked from directly
behind me, and I groaned.

Ky said nothing—instead, his grin widened.

“Oh, got it…seriously!” Chris agreed. Out of nowhere, she
asked, “Have your nightmares stopped?”

Her question threw me off balance, and I’d already been
teetering between furious blushes and outrage. “Uh, yeah. A few nights ago.”

“Good. There’s a bit of a difference here…and here,” she
said softly. I sensed a ghostly nudge inside my head with each “here”. It was
the first time I’d actually
felt
her Ability at work, though I knew
she’d had a huge part in helping me deal with losing Cam.