After the Fire (After the Fire: Book the First) (19 page)

Slowly
all five newcomers seemed to sense her presence. The big man stopped
laughing and slowly turned to face her, the smile fading from his
face. The beautiful woman with curly hair stepped toward her, turning
her back on the women. Fin and the man he was talking to turned their
heads to look at her, and the gray man narrowed his eyes at her.
Eleni paused, unsettled by the eyes upon her.

“I
don't believe it,” said the big man, shaking himself free of
the Reivers
that had gathered around him. He stepped toward Eleni. “It's
you. But it cannot be you.”

Eleni
snorted. She looked from face to face. “I cannot help who I
am,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

“Magda
is sure,” Fin said, walking across the camp and standing beside
Eleni. “I'm sure, too. Eleni is the new Zaric. The new goddess
of fire.”

“The
Sudices have changed him,” said the man with the bushy beard
that had been talking to Fin. He was looking at Eleni with concern.
“Why does he look so unlike us?”

“He
looks like a Sudice,” said the soft, cool voice of the gray
man.

The
beautiful woman in the long, green cloak approached Eleni. Eleni
wanted to run away from these people. To go into the forest and never
come out. Who were they to tell her she didn't look right? She didn't
even know them. But even as the thought occurred to her, she knew it
was untrue. She did know them. She even knew their names. The
beautiful woman coming toward her was Lada. She stopped in front of
Eleni with the strong scent of flowers, warm and dusty like a summer
afternoon. Lada reached out a small, perfect hand. Eleni flinched,
but Lada smiled at her. She touched Eleni's face, her hand cool
against Eleni's hot skin.

“Sister,”
said Lada. “So pretty.” She turned to look at the
bushy-bearded man. Veles, Eleni recalled. “Why does she look so
different?” Lada asked. She turned back to Eleni, her fingers
trailing to Eleni's hair. “So different from Zaric. From any of
us.” Her eyes met Eleni's. “What happened to you?”

Eleni
swallowed thickly. She shook her head. She remembered. She couldn't
stop remembering. It didn't come in a rush now, it was now all there
in her head, just as it had happened to Zaric. To her. Zaric's
memories were now her own. She felt a hollowness in the pit of her
stomach. “I died,” Eleni whispered.

The
big man, Radegast, stepped toward her slowly, as if she were a
frightened animal he was trying not to spook. Eleni met his eyes, as
dark as hers were light.

“I
have never felt such pain,” Eleni said. She felt a hot tear
stream down her cheek, boiling into vapor before it got to her chin.
“And then I was gone for such a long time. Into this body, this
newness. I was different. Not just a woman, but truly different.”

Eleni
could feel the words coming out of her like they were her own, but
they sounded so unlike her. They were her words, but from a different
part of her. Seeing her family, knowing them, had released these
memories as if a great iron door had been pried open. They were
staring at her wide-eyed now, even the strong, stoic Diza, holding
her bow like a child. The memories flooded her, making her vision
blur and she doubled over. “What's happening?” she asked,
through gritted teeth.

“She's
remembering,” she heard Fin say as strong arms held her, picked
her up.

“It
burned,” Eleni whispered. “So much fire. I've never
burned before, but I
burned
.”

“She's
reliving her death,” a male voice said. Soft and almost gray
itself. Marowit, her brother. The god of nightmares.

Through
blurred vision, she felt herself being carried inside her tent. Fin
laid her on her cot. Pain coursed through her body suddenly, making
Eleni arch her back and scream. She heard a deeper scream join her
own. The pain subsided, but she could feel another wave coming. Fin
was holding his arm to his chest, his eyes filled with pain.

“Fin?”
Eleni croaked. The wave was coming again and she arched her back, her
scream seeming unworldly. She smelled smoke, and was reminded of her
childhood, dreaming bad dreams about burning when she would awake to
find her bedding burned to ashes in her metal box, smoke filling her
lungs, her body covered in soot. The wave passed again and a face
popped into her head. A face she now recognized as if she had just
seen it yesterday.

There
was the sound of the heavy flap being lifted and a cold breeze that
carried the smoke away. Magda stood there looking around at them all,
her good eye frantically taking in the situation. “Are you mad?
Get away from her. She's going to kill you all,” she wheezed.

The
gods backed away, looking fearfully at Eleni. They all went out
through the flap, one by one, casting curious and frightened glances
at her as they went. Magda pushed Fin out last of all, still holding
his arm. Magda looked at her. “You will feel pain, child, but
you must feel it alone. I'm sorry.”

“Perun,”
Eleni muttered. “He didn't come.”

Magda
paused, the flap in her hand. She looked back at Eleni. “No, he
didn't.”

“I
know why.” Eleni was sweating as she had seen people from the
village do when they were in a fever. She felt the necklace at her
throat suddenly come to life again. A mild jolt in her chest made her
shiver.

“Why?”
said Magda. “Why didn't the lightning god come, child?”

“Because
he killed me,” said Eleni breathlessly. “And he knows how
to take the gods.”

Magda
was staring at her. “What are you saying?” Her voice was
a whisper.

“Perun
killed me because I knew. But he wasn't strong enough to take my
soul. He must have taught Loki to do it. My own brother, Perun. He is
the god-eater.” Eleni could feel the pain coming again, each
wave more powerful than the last. “Go,” said Eleni, her
voice hardly above a breath. “Before I hurt you. Please go.”

Eleni
heard the flap being opened and dropping heavily, the cool winter air
cooling her for just a moment before the pain took her again.
Burning, she realized. She was burning. This is what had happened to
her. This is what Perun had done to her. And when she came out on the
other side of this, the god of lightning was going to find out what
it felt like to burn.

Daylight
still filtered in through Eleni's eyelids when she came back to
herself. She stared at the bright red of the back of her eyelids for
a long time. She could tell that her tent was gone, and she felt not
a cot under her, but cold earth.

Eleni
opened her eyes. The forest no longer surrounded her. In fact,
nothing surrounded her. She stood up slowly and turned around, unable
to comprehend the sight. Snow fell upon her, strange snow. She held
out her hand to catch some, and realized her mistake. It wasn't snow.
It was ash. Just like the countryside. The blackened ground crunched
delicately under her bare feet. There was nothing here but
desolation. A breeze rustled her hair, but it didn't refresh her. It
smelled of burning. Eleni looked up at the sky. Thick red smoke hid
the daylight casting an eerie glow over the burned countryside.

Eleni
put her hand over her mouth and stifled a sob. She shook her head.
“No,” she moaned. “Please, no. Not again.”

Something
flickered in front of her, making her blink. There was nothing there,
but there was a sharp smell, like in a lightning storm. Eleni frowned
at the spot she had seen movement. Another flicker, then it was gone.
She was sure she had seen a figure there.

“Hello?”
Eleni said.

There
was a sound like a branch snapping and suddenly a woman stood in
front of Eleni. She was young and beautiful, with red hair that was
wrapped around her head in intricate plaits. She wore thick robes the
same icy blue as her eyes. The same color as Eleni's.

“I
know you,” said Eleni. “Danai. The youngest of the
Fates.”

“I
know who I am,” said Danai, her gaze firmly on Eleni. “Do
you know who you are?”

“Yes,”
said Eleni. “I do now.”

“No,”
said Danai, shaking her head. “You don't. But you're starting
to.”

“This
isn't real,” said Eleni. “I'm dreaming. Please say I'm
dreaming.”

“You
are. But that doesn't make this any less real.”

Eleni
shook her head. “I didn't do this. I couldn't have. I'm not
strong enough.”

“You
did this,” said Danai. “Though not in this lifetime.”

Eleni
looked up at the sky again, the rolling smoke stinging even her eyes.
She brushed ash from her face. “This is the fire. When I
—
when
Zaric died. When he was murdered.”

“You
need to stop separating yourself from Zaric,” said Danai. “You
are one and the same.
You
died.
You
were murdered.
You
destroyed the earth. Only you.
There is no him. Only you.”

“No,”
said Eleni. “I'm not the same. I'm different now.”

“Why?”
Danai said. “Because you were raised with humans? How did that
fare for them? Because you wanted so desperately to be one of them?
How did that fare for you?” Danai shook her head. “Because
you had a mother? Anja was no mother to you. She did you no favors.
If anything, she is the reason you now suffer.”

“What
are you talking about?”

“Anja
is a Fate. She is perhaps the most important of the Three.”
There was a controlled edge to Danai's voice, and a deep anger under
her words. “She knew the path that should have been taken. The
path that was destined to be thousands of years ago. Before the gods
even existed we weaved the way for things to be. We saw your death.
We saw the fire. We knew she would become a vessel.”

“Then
why is she lost?” said Eleni. “Why doesn't Magda know
where she is?”

“Because
Anja changed your fate. And now everything is chaos. Loki has risen,
the gods are dying, and nothing is as it was supposed to be.”

Eleni
was stunned. “How?”

“After
the fire, Anja ran away with you inside of her. She was supposed to
give you to Perun. He was supposed to kill you. And then we were
supposed to cut his thread forever.” Danai stepped toward her.
“You were never meant to survive.”

“Then
why doesn't someone just kill me?” said Eleni. “End this.
If I was never meant to survive, my death will fix everything.”

“No,”
said Danai. “Now you are the only one that can make it right.
If you die now, it means the end of everything. Loki will bring
Ragnarok and this world will descend into permanent chaos. You have
to stop him. You have to stop everything. And then you have to die.”

“What?”

“Your
thread is entwined with that of Loki now. When the Fates become Three
again, we will cut Loki's thread. I believe when that happens, your
thread will also be cut. I'm sorry. There is no way around it.”

“I've
never even seen Loki,” said Eleni.

“And
yet, you are destined to die for him.”

“I
thought destiny was ruined,” said Eleni.

“A
moment ago you were asking for death,” said Danai. “How
is this any different?”

“I
asked why someone didn't kill me,” said Eleni. “But you
are asking me to fix everything and then die. Can I not save
everything and live?”

Danai
flickered for a moment, but didn't disappear. “Perhaps you will
find a way to disentangle yourself. I know very little of what the
future holds. But you must accept this possibility. Do you remember
what the Sirin told you?”

“How
do you know about that?” said Eleni.

“I
was there.”

Eleni
frowned. She heard voices in the distance.

“Love
would be a mistake,” said Danai. “Love is for humans. The
gods are for justice. For vengeance. For destruction. For balance.
For summer and winter and the sun and the moon. Leave love for the
mortals, they have so little else.”

“What
if I can't help it?” said Eleni, not meeting her eyes.

“Then
you must fight it,” said Danai. “Alaunus is a gentle god.
Would you have him burn with you?”

“No,”
said Eleni.

“Then
you have to ignore the way you feel. Focus on the end. Turn your love
to anger to stop Loki. It is the only way you will succeed.”

Danai
flickered again. “Wait,” said Eleni. “How do I find
you?”

Danai
smiled for the first time. “You've already found me.”
With a flicker and a crack she was gone again. Eleni was alone in the
emptiness. Her sob turned to an echo and she didn't try to stop it
this time. The sob was still in her throat when she opened her eyes,
closing them immediately against the late afternoon light.

“She
is awake,” she heard a male voice say. One of the Reivers
maybe. Shielding her eyes with her hand, Eleni raised her eyelids.
With her other hand she wiped at the tears that hadn't evaporated off
her cheeks. She sat up slowly. Her tent was gone and a perfect circle
of black surrounded her, just wider than her tent had been. Soot
covered her body where her dress had burned off. She groaned. She
loved that dress.

There
was a crowd of people standing by the fire pit. They were all looking
at her. Magda pushed her way through them and came hobbling toward
her.

“I'm
fine,” said Eleni, pushing the old woman's probing hands away.

“You're
fine?” said Magda. “You are not fine. You just burst into
flames.” Her white eye caught the light. She seemed even older
than usual. Eleni looked away.

“What
does your raven see?” said Eleni. “Have they headed
toward us yet?”

Magda
hesitated. “I don't know.”

“You
don't know?”

“Loki
killed Mati.” Magda's good eye, usually as hard as iron, teared
up for a moment, but she stopped it with a scowl. “He killed
him when I was inside Mati. He knew I was there.”

“So,”
said Eleni, “he could be right outside camp and we wouldn't
know.”