After the Fire (After the Fire: Book the First) (21 page)

Eleni's
eyes shot open so quickly it surprised Fin and he looked away from
the wolf. Eleni sat up, looking around her like she didn't understand
where she was. She turned and saw him. “Fin? What happened?”
She touched her belly just below her ribs, frowning. “I feel
very strange.”

“Ah,”
said Fin, understanding. He smiled. “You scared me. I thought
you were hurt. Or worse.”

“What
is it then?”

“It's
power.” Fin stood up, wiping his hands on his trousers.
“Someone is worshiping you.”

“Why?”

“The
priest from the forest,” said Fin. He bent down, offering his
hand. She took it and Fin pulled her up off the ground. She was
light,
like a bird. She had her pale eyes fixed on him and he couldn't look
away.

“What
about him?” said Eleni.

Fin
frowned and tore his gaze away. He cleared his throat and let go of
her hand. He took a step back. “He probably found his traveling
companions, or they returned to their village. What you're feeling
now is what gods live and die for.”

“But
not you,” said Eleni. He could feel her looking at him.

“No,”
said Fin. “Not me.” He turned and patted Epona's neck.
She had found a patch of clover. Fin bent over and put his hand on
the small sprouts. They shot up between his fingers causing the horse
to knicker happily as she bent her head to eat them. Fin stood up.

“What
does it mean?” said Eleni. Fin turned to look at her. This was
the disconnected Eleni, the one he had come to think of as the mask,
though perhaps he had it backwards. Perhaps this one was real and the
vulnerable woman from the forest was the mask.

“It
means you have more power now,” said Fin. “That will be
useful when we find Loki.”

Eleni
flinched at the name. For a moment she looked hurt, but it was only
an instant. She saw Fin watching her and the expression was gone. She
regarded him, looking as emotionless as when she was dealing with the
Reivers.
“We should go,” she said. There was a snap and Fin saw
the wolf walk smoothly out from under some bushes, licking blood from
her snout.

“I'm
going to let Epona rest for a bit,” he said. “I've
overworked her. If we want to make it the rest of the way, she needs
to eat.”

Eleni
nodded, but it was stiff and awkward, as though she didn't know how
to act. Fin thought that was probably true a lot of the time. But
somehow the strangeness made her better to him. It made her
more...herself. Eleni's eyes flicked around them, avoiding him. She
could make herself cold all she wanted to. She was afraid to be alone
with him.

“What's
changed?” said Fin.

“What?”
said Eleni, startled, her eyes snapping to him.

“Something
changed,” said Fin. “You're different. Your memories came
back to you. But you can't let them change you.”

“You
don't know,” said Eleni. Her voice was hard, but her eyes were
soft as they looked upon him. Fin felt everything stripped away then.

“Just
stop,” said Fin. “This isn't you. At least I don't think
it is. I hope it's not.” He looked at her, his chest hurting,
and the hurt making him feel angry. “Why do you do this?”

Eleni
frowned. “I don't know what you think I'm doing.”

“This,”
said Fin, motioning around her face. “This mask. This way that
makes things easier for you. You pretend you don't care about
everything, Eleni. But that's not how it really is.”

She
swallowed and took a step back. She shook her head, but there was
fear behind her eyes. “I don't know what you mean. We should go
now.”

“Loki
has waited for us this long, he'll wait a moment longer. If I'm going
to go to my death, at least I'll die knowing.” Eleni looked
away from him. “Eleni, you told me things you've never told
anyone else,” said Fin, his anger rising. “Why do you
pretend you don't know me now?”

“Stop,”
said Eleni. “Please. Do not ask me any more. You do not
understand.” She turned to walk away.

“
Answer
me
!” Fin felt the
tightness in his chest like something boring into his heart.
Eleni
turned quickly, her fists closed as though ready to fight. “I
told you to stop asking,” she said, her voice sounding low and
hollow. Flames rose from her fists and flickered in her eyes. She was
stronger, stronger than she had ever been. And she had been powerful
to begin with. Fin knew he should ease back, he should leave her
alone, he should just shut his mouth. His arm ached under the
dressing where her body had burned him. He healed quickly, but the
burn had been deep. But he couldn't stop. Not this time. He felt out
of control. He had felt this way once before and it had as good as
killed him. He wouldn't die again. He wouldn't allow Eleni to push
him away. Not when he knew she needed him perhaps more than he needed
her. She was like thin ice about to crack. And if it killed him, so
be it. But he was not going to let her go through this alone. She had
done that already, he knew only a small part of what she had been
through, but that was enough.

“Kill
me if you have to,” he said, his throat dry and hoarse. “But
you don't have to do this. Not alone. Not ever again.” The
anger was ebbing away from him as she stood looking at him. He shook
his head. “I'll die for you, Eleni. Don't you understand?
Happily and without regret.”

Eleni
blinked and her eyes cleared, the fire hissing and leaving trails of
smoke in the air, dissipating as quickly as they had formed. The fire
stayed in her fists, but Fin could see the flames were smaller than
before.

“I
don't expect anything from you,” said Fin. “Only the
truth.”

Eleni
let her fists open and the fire seemed to absorb into her palms. Her
mouth moved like she was trying speak but couldn't. She closed her
eyes and breathed in. She opened her eyes, and Fin watched a single
tear slide down her cheek, evaporating to steam before it could fall.
“I can't,” she whispered finally. “They all say
that it can never be. It's best to leave it. Just leave me be. I'm
not for you.”

“Leave
what be?” Fin was close enough to smell the smoke of her hair,
almost close enough to touch.

“I'm
not supposed to feel,” she said. “It makes it harder.”

“Harder
to what?” said Fin. “Please, Eleni. You have to tell me.”
He stepped forward and she didn't shrink away. He took her hands.
“Please.”

“Harder
to die,” she said softly. As though she was very, very tired
and had nothing left to give. She met his eyes. “How I feel
makes it harder to die.”

“Why
do you think you have to die?” said Fin. “Did Magda tell
you that?”

“No,”
said Eleni. She hesitated. “Danai,” she said. “It
was Danai. She came to me. After I remembered.” Eleni looked up
at him. “I will die, Fin. And they all say it makes me weak. I
saw this...she said she was a Sirin.”

“You
saw a Sirin?” said Fin, surprised. “I didn't think they
were real.”

“She
knew me, and then Danai came and said the same things, only she told
me why.”

“Why
what?”

“Why
things that are happening came to be. My mother. She's not my mother,
I know that now, but she changed things. She changed everything by
saving me. And now I have to kill Loki by bringing the Fates together
again. When they cut his thread, I'll die too.”

“Why
will you die?”

“Because
we are intertwined,” said Eleni, as though reciting something
she had been repeating over and over, like a child repeating a prayer
to the gods.

“If
the Fates are so sure, why can't they find each other?” said
Fin. “If they're so certain of what you have to do for them,
why can't they just do it themselves?”

“I
asked Danai that. She said everything was chaos because of what my
mo
—
because
of what Anja did. Nothing is as it should be. The threads they weaved
are useless now.”

“Then
how do they know what your fate is?” said Fin.

“They
just know,” said Eleni, her shoulders limp.

“It's
not good enough.”

“You're
not listening, Fin,” she said. Her mask slipped fully and Fin
finally saw the pain that this caused her. The skin around her eyes
was so dark it looked bruised. And the look in her eyes was something
raw that Fin had never seen on her before. It was pain. He had heard
it in her voice, felt it in the way she told him things, but this was
what it looked like. “It cannot be. I'm not allowed to have
this. Not ever. I'm not even supposed to be alive.”

“No
thanks to them,” said Fin. “Eleni, would your mother have
sacrificed everything for you if it wasn't important? Why do you
think she left you in that village? It makes sense now. It was to
save you. To let you live.”

“And
now gods are dying.”

“But
you're alive. And you are one of the most powerful gods left. Eleni,
I've known Magda for a long time. She would do anything to have her
power returned to her, and I'm guessing Danai is the same. I've seen
Magda lie, and only recently she had an entire village slaughtered to
get her way. You remember that, don't you?”

“Yes.”

“You
can still find the Fates, if that's what you want to do. You can
bring them together to cut Loki's thread if it's what needs to be
done. But you don't have to do it alone. Let me stand by you. Let me
shoulder the burden with you, Eleni. Please. You've done everything
alone. You've felt unimaginable heartache. Let me help you this
time.”

“It's
going to kill me, Fin,” she said.

“Let
that be my burden. If it comes to pass, it comes to pass.”

“If
I don't stop Loki, it'll be the end of the world. Ragnarok. I have to
stop him. I have to reunite the Sudices.”

“If
that is what you must do, then it is what I must do as well. From now
on, you are not alone. Do you understand? Even if you want me to
leave you, I won't do it. You deserve so much more than this. I will
help you, whether you will it or no. I am your shadow and I'll do
what I must to help you.”

Eleni
shook her head. “It's too much.”

Fin
smiled. “It's not. I would do a great deal more. I would do
anything.”

When
Eleni's lips met his it was like fire. And he wanted very badly to
step into the flames.

When
they rode out again, Eleni wrapped her arms around Fin and laid her
face against his back. Fin set his jaw as he put his heels into
Epona. He could feel Eleni's heat through his thick clothing.
Powerful or not, he wasn't going to let anything happen to her. She
had done enough for a lifetime. But as they got closer to their
destination, he couldn't help but wonder: What if Danai was telling
the truth?

Chapter
Eighteen

Magda stood up straight for the first time in years. It was curious.
The moment she had put Eleni's necklace over her head, she had felt a
surge of power come back to her. She still didn't know what sort of
magic was inside the bauble, but she didn't have time to contemplate
it now. She could feel the creatures of the forest around them.

“Find
him,” Magda commanded, feeling stronger than she had in ten
winters. The Reiver
woman just shook her head. She was crying, snot leaking out of her
nose. Magda couldn't look at her. The weakness irritated.

“Grandmother,”
the woman whined. “I told you, I've looked everywhere. He's not
here. He left us.”

Magda
scowled. “Go look again,” she growled. “Find
Marowit. He must be somewhere. He wouldn't have just...” She
stopped in mid-sentence. Would he have? Would he have betrayed his
brothers and sisters so easily? Perhaps. Magda had always found
Marowit unsettling, but the idea that he would deceive them all had
never crossed her mind. The woman was staring at Magda. “Just
go,” Magda said. The woman didn't need any more motivation. She
scrambled to her feet and ran out of Magda's tent.

She
could feel them approaching, all the dark creatures. Fin's presence
had kept them at bay before, and to a lesser degree Eleni, but now
they were coming to feed. Magda wasn't exactly sure what would happen
to her if she was eaten by dark things, but she was not about to find
out. They would have to fight. She took a deep breath and blew it
out, seeing the warmth form a cloud in the frigid air. She opened the
flap of her tent and went out.

It
was even colder outside, though it was almost worth it to breathe the
fresh smell of new snow instead of the smell of rancid, moldy leather
of the tent. Everyone that had been left behind was huddled around
the tiny fire at the center of camp. Thirty or so desperate pairs of
eyes looked at her as she approached. They wanted her to tell them
what to do. Magda looked them over. Skinny and weak and broken of
spirit. There were a few old men who hung back, letting the women
warm the children.

“Gather
the weapons,” said Magda, with finality in her voice. “All
the bows, the falxes, knives, even sharp sticks are better than
nothing. Gather them all and bring them back here.” A few women
jumped up and headed toward the tents. Magda recognized Iren as one
of them. Good girl. As she had expected, most of the women froze,
staring at her in horror.

“Grandmother,
I have much respect for you,” said a slight woman holding a
small child. The little girl in her arms wasn't even crying, but just
laid her head weakly on her mother's neck. Magda remembered the
woman. She was Elek's wife, and usually directed the other women in
the daily chores. A girl-child she knew as Rika, who Fin was fond of,
clung to her leg. Magda squinted at her as she tried to remember the
woman's name. Katalin, that was it. “This is not the right way
of things,” Katalin was saying. “We are forbidden to
touch the weapon of a man.”

“You
should have thought of that before,” said Magda. “If
you'd kept away from your husband's weapon we wouldn't have so many
damn children to protect tonight.” There was nervous tittering
among the women. Katalin looked affronted. “I do not have time
to convince you that there is no life in the way you live, woman,”
Magda said. “In fact I care very little for what you do. But I
care to keep on living. And at the same time I can help you save your
own lives and those of your children.”