After the Hurt (16 page)

So he had to make her see that the deal was the best thing for her. He would treasure their last night together under the same roof. A stab of regret pierced him; he'd let so much time go by since she'd arrived before coming to this realization. If only he'd not been so bullheaded they could have had some time together earlier. Maybe figured a way out before this buffoon made his presence known. But, as it stood now, it wasn't possible until this lunatic was dealt with.

Taking her hand in his, he said, “Let's get the hell out of here and grab something to eat.”

She widened her eyes and a smile curved her lips. “Seriously? You, um
we,
own a restaurant. Why would you want to go somewhere else?”

He snaked his arm around her shoulder, all remaining thought of keeping his distance from her evaporated into the air. He steered her to the back door. “Sometimes it's nice to be waited on. Where no one knows your name.” Their gazes locked and his heart swelled. He did his best to ignore the aching tightness in his groin, knowing it might never be eased.

She smiled, lighting his world. A harsh reminder of how dark and miserable it had been since she'd left.

They arrived at Stella's Back Porch, a new, quiet, bluesy place. Dark. Discreet. Live music. Tank glanced around and nodded. It was the perfect place for some private time. A complete opposite to Octagon. He'd heard good things and figured no time like the present for a test run.

“Not a bad little spot,” he commented.

“It looks nice.” Pepper slipped her arm through his and hugged it.

The hostess saw them to a half-moon-shaped table. It was tucked behind a dark, sparkly gauze drape that was pulled to the side and secured with gold chains. He did a double take and was surprised to see handcuffs at the end looped over a stout nail. Interesting.

“Check it out.” Tank nodded his head, indicating the cuffs.

“That's different.” Pepper leaned in to look closer. “They're fake. But kinda cool.” She gave him a wink and slid in behind the table. “Interesting place.”

He laughed. He'd love to get a pair of cuffs on her and…Tank cleared his throat. No point in letting his mind and libido run away with him.

“I guess if we want more privacy, we can drop the curtain.” This time Pepper laughed when he waggled his eyebrows at her.

He slid in behind her. She hadn't moved all the way around. Tank kept a little bit of distance. At least for now. He was beginning to concede he was in a losing battle. It wasn't going to be easy to not notice how lovely she looked. How the smooth curve of her cheek seemed flawless in the dim lighting. The way her arched, ginger brows framed her expressive eyes. And the graceful bow of her neck, now exposed to him as she flipped her hair aside. He longed to press his lips to the pulsing vein under the delicate skin.

Ah, shit; he was doomed.

She had to be safe. Be away from him and the restaurant. The pain in his heart at the thought of her gone was acute. Tank coughed, hoping his irregular heartbeat would steady. Watching her scan the menu gave him the opportunity to let his greedy gaze take her in, really look at her and fully acknowledge his still-powerful feelings.

For tonight, though, he'd enjoy their time together. Do his damnedest not to let things get out of control and live in the moment. A motto he'd lived by for so many years. And still did to the best of his ability. But he had started to hang on too tight after she left. To everything. The fear of losing control created an overall negative impact on life.

He pulled his gaze from her to look around and at the stage. It was set up for the band and whatever performer was on tonight. A dark, almost smoky purple ambience was the main theme in the club, accented with sparkle and gold. Very unique. It had a certain tranquility that he liked. A sexiness that was arousing.

Tank relaxed, draped his arm across the back of the bench seat. Tension slid away, replaced by a contented languor. He was nicely relaxed by the time the waitress took their order. They'd sat quietly, no need for conversation. A comfortable silence he'd only ever been able to attain with Pepper. He was very ready for his scotch when the server brought it and Pepper's dirty martini.

She sighed and sagged against the black leather seat. Her hand rested on the table with the stem of her glass between her fore and middle fingers. Pepper glanced sideways at him and smiled. Goddamn if his heart didn't flip over in his chest.

“This is so nice. You were right; it was good for us to get out.”

“I'd heard about this place but never been. Figured it was time to visit.” Tank lifted the glass and welcomed the searing burn as the liquid slid down his throat.

“It's always good to know your competition.” Tank watched her lips press to the rim of the glass. All kinds of erotic thoughts about her talented lips raced through his mind. She sipped and her eyelids fluttered closed for a second, then opened. “Mmm, so good.”

She glanced at him over the glass. He ached to have her in his arms again. He was so tempted to tug her to him, he took another long pull of his drink instead. The fiery burn only amplified his simmering arousal. He moved his leg and it touched hers. He bit back a groan of pleasure. Neither of them broke the connection.

He glanced away to check out the rest of the restaurant. Her leg moved against his and he stiffened. Her fingers rested lightly under his chin and she slowly turned his head to her. They were side by side, her face just inches from his. He got lost in her gaze trying to read the expression in the smoky depths. She fit perfectly next to him, like she always had. Her body heat seared him to a full-fired burn. She filled an emptiness in him that nothing and no one had been able to fill.

Her smooth shoulders drew his hand like a magnet. A tremor ran up his arm when he touched her flesh. His fingers had a mind of their own and he massaged up her neck to cradle the back of her head, her hair heavy silk on his arm. Pepper tipped her head, capturing his fingers in the warm curve between them. He couldn't look away from her. As if he was seeing her for the first time. She looked fabulous. Her hair was pinned up in lazy curls with waves cascading down her neck. Her top was very 1960's retro and drooped off one shoulder. All she needed was a flower tucked behind her ear to complete the effect. His wild, sultry flower child. She rested her head on his shoulder now. The sweet scent of coconut and cinnamon spice rose from her hair. He inhaled and held it, savoring the essence before pressing a kiss to the silky strands.

A natural beauty, at least to him. It didn't matter what she wore, he saw her inner light. A light that grew brighter for him each day. From when he knocked on her door this afternoon, interrupting her bath time, to leaving her behind in the locked apartment and then her bursting into his office before their kiss, and now sitting here, it seemed like an eternity of sweet torture.

“Tank.” Her voice was so soft, low, and intimately inviting. Reaching right inside him and taking hold of his heart. She turned to look at him. “Is there something you want to talk to me about?”

Tank sipped from the glass to give himself a moment, then put it down. He curled his fingers around her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze. She'd always been in tune with his moods and could usually tell when he was preoccupied with something. That he was so transparent bothered him.

“Still have the gypsy insight?”

Pepper shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. I guess. Oh, I don't know…”

What the hell, just tell her and get it over with. “Only if you tell me what you were up to while you were away.”

Her brows arched. “Making deals, are we?”

“I guess we are.” He smiled, liking their exchange of banter.

“Okay. You first. Who are you in a relationship with? Is it that chick Olivia?”

Tank wasn't expecting that question. And Olivia? What the fuck?

“Ah, no. Why do you ask about her?”

“Well, she seemed to be around there for a while and I was just wondering where it all stood.”

He shook his head. “She was the biggest few-dates mistake I ever made.” Sighing, Tank leaned back and kept his hand tucked up around her neck. “She's nuts.”

Pepper didn't look surprised.

“So, what was her problem?”

Tank heard the tang of bitterness in her voice. In that instant he knew she was jealous. The crazy swell of his heart took him off guard.

“I have no idea what went on in her head. But I wanted no part of it.”

Pepper nodded. “I got an odd feeling about her.”

“Yeah.” Tank glanced down into her eyes, so dark and expressive with little flickers of light reflecting in them. “So, now you.”

“Me?” She blinked and smiled at him.

“Yes, you. Time to spill it and tell me about your adventures.” He gave her shoulders a little shake.

She took a breath and leaned forward. Tipping her glass, she downed the last of the martini and put the glass down with a bang. She slid her hand across the table and wove her fingers with his.

“Well.” She made eye contact with him. “It was life changing. For sure. I needed it more than I realized. I was so moved by a couple of things that I donated money.”

“Do you regret leaving me?” But he didn't miss her offhand remark about donating money.

She stiffened and removed her hand from his. He immediately regretted being so blunt. He wanted to hear what she had to say, not alienate her.

“I thought about you a lot.” She glanced at him from under her lashes and the guarded look was a little surprising considering how passionate she'd been earlier. “But remember, Tank. I was in a bad place.”

He nodded. Those last few weeks before she left had been gut-wrenching. It made him realize her absence hadn't been as easy on her as he'd thought.

“We could have discussed it.”

She shook her head. “We tried, remember? I wasn't receptive. I know that now and I also know how hard you tried.” She cupped his cheek and the honesty he saw in her eyes pulled at his heart. “Plus, Tank, it was the best thing I could have ever done. For me and, if you can believe it, for you too.” She dropped her hand and fiddled with her empty glass. Then she looked at him pointedly. “I needed to go. I felt”—she paused and he leaned in so he could hear the words she spoke so faintly—“and still feel, responsible for my mom's death.”

“But, you can't—”

She placed her fingers on his mouth and it was all he could do not to take them between his lips and suck them.

“Shh, let me…I had to figure things out. Find out what's important in life on my own. If I couldn't do that then, how could I ever be a complete person with anyone else? We'd been together since we were young and until I was away, I didn't realize how much I needed to ground myself.” She paused and her eyes, bright with emotion, held him captive. He couldn't look away and hung on every word she was saying. “Tank, it didn't mean I'd stopped loving you.”

Did he just hear her right? The words, made even more sweet coming from her delectable mouth. He remained silent because it drove home that he hadn't ever stopped loving her either. Even though he'd tried. Lord, how he'd tried! He'd never really considered it from her perspective before. Just his. How her leaving had made him feel. Not how badly she must've been feeling to think leaving was the only way she could save herself.

Sure, she needed the time and space, but at his expense. Yeah, yeah, he got it, he understood she needed space. Time to heal. But she hadn't thought of him. Everything he'd done to get through it with his sanity still intact. Not to mention handling Octagon all on his own.

“I needed you too.”

Pepper looked down at the table for a second before glancing at him from under her brows. “Did you?” she asked softly.

He couldn't believe she'd ask such a thing.

She continued in a low voice. “We both found our way without each other and we needed to do that if we had any chance of survival. A future.” She sat back and sighed. “It allowed us both to grow and God knows I needed that! Maybe even more than you.”

He sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sure. Now you're broke and you've come running back.” He cringed after the words fell out of his mouth. But when he looked at her he was even more surprised she wasn't angry he'd said it.

“No, Tank, I told you I'm not broke. Yes, maybe I don't have as much as I did before, but that's not the reason I came back.”

“Tell me why.” He expected the conversation might get a little rocky, and even if it pissed him off or made him angry all over again, he was glad they were finally talking. He reminded himself he still had to say goodbye to her regardless.

She sighed. “Oh, man. You had to be there to fully understand it.”

“Try me.”

Pepper hesitated. “It was life changing.” Tears welled in her eyes and dripped down her cheeks and she let them. There was no point in trying to hide them. “I went to Bali. You know Mom and I wanted to go there together. It was a logical choice to me. I felt like she was with me.”

“Ah, Bali. Yes. It never crossed my mind that's where you'd go.” Tank's finger swept the tears from her cheeks and he folded her in his arms. He didn't say anything and she was glad. He let her talk, at her own pace, and she was thankful for it.

She nodded. “I couldn't just lounge around. I had to do something, but I didn't know what until I discovered a hospice. I volunteered there for quite a while. It's amazing how easy it was to find places in need, where you could give yourself to those more desperate than yourself.”

“That's where you donated your money?” The depth and emotion she heard in his voice warmed her heart.

“Yep, a lot of it.” She looked up and was sucked into the vortex of compassion swirling in his azure eyes. “Stupid, huh?”

“What's stupid? Helping people to live out the remainder of their days with dignity surrounded by their loved ones?” He squeezed her. “Not in the least.”

“Oh, Tank. I'm telling you, it made me see things so differently. I set up a trust fund in Mom's name.”

“She would love that.” Tank tightened his arms around her and it quelled the nerves jumbling around inside her. “I have to ask you, then. Why did you come back like you were ready for a fight?”

Why, indeed?

“I don't know, it was stupid, but if you think back, the fight went out of me pretty much right away. You were just too busy to see, I guess. I didn't know what to expect from you either. And you were very cold when I did come back. How you reacted was what I expected, though.” She paused and smiled. “The thing is, I heard you that night when you were on the phone. Before the gala.”

He furrowed his brows and compressed his lips then asked, “What did you hear?”

“You said ‘I love you' to the other person. I could only assume you had a girlfriend and you wanted to keep it quiet. Do you?”

“No.”

Relief washed through her. “Then, who?”