After the Hurt (14 page)

Tank had planted a seed about her baking for the restaurant. So Pepper dove into her early-morning sessions and spent time with the executive chef. She was learning his routine and how the kitchen ran. Getting to know the staff and contribute as best she could.

She was disappointed that Tank hadn't spoken to her yet and that another few days had gone by. It's not like they had to talk every day or anything, as much as she would have liked to. She respected he might have to get used to having her around, but she was on edge about the papers. The burning question was why he hadn't asked her to leave yet. Nor had he inquired about what her plans were. It was like they were suspended in time. Pepper tried not to get antsy. If she did talk to him about the papers then it made it look like she'd been snooping around his desk. If she didn't, how long would it take before he talked to her? It was limbo land and so she just carried on as if she hadn't seen anything and waited.

Strangely, though, when they were together, which wasn't much, it hadn't been all that bad. A little bit uncomfortable, mainly from her end. Her anger about the papers began to fade and slip from her mind.

The more time she spent here, the more firmly entrenched she became, making it harder for him to ask her to leave. So Pepper spent a lot of time in the kitchen, then gravitated to managing the front of the house until she became the unofficial hostess. Tank didn't seem to mind or voice objection. She'd discovered he had a new business venture in the wings and he'd been busy with meetings. And that business trip he went on was to Texas and Denver. She'd overheard him on the phone since he got back—not that she eavesdropped on purpose—and she didn't know any of the details. But it sounded like he was going out on his own without her. That was a whole new quandary. Before he made any decisions, and as long as he hadn't presented the documents to her, she would try to have some say in the final decision, if it had to do with Octagon. A couple of times when he was there and not off gallivanting, he'd joined her in the kitchen. They'd dabbled at creating new foods with the chef. It had been fun and she'd enjoyed spending one-on-one time with him. They hadn't gotten physically close since that first day, but the sexual tension between them was palpable. It grew steadily and she wondered if he felt it as much as she did.

Pepper itched to run her fingers over the whorl inked on his forearm when he'd reach for an ingredient while they were cooking, or cup his cheek to feel the ever-present dark stubble graze her palm when he gazed at her. The black toque he sometimes wore was so damn sexy she could eat him up. Pepper was a right mess. She was really into this new, rugged-looking Tank, daydreaming about him and yet on edge the whole time, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She'd gotten her replacement ID in the mail yesterday, and wanted to ask him if he'd opened it. Because one of the envelopes had been partially slit open. It didn't appear that anything had been missing inside. But, still. She supposed, though, that anyone could have taken the mail that was in the ornate box they bolted at the side of the building when they'd first moved in years ago.

Tonight Pepper was on her feet nonstop. The piano bar was hopping and the restaurant was full. Just how they liked it. The other hostess Pepper met the first night had quit, leaving them in the lurch, and Pepper jumped at the chance to help out. She took a moment to gulp some water while standing behind the bar when the hairs on her arms rose. A shiver rippled down her spine like icy fingers and settled in her belly with a sense of foreboding. Pepper turned to see what had set her antennae on alert. It wasn't the first time she'd felt this odd feeling of being watched.

The room was full, all tables taken and the piano bar jammed. Pepper looked around at the guests, trying to figure out what was causing her unease. She put the glass down and walked to the piano bar, glancing to the windows. A small crowd was gathered outside staring in at the pianists. She scanned the faces. Nothing registered out of place. Pepper chewed her lip, her mind conjuring up all sorts of worrisome things. Tank had gotten a lot of hate mail as a fighter. People threatening to take him down, kick his ass, stating he wasn't as tough as he'd thought. They'd reported the issues, but nothing had ever come to pass and she'd pretty much forgotten the angst it caused her. Now it came rushing back and her belly soured. Maybe she'd suggest Tank call Joe. He'd started a private investigation and security firm after he ended his fighting career. He was a good guy and Pepper trusted him.

Laughter from the bar distracted her and she turned to see what was so funny. At that moment Tank came from behind the pillar, totally reminding her of that first night she'd seen him. The night she'd come back, what, almost a couple weeks ago now? Wow, time flies. He met her gaze. She smiled at him; he nodded and smiled back. God, he was so good to look at. She tried to forget the unsettled feeling and walked toward him. It took a little longer as she wove between the tables, nodding and stopping to chat with a few customers, inquiring after their meal. Finally she was at his side. His magnetism drew her close and she inhaled, closing her eyes and hoping to catch a whiff of his essence.

Pepper felt more in tune with him now than when they'd been together—truly together, with him inside her. Her wrapped around him. His mouth on hers, finding her tongue. A burning heat kept her on the edge of arousal whenever they were close, and if she let herself get lost in thoughts of him, arousal wasn't too far behind. Mixed with the confusing rush of pheromones was a feeling and growing unease Pepper was unable to shake. Surely, it was those damn papers she tried not to think about. Coupled with her not really making any future plans. She'd been content to stay here and just let it all play out. Tank was confusing too. He was hot, cold, here, gone, so all over the map it made her head spin. Oh, how she wanted to throw herself at him, declare her feelings, to hell with the consequences. Yet she held back. Waiting, hoping for Tank to make the first move. She didn't want to influence him. She wanted him to want her, as much as she did him. Not to feel obligated.

“So, are our guests happy?” He leaned down, his voice sultry sweet in her ear, and a tingle sparkled through her veins. Her already heightened nerves set off with a new flurry of flutters. How on earth was she going to keep her cool when he fired her up so? She hoped she wouldn't cave in to her desire for him and jeopardize everything.

Pepper turned to him. He was so close, just a hairbreadth away. All she had to do was make a move and their lips would touch, but she didn't. She froze, hoping he felt the same magnetic attraction as she. If he did, then maybe he'd make the move, show her how he felt and the direction he wanted to go with her. Raising her gaze, she was caught by the intensity in his clear blue eyes. Pepper's world tipped and she curled her fingers into fists, hoping to steady herself. Damn this man for having a way of making her so completely, utterly distracted she turned into a mute idiot. “Ah, yes they are. Quite happy in fact,” she answered finally.

He stood tall and took a deep breath, which enhanced the span of his wide chest. Tank looked around the room with a satisfied smile on his lips. “Good, then.”

Pepper watched him, liking his relaxed manner; clearly it indicated how far he'd come since the first night she arrived. His cold, indifferent attitude had begun to dissolve like sugar in water, and she was seeing little glimpses of her old Tank.

My old Tank.
He wasn't hers anymore. But could he ever be? The subtle nuances, a shift in the energy between them, gave her hope despite the profession of love she'd overheard on the phone the night before the grand opening. And what was with that, anyway? Where was this mystery chick?

She was both frustrated and happy they'd skirted getting down to the nitty-gritty of the discussion. The one they had to have regardless. About them, their past, their future. On one hand, it kept everything status quo, yet on the other, it didn't help to put to rest what had transpired so they could move on.

“Tank, have you noticed anything strange lately?”

He frowned and looked at her. “What do you mean?”

Pepper shrugged. “Just a strange feeling I've been getting on and off.”

He laughed and his mouth curved up on one side. “You and your feelings. I thought you'd given up on those a long time ago.”

She shook her head. “Nope. I listen to them. They've gotten me out of a few jams too.”

“Well, no jam here except in jars in the kitchen.” He looked down at her.

“I'm serious, Tank. You've had threats in the past. What about recently? Since Octagon opened?”

He furrowed his brow as if in thought. She wondered if he was hiding something because his glaze flickered away from her before answering. “No, nothing that comes to mind.”

“Don't forget the break-in,” Pepper reminded him. “I don't know, something is bugging me and I can't put my finger on it.” She didn't know if the person she saw hanging around across the street when she'd come back from getting her last bit of identification replaced was anything to be concerned about. Tank hadn't been around and by the time Pepper had come inside, climbed the stairs, and looked out the window, the dude was gone. “And by the way, did you open my mail?”

He gave her a perplexed look. “No, why would I do that?”

“Just wondering.” Likely it was something that had happened as the envelope went through the postal system, then.

Tank wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight. “Chill on your feelings. Nothing weird is going on.”

She looked up at him and tried not to show her concern. His head lowered and suddenly she was on alert. Not for danger—well maybe danger of the Tank kind, which was deliciously risky—but alert for what was coming next. She watched his mouth descend to her and waited. When he dropped a kiss on her forehead Pepper felt foolish. Like a child he had just placated.

Pepper was so in love with Tank and there was not a damn thing she could do about it. Was it a weird, sadistic thing to long for him both day and night with no reciprocating emotions? Pepper sighed and wiped down the counter in her loft. Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Right?

Sure. Whatever you say.

She'd found a recipe for raspberry white chocolate scones and decided to make them, but not in the restaurant kitchen. The wedding booked for tomorrow was creating quite a stir and she thought it best to steer clear with her baking. Pepper still wasn't comfortable enough and didn't want to get in the way of the prep for the wedding.

She was excited about having a wedding in the restaurant. In a bittersweet kind of way, it was so very romantic. It also made her a bit sad. The wedding was a pointed reminder that she and Tank were not a couple, never mind engaged or married.

Today, though, she needed some solitary time. Cooking and floating around her loft kitchen with a glass of wine was just perfect. The happy snap and crackle of the logs burning in the hearth helped ward off the gray winter that pressed against the windows. Soon, the aroma of baking hung on the air. Pepper was content in her little haven. She felt at home for the first time in a long time and liked the feeling. The wine helped too, lighting a sensual glow inside her. Thoughts of warm and sultry Bali slipped through her mind and she imagined walking on the beaches, splashing through the warm surf, holding hands with Tank. Cuddling. Kissing and taking their intimacy into a cottage by the sea. Pepper sighed and let her imagination go even further. Closing her eyes, she set the scene. Tank carrying her to a bed before open windows. The sea breeze lifting and billowing the gauzy drapes into the room. The scent of flowers and sun all around them. Tank kneeling over her, laying his hand on her hip. The crooked smile on his lips ever so enticing…

The clock chimed, interrupting her sweet thoughts. “Shit.” Pepper's mood suddenly soured. The timer was relentless and she punched it off with her finger. Opening the oven, she pulled the delicacies out and set the sheet on the counter. Giving them a second to cool, she tried to pick up her daydream where it had been interrupted but had no luck.

“Well, so much for that. But the real thing is better anyway,” she told the empty room.

Pepper arranged the biscuits on an antique plate she and Tank had bought years ago. Nibbling on a few crumbs, she tidied up and couldn't stop yawning. The wine was making her sleepy.

“I need to snap out of it or I'll be snoring in no time.” She took another sip of wine, resting her hip on the kitchen counter and looked around her new home.

“I love this loft. It's just so…
me.
”

She wandered into the living room and checked the fire, loving how it resembled a faux beach fire pit ringed with stones that looked like chunks of coral. It was genius how Tank had designed it. The cold dismal day through the windows was depressing, so she closed the blinds to block the winter out. She'd much rather imagine herself in a sunny and warm climate. Pepper had been thinking about all her options; this morning she finally came to a decision and knew what to do. If Tank continued to be distant, and a reconciliation was not possible, she'd be gone. Even though the night of the gala she'd said she was going to fight for Tank, so far it hadn't gone too well. She'd let her nerves get in the way. Plus, he'd not been around much either. If she was important to him, he'd have made time for her. So no more wasted time. As she'd learned in Bali at the hospice, life was a gift, not to be wasted. No more tiptoeing for her, it was time to push him.

“We have to talk,” she told the empty room. “I'm not waiting any longer.” Pepper nodded. She had to get on with things. With or without Tank. She couldn't wait here hanging on for a decision yet to be made. Wait for a man—a man
I love—
to make up his mind? The final scene of
Gone with the Wind
popped into her head. If she pushed Tank for a resolution, would he walk away? Like Rhett? Pepper refused to think about it. Like Scarlett, she would think about it tomorrow. Right now she wanted a hot bath in that wonderful big tub. And another glass of wine.

Padding down into the hall, she was charmed again by the bathroom as she drew her bath, poured in scented oil, and lit candles. It hadn't been hard to fall in love with the apartment and this amazing bathroom. It would be sad to move on after. And yes, she'd have to sign those papers in order to be financially secure. In doing so, she'd be signing away Tank too. Tears sprung to her eyes and her heart clenched. She'd have to let him go for his sake too. She couldn't hold him back while she pined for him. That's why she'd decided to go. He didn't love her anymore. She'd lost that when she'd left. So now she had to leave for good.

Dimming the lights, she sniffled and then blew her nose. She wasn't going to be sad. She couldn't. It would be a new beginning for her and for Tank, even if they went separately. She had to try to be optimistic. Pepper set her glass on the wide rim of the tub next to a wonderful smelling candle and lowered herself into the steaming water. It had been ages since she'd had a bath and it was heaven. It was so wonderfully relaxing with the steam rising around her. Pepper inhaled the exotic scent.

She watched the light play across the ceiling. Candles flickered. Glass blocks that had replaced what had once been a window to the street below made the streetlights sparkle through the mottled surface. It was a fairyland around her. Pepper stretched her toes. Totally content in the luxury of a hot bath with fragrant bubbles and her worries washed away.

She held her breath and ducked under the water, the silence a comforting balm. With just her nose and mouth out of the water she lay there in the bubbles, clearing her mind of everything, and brought silence into her soul. She'd found meditation in Bali and had fallen out of finding her center, her inner peace, since coming back home. She blamed the chaos and turmoil, not to mention letting herself get distracted. Descending into her peaceful state now, the gentle lap of water was the only sound around her. Finally. Peace.

She stirred after a little while when the water began to chill. Sitting up, she took a few deep cleansing breaths. After washing her hair and rubbing the loofa across her skin, she rose from the tub. A knock at the front door startled her. Grabbing a dove gray towel from the cabinet beside the bath, she wrapped it around herself and called from the doorway.

“Who's there?”

“Me. Tank.” His deep voice was muffled.

Pepper was shocked. He hadn't been in the loft since the night of the break-in. Nor had he come to her. Why was he now? Her mind jumped to all sorts of conclusions. Was he finally going to give her the papers? Make a split with her a done deal, so she wouldn't have to be the one to break it off? Was he going to fess up he was in love with someone else? Suddenly Pepper was panicked and all the inner peace she'd just found fled. She had a very bad feeling.

“Oh! Um, wait a minute,” Pepper called and rushed to the bedroom, so blind with anxiety she couldn't find her robe in the chaos of scattered clothes. “Jesus, when did I become such a slob?” It was hanging on a hook in the huge closet. She grabbed it and stuck her arms into the thick fluffy sleeves. Pulling on the robe, she tightened the belt.

The very short walk from the bedroom to the front door seemed like a hundred miles. Her fingers fumbled with the lock and she paused. Closing her eyes, she drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Pepper opened the door to face Tank. He stood there smiling, so handsome and powerfully impressive that all her newly decided decisions fluttered away on butterfly wings. How could she ever have given thought to leaving him and not keeping up the fight? She would never be the one to walk away. Ever again.

“Hi.” Pepper stepped aside to let him pass.

“Bath time?” He smiled at her, eyeing the robe. A delightful tingle ran through her when he spoke. She froze when he reached out and rubbed the robe collar between his fingers. His fingers brushed against her neck. His flesh warm, familiar, and yet so distant, set off a flurry of emotions.

Pepper tried to get her heartbeat back under control. Finally, she gave up. It was no use. When she was around him its frantic beat made her feel breathless and seemed to throb behind her eyes. Him touching the robe only made her fully realize she was naked beneath it. All she needed to do was loosen the belt, shrug her shoulders, and let it slide to the floor. What would he do then if she stood nude before him? Her hand crept up and clutched the collar closed under her neck. She wasn't ready to find out.

“Yes, it's a fabulous bathroom. I love it.”

He sniffed. “Coconut. Your favorite.”

She nodded and smiled. “It is.”

He sniffed again. “Is that baking I smell too?”

Pepper was glad he made small talk. It kept her from completely going crazy. “Yes, I made some scones. Do you want one?”

“No, not right now.” He shook his head. “We can have them later. Are you hungry?”

She furrowed her brows, confused by his reference to later. Pepper nodded. “Actually, yes.”

“Good, then. Go get dressed. I've come to take you to dinner.”

She blinked. That didn't sound like anything bad. It was good. It was an invitation. More than ever she was confused but all she could do was go with the flow and see where it took her. She couldn't help a delighted and relieved laugh from bubbling out.

“Dinner, us?” she blurted. Then she narrowed her eyes and gave him an inquiring look. “What brought this on? What's going on?” She almost asked him if he'd been stood up by his “true love,” but she didn't. Pepper didn't want to risk tainting whatever lay ahead for them.

Tank sighed and turned his attention to the door. “No problem with this new lock?”

“Tank, it's been ages since it was changed; of course it's okay.”

He caught her gaze and she saw regret slide across his face before disappearing. What did that mean? What was he regretting? That she was living here? That he hadn't given her the papers sooner? What? Butterflies exploded in her belly. This emotional roller-coaster ride was killing her.

He lifted his nose. “Damn, those scones smell good, though.”

Pepper almost shouted at him to just say it! Instead she asked, “You sure I can't tempt you with one while I get dressed?”

“Sure, what the hell.” He smiled and the dimple in his cheek winked at her.

She led him to the kitchen, utterly aware he followed close behind. If she stopped, would he brush up against her? Fold her in his arms? Pepper kept walking into the kitchen. She pushed the platter toward him when he leaned on the counter.

“Raspberry white chocolate.” Her voice cracked a little and she cleared it. She was becoming too much of a hot mess around him these days.

He picked one and bit into it. She watched him lick his lips and forgot all about going to get dressed. She wondered what his lips would taste like with the delicious mixture of raspberries, white chocolate, and…him. She salivated and swallowed.

He nodded. “These are great. Maybe they should be put on the menu.”

“I hadn't thought about it.” She shrugged, making an effort to get a grip on her runaway thoughts. “Sure, if Chef agrees.”

Tank smiled again and her heart melted into gooey sweetness just like the white chocolate in the scones. Oh, God, she had it worse for him now than when she'd first laid eyes on him as a teenage girl. She watched him devour the scone, delighted with his obvious pleasure. She waited until he finished before asking him something else that had been on her mind.

“Remember how you used to receive threats when you were fighting? What if it is happening all over again?”

He looked at her intently and nodded. “What makes you ask? Has something happened?”

“No, not really, but that's just the thing. We never found out who was doing it before.”

Tank didn't say anything, then he shook his head.

“I doubt it. I've been out of fighting for too long.”

She didn't look away from him, and the urgency to have him believe her was suffocating. “I'm just saying…you're back in the public eye again, with Octagon.” Pepper waved her hand, indicating the building. “Do freaks ever really go away?”

He looked thoughtful and she wondered if he was hiding something. “I suppose it's a possibility.”

She hoped she'd planted a seed and he'd give it some thought. It had been scary back then and she didn't want him to have to go through it again. Pepper wandered over to the window and ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing it out so it could dry a little quicker. She looked down at the street. It was busy with traffic. She almost missed the guy standing in the doorway across the street. He didn't really look out of place and quite easily could be trying to get out of the blast of icy wind, but something made her do a double take.

“Look, see how easy it would be for someone to be watching you?” She pointed out the window. “Like that guy.”

Tank came up behind her. The heat of his body warmed her back and Pepper leaned against him. The hell if he didn't like it. He was too close for her to ignore. Tank drew in a breath and she smiled, happy he didn't step away.

They watched the person in the doorway below. He seemed harmless until he turned and looked up, directly at them.

“Fuck me,” Tank blurted when the guy raised his hand and pointed at them, his thumb and forefinger pointed like a gun.

“Oh!” Pepper squeaked in alarm.

Tank pulled her from the window and sprinted for the door. “Stay here, get away from the window, and lock the door.”

“Tank! What are you doing?” She chased after him. “Don't be stupid.” She grabbed his arm, trying to stop him. “Don't go; we'll call the police. You could get hurt.”