After the Sky Fell Down (55 page)

“Do you maybe wanna come over for dinner tonight?” she asked nervously a few moments later.

He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers as if he were in pain.

“I can’t,” he said simply and she paused, her heart stinging from his words.  There really was no hope anymore.  On top of everything else she’d lost, she’d lost Luke too.

“Okay, yeah, that’s fine,” she stuttered and began picking up the blocks quickly, wanting to leave after Luke’s rejection. “C’mon Sarah!  Time to go!” Kathryn called and a moment later, her daughter came toddling out of the kitchen, carrying a handful of colored papers.  Sharon followed a few steps behind.  Kathryn helped Sarah get her coat on and then scooped her up in her arms.

“Thanks for watching Sarah today,” Kathryn said, anxious to leave
the tension behind.

“Anytime,” Sharon said and then looked suspiciously over to Luke, who just headed towards the stairs.

Kathryn opened the door and she and Sarah headed home alone.

Chapter 56

Sarah was asleep and Kathryn settled in for a night of studying.  Finals were coming up and with all the distractions of the past few weeks, she was behind on preparing for her exams.  Her biology book was spread out on the coffee table and she sat Indian style
in her comfortable flannel pajama bottoms and long sleeved t-shirt.  She pushed her hair behind her ear as her eyes scanned the textbook while she held a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream.  As she took a bite, she was reminded of the night Luke had come over after his graduation.  She smiled at the memory, wishing for that relationship again.  She shook her head though, trying to rid the delusions from her mind.  It was over between them.  Ben was gone.  Jace was gone and even Luke was gone.  She looked around the empty apartment and had never felt so alone.  She swallowed hard, refusing to let the tears stinging the backs of her eyes escape.  She’d done enough crying already for a lifetime.  She would be okay.  Sarah would be okay. She took another bite of ice cream and set the bowl down and focused.

Somehow she’d managed to keep her thoughts on biology and away from her issues.  The ice cream had long melted and was now just a soupy puddle left over in the bowl.  There was a knock on the door, causing Kathryn’s heart to jump.  She stood up and walked to the door.  Looking through the peephole, she saw Luke on the other side, causing her heart to jump for another reason.  His hands were tucked in his pockets and he was looking around nervously.  She opened the door and their eyes met. 

“Hey,” he said with a hint of a smile that vanished almost immediately. 

“Luke,” she said, liking the feel of his name on her lips. 

“I know it’s a little late, but is that dinner invite still good?” he asked nervously.

“Of course,” she smiled, opening the door wider and he walked inside.

He stared over to her pile of books.

“Studying, huh?”

“Yeah.  I’m a little behind.  I’ve been distracted lately,” she said and he nodded, knowing exactly what she meant.

She walked over and piled everything into the corner of the table.  Luke followed her and sat down on the couch.

“I didn’t really have dinner,” she said gesturing towards the melted ice cream.

“Still stuck on the mint chocolate chip?”

“Of course,” she said trying to laugh, but she couldn’t get past the tension between them.  It used to be so easy with Luke.  Being in the same room as him was as instinctive as breathing and now she felt choked by his presence and how much she missed him.  “Let me make you something.”

“That’s alright,” he said.

“No, I want to.  I invited you over.”

“I declined though if you remember.”

“But you’re here now,” she said hesitantly resting her hand on his knee, expecting him to jump back, but he didn’t.  Their eyes met and she smiled at him before standing up and heading to the kitchen.  She heard him follow.

She began looking through the cupboards while Luke sat on one of the stools at the counter.

“What happened to Sarah’s highchair?” Luke asked, noticing the unbalanced tray as Kathryn pulled a box of macaroni out.

Kathryn sighed and stared over at the highchair she’d been trying to fix for a week.

“I don’t know.  I was sliding the tray on one day and it just slipped off.  It won’t latch or something.  It’s been driving me crazy, but I can’t seem to fix it.”

“Let me take a look,” he said rising from the stool and checking it out. “Here’s the problem,” he said.

“What?” she asked curiously, walking over to him.

“See this screw?” he asked and she looked under the tray at the bent metal.  She hadn’t realized how good he smelled, but being this close to him, she couldn’t help but notice. “It came loose and is getting in the way of the tray.  It’s an easy fix,” he said as they both straightened and their eyes met again.  She felt her heartbeat quicken and her breathing pick up.  She couldn’t tear her gaze from the intense hazelness of Luke’s eyes.  He stared back, but then suddenly turned away, heading to the closet he kept the tool box in.  Kathryn quickly returned to the kitchen and began rummaging through the fridge for the milk and butter she’d need for the macaroni and cheese.  She used the camouflage of the fridge to get herself together.  She took some deep breaths, trying to calm her heartbeat.  Why was she reacting this way to him?

When she’d collected herself, she closed the fridge and began boiling water on the stove before turning to where Luke was leaning down, tightening the screw on the highchair.  She couldn’t stop looking at him.  His loose jeans hung enticingly on his hips and he ran a hand through his hair as he worked, causing a knot to form in her stomach. 

The kettle whistled, jolting her out of her trance and she quickly stirred the macaroni ingredients.  She dished them each a bowl and set them on the counter, where Luke was sitting again.

“The highchair’s fixed,” he said as she slid a bowl to him. 

“Thanks.  I appreciate it.  I forgot how handy it was to have you around,” she lied. The truth was, she hadn’t forgotten.  She’d been reminded every day since he’d left.

“No problem,” he said sprinkling some salt and pepper onto his macaroni and cheese.

“Can I get you a drink?” she asked and he nodded.

“Water’s fine,” he said and she got them each a glass.  She stood across from where he sat at the counter, watching him out of the corner of her eye as discreetly as she could.  She’d never noticed the dimple in his right cheek when he chewed.  She thought it was cute and then cursed herself for having those thoughts about Luke and she set the bowl down on the counter abruptly.

“Excuse me,” she said and walked quickly to her room.  She shut the door behind her and sat down on the bed, burying her face in her hands.  What was going on?  She was already screwed up enough. It was Luke for goodness sakes.  Luke.  She’d told herself over and over she couldn’t have feelings for him.  She couldn’t have feelings for Ben’s brother.  But then her mind drifted to her conversation with Grandma Val, who’d simply asked,
Why not?
  Why couldn’t she have feelings for Luke?  He’d proven himself to be loyal and caring and supportive and her head suddenly jerked up.  She loved him.  The realization hit her like a ton of bricks.  She’d loved him for so long.  She’d loved him when he held her during her darkest times.  She’d loved him when he forced her to start living again.  She’d loved him when he wouldn’t leave her side during Sarah’s birth.  She’d loved everything about him and not because he sometimes reminded her of Ben.  She loved him because of who
he
was, because of how
he
made her feel, because who
he’d
proven himself to be.  She loved him deep into her soul and she ached knowing he was only a few rooms away, sitting there, having expressed his feelings for her on countless occasions and she’d done nothing but push him away when he was who she wanted all along. 

Jace had been amazing and he’d been necessary for her recovery.  She never would’ve been okay without Jace.  He’d allowed her to open up again, to realize she could be loved again and that she could care again.  He’d shown her not to be afraid anymore.  She’d needed him, but in
the process, she’d lost Luke.  She’d pushed him away and she was on the verge of losing him forever. 

She stood up, staring quickly into the vanity mirror.  She looked awful in her PJs, but she couldn’t worry about that now.  Instead, she smoothed her hair as best she could and took a deep breath before turning the handle on her bedroom door and walking back to the living room.  Luke was rinsing his bowl in the sink when he turned to look at her, his brow furrowing curiously.

“You okay?” he asked setting the bowl in the sink and drying his hands before walking towards her.

“Yes.  I’m fine,” she said, surprised she could get any words out through the lump in her throat.

“You look flushed,” he observed, but she shook her head, the words not coming this time and the strain between them returned ten-fold.  She wanted to go to him, to talk to him, to tell him how she felt, but she couldn’t move. They stood across the room from each other, staring, until he finally spoke.  “Thanks for dinner.  I don’t know why I came over,” he said in such a low whisper she could barely hear him and he headed towards the door.

Kathryn’s body felt heavy.  She couldn’t move.  She couldn’t talk and she watched as his hand gripped the doorknob and started turning.  He was leaving.  She couldn’t let him leave.  Not again.  But she couldn’t move.  She was afraid she was too late.  What if he rejected her?  She couldn’t bear the thought of him pushing her away and she watched as the door closed behind him.  She stood frozen, until she felt a push from deep inside, urging her to go after him, and she ran towards the door, flinging it open and stepping outside into the cold air.  Luke was already half way to his truck.

“Wait!” she finally managed to shout and he stopped, turning to face her. “No, don’t go!” she exclaimed as a tear fell down her cheek. “No.  I can’t let you leave again!”  She rushed towards him and grabbed his hand clenching it tightly with hers.  “I need you Luke and I can’t let you go.  Not again.  I need you,” she said reaching up and caressing his cheeks with her hands almost frantically, then running a hand through his thick hair, trying to absorb every part of him, as he continued to stare down at her in the moonlight, obviously confused. “I’ve been so stupid.  You’ve been here right in front of my face all along and I just kept pushing you away.  Every time you tried to get closer, I just pushed you further and further away.”  Her hands were resting on his chest now and he reached up and dried her eyes.

“What are you saying Kathryn?” he asked, his hazel eyes piercing hers nervously.

“What I’m saying,” she said and took a deep breath before continuing. “What I’m saying is that I love you Luke. I’m
in
love with you.  I have been. I just wouldn’t allow myself to accept it.  It’s been you for so long.  How could I have been so blind?  How could I not realize how I felt?  How could I…” but she didn’t get to finish her thought as Luke cupped her face in his hands and began kissing her eagerly, as if she might disappear if he stopped.  She kissed him back with equal fervor, clutching him tightly as he began kissing every inch of her face.  This kiss was unlike any of the others they’d shared.  It was the culmination of everything they’d been through together, a sealing of a promise they’d made to each other that day in the church when they’d promised to always be there for each other.  It was two years of heartache and happiness all rolled into one and Kathryn never wanted to stop.

“Do you mean it?” he asked breathlessly a moment later, pulling back, still cupping her face as he stared hard into her eyes.

“Yes.  I meant every word I said.  I’m in love with you Luke.  I don’t want you to leave again.  I don’t want you to ever leave,” she said matching his intense gaze.

“But Jace and everything you’ve said…” he started, but she interrupted.

“I was stupid and confused and scared and I didn’t want to admit how you made me feel.  I don’t know why, but I see it now and I’m sorry for hurting you all this time.  It’s been you all along,” she cried as the tears fell. 

He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her, shielding her from the cold air as she soaked his sweater, just as she had at the hospital the night Ben died and at the funeral service after he’d rescued her and just like the nights he’d been there when she’d needed him most, when she had no one else in the world.  And for the first time as he held her, she didn’t think of Ben.  She didn’t compare him to Ben.  She saw Luke for who he was and what he had been to her.  He was her best friend, her rock, and she never wanted to let him go.  This is where she belonged, there was no question anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed again into his chest. “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.”

He kissed the top of her head and then held her at arm’s length. 

“The last couple of years have been a struggle for everyone.  Sometimes I didn’t know which way was up, but we’ve proven it’ll be okay, that we’ll be okay.  You don’t need to apologize for anything.  I pressured you and I was an ass sometimes and I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t stand being away from you Kate.  I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone,” he said tenderly, gently brushing her lips with his and she trembled at his kiss.