Authors: Masha Leyfer
“Hi.”
“Molly,” Mike says, and to my surprise, envelops me in a bone crushing hug. After a moment of hesitation, I wrap my arms around his neck and let his height lift me off the ground.
“Christ, Molly, I was so worried.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize, please.” He lets me go. “I...I’m so sorry. And thank you so much for what you did, I-”
“Don’t mention it.”
“No, I can’t not...You saved multiple lives yesterday. I let my past catch up to me, and it never should have been you who was dealing with my problems. And you were absolutely right. About everything. I never should have kept secrets. I lied, and-”
“I know whose name was on the slip,” I blurt out. Mike goes white.
“Oh.”
“Mike.”
“Yes.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes.”
“Were you...Were you really going to kill me?”
“Molly…” He steps towards me. I step back and curl into myself. “I’m so sorry, my God, I’m so sorry.”
“Were you?” I repeat more forcefully.
“No, of course not. I could neve
r
–
I’m so sorry, I...Molly.” I swallow tears of relief and disbelief.
“Are you lying, Mike?” I say quietly.
“Molly. I would rather die myself than see you dead. You just...You have to believe me on that.”
I stare into Mike’s eyes for a long time and see all the pain and hope and apology in them and I can’t help but swallow more tears.
“Thank you, Mike” I ay, and press myself to him in a hug. Mike lets out a shuddering breath and I wonder how I ever doubted him.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. Mike doesn’t respond, only takes in one more shuddering gulp of air while I let out one of relief.
He wasn’t going to kill me.
He was never going to kill me.
I’m safe. I’m safe. It’s alright.
I was so afraid that I was going to have to run away again. I was so afraid that the place I had called home would push me out again. I was afraid that I would never find a place where I was safe.
But I did. I made it. It’s alright.
“Mike?”
“Hm?”
“What did Augustus tell you? Why did you agree?”
Mike breathes in deeply before responding.
“My father. Augustus has my father.”
CHAPTER 26
“He...What?”
“I-I couldn’t believe it at first, but Augustus knew too much, and...Well. He’s alive. Dad’s alive.”
“Did you tel
l
–
”
“I haven’t told anyone yet. I suppose I have to tell Nathan now, since we’re going to be getting him back.”
“So what happens now? Are they...I mean, are you going to meet him?”
“I guess so.”
“That’s amazing Mike.”
“Yeah, it is.”
I wring my hands, noticing that Mike still looks unnaturally pale.
“Mike? What’s wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re getting your father back. Aren’t you happy?”
“Of course. Of course. But...I don’t know. It’s been a very long time. It’s been fourteen years. That’s...that’s an entire lifetime.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s been too long. We’re all different people now. We’ve all changed, perhaps too much. Last time he saw us, we were children. Look at us now. We’re practically mercenaries. My father had many, many secrets. Even if...Even if nothing had changed, he still wouldn’t be the man I remember. I remembered him as a father, but he was more than that. He was a father second and a government agent first, and now that I’m old enough to understand that, it…” Mike swallows and takes a deep gulp of air. “And he’s been absent from our lives for fourteen years. That’s too much time to heal. Last time we saw each other, the world was different. My father was the only member of my family untouched by that tragedy, and now…” he sticks his fingers in his belt and bites his lip. “What are we even going to do with him?” Mike says quietly. “He probably thinks mum’s still alive. Too much has changed. I don’t want to mix the before and the after.”
“It’ll be alright, Mike. It’ll all work out.”
“I hope so,” he sighs and bites his lip again. “I wanted a proper family for so long, but I have it already. With the Rebellion. Now that my father will be with us, it’ll...What if he wants to connect with us? With me and Nathan, I mean? What if he doesn’t? I just...What will he think of us? I don’t think we grew up to be the people he had hoped for.”
“Don’t say that, Mike. I’m sure he’ll be very proud.”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I’ll go and pick him up, of course, with Nathan, if he wants to come. I can’t push away my own father.”
“You know, maybe it’s an omen that we’re succeeding.”
“In what way?”
“Your father’s a piece of the old and he’s come back. It’s like when birds come back after winter. It means that this is finally over and the old is returning, just like it’s meant to. Spring is coming back.”
Mike sighs.
“Maybe. But here’s the catch: who’s to say that then is better than now? we’ve been taught to think that Spring is better than winter, but what if it’s not? What if, in hating the Winter and loving the Spring, we’ve overlooked too much? What if we’re just puppets, trained to think in one way and that’s what really makes the Winter terrible? Maybe we just need to open our eyes and see the beauty of the Winter.”
“When does Winter end?” I ask.
“Huh?”
“In your opinion, when does Winter end?”
“I don’t know, March first.”
“Does it? We have snow on the ground almost up to June.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is, maybe we shouldn’t focus so much on what the difference is between Winter and Spring. They aren’t black and white, they’re a continuity of each other. Without one, we wouldn’t have the next. My point is, maybe Winter and Spring aren’t meant to be separate.”
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
The next day, Mike and Nathan leave to pick up their father. By this time, everybody knows the cause of their leave. We stay in the camp, buzzing with anticipation. Nobody except for Big Sal has ever met him and not only is he part of the fabled Kerman Couple, he is also the resurrected father of two of our members. None of us train, in case we miss his return. We sit in the clearing, fiddling around. I chat with Smaller Sally.
“Mike’s nervous,” she says.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Have you talked to Nathan about it?”
“Yeah. A little. He’s not as nervous as Mike. He’s more excited. He says that he has a lot to say, but he’s not sure how to say it.”
“Yeah. It’s been a long time. Last time they saw each other, Nathan was six and Mike was ten.”
“I want to meet him too. Mike and Nathan are very different, I wonder what he’s like. And where he’s been all this time.”
“Yeah,” she sighs. “I hope to God nothing goes wrong.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t even know. Anything. Let’s not invoke the devil. I hope it all goes well and I hope it’s for the better.”
“Me too. Me too.”
Big Sal makes an extra fancy dinner, exhausting almost half of our supplies. She sends Desmond off to hunt and Rebekah to collect mushrooms. Meanwhile, she begins frying potatoes with greens and eggs. Rebekah returns in about half an hour with a basketful of mushrooms. Desmond comes back in several hours with a large deer slung over his shoulder. I remember how the last time we went hunting, Desmond didn’t shoot the doe for a reason I almost understood. I wonder if it’s the same deer whose life he had spared.
Big Sal skillfully skins the deer and chops the meat off of its bones. I look away. It creeps me out.
Mike had said that he and Nathan would return in seven hours. It’s beginning to approach that time. Big Sal puts the final spices into her creations and begins taking them off of the fire. We wait for the now-expanded Kerman family to return.
“I got so used to there being two of them,” Emily tells me. “It’s so strange that there’s three now.”
“Yeah. It is strange. Everything about this is strange.”
The entire Rebellion sits around the fire. We face the forest and waits. Finally, we hear the hum of the snowmobiles. We all stand up and I can feel the air exploding with anticipation. We watch in silence as first Mike’s snowmobile rounds the corner and then Nathan’s. But Nathan is not alone. Behind him sits a middle-aged man who bears a striking resemblance to Mike. We all watch in silence as they drive up to the shed and put their snowmobiles back. Nathan helps his father off the snowmobile and the three Kermans walk up to us.
Everybody stands in stunned silence. Nobody is sure what to say. Usually, we would at least cheer at their return, but what are we supposed to do now when a fact that we’ve taken for law for as long as we’ve been in the Rebellion has been challenged? There is no proper way to respond so we all stand, wringing our hands, waiting for somebody else to say something. Finally, Big Sal steps forward.
“Max Kerman, sir,” she says, extending her hand. “Good to see you again.” I notice how tense and formal is and I wonder if she has the same reservations as Mike.
“Sally, is that you?” he says, shaking her hand. I realize how unnatural the name sounds when applied to her.
“I’m called Big Sal now.”
“Big Sal, huh?”
“Mhhm.”
“So,” he says, letting go of her hand and sweeping the rest of us with a broad glance. “This is the Rebellion I’ve heard so much about.” I suddenly feel pressured to impress him, even though he’s a weak old man shorter than both of his children. I’m not sure whether to make myself smaller or to stand higher and prouder.
Several people nod hesitantly. Mr. Kerman nods in response with an expression of an unidentifiable emotion crossing his face. My instinct of flight wins and I shrink farther back into the crowd, curling up my shoulders.
“Anyway,” Big Sal says with a tinge of nervousness, “I made dinner. You three must be starving. Let’s eat in celebration of the safe return of the Kerman family.”
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
After dinner, we find an extra tent for the Kerman father and set it up in the circle on the circumference of the camp. His tent seems out of place and our camp suddenly seems much more crowded than it did before. Mr. Kerman doesn’t say much or do much except for look around at various members of the Rebellion, occasionally giving them long, cold stares. It’s creepy. It makes me uneasy.
After Mr. Kerman disappears into his tent, I notice Nathan standing around awkwardly at the side of the camp.
“Hey,” I say. “Oak tree?”
“Yeah. We have a lot to discuss.”
“Yeah,” I laugh nervously. “It’s been quite a night.”
We walk towards the oak tree in silence. I intertwine my hand with Nathan’s. I sense that he needs extra strength. My suspicion is confirmed by the shaking of his fingers and how tightly he grips my hand to hide it. We sit under the oak tree and Nathan sighs.
“It’s just…” he begins, but cuts off before he can finish.
“I know,” I say and squeeze his hand. He smiles and squeezes it back.
“It’s not what I was expecting.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not even sure what to say. He’s not at all like I remember him. He’s a completely different person. We’re completely different people. There’s too big of a rift between us. He still wants to go back to the way things used to be, but how can we? We’ve been alone for too long for that to be possible. I mean, he still thinks of us as his sons, but I don’t think of him as my father anymore.”