Marie said goodbye in
no more than a whisper and I walked out of the kitchen with a frown
that showed exactly how I was feeling.
“Marie, I was just
kidding.”
“It’s not that.”
I heard the fading
voices from behind me.
I shut Marie’s front
door behind me, hoping Marie would come lock it after I left. As if I
didn’t have enough to think over, I now had Marie to figure out.
Marie’s family obviously has a strong connection to voodoo. How
does one become a voodoo priestess? Are they born into it?
Passed
on from generation to generation?
And where was I going to get
that information from? I told Hayden everything but I didn’t know
if I would feel right about telling him this. I didn’t tell her
about him. Once again, it wasn’t my secret to tell.
This was the start of
my long drive back to the house where the events of what had just
happened with Marie loomed and the nervousness of the pending
confrontation with Luke awaited.
The only thing I
remained hopeful for was that Hayden’s parents had been there for
hours and probably had already talked some sense into Luke. That, or
he had never come back from wherever he went.
I didn’t realize how
nervous I had become until I arrived home and stepped out of the car.
That’s when all the blood that had been pumping through me rushed
from my head. I didn’t notice the extra car in the driveway or the
noises coming from inside. I expected to see what I had seen the
first time I met Hayden’s parents: Christopher’s calm, welcoming
presence and Elizabeth’s warm, caring smile. It was only once I
hesitated at the front door that I realized there was arguing going
on inside. Four distinct voices; Luke was home.
“I just came to get
my things, and then I’ll be outta here.” I heard Luke in the
living room as I clicked the door shut quietly behind me.
“Luke, sit down this
instant.”
If they had sensed I
was there, they didn’t give it away. Either that, or they were too
emotionally involved in the argument with Luke.
I heard Luke pace a few
steps towards where I was by the stairs and stop. “Why so you can
lecture me about doing the right thing again? You’re not my
mother.”
My heart leaped for
Elizabeth. She had raised Luke like her own and I know how much it
must have hurt her for him to say this. Even more, I felt sorry for
Luke. Clearly this was his defense mechanism and losing his parents
was not a wound that was closed.
“No, Luke. We won’t
lecture you anymore. You know exactly what you’re doing and what
you’re capable of. We don’t need to lecture you anymore for you
to realize that you are good. We don’t kill innocent people.”
“
We?
What if
that’s who I am? You know what they say, the apple doesn’t fall
far from the tree! What if my father wasn’t innocent? What if you
have been cursed for eternity to save a guilty man?”
I heard Elizabeth gasp
and Luke stormed past me up the stairs to his room. I stood frozen
while I comprehended the words Luke just spoke. The whole reason they
were Hunters was because of Luke’s father. He had been accused of
murder and was sentenced to be hanged in 1833. Christopher had made a
deal with the Queen of Voodoo, Marie Laveau, to save Claude’s life.
In turn, they had vowed their eternal service to the underworld and
thus began the curse. To say that Claude wasn’t innocent, that he
really did commit murder, was to say that Christopher cursed his
family for generations and sentenced himself to immortality to save a
guilty man. And Luke thought that he was the son of a murderer, and
therefore evil himself. The Luke I knew was not evil, the Luke I knew
had even believed in me and had helped save my life on more than one
occasion. He had even saved the life of an innocent jogger. He
laughed with me, comforted me. If he gave up hope in himself, where
would his restraint be? Would he become like the Vasquez, who killed
the innocent where they saw fit? I could never let him go there!
At that last thought I
ran up the stairs after him. Christopher and Elizabeth might have
said something to me but I didn’t hear them; my face was twisted in
thought and worry as I felt my way through the dark hall to Luke’s
room.
“What are you doing?”
Luke asked while I was contemplating knocking. I pushed the door open
guessing that was as good a welcome as any.
“I…I want to talk
to you.” I walked slowly into the warm room.
He scoffed, “Yeah,
well, get in line.”
He was sorting through
a few things on his desk, and then went to the closet.
“I’m not going to
tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.”
“Oh really?” He
cocked one eyebrow at me from the closet.
I wrung my hands
together. “Okay, maybe I lied. Maybe I will.”
A smile crept on his
face briefly before he turned back to his search.
I licked my lips not
really sure where I was going with this. “I’m not really sure
where I’m going with this.” Honesty was best, I guessed.
He scoffed again from
the closet.
“I know what you were
trying to do down there. Do you hurt those that care about you to
push them away?”
“Have I hurt you,
Ana? Oh that’s right- you don’t care about me.”
“Stop it, Luke. You
know I care about you. I care about you a lot. I wouldn’t be here
if I didn’t. You’re not fooling anyone with that little charade
you did downstairs. No one believes that.”
Luke came out of the
closet with a small box. “No one believes that? Really? I saw the
look on Christopher’s face before he could hide it.”
I shook my head. “It
doesn’t matter what you are or who you were or what your father
was. I know
you
, Luke. And I like you. I like all of who you
are. I like how you make me laugh, I like how you show you care in
ways that only you can do, I even like when you break the rules and
sometimes even your bad attitude. The good, the bad, I like you.”
Luke’s head dropped
and he exhaled as he paused his packing.
“But that you, whom
I’ve come to know and like, is not evil. Could never be evil, no
matter what you’ve done and no matter who your father might be. I
don’t care about all that, can’t you get that through your thick
skull?” I let out in a half-sob, half-laugh.
“Love.”
“What?” I froze.
“You didn’t say
that you love me.”
I felt my throat start
to tighten. “I…What?”
“You said ‘like.’
What about ‘love?' I need you to love me.”
“Of course, we all
love you Luke.”
Why did my heart flutter?
He brought his clenched
fists to his side. “Dammit, you know that’s not what I meant.
Tell me that you’re in love with me.”
“Luke, stop.”
“Tell me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t?” He
mocked. “Then what the hell am I doing here? What the hell is the
point in doing good, if I can’t have you to spend the rest of my
life with?”
“But—“
“Forget it, Ana. Just
tell me, then, that there is no hope and I will leave you alone.”
Silence was thick as I
tried to drag a coherent thought from my brain.
“For someone who
talks a lot, you’re sure quiet now. All you have to do is tell me
that there is no hope that we will ever be together and I will be out
of your life. I’ll stop trying to ‘woo’ you or whatever the
hell you said I was doing.”
“I can’t,” I
breathed.
“You can’t?” He
asked with wrathful incredulity. “It’s easy. If you can’t even
tell me there is no hope, then there must be a part of you that wants
to be with me.”
“Just stop it, Luke.”
I lowered my head in shame. Did my faults have to be exposed to
everyone?
Luke came over to me
and grabbed my arms, forcing me to look up at him. His beautiful
hazel eyes pleaded with a passion I’ve never seen before. “I
swear if you choose me, I won’t kill anyone ever again. I won’t
go to the dance. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Is that an
ultimatum?” My voice rose and I came out of what seemed like a
spell he had put on me. “The only reason you’ll save my innocent
uncle’s life is if I’ll be your girlfriend?
Never!
There’s
your answer.”
He easily dropped his
hands as I pushed them away. He held a lethally intimidating smile as
he shook his head. “It’s too late, Ana. You’ve given me hope. I
will never stop trying. You will love me if it’s the last thing I
do.” He picked up the bag on his bed and slung it over his
shoulders. He leaned towards me as he headed for the door. “I’ll
see you at the ball.” He gave my forehead a slow, sensuous kiss
before I pulled away in disgust. Finally, my senses were working
again.
“You’re insane!”
I heard his laugh make
its way down the stairs and I stood alone in his bedroom.
This was beyond
repairable. Why hadn’t I told him the truth? That I loved Hayden
and there was no hope that I would ever be with him. Especially not
now. His declaration that he would never kill another soul again if I
loved him and his ultimatum that he would spare my uncle’s life:
that was so sinister. So evil. Shouldn’t someone want to do good
for the sake of doing good? I felt trapped. I was mentally kicking
myself for not telling him right away that there was no hope but
another part of me regretted not just agreeing to be with him to save
Christian’s life. Now,
I
was insane. I felt so guilty for
even thinking that and didn’t know how I could possibly face Hayden
at this point. I managed to talk myself down enough to leave Luke’s
room. How could I think when I was surrounded by reminders of him? I
sank into the darkened hallway wall and thought about what was wrong
with me. Why was I twisted enough to consider taking Luke’s
ultimatum? The fact was, I couldn’t be trusted with my emotions
right now.
“I know what you’re
thinking.”
I stopped in the
hallway. “You do?” I sniffed and still couldn’t bring myself to
face Hayden.
“You can stop beating
yourself up.”
“Why shouldn’t I
be?”
Hayden sighed and I
forced myself not to run to him and bury my face in his chest.
“It was wrong of Luke
to use something you care about to try to get to you but it’s even
more wrong for you to beat yourself up over not considering it.”
Of course everyone had
heard our conversation. I groaned internally.
“I’m
not
regretting denying his offer. I can’t believe he even said that.”
I told myself savagely.
“You care about your
Uncle. It’s only natural you would want to do anything to try to
save him.”
“Hayden, I…” I
turned into him and he hushed me as he wrapped his arms around me. My
heart ached and I wished my choices were simpler. Why couldn’t I
just love Hayden and that be enough? Why did I have to think of the
future? Or the implications? Most of all, why did Hayden make it so
easy to love when I made it so difficult. He had heard my entire
conversation with Luke, my hesitance in denying him, and yet he saw
me no differently. How could someone be so good and someone so evil?
There were good people and there were evil people. I’d seen both in
Luke. Was there a line, did those lines ever cross? How did you know
which one was right? What were these feelings? What was love? Did I
even know what that was anymore? Did I even know who
I
was
anymore? I felt like locking myself in my room, indulging in my
self-pity, but Hayden’s hold on me tightened and a new wave a
feelings came over me. I lifted my chin up and we walked downstairs
to meet his parents.
Throwing myself into
school work was something I did to forget about things and the
choices I would have to eventually face. I had planned to apply the
same amount of enthusiasm when I got to work. I was slightly looking
forward to the odd jobs and extra extremities that Zack would make me
take. School was over and Luke was still nowhere to be seen.
Out
of sight - out of mind,
I told myself. Or was it
not
out
of mind? He certainly wasn’t out of my mind.
“Have you seen him
yet today?” I asked Hayden as we walked to the parking lot after
school.
He shook his head,
tight-lipped.
“You don’t think
he’ll come to the ball on Saturday, then, right?”
His silence and the
frown line that indented his brow told me what he was thinking.
I stopped walking. Why
would Luke do this? To prove that I was wrong - that I couldn't
change my dreams? Or to prove that he really was evil, that his
father really was guilty, and that he was truly his father’s son?
“Why would Luke do
this?” I thought out loud. I didn’t give him time to reply. “I
wish I could figure out these stupid dreams. If I knew I couldn’t
change the future, then maybe I could work on accepting it.” I knew
I wouldn’t. “But the fact that I don’t know, it haunts me. And
the thought of if I could but then I fail, well, that haunts me more.
It just seems like everything is coming apart at once. I can’t
even—”
Hayden's soft lips came
crashing down on mine and everything else seemed to float away. In
that brief moment everything seemed right.
“What did you do that
for?” We started walking again as I touched my fingers to my
swollen lips.
“To distract you.”
He turned briefly with a slashing smile.
I smiled back dreamily.
“Well, that worked.” Hayden had spent the past twenty-four hours
listening to my every thought and theory. I had even told him about
my dream at the theatre, wondering if there was a connection there.
It had seemed so long ago since I'd had that dream; trying to figure
out what the dream meant and what Christine had wanted had taken the
back burner to my current crisis. Despite Hayden’s reassurances, he
was right: I needed a distraction.