Afterthoughts (10 page)

Dear Paige
Aldridge,

I am writing to you because
I know what you have been going through. I know about your memories
of the dark room. If you want some answers, please think of me when
you are alone and I will be there.

Junna Breck

“
What the hell is this
about?”
she asked herself as she saw Jay
coming her way. Hurriedly, she stuffed the paper in her desk
drawer. She wasn’t ready to discuss this with anyone.

“
Here you go,” Jay smiled
and handed her the coffee. She tried to return the smile as she
took it from him, but her hands were still shaking.

“
Thanks a bunch. Do you
have any leads that aren’t in the files?”

She tried to divert his attention away
from her hands and the fact that her drawer was partly open with
the pink paper sticking out.

“
No. That’s the problem,
there is nothing but what the chief feels is the obvious,” he
sighed and sat down in the chair across from her desk.

He was worried about her as she looked
very pale and sick again and fought back the urge to hug
her.

“
You don’t feel that way?”
she asked hopefully as she leaned toward her desk to push the
drawer closed further.

“
I’ve not always gone with
you on your hunches, partner, and I don’t want to give you any
false hopes. It is just too obvious.” He took a long drink of his
own coffee and brushed the hair out of his face. His hair had grown
out a lot lately, she noticed. It looked great on him.

“
I just feel there is
something else going on. Someone else involved,” she said. As she
very carefully placed the coffee cup on her desk, she thought about
the letter.

Jay stood and started to
leave but turned around to look at Paige. He half opened his mouth
to speak, then turned back around and walked out. Paige was looking
at her desk drawer, waiting for him to get back to his office. She
opened the drawer and re-read the letter
.
“Think of me when you are alone and I will be there.”
s
he repeated over and over.

He placed the letter back in the
drawer and looked at the file again.

“
There has to be
something, some small clue that we’ve overlooked.”
She thought about the vision she had in the break
room
. “Why can I feel my hands around his
neck? Why did I feel the rope in my hands when I thought about
Richie? Am I thinking too hard about it all? Is everything getting
under my skin too much, making me imagine these things? And who the
heck is Junna Breck and what does she have to do with me? Why am I
remembering that dark room and who is that man?”

Paige’s eyes began to fill
with tears as she stood and hastily ran for the bathroom. After
making sure no one else was in there, she sat down, quickly grabbed
some toilet paper and wept. She cried harder than she had ever
cried. It seemed to her that she cried for a half an hour and
wondered if anyone could hear her sobs from outside. Her head was
whirling and she was beginning to feel ill again. Taking a deep
breath she leaned her head back to try to stop the tears. She felt
a sense of calm envelop her and she could hear a voice,
“You’re okay. Calm down. Breathe. Everything is
fine. Just breathe.”

After a few moments, she walked out of
the stall and to the sink.

“
So much for make-up,” she
sighed as she regretted actually putting some on. She decided to
splash cold water on her face to bring down the swelling around her
eyes. When she felt she was as presentable as she was going to get,
she held up her head, squared her shoulders, and walked back to her
office.

Chapter 15

After her first day back to work,
Paige was exhausted. Deciding to take the Steckler file and the
letter home with her and think about what to do next, she packed
her bag and reached for what was left of a soft drink she had
purchased at lunch, knocking it over. “Damn, you are clumsy!” said
a deep voice from the doorway.

“
David!” Paige ran over
and gave him a hug. “I was beginning to wonder if you would be here
today!”

“
Just got in,” he said as
he kissed her. “How are you holding up?”

“
I’m fine. Great now that
you are here,” she hugged him tightly and kissed him
again.

From the door in his office, Jay
watched David and Paige. He rubbed his eyes with both of his hands
thinking how stupid he was to even think about her. She was
obviously happy with David after all. He turned around and went
back in his office to grab his keys and head out of the door. Paige
saw him pass and could tell that something was wrong. She tried to
walk to him but David stopped her. “What do you want for dinner?
Just name it and it’s yours!” He was beaming. His dark blonde hair
was messier than usual, making Paige wonder if he was using some
new hair gel.

“
Oh, I don’t know. I’ve
not had much of an appetite lately.” She toyed with the files on
her desk, trying to figure out what to take with her, slipping
everything she thought she could possibly look at in her brief
case.

“
You never have my dear,”
he smiled at her and kissed her again.

“
I’ve missed you so
much!”

“
I’ve missed you too!” She
reached up and hugged him before turning back around to pick up
what she had tucked away to take home.

They walked out to David’s Mercedes
and drove to Hennery’s, an extravagant French Restaurant in
Louisville. They made small talk along the way about some of the
sights David had seen and things he had done while he was
away.

“
David, I’m not dressed
for this,” Paige said as she looked down at the sweater she had on
and the khaki pants with coffee stains on the leg, then remembered
that she no longer had on make-up.

“
Don’t worry about that.
No one will notice,” he winked at her.

“
We have so much catching
up to do.” He took her hand and led her through the
door.

Francis, the maitre d’, led them to
David’s usual table. After ordering the wine and dinner as usual,
he then turned to look at Paige. “You haven’t asked me about the
book.”

“
So, how’s the book
doing?” she smiled at him as if she had come up with the question
all by herself. She was beginning to see how she pushed people off.
Not showing an interest, whether or not intentional, is never a
good thing in a relationship. Promising herself that she needed to
think of others first, she turned her attention back on
David.

“
It’s ten on the New York
Times.” His big toothy smile was too bright to overlook from across
the room.

“
Oh David, that’s
wonderful!” Paige tried not to squeal too loudly, glancing over her
shoulders to make sure she hadn’t caused a scene.

Paige was thankful for the dim lights
as everyone looked as if they were enjoying their own meals and
conversation. She felt she was safe from the scene.

“
I hope to break the top
five by next week.” He took her hand and smiled at her.

For some reason, as Paige looked at
him, she didn’t feel quite right.

David didn’t seem the same to her.
This would have been something he would have told her in private so
they could really celebrate together with several bottles of wine.
She shook off the notion. It had been a couple of weeks since they
really spent time together and that was during getting ready for
the auction. Paige squeezed his hand. “I have no doubt.” She
glanced over David’s shoulder to find Ian Messing sitting with what
looked to be a prostitute.

“
Oh God, what is he doing
here?” She turned to look at David instead.

“
Who?” he asked trying not
to look around.

“
That idiot of a man, Ian
Messing, from the orphanage. He’s no doubt wasting the orphanage’s
money on that whore over there.” She tried not to look again as the
waiter poured more wine. The woman he was with had blonde hair in
what appeared to be a bee hive hairdo and had enough make-up on to
rival Cleopatra, even in the dim light.

Paige could not help but laugh at
her.

David chuckled. “Well, whatever floats
his boat,” he finally said as he shrugged his shoulders.

“
That’s just disgusting.
The children need the money more than he needs that whore. From
what I understand, he’s mean and hateful to the children. I doubt
they see a penny of what Sarah has done for them.” She rubbed her
hand across her forehead.

“
Being a little harsh, are
we? That may be his wife.” David finally turned to see the woman
and laughed himself.

“
Oh come on. I would even
give her more credit than to marry that!” Paige found herself
laughing hard for the first time in days.

The rest of dinner went pleasantly as
David told her about Las Vegas and how many autographs he thought
he had signed with his very cramped hands. Paige needed the chance
to think about other things and to relax. It felt good to relax.
Everything is falling into place, safe and secure. She allowed
herself to feel that way for a while. The wine was helping but it
was also making her very sleepy. She had to fight to keep her eyes
open as David rattled on and on about his new fans.

Finally, David took her back to work
to get her car and kissed her goodbye at the car door. He told her
he had to be on a six-thirty flight back to New York in the morning
and wanted to go home and answer a few emails, and study a
presentation he was giving the next day.

After giving him one long last hug,
Paige opened the door of her Honda, hopped in, and started the
engine. Looking back at the station, she noticed that Jay was back
in his office. She shut the engine off and decided to go in and
talk to him, wanting to find out what had been bothering him today.
She hoped that she hadn’t offended him by wanting to pour over the
Steckler files and not being interested in what was going on with
him.

As she climbed out of the car, she
could see someone peering from around the corner. “Who are you?”
she yelled at them. “Why are you following me?” She ran towards the
corner and looked down the alley.

There was no one in sight. “I think
I’m going crazy,” she said as she placed her hand on her forehead
and headed toward the door of the station.

When she walked up to his office door,
she could see nothing but the back of his head as he was staring at
the picture of a golf course he had hanging behind his desk. His
hands were behind his head and he was obviously deep in thought
about something. She noticed he had neatly arranged everything on
his desk. He was always a slob; always had more important things to
do than keep his desk clean, claiming he had a method to his
madness that only he could understand. Paige believed him on that
one.

“
Dreaming of a golf
vacation?” she asked him making him jump.

“
No, just wishing I was
somewhere else,” he smiled at her as he turned around. “What are
you doing back here? David just got back and I figured you two
would be out on some hot date or something.”

He tried to sound cheerful even though
his heart was breaking.

“
He has some things to
take care of before he flies to New York tomorrow. Why are you
here?” She walked around to the side of his desk for a better
look.

“
Nowhere else to be, I
guess,” Jay shrugged and scratched his head.

“
You need to be out
finding a new girlfriend. Get back in the saddle!

Hey, I know a girl,” she
giggled.

“
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m a
little saddle sore right now.” He stood up, pretending to rub his
behind.

“
I’m sorry. That was
really insensitive of me wasn’t it?” Paige walked over and put her
hand on his arm. She felt him pull away. She had never seen him
like this and she was determined to figure out what was going
on.

“
No, it’s okay. I really
don’t want to find someone right now. It’s good to be free!” He sat
back down.

“
Yea, I can tell,” she
said sarcastically, wanting to hug him. He had been there so much
for her lately. She smiled down at him, trying to get him to smile
but he didn’t budge.

“
What is it,
Jay?”

“
Nothing, I’m fine,” he
said as he stood again and walked away from her. She
followed.

“
Come here,” she cooed and
pulled him to her and hugged him tightly. She could feel him loosen
up and hug her back. Realizing she had made some small progress,
she added, “You can talk to me you know. We’re partners
right?”

He fought the urge to kiss her. He
wanted to feel her pressed against him and stroke her hair. But,
instead, he pushed her away. “I’m okay. Really. I’m just tired and
maybe feeling a little sorry for myself.”

Paige could see him tense up again.
She didn’t stop him from grabbing her holding and her tighter. She
wanted him to tell her more of what was bothering him. She wanted
to be there for him even if he just needed to be held. He held on
to her as if his life depended on it.