Afterthoughts (12 page)

Paige opened her eyes to see Jay
walking hurriedly by her office and into his.

“
Did I just hear him?” she
asked herself, shaking off the crazy thought. She wondered if she
should go talk to him. He didn’t seem to acknowledge her as he
passed. She figured he probably had a lot on his mind this morning
and really wasn’t avoiding her. At least she hoped not. Had she
done something to him lately to upset him or make him not want to
be around her? She knew something was wrong and she remembered
Junna mentioning how she could feel something was wrong with
someone but not know what it was. That was supposed to be another
level of consciousness. She decided to go talk to him, feeling
confident in knowing that something was wrong.

When she entered his office, he was
opening the newspaper across his desk. “Hey partner,” he shot a
smile at her.

“
Good morning. Did you
sleep well?”

“
No, but I never do. How
are you?”

The conversation appeared to Paige to
be going too much like they were two people that were merely
acquaintances. “I slept like a baby,” she responded. “Tell me Jay,
have I done something wrong? You don’t seem the same to
me.”

“
No, no. I’m just under a
lot of stress I guess. I’m sorry. Have you found any missed leads?”
He was changing the subject and Paige could see right through
him.

“
No,” she lied. “Nothing
new.” Junna may not be a lead and she dared not tell him anything
about her. “I guess I’ll get back to it.”

She turned and walked back to her
office wondering what it could be that she had done to make him
avoid her. Had she pestered him too much to talk? Was he taking his
breakup harder than he was willing to admit? Maybe he was just
under too much stress, knowing she had put a lot on him
lately.

Jay just sighed. He knew he wasn’t
handling things very well and decided to ask her to lunch later. If
they were to be friends, he would have to treat her like one and
stop being stand-offish. He wanted to kick himself for not talking
to her more and seeing how she was truly feeling. After all, he
wanted to ask her if she had any more dreams.

This would all have to wait for lunch,
he decided.

As he sat down at his desk, he
pretended to read the newspaper.

All of his thoughts were focused on
Paige. He could still feel his arms around her, the smell of her
hair, and the sound of her voice. All of these things drove him
crazy. So many emotions and feelings bounced around in him that his
stomach felt weak and his head was spinning.

“
Oh, what I wouldn’t give
for a drink right now,” he whispered to himself as he lightly
banged his forehead on his desk.

Chapter 18

The man was furious. He stormed around
the dark room, knocking over everything he could reach along the
way. How could she do this to him? How could she learn so quickly
to block him out?

He stormed over to the window to peer
out through the cracks between the boards. There has to be a way to
get back in complete control. He had her relaxed and dreaming. He
was setting her mind at peace. She would soon forget all that had
happened over the last few months and go on with life so that he
could finish his plan. How could he accomplish this? Would he have
to bring her back here?

He walked back across the room and
started picking up his mess.

He would have to get things ready just
in case he needed to bring her back here. How would he handle it if
he did? He would have to retrain her. He would have to find ways to
get her to stay under his control; to keep her from remembering.
But how? Her fear of him kept her pliable, ready, controllable. He
picked the rope up and placed it in the seat of the chair. He
picked up a blanket and laid it on the seat as well.

He then walked over to the mattress
and rubbed his hand across the blood stains. He would have to think
of new adventures for the two of them to share. New ways to prove
he had control. How could he influence those around her?

He sat down on the mattress to
concentrate. As he did, he wrung his hands around his wrists to
feel the pain. He had to clear his mind.

He had to find those around her. He
had to.

Chapter 19

Paige woke with a jolt. “NO!” she
screamed. Jay ran from his office to hers.

“
Are you okay?” he said as
he grabbed her.

“
What happened?” she
asked. “Did I fall asleep?”

“
It looks like it. I can
see the drool on your sleeve,” he chuckled at her.

Embarrassed, Paige glanced down at her
arm and then wiped off her cheek. “I was dreaming. It was only a
dream,” she breathed deeply, trying to relax.

“
What was it, Paige?” he
knelt beside her and pulled her closer to him.

Paige let out another deep breath. “I
was dreaming of being back in the dark room. Looking at the window
I saw when I fainted at Aileen’s,” her lips trembling as she spoke,
feeling the chill rush up her spine. Jay wanted to kiss them to
make them stop, but refrained and resigned himself to just holding
her.

“
You are remembering,
aren’t you?” he asked her as she welcomed his arms around her. She
could only nod and let herself be held for a few moments, feeling
his arms around her. Thinking about how safe he made her feel, she
wondered why she couldn’t trust him enough to tell him everything.
She wanted to but felt it was safer to keep it all inside, at least
for now. If she was going to struggle with her own sanity, she
didn’t need to drag anyone else along with her.

“
Come on Paige, let’s get
out of here and go where we can talk.” As he took her arm, he laid
the newspaper he still had in his hand on the desk. Paige looked at
the picture of David and the blonde woman.

“
I guess you are thinking
the same thing I did when I first saw it,” she pointed at the
blonde. She wasn’t sure if she wanted his reply.

“
It doesn’t necessarily
mean anything, Paige. It could just be a fan.”

Jay secretly hoped that was not the
case then felt incredibly guilty for it.

“
Does it really look like
just a fan to you? Why would she be hiding her face if it was just
a fan?” Tears started to swell in her eyes.

He rubbed her arm and led her out of
the office and to his car. The sun was shining brightly, but the
temperature was very chilly. Fall had its full grip on the weather
today and it chilled Paige to the bone.

After stopping at a drive thru to pick
up a couple of burgers, Jay drove to a nearby park to eat at a
picnic table near the Ohio River.

Even though the weather was cold,
Paige thought it was a good idea.

Maybe the cool air would help clear
her mind and help her figure out what was going on.

“
Okay, are you going to
come clean with me or not?” he asked her just as she took a big
mouthful of cheeseburger.

Paige held up one finger
and chewed. The mouthful at least gave her a moment to think about
what he had just asked her.
“What the
heck,”
she thought to herself.

They talked again about the visions
she had been seeing of the dark room. She finally told him about
the dream of being tied to a chair and the man that was there.
Reluctantly, she told him about the man she kept seeing that seemed
to be following her. Everything spilled from her like a waterfall
with the exception of one thing. She still didn’t tell him about
Junna. It all still seemed to be a bit farfetched for even her to
believe. Not ready to share that yet, she decided that she needed
to think about it some more. Paige felt the need to figure out what
she was going to do with what Junna had told her and whether or not
she believed her.

“
Paige, come stay with me
for a few days. You need someone around while you rest. In case you
remember something else. Maybe I can help you put the pieces
together,” Jay begged her.

Paige thought about it for a moment.
It would be nice to have someone around whenever something
happened. But the independent Paige would rather handle this alone.
What if Jay would think she was crazy? Paige was beginning to
believe she was really crazy herself.

“
I don’t know, Jay. I
don’t want to be a burden to you.” She did feel thankful that he
wanted to be around her. Maybe she didn’t do anything to make him
try to avoid her. Maybe all of that was in her head too. Her head
began to swim with all of the thoughts, doubts and fears. Uncertain
of Jay’s true feelings or intentions, she would rather leave him
out of it.

“
Oh, come on. You need me
and I want to be there for you,” he pleaded knowing what he really
wanted to be.

Paige hesitated for a moment longer.
Too many strange things have happened recently and it would be a
good idea to have him around. He had always been a great friend and
a partner that she had counted on and highly respected for years.
With a big sigh, she decided to agree.

“
On one condition, that we
stay at my place and you sleep in the extra bedroom and not the
couch,” she demanded, trying to force a smile.

“
Deal!” he smiled at her
and shook her hand to seal the contract.

Paige laughed and immediately felt
better. “Oh, wait! I do have one more thing. You have to promise me
that you will talk to me. You have to tell me everything. I can’t
help you if you hold things back. Can I make that an amendment to
the deal?” he cocked his head sideways and looked at her with a
silly grin.

“
Okay, amended deal,”
Paige reluctantly took his hand again. She glanced out over the
Ohio River. How could she tell him about Junna and what she had
told her? She needed to think and clear her mind.

“
Do you mind if I take a
short walk by the river? By myself?” she asked him.

“
Go ahead,” he squeezed
her hand and she stood to walk away. He watched her as she walked
along the bank. She paused to stare across the river, touching the
leaves on the trees as she passed. How beautiful she is, he
thought, with her long brown hair blowing in the breeze. Jay
realized he was completely in love with her and had just better
accept that fact. He knew he couldn’t have her and would always be
only her friend and partner.
“Well,
dammit. I will be the best friend and partner she’s ever
had.”
He resigned himself to loving her
from a distance but actively being in her life. He realized that
the hardest part of life is missing someone when they are right
beside you and you can’t have them
. “I’ll
take whatever I can get,”
he thought to
himself, but he knew in his heart he wanted more. He wanted to
touch her, kiss her, and hold her. He could never have her. Maybe
in time, he’d accept that as well. He hoped so.

Jay then looked up and down the banks
for someone, anyone else.

There were other women around. Some of
them were playing with their dogs, some just walking, but most with
their significant others.

His eyes kept returning to Paige.
After rubbing his head a moment, he returned to his cheeseburger.
Only she could hold his attention right now and he decided that
would probably take time to accept as well.

Chapter 20

Junna tried to collect her
thoughts. She was taking a risk by contacting Paige.
“What if I slip?”
she
asked herself.
“What if he sees what I am
thinking? He will if I don’t stop asking questions!”
She was doing exactly what she knew better than
to do and set out to keep her mind clear.

She needed to concentrate to
accomplish anything. Paige had to be ready before she could see her
again. She wondered if she had already told her too much and if he
knew what she had done already. She couldn’t find him. He was
blocking himself more and more lately. That worried Junna. Could he
be figuring things out?

She got up and paced around her living
room, touching her crystal animal figurines that were lined up
across the top of her entertainment center. She then touched the
softness of the mink pillows she used to decorate her couch. She
turned to sit and relax.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to
concentrate on Paige. She could tell Paige was clearing her mind
and could feel her but could not understand what was going on
inside of her. “Good,” she said out loud.

“
Keep that up. I will be
able to visit you soon.” She kept stroking the pillows gently,
concentrating.

Junna then got back up from the sofa
and walked over to a table by an open window with a view of the
Ohio River. Opening the drawer, she selected a stick of sandalwood
incense. She lit the stick and blew out the flame. As she inhaled
the wonderful aroma, she walked back to the sofa and sat down to
relax and meditate. She knew what she needed to do next. She had to
go see Paige again.

Chapter 21

Paige wandered along the
bank of the river, looking at the glistening sunshine across the
water and watching as the birds flew overhead searching for food.
She felt the leaves in her hands as she touched the trees and she
walked over to touch the bark. It felt wonderful to enjoy how
something looks and feels, realizing that she hadn’t taken time for
that in a long time. She glanced over her shoulder to look at Jay
and wondered what he was thinking. She closed her eyes and
concentrated on him. As if she could hear him talking beside her,
he said,
“Well, dammit. I will be the best
friend and partner she’s ever had.”
Paige
smiled as she opened her eyes to look at him. He was rubbing his
face with both hands and watching her. She suddenly realized how
much she wanted him around.