Read Agatha H. And the Clockwork Princess Online
Authors: Phil Foglio,Kaja Foglio
“Und vat if she iz not in der dungeons?”
“Then I expect you’ll cause enough havoc looking for her that I’ll have no trouble at all.”
Maxim laughed. “Hyu gots
dot
right.”
The cloaked man considered him for a moment. “I must confess to being surprised at the involvement of Jägermonsters in this matter. Is this Agatha of interest to the Baron?”
Maxim made a show of dismissing this idea. “Heh. Mizz Agatha, she help uz out avhile ago. She safe our lives. Ve gots to pay her beck. Hyu know how it iz.”
“Hmm, I see.” Veilchen answered like a man who did indeed know how it was, but only on an academic level.
“Besides,” Maxim continued, “Hit looks like dere might be sum goot fighting in dis. Dem Geistergurls iz pretty fast.”
Veilchen waved a hand. “Oh, I try to avoid unpleasantness like that.”
Maxim looked surprised. “Really?”
“Oh, yes. It’s much more satisfying to kill without a fight.”
Maxim stared at him. “Oh.” Was all he said.
“Quiet!” This was delivered in a strained whisper from Kalikoff, who held up a hand to stop the group.
“What is it?” whispered Krosp.
“Listen,” Sturvin muttered, “There’re voices coming from the tunnel up ahead. Weird voices.”
This was not the first time this had happened. Zeetha frowned. “But I thought you said these were the secret tunnels.”
Sturvin shrugged. “Guess the Prince decided to share after all.”
Kalikoff crossed a passage off on a map. There were a number of other passages marked in red. “This was the last of the routes that the princess suggested.”
Veilchen leaned in. “But you know of others, don’t you? Tunnels that can get us directly into the castle.”
The plumbers looked at each other. “Well, yeah,” Kalikoff replied, “But you don’t want
those
.”
“Why not?”
“Those are in the Deep-down. That’s where the
worst
monsters are.”
Veilchen looked interested. “Really.”
“Yes.”
“Monsters.”
“Yes.”
“Scary monsters.”
“Yes!”
The assassin leaned in close. “Worse than
me?
”
Kalikoff stared at him for a second, swallowed and began releasing a set of bolts off of a nearby hatch. “Okay, down we go,” he muttered.
Maxim looked at Veilchen with admiration. “It iz a pleasure to vatch hyu vurk!” he said sincerely.
Veilchen looked perturbed. “I can honestly say I’ve never heard
that
before.”
With a sense of extreme caution, the party slowly clambered down a slime-encrusted ladder. The sewermen found a shelf full of lanterns and expressed a glum satisfaction when they were discovered to be still functional. The map was again consulted, a direction was picked, and off they went.
Zeetha found herself next to the taller of the plumbers. “So—if this place is so full of monsters, how is it you still know your way around?”
Sturvin sighed. “Well, we ain’t been in the Deep-down for years, but it weren’t always like this. We just started getting more and more of the big monsters, and there were a sight few too many deaths down here. Finally Prince Aaronev had us close it all off.”
He paused. “But ten, fifteen, years ago, before it got bad…” he smiled at the memory. “Well, it was an event if we had one of the Prince’s experiments escape down here.”
Kalikoff chimed in. “Heck, yeah! All the young bucks swarming around down here with torches, trying to impress the girls. And afterwards, when it had been caught and hauled up, why there’d be a celebration! A big bonfire, and lots of drinking in the streets! The Prince would make a speech, and hand out a reward to the feller who actually killed the thing.”
Sturvin nodded. “Used to be kind of fun.”
Kalikoff grinned. “And the girls would run around kissin’ everyone in sight! Didn’t even seem to mind the smell.”
Sturvin dropped his voice conspiratorially, “Our old Guild-master used to say that the Prince cooked one up and let it go intentionally every couple of years just to liven things up some.” He sighed for days gone by. “But these days—”
From a pool before them, a monstrosity that seemed to consist of nothing but eyes, tentacles and teeth erupted upwards in a geyser of filthy water. It screamed in triumph, whipped out a set of bright green limbs, grabbed a startled Kalikoff, and vanished, pulling the screaming plumber down into the murky depths.
Sturvin looked at the rest of the party, which was frozen in shock. “—
These
days, it ain’t no fun at
all!
”
There followed a timeless period of running, screaming, crashing into various things and finally, with a grand sense of inevitability, tumbling over a precipice, and falling into an even deeper, darker pit.
Some time later, various groans filled the darkness. Eventually these groans turned into complaints. This was encouraging.
“Ug. What did we land on?”
“Hy lended on rocks. Hyu lended on me.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Who’s got a lantern?”
“Er… dropped it.”
“Terrific.”
“Hey—Herr Sturvin, aren’t there supposed to be phosphorescent crystals or fungi or something down here?”
“Oh,
those
. Yeah, we sold ’em.”
“Figures.”
“I have a firestarter.”
“Great! Who’s got the lantern?”
“…Look, I’m really sorry about that.”
“Hey—wait… There’s some kind of moss on these rocks.”
“Moss? Naw, it’s too dry.”
“So what do you call this?”
“Huh. Okay, light it up.”
There was the scrit-scrit-scratch of the firestarter, a gentle “fwomph” and Lars found himself holding a genially grinning skull with a head of burning hair. Reflexively, he shrieked and dropped it. It fell and went out, but before it did, everyone could see that they were in a cell, carpeted with mummified bodies.
In the privacy of the darkness, everyone gave vent to some screaming. Once equilibrium had been somewhat restored—
“Hokay! Der goot newz is dot der bodies vas not scattered.”
“How is
that
good news?”
“Obivoulously dere ain’t monsters attackink pipple from der dark and eatink dem.”
“…That
is
good news!”
“Hey! I found the lantern!”
“Yay! Bring it over here.”
“But der bad news iz dot anyvun who vind op here—dey
schtay
here.”
The lantern’s wick flared up, illuminating Dimo’s grim face. “Befaw ve rezcue Meez Agatha, ve gots to rezcue
uz
.”
Agatha dropped the wrench onto the floor and fell back into a nearby chair. “There,” she sighed. “It’s done.”
Tarvek eyed the device before them. It was a slender column that stood over three meters tall. It was encrusted with various tubes and what looked like the bells of musical instruments. These increased in number and complexity towards the top, culminating in a great flowering of pipes, horns, and lenses.
Around the base, a swarm of Agatha’s little clanks continued to tighten screws and industriously polish the brass casing.
“Good. Now will you tell me what you’re going to do with it?”
Agatha wearily waved a hand. “I’m going to expose her, of course. If no one knows that The Other is back, if she manages to hide what your father was doing here, she could enslave most of Europa before anyone’s the wiser. Then it would be too late.”
Tarvek looked uneasy. “But, wait—”
Agatha interrupted. “You say you’re innocent. This is a good way to prove it. Even if you told the Baron it was a lab accident, I’m betting he’s still sending out a Questor.
“Now I imagine enslaving a Questor would be quite an advantageous thing to do, if she could. She’d have a powerful puppet with access to the Baron, and be in a position to directly threaten the Empire.”
Tarvek nodded. “I… believe that’s the idea, yes.”
Agatha glared at him. “And you’re helping her? Seriously? What kind of place do you think she’ll make the Empire?”
Tarvek had the grace to look away. Agatha patted her device. “I can use this to let the Baron’s man know what’s happening before he lands.” She frowned. “It’s chancy. We have to get it to the roof without her priestesses noticing, and we’ll have to make sure it goes off at just the right time. But at this point, it’s all I can do.”
Tarvek frowned. “But you’re supposed to be hiding from the Baron. Once he knows you’re here, he’ll see to it that you’re taken. He’ll lock you in a lab and—”
“Good!” Agatha declared vehemently. “Maybe he can find a way to reverse this! Get her out of my head! The Baron might destroy me—but The Other certainly will! Me—and a whole lot of other people as well. I’ve been keeping the upper hand, but I’ve told you—It won’t last. I have to make sure I stop her.”
Agatha paused, and looked Tarvek in the eye. “I can… feel her… even now. You… you just can’t understand how… alien her thoughts are. She’s terribly mad. Stopping her… That’s… that’s worth giving myself up to the Baron.” She shivered and looked at him pleadingly. “Don’t you think?”
And seeing her there—seeing the fear in her eyes, alongside the simple raw courage, Tarvek realized that he would do anything. Move mountains, crush cities, toss all of his carefully laid plans into disarray, if that was what it would take to help protect this young girl who was willing to sacrifice herself in order to save Europa, who was standing there alone and helpless before him.
“No!” he whispered. “No!” This time he shouted it so loud that it rang throughout the vast laboratory. The clanks swarming about paused stared at him in astonishment. “No, I won’t allow this!”
He pulled Agatha up from her chair. “You’re still here. She hasn’t won yet!”
“Tarvek, I don’t even understand how she did this to me! It might be different if I had time to work on the problem, but I don’t!” Agatha shook her head. “I’ve examined that throne machine. It’s more advanced than anything I’ve ever seen before! I don’t even know where to start. It’s completely beyond me. I may be a Spark, but I was just a student, for goodness sake!”
Tarvek rubbed his temples. “All right. Listen. I’ve actually had a lot of time to study it, and there are still parts that are beyond me. You’re not stupid, it’s just that your mother has achieved a level of technology we’ve never seen before.
“The truth is, Anevka and I have a plan. It’s why we were trying to duplicate The Other’s command voice. But we never expected father’s ‘Lucrezia’ to actually come back!”
Agatha wobbled slightly on her feet, and a vague look crossed her face, which Tarvek failed to notice before he enfolded her in his arms. “I won’t let her ruin everything!” he declared vehemently. “And I won’t let her destroy you. To find you, out of nowhere—it’s too perfect. Wulfenbach is a usurper—his empire won’t last a day once he’s gone!
“With The Other’s technology, and you by my side, I’ll re-establish the rule of the Storm King. We’ll bring real stability to Europa! You must not give up!”
Suddenly, he realized that the figure in his arms was chuckling softly. He froze as Lucrezia flowed sensuously out of his embrace, and regarded him with amusement.
“My, my,” she purred, “You
are
ambitious, aren’t you?” She stretched languorously, and smiled as she noticed Tarvek’s breathing speeding up. “So you want Klaus’ little empire
and
this girl, do you?”
She made a show of examining herself. “Yessss… of course you do.” She smiled devilishly at him. “Well, I don’t mind. In fact, this could work out even better than I’d thought, with…” she slowly shifted her weight from one leg to the other. Tarvek swallowed. “…benefits to everyone.” She smiled again. “Shall we make a deal?”
Lord Selnikov entered the morning room and paused. “Why, your Highness! You look splendid!”
Anevka turned away from the window. “Don’t I though?”
One of the latest fashion trends from Paris had been heavily influenced by a recent visit to the City of Lights by the Ice Tsars, who had swept in, camped in one of the finer hotels for three months, enriched a significant number of restaurateurs, artists and courtesans, and had measurably added to the city’s annual revenue. They had behaved abominably, of course, as despotic, isolated Sparks tended to do when confronted by the wonders of civilization such as indoor plumbing, electric lighting and citizens who considered themselves to be more than slaves or mobile furniture
65
.
Exciting times indeed, which the fashion trend setters of Paris distilled down to; Cossacks may be cretins, but they certainly look snazzy
66
.
Thus Anevka was dressed in a white uniform, adorned with lavish amounts of red and gold trim, topped with a massive ermine fur hat. “I must get the name of your dear wife’s dressmaker.”
Selnikov rolled his eyes. “Easy enough, I’ve certainly got enough of their bills around.” He changed the subject. “Now, we’ve nearly finished gathering everyone—” He gestured towards the window.
Anevka glanced out. The crowd she’d seen earlier was already larger. Selnikov continued.
“Couldn’t fit everyone in the square at once, of course. I figure it’ll take three gatherings before we’ve got all of the important people, so you can begin addressing them whenever you’re ready.”
Anevka nodded and moved to a mirror to check her outfit a final time. “Very good. I want to move quickly.”
His Lordship pulled a decanter from inside a hollow book and poured himself a small glass. “Oh yes,” he spoke up, “I almost forgot. It took a bit of doing, but we’ve managed to isolate everyone who was at the theatre with your father last night.” He waved a hand, “All except the actors, of course. I’ve talked to a few of them. They’re not too pleased. My lawyer, Von Karloff, is one of them.” He swirled his drink and pondered. “It was odd…” he sipped. “There was something… strange about them.”
Anevka faced him. ”Yes, I was afraid of that. They’ve imprinted on the girl. They belong to her now.”
Selnikov looked as if the drink had soured in his mouth. “I see. I suppose we’ll have to—”
“You will kill them.”
Selnikov snorted. “Pft. That’s hardly necessary. It’s not as though that actress is the real thing.”