Air Apparent (19 page)

“You already have. We were plastered together when we kissed. Twice.”

“No. They touched my shirt. I touched only your back, and your mouth.”

She glanced down at herself. “Then maybe you should touch them with your hands, and find out. I’m sure they won’t hurt you.”

“I am not sure,” he said.

She laughed again, and again he was fascinated almost to the point of freaking out. “Let’s settle this. I’ll fetch my bra.” She reached into her arrow quiver, which somehow had not intruded when they kissed, and drew out a cloth halter.

“I don’t know,” he said warily.

“I want to know too,” she said. “So I can avoid whatever it is that will trap you.” She put on the bra and hooked the two sides of it together in front.

“Don’t do this,” he pleaded, unable to remove his eyes.

“I have to.”

“That’s what I fear.”

“My name is Debra,” she said firmly.

He started toward her, his hands reaching for the filled bra. Suddenly he knew what the threat was. “Take it off!” he cried desperately. “Now!”

Startled, she did. The cloth fell away just as his hands reached her breasts. He wound up with two amazing handfuls, but no bra.

Debra smiled. “See? You’re not confined.”

“It’s the bra,” he said. “When I touch it, that will invoke the spell. I felt its power. Your curse is just a nuisance to you or any other man, but deadly to me. That’s your secret weapon.”

She looked at the material, now lying on the ground. “Maybe you’re right. I did feel a horrible power as you came near it. That faded when I got it off.” She smiled. “You can let go any time now, you know.”

Now he blushed. “Sorry.” He let go of her breasts. “At least now we know. It’s that bra that will destroy me, if I ever touch it. And if you wear it, I will be compelled to touch it.”

“I’ll burn it,” she said, picking it up.

“I don’t think that will do it. Any bra you wear will carry the magic.”

“Then I’ll never wear a bra again.”

“I suspect you’ll have to. Don’t you want to already?”

“Yes,” she said, surprised. “I’m starting to, well, itch.” She put the bra back in the pack.

“The curse. It didn’t bother you before, but now you know what you’re supposed to do, and it will force you to do it. That’s why we must separate.”

“Oh Random, I don’t want to!”

“Neither do I. But you exist to destroy me. I must hide from you.”

“You’re right,” she said tearfully. “I truly don’t like this.”

He nerved himself, and said what had to be said. “I love you. I think I always will. But I must leave you. Maybe in five years, when you’re of age, your curse will fade, and I can safely join you.”

“I’ll wait for you!” she cried.

“I fear not. You must pursue me, and I must flee, because I can’t stand to hurt you. We must be apart, as long as your curse exists.”

“But if they turn off my curse, they’ll have no reason to keep me in business,” she said. “I might cease to exist.”

He viewed her with horror. “Oh, Debra, I couldn’t stand that! I have to believe that somehow, sometime, we can be together.”

“Somehow, sometime,” she echoed. “I have to believe it too. But at least we have this moment. Kiss me again.”

He did, and once more reality compacted into the two of them in the center of the universe, all else being incidental. The orbiting hearts were almost suffocatingly thick.

Then they separated, and she got back to her feet. “Now I’ll go,” he said sadly.

“We must locate the Nameless Castle,” she reminded him.

He formed half a smile. “Is that a chore or a pretext to stay together a little longer?”

“Yes,” she said with the other half of the smile.

“The Nameless Castle it is,” he agreed. He mounted her back, she flicked them both light again, galloped forward, spread her wings, and sailed into the air.

“The dream realm,” she said suddenly. “Can we meet there? I know I’ll be dreaming of you.”

“And I of you,” he agreed. “Maybe we can. We don’t have to wait for night; any gourd will facilitate it.”

“It’s a date.” She was silent half a moment. “Does the Adult Conspiracy exist in the dream realm?”

“Oh Debra, what are you thinking of?”

“You know better than I do.”

“I don’t know. Dreams can be quite naughty, so maybe the Conspiracy doesn’t exist there. We’ll just have to find out.”

“I can be my own form, there,” she said.

“But no bra.”

She laughed, this time turning at her supple waist so as to present a stunning side view of her chest as her face faced him. He couldn’t help it: he kissed her a fourth time, stifling the rest of her laugh.

Suddenly they were sailing straight upward into the sky. “Oh, that makes me light-headed,” she gasped as they broke.

“So I noticed. Don’t hit a cloud.”

“You know, if you started to fall off, you might have to grab me around the torso,” she said.

“But then I would touch your—” He broke off. “You’re such a tease!”

“I wasn’t teasing,” she said, blushing.

What an invitation! “In that case—”

“Oh, there’s the castle,” she said.

He looked. There was a cloud floating above the Gap Chasm, which they had intersected during their distracting dialogue. On the cloud rested a fancy castle. The Nameless Castle. “Yes.”

“I understand that’s where the Demon Xanth lives now, with his mortal wife Chlorine.”

The Demon Xanth! Who would surely want to keep things in good order, so would side with the Factory. He couldn’t go there.

“Now you know where it is,” he said with infinite regret. “Now I must depart. Randomly. I love you.”

“Oh, not yet!” she protested tearfully. “We have so much more to talk about, so many more kisses to share.”

“I must, or I never will,” he said. It was the truth.

“Please!”

He invoked the random location exchange before he could change his mind. His last sight was of her adorable tear-wet face. That would haunt him forever.

REGROUPING

Debra blinked, and he was gone. But there was something in his place, balanced on her back. It looked like a portion of a statue, a bust of a girl, with only the head and body above the waist showing.

Well, he was the Random Factor. He did things randomly. As she understood it, he himself had no control over it; he merely initiated the action and something random happened. So he had switched places with this statue, and now was wherever it had been. Maybe on someone’s mantelpiece.

“And what do you have to say for yourself?” she inquired rhetorically. The last thing she needed at the moment was half a statue.

“Come all ye fair and tender maidens,” the statue said. “Take warning how you court young men.”

Debra almost dropped out of the sky. “You’re talking!” she exclaimed.

The statue eyed her as if she had said something stupid, or at least less than completely intelligent. “Of course I’m talking. I’m a maiden head. When invoked I warn maidens about bad boys.”

And she had inadvertently invoked it. Fair enough. “How did you come here?”

The eyes glanced around. “That I don’t know. Heights make me nervous. If I fell I’d break into seventy-three pieces and some gravel. But I’m sure a man has something to do with it. Men are if not the root of all evil, at least the stem of it. It’s not safe to love any of them; you’re in for heartbreak.” She glanced more carefully at Debra. “And from the look of you, you are heartbroken now. It’s a man, right?”

“But it’s not his fault,” Debra said. “He loves me.”

“That’s what they all say, until they get into your pants. Never trust a man!”

“No, this is different. He wants to be with me, but can’t. It’s complicated.”

The bust gazed at her with the pity reserved for the self-delusional. “It always is, when they’re married.”

“He’s not married!”

“Or gay. Or impotent. Or terrified of commitment. There’s always a reason, but it’s never the one they tell you. But girls never learn. It’s such a tragedy.”

This was getting nowhere. “Maybe I should take you home. Where is that?”

This set the bust back. “I really don’t know. I’ve always been on the shelf. No one listens to me, for some reason. I’m sure it’s a man’s fault.”

“Then I’ll just have to take you with me.” Debra made a smooth turn and headed back the way she had come. She didn’t need to stop at the Nameless Castle; she would do that when they delivered Nimbus there.

“That’s very kind of you,” the bust said. “But remember—”

“I’ll be wary of men,” Debra agreed. Actually her experience was quite limited, but she had matured considerably in the last hour. She had been a mere girl or filly with a spot curse; now she was a woman in love. That was a different creature.

In due course—she had carefully avoided the undue courses that were offered along the way—she returned to the glade where Wira and the children waited. They all stared as she landed. “Where’s Fabian?” Ilene asked.

“Look at the bare statue,” Nimbus said.

“It’s a bust,” Debra explained, lifting it down.

“Wow! A bare bust.” His small male eyes were goggling.

“Hands off!” the statue snapped as he reached.

“Fabian is gone,” Debra said. “I have this instead. It’s complicated.”

“I think you had better explain,” Wira said.

“Not before the children.”

“Did you drop him?” Ilene asked.

She would have to tell part of it. “He is someone called the Random Factor. He—”

“The Random Factor!” Wira exclaimed. “He’s dangerous!”

“You know of him? I didn’t.”

“He’s confined in the dungeon cell of Castle Maidragon. He does terribly random things to anyone who even opens his door.”

Debra didn’t argue that case. “He’s out. He switches places randomly with other people or things. In this case, the maiden head.”

“He told you this?” Wira asked.

“Yes. He comes from the Factory, but they don’t like him because he’s random. So they want to confine him again.”

“Why did he approach us?”

“He believes I am an agent sent by the Factory to bring him back. He was—scouting.”

“But you’re just a girl with a curse.”

“So I thought. But he may be right. My curse may be meant to trap him. So he had to go.”

Wira clearly realized there was more, but that it was indeed complicated. She was sensitive to feelings, and surely was picking up on Debra’s. So she shifted the subject slightly. “His little daughter Trace remains here.”

“Oh, fudge,” the child swore. “Just tell me how you’re going to trap him, and I’ll be gone.”

“You’re not what you seem,” Wira said.

“I’m Woe Betide. I was trying to help him solve the mystery.”

“Woe Betide,” Wira repeated. “The child aspect of Demoness Metria. We have met before.”

So she was a demoness. Debra had not suspected. “I can explain that particular mystery. When I don a bra, and men hear my name, they want to take it off. But if the Random Factor touches it, he will be caught by its magic, and confined again. That’s the trap. So he had to depart before that happened.”

“Okay,” the tike said, and faded out.

“Did you locate the Nameless Castle?” Wira asked.

“Yes. I can take us there now.”

“Then we had better do it. Thereafter we can talk.”

When the next youngest child was gone. That made sense. “All aboard,” Debra said.

She flicked each of them light, and herself, and they mounted. Soon they were airborne.

“Whee!” Nimbus exclaimed. “I love flying.”

“You’ve flown before?” Ilene asked.

That made him pause. “I guess.”

Debra found that interesting. There was something about the boy, and not just the way he glowed. He was still concealing his identity.

They approached the Nameless Castle, perched on its cloud. “Home!”

Debra landed carefully on the fluffy white edge of the cloud. It was spongy, but firm; her hooves did not sink through its substance. Naturally it wasn’t an ordinary cloud; it could not have supported the castle otherwise.

Nimbus jumped down and ran toward the castle. “Mom! Dad!” he cried happily. “I’m home!”

A lovely young woman emerged from the castle as Wira and Ilene dismounted. She swept the boy into her embrace. Behind her came an amazing oddity: a dragon with the head of a donkey. A giant pet?

“You found him!” the woman said to Wira, clearly recognizing her as the senior figure. “Thank you so much! I was so worried.”

“We didn’t feel it would be right to leave him lost,” Wira said. “I am Wira, the Good Magician’s daughter-in-law, and these are Debra and Ilene.”

“Of course we know of you, Wira,” the woman said. “I am Chlorine, and this is my husband Nimby.”

“Nimby,” Wira repeated, seeming daunted though she could not see the dragon. “I—also know of you.”

“But Debra and Ilene do not,” Chlorine said.

“Actually I do,” Ilene said. “My father told me long ago.” She too seemed oddly daunted.

“Am I missing something?” Debra asked.

“Nothing important,” Chlorine said easily. “Come in for a visit; we really appreciate your help in recovering our son.”

“Oh, we don’t need to stay,” Debra said. Then she caught Wira’s sightless look. “Or maybe we do.”

“You must be hungry,” Chlorine said. “We’ll have a feast for you.”

“Actually we’re still full from last night’s feast with the Air Folk,” Wira said. “But we’ll be happy to visit briefly.”

They entered the castle, which seemed even larger inside than outside, and amazingly ornate. Debra was becoming quite curious about it, and its inhabitants.

They came to a lovely courtyard filled with exotic plants. Chlorine bade them sit in comfortable couches in the center, while Nimby and Debra remained standing.

“But doesn’t the furniture get wet when it rains?” Ilene asked.

“It doesn’t rain on the furniture,” Chlorine said.

The girl looked puzzled, so the woman glanced at the dragon. Suddenly it was raining on the plants, but none fell on the couches. The rain ended in a circle just beyond the couches.

“Oh,” Ilene said, looking abashed.

“You have done us a considerable favor,” Chlorine said. “We will do each of you favors in return.”

“There’s no need, really,” Wira said. “We just did what seemed right.”

“So will we,” Chlorine said. She caught Ilene’s eye. “What would you like?”

The girl hesitated, but realized that it would be impolite to refuse. “I’d just like to visit with Glow every so often, because we have similar talents.”

“Glow?”

Ilene seemed flustered. “He wouldn’t tell his name, so we had to make up one for him. So we used that, because he glows.”

“But Nimbus doesn’t glow,” Chlorine said.

“Yes he does. He—” Ilene, abashed again, went silent.

Chlorine looked at Debra. “Glow?”

“He does,” Debra said. “Even Wira can see it.”

Chlorine looked at Nimby, but the dragon avoided her gaze. “So it’s like that,” she said, frowning. “And I thought he was merely named after his father. I wonder what else I don’t know about him.” She looked again at the dragon, who still avoided her gaze.

“We didn’t mean to make any trouble,” Wira said.

“We’ll settle this later,” Chlorine said grimly to the dragon. Then she returned to Ilene. “You want to visit. If Nimbus is interested—”

The boy ran across to hug Ilene.

Chlorine nodded. “So it shall be. We’ll give you a magic air pass that will bring you here any time you invoke it. It will be good for Nimbus to have a friend.” She glanced at Nimby again, and this time the dragon wiggled an ear. A piece of paper appeared in the air, floating down to fall into Ilene’s surprised hand. “Do not share it; it is for you alone. Now I believe Nimbus wants to show you the punnery.”

“The punnery?” Ilene asked blankly.

“It is where all the really bad puns are sent, so they won’t appall innocent folk. Nimbus loves to play with them.” She grimaced. “It’s a job to clean him up afterward. There’s nothing quite so smelly as a squished pun, especially when he gets it in his hair.”

“Ugh!” Ilene said as the boy caught her hand and dragged her off to a corner of the garden.

“Have some of this potato,” Nimbus told Ilene.

She looked at it suspiciously. “Are you sure this is potato? It doesn’t smell very good.”

“It’s potato, I swear. It’s served at banquets.”

“All right.” Ilene touched her tongue to it. “Yuck! It’s awful.”

“It’s potato ogre rotten. Served at ogre fests.”

“That’s not funny!”

The boy looked woeful. “I’m sorry. Let’s watch the race.”

“The race?”

“The E race. See here are the e-racers. See which one wipes out more scenery.”

The cars looked like blocks of rubber. As they moved they left trails of smeared nothingness. “Erasers,” Ilene said, getting it.

Debra smiled. Ilene seemed to have shamed the boy into behaving. For a while.

Chlorine turned to Wira. “And what would you like?”

“I just want to find and rescue Hugo.”

“There is no need. Call home.” She produced a magic hand mirror.

“But I can’t use a mirror,” Wira protested.

“Then I will do it.” Chlorine faced the mirror. “The Gorgon, please.”

In a moment the Gorgon’s snake-framed veiled face appeared in the mirror; Debra saw her. “Oh, Chlorine,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

“You can tell Wira about Hugo.”

The Gorgon’s gaze went to Wira. “It’s true, Wira. My son has been rescued. He’s looking for you. He was in the Random Factor’s cell.”

“The Random Factor!” Debra exclaimed involuntarily.

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” Wira said. “That’s all I want.”

“Becka Dragongirl will carry him back here tomorrow. I’m sure he’s eager to rejoin you.”

“Oh, yes!”

“Thank you,” Chlorine said to the Gorgon, and the mirror went blank. “So you must ask some other favor.”

“But there’s nothing else I want.”

“How about your lost sight?”

“We just said I was looking for that, so folk wouldn’t know we were looking for Hugo. I never actually—”

Chlorine glanced at Nimby. He wiggled an ear.

Wira screamed and clapped her hands to her face.

Chlorine plucked a cloth out of nowhere and dropped it over Wira’s head. “I apologize. I forgot that sight would be alarming to someone who isn’t used to it. But you can cover your eyes and learn to use them gradually, at your own pace.”

“She really can see now?” Debra asked, amazed.

“She really can. I trust you will continue to help her until she gets used to vision.”

“Oh yes, of course!”

“Now what about you, Debra?”

“Oh, I don’t need anything.”

“What, nothing?”

“Nothing possible, anyway.”

“This threatens to be interesting. Tell us your story.”

“Oh no, it really doesn’t—” The dragon wiggled an ear, and suddenly Debra knew she had to tell all completely everything without reservation. That dragon was weird, and not just because of his ridiculous head.

Debra told everything, from her appearance in Xanth to the present. It just poured out of her. “So you see, it’s hopeless love,” she concluded. “I can’t be with him without destroying him, and that’s the last thing I want. Not even if I were of age.”

“And if you don’t get to him, in time you may be abolished yourself,” Chlorine said.

“Yes, I think so. I’m not sure I’m really real. I think they just modeled me after a thirteen-year-old Mundane girl and gave me the bra curse. I exist to trap him, and I can’t stand to do that.”

“We don’t like to interfere in the ongoing history of Xanth,” Chlorine said. “But we can do this much: we can make you real. Then the Factory won’t be able to abolish you. The rest of your adventure you will have to work out yourself.”

“Make me real?” Debra asked numbly.

“Yes. Nimby did it for Grundy Golem, and later in effect for Umlaut, who married Grundy’s daughter Surprise. Of course you could still be killed, so don’t be careless.”

“I won’t be careless,” Debra said, somehow unable to doubt the truth of the statement.

The dragon wiggled an ear. Debra felt something weird and wonderful infuse her, and knew that she was indeed real. She seemed to be floating on a sea of amazement.