Air Kisses (27 page)

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I looked in the mirror. I was hidden somewhere in a mesh of wild patterns and primary colours that could be loosely described as a dress. I’d picked it up at a market ages ago but had never worn it.

I had opted for it this morning because I needed something to distract me from how extraordinarily flat I was feeling. I’d slept atrociously. In the end I’d taken a sleeping pill from my flight kit. It had knocked me out hard, and now I had a drugover.

I tried on a belt with the dress. Nope. Belt off. Still, I now knew why I’d never worn it. I looked silly. Even for me. Plus,
it was probably slightly inappropriate; it was like I cared that Iz was leaving but might slip off to start a conga line any minute.

Time was of the essence; it would have to do. I threw on some Roman sandals. Hair back. I squinted and squeezed in eye drops; I painted on and furiously dabbed in under-eye illuminator; I used a baby-blue pearly eye-shadow to make my eyes look awake, but applied absolutely no mascara due to inevitable tears. I put concealer on a red nose and juiced up red, cracked lips with a balm, followed with a ridiculous shimmering pink gloss to draw attention away from my tear-guilty peepers. I plastered on a fake smile that Miss Universe herself would envy, and I was off.

As I drove to the airport in Yasmin’s car, which she had kindly donated for my trip, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ song ‘Scar Tissue’ came on. I sung along, sifting, sitcom-style, through my memories of Iz. I realised that a lot of them were to do with one of us being upset by a boy, with the non-heartbroken one comforting the crushed one. That or being wild and drunk and wearing inappropriate attire while out dancing. And then there was her food, her amazing food; she was half-friend, half-mum the way she cooked for me, and then gave me leftovers to take home for lunch. And then there were her made-up words, and her adorable way of texting any random thought that happened to flutter through her mind, whether it was 3 p.m. or 2 a.m. I couldn’t believe that was all about to be taken away.

I parked the car, feeling heavy, and schlepped into the departures hall. I felt alone already.

I found Iz’s flight number and went to her departure lounge. I scanned the area – no Iz or Dec. I sat down and
waited. Five minutes passed. Where were they? Iz’s phone had been disconnected and I didn’t want to call Dec just yet. In the drama of Iz’s departure, my nerves about seeing him didn’t even register a hum in the background of my mind.

I decided to wait in the newsagent’s. I picked up a few slanderous weeklies detailing the rocky romances of reality-TV types I’d never heard of nor would ever care about. I checked my phone.

Nothing. Where were they?

I was too on edge for this. I called Dec.

‘We’re just checking in.’

‘Oh, thank God. I was starting to think I’d got the flight wrong!’

Iz jumped on the phone. ‘Han, darling, I’m so sorry. I had a shocker of a morning – Kyle needed a bunch of documents from his mum’s, and then I couldn’t find my bloody visa, and oh never mind. I’ve worn mascara so I won’t cry. What do you reckon my chances are of staying dry?’

‘Slim to none.’

‘Me too.’

‘Bye.’ I choked up. Taking deep breaths and fast strides, I walked back to the lounge.

I looked around. A speaker announced the plane was boarding. Shit! They were so late. By the time the announcement had finished, several teary farewells were in progress.

I looked up. Iz was scurrying across the smooth tiles of the airport with her wheelie bag swerving and tipping behind her, and her short dress creeping up her thighs as she ran.

Dec walked behind her, smiling as he watched her small hand-luggage case dance. He was wearing a simple grey T-shirt
and jeans, and carrying a stack of magazines for Iz’s trip.

‘Oh, Han!’

We hugged tight.

‘Can you believe it?’ Her eyes were wide open, and brimming with tears.

‘No, I can’t.’

Dec came up behind Iz and kissed me on the cheek. ‘Hi, Han, how’s it going?’ He looked right into my eyes, the way people do when they’re not going to believe you if you say ‘fine’.

‘Um, I’ll leave you two for a minute.’ He took Iz’s bag and sat down where I had been.

I looked at the screen behind her. ‘Your plane is already boarding, Iz.’

Her eyes looked as sad and hopeless as I felt.

‘I love you so much, Iz. You’re going to have an amazing time in New York. Amazing. Plus, you’ve got a gorgeous man who loves you to bits waiting for you at the other end of this flight. And if it all turns to shit, you know you can always come home and live under my bed.’

She started crying, and I hugged her tight.

Through her tears, Iz managed to say, ‘Oh, I know it’s all good, Han, I know… But what will I do without you? And I feel so bad for leaving just as some stupid boy hurts you again…’

‘I can deal with him. Have before, haven’t I? I’ll be fine, you know I will.’

‘I know that, but still…’

‘Shhh. None of that matters; this is all a good thing. And I’m sure in a few months I’ll believe my own words.’

We laughed softly and then just looked at each other in silence.

‘Love your guts, girl.’

‘Love you more.’

‘Have an excellent flight, get drunk and fall asleep and call me when you arrive. After you and Kyle have, y’know, reunited and stuff.’

She grinned.

She turned and grabbed her bag from Dec. He stood up and gave her a huge bear-hug. His eyes were wet, but there were no tears. He was blinking furiously, and they were talking to each other softly. Iz laughed and wiped her eyes, pulling away. Dec and I walked her to the gate, where, after one more hug, I stood back and folded my arms and cried gently. Dec kissed Iz on both cheeks and squeezed her hand. We watched her walk through the gate, she turned and blew us a kiss, and then she was gone.

Before I realised what was happening, Dec softly placed his arms around me. He held me close as I cried – his body smelling of apples and cinnamon and wood – and as he stroked my back gently, I turned my head and leant against his chest. It was as though all these months of being awkward around each other had never even existed. His touch was so comforting and masculine that I didn’t want him to break it.

After another minute or so, I slowly pulled back, smoothing my hair and wiping my eyes.

‘This blows, doesn’t it?’ I straightened my dress and took a few deep breaths.

‘I know, Han. I know… Shall we get a coffee? You know, normalise a little?’ he asked.

I looked at Dec. His eyebrows were raised, and his tone was kind of shy. My nerves tiptoed back in, happy to be
roaming around me freely once again.

‘Sure, Dec.’ What, I couldn’t go for a coffee with my best friend’s brother?

He smiled. ‘Wouldn’t be much fun for you to walk out of here all sad. Even if your parking is going to cost you a couple of hundred.’

I took a deep breath and shook my body as I exhaled. Iz was gone, and I had to deal with it.

‘You obviously don’t know how rich I am, Dec. Us beauty editors are kind of a big deal. In fact, I will even shout you your coffee.’

As I finished my sentence, I noticed a Cindy Crawford double walking towards us. She was wearing heels, skinny-leg jeans and the kind of tight white singlet that allowed people to determine what cup size she was from several hundred metres away. It was halfway through the alphabet.

I stared at her; I couldn’t help it. I was waiting for Dec to notice her, like every other person in the airport – and, I’m sure, the universe – had.

Next thing, she’d stopped and was smiling at Dec. Really? I was invisible in
this
dress?

‘Pardon me, but can you tell me where the nearest newsagency is?’ She spoke with an upper-class British accent and beamed a smile that could light up London.

Dec looked over his shoulder, and hoicked his thumb behind him. ‘Up there on the right.’ He finished with a tight smile before turning back to me. ‘Now, Han, are we talking coffee-coffee, or that revolting Starbucks stuff?’

As I laughed and he made a move to keep walking, Cindy’s face dropped. I felt very smug indeed.

After ordering our coffee-coffees from a small Italian café outside the airport, we sat and talked. And talked. It was like the wake after the funeral; the sadness of Iz leaving was replaced with a kind of hyper-frenzy of bad jokes. It was so refreshing to just be myself with a guy. Not to have to be cute, or sharp, or pretty; just me. No rules, no being hardcore; just me.

‘So, um, everything cool after the other night?’ He sipped his latte as he asked, in an attempt to make his probing appear blasé.

‘Oh, you know,’ I replied, ‘just some old flame completely screwing me over.’

‘You mean the nice chap I met last Saturday night?’

‘Uh, no, actually.’ I covered my head with my hands in shame. ‘Mr Hawaii. I know how to pick them, huh? About Saturday night, I’m so…so sorry and embarrassed about that whole thing.’

‘Are you thinking you’ll go back to him?’ Dec looked me straight in the eye as he said this. I felt a shiver creep down my back.

‘No, I’m not. He had a second chance, one that admittedly he didn’t deserve, and it didn’t work. No more now.’

Dec took his time answering. ‘You speak with conviction, Han, but sadly it’s that kind of bravado that usually gives away true feelings.’

I took a deep breath. ‘I guess. But I’m not a galloping romantic any more, Dec. I’m adamant about cutting him off. I was fine for a year without him; one week of backtracking isn’t going to set me back for long. I’d much rather be single.’

‘You’re pretty amazing, Han.’ He had cocked his head and was leaning his chin on one hand. His eyes were smiling, and locked on mine.

I blushed. Of course.

‘You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit. You’re a remarkable girl. Any guy would be incredibly lucky to have a girl even one-hundredth as good as you. And for you to go through that, and Iz leaving, all at once, and to still be in good form is pretty special.’

‘Dec, I’ve been in rotten form, trust me.’ I laughed feebly.

‘Han, you gotta stop deflecting like that. You’re a fantastic girl and you don’t even seem to know it. When I broke up with Pia, the first thing I had to learn was to appreciate myself again. But I guess we’re always way too hard on ourselves, especially after someone leaves us.’

My head jerked up. ‘She left you? But I thought…’

‘It was mutual inasmuch as we agreed she was better off alone. But I loved her, Han. And it’s taken me a while to feel like that agai—’ He stopped mid-sentence and focused on fidgeting with his coffee cup.

The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was suddenly very aware of my every move. I coughed nervously to break the silence.

‘Han, I should go. We both should…’ He pushed his chair back and stood up.

Had I said something wrong for him to want to leave so abruptly? I tried to think of what I’d said that he might have deemed offensive.

As we walked out of the café and into the parking lot, we both remained silent.

‘Where are you parked?’ He was so formal and weird now.

‘Um…red level. I think. I hope!’ I laughed at my own lame comment to try to diffuse the tension.

‘I’ll walk you there.’ He looked straight ahead as he spoke.
Now he was just freaking me out. We found Yasmin’s little red racer, and as I fished the keys out of my bag, I had to ask.

‘Um, is everything okay, Dec? You seem to have gone a bit strange.’

He stopped and turned to face me.

‘No, no, I’m cool…’ He took a deep breath and shook his head. When he looked back at me, the words came tumbling out of his mouth. ‘Han, you’ve had a big day, and a huge week, so I’m not going to dump a whole lot of emotional stuff on you. But, well, actually, maybe I am.’ He laughed nervously and ran his fingers through his hair.

‘Ohhh, this is hard.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Okay, maybe this is the wrong time to say this, but I’m a huge believer in going with your gut, so I hope our guts are in tune. That sounds bad. Ignore that. But, well…I…I want you to know that…that I’m here for you.’

Was that it
? ‘Oh, Dec, I know that. Thank you. Iz told me I could call you if I needed a friend. Or just wanted to mooch around in Iz’s old home.’

He looked into my eyes and held his hands in a prayer position, tapping them against his chest in a fidgety way.

‘Han, when do you get home from your mum and dad’s?’

‘Sunday night.’

‘Can we maybe hang out? Next week sometime? Just, you know, whenever you’re free?’

‘Um…sure… How come?’ My heart was pumping now. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but my body seemed to think something was going on. It was a similar feeling to the one I’d had the night Dec had kissed me, but with more of a nervy edge. It seemed that just being this close to him set if off. God! Would I always be like this around him? Even
when I was old and married and had no teeth? Crushes were so energy-consuming!