AJ's Salvation (5 page)

Breakfast had been draining, and Aly was glad when Tom’s mom, Shelley, had picked up her son and taken Lesso along. The boys weren’t ready to part yet, and it suited Aly just fine. The moment silence spread in her house, she was incredibly aware of the fact Jamison was there. The living room suddenly seemed too small, and with his intoxicating scent filling her house, she couldn’t think. There were things they needed to talk about, though, so she decided to change.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” She didn’t think she needed to remind him to stay, so she just looked at him for a second before hurrying upstairs to put on some jeans and a different sweater. Passing the mirror, she suddenly stopped. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she decided to put on some mascara and lip gloss. It had been a while since she had gotten pretty for a guy, and she missed it. Besides, Jam wasn’t just
any
guy. Her heart didn’t once stop reminding her of that very fact. She felt as if she had been running a marathon because her heart rate hadn’t gone down ever since Jam appeared on her porch the night before.

Her cheeks were flushed, and she realized she missed this kind of anticipation. None of the guys she dated had ever caused this in her. With Jam, though, all she needed was one look and she wanted to tear his clothes off. Not that she’d ever do that. Not that he’d ever allow it.

She used her favorite perfume, the one too expensive for her taste but that she had treated herself to some years back. She missed getting it from Greg for Christmas. 

Taking a breath, she went back down, seeing him stare at the pictures of his son and then, at the pictures of himself.

“You weren’t lying,” Jam whispered in awe as she came to stand next to him. She knew every photo by heart and even had a few favorites. 

“Take a walk with me,” she implored in a low voice, worrying he’d turn her down.

“Happily. Your scent will drive me crazy if we stay in here. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you make sure not to touch me anymore. I couldn’t guarantee I would stay away if we stayed in closed-off rooms.” She wanted to protest, but he had always been rather observant. She heard the hurt in his voice, though.

“Don’t take it personally,” she pleaded. 

“Explain it then,” he requested, but Aly couldn’t. Touching him again would ignite a fire in her that she had worked long and hard to quell. She still felt the stubble against her palm even though that had been almost twelve hours prior. The way he’d held her seemed to have molded her body, and she had no doubt she would fit just as perfectly in his arms again. No, she couldn’t do that, nor could she guarantee anything, either.

“If someone has to explain something, it’s you, I think,” she told him, leading him out of the house and locking the door behind her. Small towns were safe, no doubt, but she still liked knowing all her possessions were out of easy reach.

“You’re right,” Jam admitted, burying his hands in his pockets again. It was something he did a lot, she noticed.

“Talk. I have all day now.” She didn’t mention she had planned to spend it with him. She wanted to sit on the sofa, stare at his pictures, and eat ice cream. Buckets of it.

“Collene’s gone and no one knows why she vanished.” Alessia almost stumbled at those words.

“And your first impulse was to come here? What if she was following you?” She knew she wasn’t as quiet as she thought, but she couldn’t help it. “Ten years and everything was fine. She never once guessed I had anything to do with it, and now that she’s gone, you get in a car and come here? What’s wrong with you?”

Aly stopped, wishing she lived somewhere out in a forest. No one would hear them for miles, and she could cry out in frustration. Instead, she needed to calm down and focus. 

“You don’t seriously think I came here right away! I changed cars twice and took a plane between. I was on the road for four days before coming, and I paid in cash. This was never supposed to be my life, but because I worried about you, I took that upon me. Greg wanted to come, but I told him to stay. Someone needs to keep me updated on what’s happening with the Karmison family. This was my chance, Aly. You have no idea what I’ve been through. You have no idea who I am any longer. I changed. In fact, I was already changing when you took my son. I’m not who you want me to be. I probably never was. No matter what, though, I needed to see him again. I was curious.” Aly saw him shake with suppressed anger, and she read something in his eyes that she never before had seen in him. Self-hatred. 

“I always wondered how a father couldn’t think about his only child,” she admitted, and Jam shook his head, looking everywhere but at her. 

“You have no idea about Collene, Aly. The things that went on after you left were beyond crazy. I … I cannot tell you about it. I’m not proud of some things I’ve done. I’ve been part of Collene’s life for too long and …” 

He stopped there, not giving her any more information, and that was something she wouldn’t take.

Jam saw the way Aly’s forehead furrowed in stubbornness. He didn’t want to tell her; he was too ashamed. 

“Alessia, you were always such an amazing girl, and now, look at you. You studied, and you love your life here. You managed to do something with your life. I’m going to stay only long enough to make sure no one figured it out. Collene never wanted that child, but once he was gone, she went insane. She accused everyone of taking the baby. The police questioned everyone and their mother. I never had a reason to call you, but I had every reason to believe Collene’s father had my phone tapped. I could’ve gotten another one, but I didn’t want to stir up your life. You needed to settle in and find your routine. If I had called you, you probably would have thought I was trying to control you, and no woman, no person, should ever feel someone else is trying to run their life for them.” He combed his finger through his hair and watched her reaction. Her lower lip was trembling, and she settled down on the sand. He did the same, moving close enough he was almost touching her.

“I never went to college after I left. There was no way for me to do that with the baby. Your money helped me find a nice little house, and then I looked for work where I could take him. There was a restaurant in town owned by a woman. She had her boy there and the little ones were together from that day on. Alessandro was an easy child. I guessed it was because of … Collene. After all, that’s what she taught him early on. Don’t make a sound when you need something. I waited five months to bring him to a doctor and have him thoroughly checked. Luckily, he didn’t have any lasting damage.” She stared straight ahead, lost in thoughts, and Jam wanted to pull her close and hold her. Hell, he’d be satisfied if she’d only rest her head against his shoulder. Any contact would suit him just fine because Aly was everything Collene was not. As emotional as it made him feel, he wanted to be with a woman like Aly. 

“I always thought you went through with it. College, I mean. Seems Greg didn’t tell me everything. And he didn’t tell you everything, either, Aly. Don’t hate him … but he knew. From the very first day, he knew your child wasn’t really your child.” The pain crossing her features at his words made him correct them. “He wasn’t your child by blood. The money he gave you … that was mine. I couldn’t live with the thought of making you pay for my mistakes.” Every penny he had earned went straight to her and his son.

“I didn’t spend it. I worried Greg had stolen it because it was so much,” Aly told him and then chuckled. “I thought I’d need to bail him out one day and figured the money was better off in a bank account.”

“It was for you.” Jam was almost insulted that she hadn’t spent it. 

“My charm got me everything pretty cheap here.” She winked at him and then stared at her hands. “Dorly sold me her shop in town, and I turned it into a café. It makes money, enough so we can live well off it. The house … she always thought she’d have children or grandchildren, but I guess sometimes life doesn’t work out the way we plan it.” She sounded defeated, and it made him wonder if she thought she’d never have her own child.

“You’re not even thirty, Aly. You’ll have your own children one day,” Jam assured her. The need to touch her was overwhelming, and he fisted his hands at his side, making sure she didn’t see it.

“Jamison, did you ever take a step back to think about why I took that child when you held him out to me? I mean besides wanting to save him from an abusive mother?” He had wondered about that more than once, but each time, Greg’s words from that day came back to him—
Alessia has loved you for as long as I can think—
and made him wish things were different. No matter how much he doubted what Greg had said was the truth, he needed to stop her from saying words they both would regret.

“Collene was gunning for you when I started to date her. In fact, I started dating her
because
of that. You were nice. And pretty. I don’t know if you ever realized it, but she had a thing for Greg, too. She thought maybe if she’d start terrorizing you, she could bully him into being her lapdog. Besides, someone had mentioned to her that you would one day be the most beautiful girl to ever leave our high school.” Jamison knew that he’d forever feel guilty for that comment, but he hadn’t known Collene back then the way he knew her now.

“Stop being ridiculous. She was beautiful and –” 

“We both know that sometimes a pretty face is not enough. I knew the stories. You knew them. I should have known what a monster she was back then.” Jam watched as she closed her eyes. 

“No one could have guessed how rotten she was to the core,” Aly said, and Jam couldn’t agree more. Only, she had no idea how bad it really was.

Alessia couldn’t say what it was, but Jam was no longer the guy she had once known. No one could rival his beauty with his unruly blond curls and green eyes, but his smile always seemed to have a shadow. Looking back at him, she realized that just watching him made her willing to take a leap of faith. She wanted to kiss him and be in his arms. He’d be going away again anyway, so where was the harm? She was lonely, and he seemed to need healing touches. 

“Jam,” she whispered, startling him out of his thoughts. She had her knees pulled up and her cheek rested on them, watching his expression. He instantly shook his head, not even meeting her eyes.

“Don’t, Aly. Trust me, you won’t want to open up that can of worms,” he pleaded, and she was taken aback. Did he mean them as a couple? Or had he tried to guess what she’d ask? Either way, she couldn’t help but feel hurt.

“You don’t even know what I wanted,” she protested, and he reached out, hesitating before brushing the pad of his thumb over her lips. 

“Why have been you been with her for so long? Why haven’t you ever seen me? What happened to you in the last years? What’s wrong? None of these questions has an easy answer, Aly, and I don’t want to ruin the image you have of me, no matter how wrong it is. I like the way you’re looking at me,” he explained, surprising her with being spot-on about her questions. There was just too much she wanted to know. Too much that … she stopped that thought as something he said finally triggered. 

“You knew I was in love with you.” Embarrassment colored her cheeks, and she lowered her eyes. He inhaled sharply at her words as if it was still news to him. 

“I didn’t dare to hope,” was all he said, and she gaped at him. It almost sounded as if that was something he would have liked. 

“Jamison,” Aly started, not sure where she wanted to go with that sentence, but he made that irrelevant anyway since he leaned in, catching her off-guard. 

She had been kissed before, and she knew she’d be kissed after this, but for Aly, Jam’s kiss was the only one she’d always remember. It was tentative, hesitant, yet the sweetest thing ever. She’d never forget the way his stubble scratched her skin, or the way he tasted like heaven to her, unique in a way no one else had before. 

Neither had moved much, so she still had her arms wrapped around her legs and he still had his hands buried in his pockets, but she swore she felt him all around her. His scent wrapped around her, making her head swim and her heart soar until he pulled back. It was as if she was tumbling from a cloud or reaching the surface after a deep dive. Aly was confused because one kiss seemed to have transformed her whole world. One kiss made her realize what she was truly missing in her life—a partner to share cold nights and happy moments with. She needed romance, and she hadn’t even realized it.