Alicia's Misfortune (11 page)

“Well let me hear it.”
 
I took a long sip of my water and then waited.
 
Jake was a sly business man.
 
He was good natured, but he also had a wily
streak to him that always gave me pause.
 
He and Sue had been married for almost ten years now.
 
They had three kids and they lived about a
half hour away, which was nice considering how alone I sometimes felt now that
Paul was gone.

“Emma.
 
How would you
like it if all of your financial problems could be erased forever?”
 
Jake sat back and straddled the chair, his
hands on his thighs.
 
“How would you feel
if you woke up one morning, and you and Ethan had all of your bills paid?”
 
He cocked his head to the side and I frowned.
 

“What is this, Jake?
 
Some sort of fantasy idea?”
 
I
knew that my big brother had a wild imagination, and I was always suspect about
his excitement over new ventures, especially when they revolved around
money.
 

“It ain’tno fantasy, Emma.
 
It’s reality.
 
And if you’ll just
be a little open minded, I promise you’ll think this is one of the best plans
I’ve ever concocted.”
 
He gave me a wink
and I shook my head.
 
Then I took another
sip of my water and watched as the rain pelted the windows and the corn stalks
sank under the weight of the water.
 

“Okay, Jake.
 
Cut to
the chase.
 
I have to get dinner cooking
before Ethan gets home from school you know.”
 
I frowned and then smoothed my hair back away from my face.
 
Ethan wouldn’t be home for another three or
four hours, but I knew how long-winded Jake could get over his ideas.
 

“Here it is.”
 
Jake
sat up straight and then smiled.
 
“I have
a man for you, Emma.
 
A man who can take
away all of your worries.”
 
He whispered
the last part of his sentence, and I folded my arms back across my chest.
 
I had no interest in meeting any man,
especially one that Jake was going to try and set me up with.
 

“Oh come on, Emma.
 
You haven’t even heard all that I got to tell you.
 
Why don’t you try to stop being so defensive
all the time?
 
Remember, I’m just trying
to help you, okay?”
 
He smiled and then
tossed back the last sip of his water.
 

“You want more?”
 
I
stood up and took away his glass.
 
He
reflected for a minute and then gave me a wry grin.
 

“You got any beer?”
 
He looked at me with a timid, doubtful expression.
 
I gave him a dry laugh and then opened the
cellar door.
 

“I think there’s some down here from when Paul used to store
them in the cooler.”
 
I tightened the
cinch around my apron and then started to walk down the steps.
 
I was already suspicious of Jake’s plan, and
I wondered what he was really going to end up asking me to do.
 
Knowing Jake, there would be some trade-off
for him involved, as well.
 
Jake wasn’t a
selfish man, but he was always making sure that he walked away with his cut of
the pie.
 

I rummaged around in the cellar, moving over heaps of Paul’s
old clothes, boxes of his fishing gear, and crates filled with hunting
arrows.
 
I looked around and suddenly
felt overwhelmed.
 
I hadn’t moved on at
all since Paul’s death.
 
I was just as
engulfed in it now as I had been two years ago.
 
I stared at the wall and then moved toward the fridge, tripping over a
box filled with old milk bottles.
 
Jake
must have heard me making noise, because he peered around the doorway and then
started to inch his way down the steps.

“You okay down here?”
 
He looked at me and I crumpled down to the floor, landing in a pile of
old wool blankets that Paul used to keep in the horse barn.
 
I buried my face in my hands and wept, only
stopping when I felt Jake’s hand on my back.
 
“Emma.
 
Come on upstairs.
 
Forget about the beer.”
 
He reached for my hand and helped me up.
 
I wiped the tears away from my face and then
grabbed a wadded tissue from my apron pocket.

“The beers aren’t the problem, Jake.”
 
I finally got to the fridge and pulled out a
frosty ale from the back.
 
I handed it to
Jake and dabbed my eyes, then threw my arms up in the air.
 
“The problem is me.
 
I need to do something.
 
Look at his place.
 
It’s a catastrophe.
 
I’ve done nothing but wallow in self-pity and
sorrow for the last two years. I need to pick up the pieces and move
forward.”
 
I sniffed and then looked at
Jake.
 

He cracked open the beer and took a sip, then eyed me with
concern.
 
He wiped his mouth with his
sleeve and then set the beer on the railing post.
 
“Emma.
 
None of us can really imagine what it feels like for you, but…”
 
Jake paused and then lowered his head.
 
“I miss Paul, too.
 
I mean, he was a good guy.”
 
He nodded his head and then looked at me with
a frown.
 
“But he ain’t coming back, and
life is just rolling on without you.”
 
He
picked his beer up from the post and took another sip.
 
Then he spun around and headed back up the
steps.
 

I closed the windows in the kitchen to keep the rain from
careening inside.
 
Jake and I both
watched in silence for a few minutes.
 
It
had been weeks since this part of Idaho had received a good downpour, and we
surely needed it.
 
I was relieved that
the soil would be softened now for planting, hopeful that some of the sadness
from the day might be washed away with it, as well.

“I’m ready to hear what you want to tell me, Jake.”
 
I sat down in the same checker-padded kitchen
chair, and waited to hear Jake’s plan.
 
He tossed back the last sip of his beer and then hiccupped.
 

“It’s a simple plan, Emma.
 
All you have to do is agree to get married again.”
 
Jake spoke and I felt my stomach
tighten.
 
Get married again?
 
I might have been ready to accept a new idea,
but I was in no way ready to get married again.
 
And to whom?
 
The thought was
ludicrous.

“You must be kidding, right?”
 
I pulled my hair back into a pony tail and
then waited to hear what else he had to say.

“I’m not kidding.
 
I’m
completely serious.
 
All you have to do
is agree to get married again, and all of your financial woes will
dissolve.
 
Yours, and mine.”
 
He winked and then I chuckled.
 
I knew there had to be a catch. “Here’s how
it works.
 
You agree to marry a certain
Matthew Devine.
 
He’s a handsome, wealthy
rancher from out in Pocatello, and he’s been on the search for a mail order
bride.
 
You fit the bill.”
 
Jake cocked his head and waited for me to
interject.
 
I simply stared at him.

“A mail order bride?
 
I’ve never even heard of such a thing.”
 
I frowned, already not keen on the idea, but still convinced that I
needed to do something that would drastically change my current course.
 
Jake smiled and then ran his hands through
his hair.

“Emma, it’s like a dream.
 
This guy has money- lots of it.
 
He’s good looking, and there are a handful of women ready to throw
themselves at his feet.
 
But see, that
ain’t his style.
 
He’s like, this
romantic at heart, and he has some hang-up about women who just want him for
his cash.
 
I could tell you a lot more
about him if you think you’ll listen.”
 
Jake raised his eyebrows and gave me an optimistic smile.
 

I had to admit that I was curious, not so much about
Matthew, but about how Jake apparently knew so much about him.
 

“You said he’s a rancher?”
 
I wanted to see if Jake knew as much about him as he led on to.
 
Jake emphatically nodded his head.

“Cattle rancher, down off of Fountain Highway, near the
resorts.”
 
He continued nodding and then
reached his hand into his back pocket and pulled out a folded up piece of
paper.
 
“I got all his stats, right
here.”
 
Jake scanned the document and
then tossed it onto the table. I frowned, still unconvinced that I could really
trust him wholeheartedly.

 
“Look, Emma.
 
I got connections, you know?
 
I see a lot of people in town, I go to a lot
of community meetings, and I do a lot of favors for people.
 
I know this guy is legit.
 
And the only thing he’s trying to get out of
life, right now, is a good woman.”
 
Jake
smiled and then sighed.
 
“Who knows.
 
Maybe the two of you will actually hit it
off.”
 
He shrugged and then pushed back
his chair.
 

“Where are you going?”
 
I watched as he stood up and pressed his hands against the glass on the
door.
 
The rain had tapered off, leaving
an orange hue on the dirt road beyond the back door.

“Well I know Ethan will be getting home soon, and I actually
need to go drop off some feed over at Bower Farm.
 
Why don’t we continue this conversation
sometime tomorrow?
 
Maybe you can come
out to the house in the morning.”
 
Jake
shrugged and then let himself out.
 
I
didn’t have anything planned tomorrow except for some knitting and some
baking.
 

“Sure.
 
Will ten
work?”
 
I stood up and walked behind him,
glancing up at the sky to view the clouds that were slowly disappearing from
our view.
 
I closed the door and sat down
on the step, wondering if this was such a good idea.
 
Jake ambled slowly to his truck and then
climbed in behind the wheel.

“Ten works for me.
 
Sue has to teach around nine, and the kids will be off to school by
then.”
 
He nodded his head and then gazed
out at the corn fields.
 
“Boy, Paul sure
did a hell of a lot of work when he was alive, didn’t he?”
 
He shook his head and then closed the door
and started his engine.
 
I nodded my head
in agreement.
 
Paul had been the hardest
worker I ever met, and he never complained about it.

I watched as Jake slowly reversed out of the driveway, his
truck rolling along the dirt road that now resembled softened clay.
 
He waved goodbye and then I wandered back
toward my laundry basket.
 
The clothes
that hung on the line were now sopping wet form the rain, but I just didn’t
have the wherewithal to take them all down and haul them in to the dryer.
 
I was line drying most of our clothes to cut
back on the electric bill, but sometimes it just got to be too much work.
 
I scratched my head and thought about what
Jake had said about Matthew.
 
Maybe he
was the answer to all of these problems, after all.

“Hey, Mom.
 
I’m
home!”
 
I heard Ethan’s voice ring out
from the kitchen just as I finished a stitch on a scarf I was knitting.
 
I was glad to hear him because he was the one
bright spot in my otherwise gloomy days.
 
I slowly got up and then started to walk toward the hall.
 
I stopped in front of my full length mirror
and looked at my refection.
 
My shiny
chestnut colored hair hung to my shoulders.
 
It was my one feature that made me feel attractive.
 
Otherwise, I felt like my looks left a lot to
be desired.

Losing Paul had left me with many restless nights.
 
The circles under my eyes were pronounced,
and I seemed to have a lifeless energy.
 
I stared at myself for a few minutes and then told myself that it was
time to change.
 
I had to move on with my
life and try to get it together.
 
I
started to feel like maybe Jake’s arrival was sort of like an angel’s.
 
What if this ended up being a plan that we
could both benefit from in miraculous ways?

“I’ll be right down, honey.”
 
I called to Ethan and then closed the bedroom door.
 
I walked down the hallway and looked at all
of the pictures on the wall- many were of Paul and I after we had been
married.
  
I smiled when I thought back
to all of the happy times we had shared, and I realized that my life would
never really be the same.
 
It would
always be a life that had been drastically altered.
 
It would always have a missing piece.
 
Yet, even with all of that, I figured that it
could still be a life worth living.
 

“How was school, buddy?”
 
I threw my arms around Ethan’s shoulders and then stood back to look at
his face.
 
He looked so much like Paul,
with his deep set green eyes and his high cheekbones.
 
I smiled and then opened up the refrigerator.
 
We had fresh eggs and fresh goat’s milk, but
not much else.
 
I didn’t want to
complain, but I sometimes wished that we could get away from the farm life.
 
Maybe we could move into the city and try to
integrate a new lifestyle.
 
Then I
sighed.
 
We’d never have enough money to
make a move like that.

 
I had creditors
calling every week because we still owed on the house.
 
Worse, I had applied for credit cards for the
first time in my life after Paul passed away because I needed to buy Ethan
school clothes, and I needed to fix the truck.
 
The bills were mounting, and I was beginning to feel like we’d soon be
buried in debt.
 
I ran my hands through
my hair and then took a deep breath.
 
Then I pulled out two eggs and a quart of milk.
 
I watched as Ethan ran outside with his
football, and then cried when I realized that he had nobody to throw it to.

Jake’s arrival had stirred up a flurry of emotions.
 
On the one hand I really didn’t have much
interest in actually dating anyone.
 
It
was hard to even think about having romantic feelings for anyone besides
Paul.
 
But on the other hand, I couldn’t
deny that his mention of financial freedom gave me hope.
 
I felt like maybe I could finally get out of
the hole I was in, both emotionally and financially.
 
I tried to think of Jake’s idea as a ticket
out of hell.
 
Maybe I would finally be
happy again one day.

“Hey, Mom.
 
My school
is planning a trip to Sun Valley.
 
Can I
go?”
 
Ethan came inside and sat down at
the table.
 
I had just set down a plate
of eggs and some milk.
 
He dug in with
enthusiasm and I lowered my head.
 
Sun
Valley was the big ski resort just outside of town.
 
I knew that Ethan’s high school planned an
annual trip there for the high school kids, and it broke my heart to think that
I wouldn’t have enough money to let him go with his friends.
 

“Sweetheart, I’m not sure if you can go.
 
I don’t like to tell you that, but it’s
true.”
 
I shook my head and then
sighed.
 
Ethan took a sip of his milk and
then gazed out the window.
 

“Mom, are we always going to be poor?”
 
Ethan turned back around and looked at me,
his fork teetering on the edge of his plate.
 
I didn’t know how to answer him so I remained quiet.
 
Then, I felt a twinge of courage rise in my
veins.

“No.
 
We aren’t always
going to be poor, Ethan.”
 
I stood up and
gave him a wry smile.
 
“One of these
days, and it might be soon, our luck is going to change.”
 
I walked toward Ethan and gave him a squeeze
around the shoulders.
 
Then I cleared the
dishes from the table, and filled the sink with soapy water.
 
Ethan sat quietly at the table, then after a
long period of silence, pushed his chair out and left the room.

When I went to bed that night, I imagined waking up with
optimism. I thought about having enough money so that Ethan could go on his ski
trip, and I thought about one day experiencing happiness again.
 
I tossed and turned a few times before
finally settling on my right side so that I could gaze out the bedroom
window.
 
A gentle breeze swept through
the room and I closed my eyes, hopeful that tomorrow might bring something
better than today.
 
Then I drifted off to
sleep.