All About the Hype (29 page)

My chest is heaving as I stare back at him, not knowing what to believe. He’s making a good job of convincing me, but what do I really know? His eyes drop to my right hipbone and widen
with alarm. They dart back up to look at me. ‘What have you done?’ he whispers.

My eyes fill with tears and I run to the sliding glass door, yanking it open.

‘Jessie!’ Jack follows me outside. There’s a swimming pool out here and, for a split second, I have an intense urge to throw myself into it and wash away last night’s
horror, but Jack’s arms are around me and he’s holding me to his chest and I’m crying so hard, my brain trying to make sense of what’s happened. How could I have been so
stupid?

‘Let me see,’ he says shakily, sounding close to tears himself.

I’m still crying, burying my face in my hands as he kneels at my feet and folds the top of my jeans further down, gently peeling back the bandage. He lets out a loud breath. ‘You got
the noughts and crosses,’ he says. I peek through my fingers at him. ‘Did I?’

He nods up at me, looking relieved.

‘Did he do it right?’ I bend over, trying to look.

‘What’s the sequence again?’ Jack asks me.

‘Cross in the top left.’

‘Yes.’

‘Nought underneath it.’

‘Yes.’

We go on like this until finally Jack says, ‘Yeah, he got it right.’

I burst into tears again, this time from relief.

‘Fuck,’ he mutters, reattaching the bandage and adjusting my jeans. He stands up and grips my upper arms. ‘What were you thinking? That could’ve gone so wrong.’

‘What were
you
thinking?’ I shove his chest. ‘Going into a bathroom with those girls!’

‘They followed me in there!’ he yells. ‘I needed a pee and the next thing I knew they were all over me! Someone locked the door from the outside.’

I stare at him, shaking my head.

‘I swear to you,’ he says heatedly. ‘I didn’t do anything with them. I swear on Aggie’s life and you know I wouldn’t say that if I didn’t mean
it.’

My face crumples and he pulls me against his chest. ‘What about you?’ he murmurs. ‘How did the ink happen?’

‘It was Dana,’ I say. ‘She convinced me.’

I hear someone let out a nasty laugh from the open doorway and shoot a look over there to see the woman herself, standing and watching us. She nonchalantly steps over the threshold and comes
outside.

‘This is so entertaining,’ she drawls. ‘You guys should film this shit and turn it into a sitcom.’

‘You made me do it!’ I yell at her, as Jack holds me back. She saunters towards us.

‘I didn’t make you do it, you stupid, silly little girl. You did it all on your own. All I did was convince Rick you were older. Poor guy. He is
so
in for it with your
dad.’ She smiles evilly.

‘Why?’ I ask in a small voice.

The smile drops from her face. ‘Because I can. Because your dad had it coming. Not you,
him
. This is gonna kill him.’ She laughs a tinkling laugh, looking like all of her
Christmases have come at once, and her birthdays, too.

‘Oh my God, I wish I could see Meg’s face when he opens these pictures.’ She holds her phone up and turns it round to show me a series of shots she must’ve taken last
night of me, the party, Gramps looking wasted and, finally, Rick tattooing my skin. I think I’m going to throw up.

‘Don’t you dare send him those,’ I warn, but my voice lacks conviction.

‘Oh, I already have,’ she says flippantly. ‘He’s gonna wake up to these babies.’ Dana laughs again and shakes her head. ‘I am
so
bummed I’m not
gonna be there.’

‘You psycho bitch.’ Jack can barely contain his rage.

She sticks her bottom lip out. ‘That’s not very nice,’ she says in a little girl voice. ‘I would’ve thought you’d be in a better mood this morning after your
fun with Miley and Lacie in the bathroom.’

‘You set me up?’ he splutters.

‘Of course I did. Did they look after you?’

‘You’re disgusting,’ he says.

‘Where’s Sienna?’ I demand to know.
Was she in on this?

‘Oh, she left in tears earlier after Abe tried to get into her pants. She’s a stupid little girl as well. What did she expect?’

My mouth drops open.

‘What, you think I actually
like
my sister?’ she continues. ‘Correction. She is
not
my sister,’ she spits, all trace of amusement gone from her face.
‘That bitch stole my father away and she had it coming, too.’

She smiles again, clearing enjoying herself. ‘It was so easy, befriending her.’ She pushes her bottom lip out again. ‘She wanted so much to be loved. I saw the pictures of the
two of you together and thought,
Ching-ching! Revenge
.’ She throws her head back and laughs.

I see red. I run forward and give her a hard shove. Her eyes widen momentarily as she flies backwards, landing with a splash in the pool.

‘Nicely done,’ Jack says ruefully, as Dana comes up spluttering. He grabs my hand and yanks me inside to collect Gramps.

I bury my head in my hands and try to shut out the noise. Meg is screaming, Johnny is yelling and Gramps actually looks like he’s going to cry. Annie has taken the kids
somewhere so they’re out of the house and it’s just as well because I’ve never seen Johnny and Meg like this.

Jack offered to stay with me, to try to explain, but Johnny threw him out and shouted at him never to come back. They returned from New York early this afternoon after cutting their trip
short.

I feel like I’m in hell.

And it’s all my fault.

‘No, Johnny, please,’ Meg begs, as Johnny strides across the living room towards the door. She’s crying as she runs after him.

‘I have to have it out with her,’ Johnny states furiously.

‘No, please. I don’t want you seeing her!’ Meg cries.

‘I have to!’ Johnny yells in her face.

‘That’s what she wants!’ Meg implores. ‘Please don’t! She wants you to run to her!’

‘Well, she’s getting what she wants, then,’ Johnny says flatly, shoving past her to the door.

‘Johnny!’ Meg screams after him, before bursting into tears.

‘Oh, Christ,’ Gramps says from beside me.

My bottom lip is trembling uncontrollably. I can’t believe what’s happening, that I’ve done this to my family. How could I have screwed up so badly?

Meg storms over to Gramps. ‘You stupid, stupid old man!’ She picks up a cushion and he brings his arms up to protect his face as she whacks him over the head with it.

‘Meg!’ I cry, jumping to my feet. ‘I’m sorry! It was my fault!
My
fault! I should never have trusted Dana!’

She shakes her head at me, tears streaming down her face. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes as she turns and walks away.

In the distance, we hear Johnny’s motorcycle roar out of the garage.

Stu can barely look at me when I walk out through Customs at Heathrow. I should be grateful he’s here at all. I thought they’d send a car.

‘Hi.’ I come to a stop in front of him, my eyes already brimming over with tears.

‘Come on,’ he says gruffly, taking my suitcase. ‘Don’t lose it here.’

The last week has been a living nightmare. Meg took the boys and went to stay with a friend for a couple of days and I could tell that Johnny was close to cracking. Meg was so angry with him. I
don’t know if she’s forgiven him for seeing Dana, even now. When she came back, she confided in me that the worst thing was that he kept his knowledge about Dana and Sienna from her.
She considered that the worst betrayal. In that way, I betrayed her, too.

I haven’t been allowed to see Jack. Johnny found out that he stayed over on Friday night and confiscated my phone, laptop and iPad so I can’t call or email him. I’ve barely
been allowed to leave the house for school and I’m in even more trouble because my last lot of homework came back with D and E grades.

Sienna hasn’t been at school and Agnes says that apparently she hasn’t replied to anyone’s text messages. She must be crushed.

Thankfully Agnes has been able to exchange messages between Jack and me.

It wasn’t even his fault. It’s so unfair.

When Meg returned after staying with her friend, I asked Johnny if I could go back to England for Spring Break. Stu had already asked me to come home for a visit, and Johnny agreed without
hesitation.

‘Yeah. I think it will do everyone good to have a week’s breathing space,’ he said.

I think they need some time alone as a family. I feel like I’m becoming more of an outsider by the second. I’ve never said sorry so much in my life. My apologies have almost become
meaningless now. I need to find some other way to make it up to them. I hate that I’ve caused such a major rift between Meg and Johnny. The night before I left, I heard her crying in the
office.

‘
Of course
we couldn’t trust Brian.’ She was talking to someone on the phone. ‘I’m such a stupid idiot to think that we could. I just wanted…
so
much
…’ she said between sobs, ‘…to go with Johnny on tour. He needs me. I know he needs me. It’s all so fucked up.’

It was the first time I’d heard her swear. I left before she caught me eavesdropping.

‘Well, this probably trumps everything else you’ve ever done, doesn’t it?’ Stu says wryly, as we climb into the Audi Johnny bought him at the end of
last year to replace his crummy Fiat.

‘Yeah, it does.’ I’m not even going to argue with him. I’ve got a lecture coming to me and I’m going to take it on the chin.

‘How could you be so stupid?’ he asks.

I shake my head. ‘I don’t know,’ I mumble, tears stinging my eyes as I look out of the window at the brown, leafless trees and muddy fields. It’s a murky grey day, which
feels highly appropriate. The sunny skies of LA are a long, long way away. I swallow. ‘I guess I just wanted to feel ordinary again.’

‘By getting
a tattoo
?’ Stu asks in disbelief. ‘By allowing a boy to
sleep in your bed
?’

I’ve already had a major reprimand from my dad about that one. I think that Wyatt, the overnight security guard at the house, told him that Jack and Agnes had stayed overnight. The entire
conversation was absolutely
mortifying
. I even ended up confessing that I’m still a virgin. Johnny broached the subject of safe sex, but luckily I could tell him that Mum had beaten
him to it by several years. I said I’d never make the same mistake she did by not using condoms and falling pregnant. I wasn’t being rude – just honest.

‘No!’ I shoot Stu a look. ‘I wanted to feel ordinary by getting drunk! By going to a house party! By not having to look over my shoulder to find a bodyguard standing there! I
was letting my hair down.’

He snorts with astonishment.

‘I didn’t mean to get a tattoo!’ I cry. ‘God, I wanted one. I’ve been wanting one for ages! But I would have waited until I was eighteen.’

‘I can’t believe you allowed that to happen, even drunk out of your brain! And what the hell was Brian doing when you were having some random man cutting up your skin?’

‘He wasn’t a random man. He was a proper tattoo artist,’ I say wearily. ‘He’s inked Johnny in the past.’

‘Oh, that makes it all OK,’ Stu says sarcastically.

I swallow the lump in my throat and look away.

‘What would your mother have said?’ he mutters.

I bite my lip until I taste blood.

We’re staying at Johnny’s mansion in Henley because the sale of Stu’s new house hasn’t gone through yet. It won’t be far off, he says.

A few days later, when everything has calmed down a bit, he takes me to check it out. It’s in Marlow, right near the river and just off the high street. It has high red-brick walls around
a deceptively big back garden. I notice that there are CCTV cameras hooked up everywhere. Stu tells me that the current owner is a famous actress, but he won’t reveal her identity. Needless
to say, he doesn’t trust me any more.

I like the house – it has a nice feel to it – but I have the biggest lump in my throat every time I think about my home in Maidenhead. Stu asks me if I want to go and say bye, but I
burst into tears at the thought of it. I decide that no, I don’t. It’s probably best that I stick with the memories that I have.

I feel too raw to see any of my friends at first, but, after a few days, Stu lets me use the phone to call them. He reluctantly agrees to drive me to a pub in Maidenhead to meet them. The press
haven’t cottoned on to the fact that I’ve left LA, so we agree that I can go incognito.

It’s only after Stu’s driven off that I realise he’s probably heading straight to Caroline’s house – she and Tom live nearby. Stu has fended off any questions
I’ve asked about her and he hasn’t let me out of his sight since I got here, so he’s probably desperate to see her.

Libby, Lou, Chris and Natalie are there when I arrive, but everyone is far less enthusiastic to see me than the last time we were all together. Since they all came over for my birthday,
we’ve barely spoken at all, and now they’re quite cool with me as a result. I’m reserved with them, too – I’m still coming to terms with how badly I’ve messed
everything up and I don’t really want to talk about it. I’ve been on a very different path lately and I’m not entirely sure how to realign myself with my old life here.

But, when Tom turns up after about twenty minutes, I almost lose it.

‘Hey,’ he says, startled as I hug him a bit too hard. ‘You OK?’

I pull away and nod, but my eyes fill with tears. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asks with concern.

I realise that everyone is looking up at us and they all seem taken by surprise at my reaction. All we’ve done up to this point is make awkward small talk. My friends are all so normal, so
far from what I am right now, that it’s harder to identify with them. But Tom was in San Francisco with me. He’s witnessed even more of my whirlwind life in America than they did, and
he knows me and the upheaval I’ve been dealing with. I feel closer to him than anyone else here, and that’s crazy because he’s my ex, but it doesn’t stop it from being
true.

My nose prickles and I crumble. I end up telling everyone everything.