All Access (The Fangirl Series Book 1) (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Word to Yo Mutha

I send the link to Sara with instructions to “Check this quick” and wait for my phone to blow up. And thirty seconds later, that’s exactly what it does.

“Kallie! Holy crap! Is this from last night? Before you found out?” Her voice is so high I’m not sure how she doesn’t have a line of dogs outside her window. “It’s clear you’ve only given me part of the story here. So spill it. Now. This is
Page
Freaking
Six
! And you’re in it!”

I stare at the screen of my laptop. I have to admit the photo looks even better on a larger scale. “Yeah, that’s from last night. At the after-party. There’s just so much to tell, I can’t even. I don’t want to. But yes, at that moment, life was amazing. Then the shit hit the fan.”

“Listen,” she says, her voice dropping several octaves. “I know what I said last night, and I know what I’ve said before, but I am looking at this photo now and do you know what I see?”

“Lies?”

“No. I see a gorgeous rock star who probably had a million people in that room fighting for his attention, and his eyes—and hands—are squarely on you.
You
, Kallie.”

Oh, how those words sting.

“Seriously, did you look at yourselves? I know I basically called you two a pipe dream, but this picture is worth the proverbial thousand words. This dude is into you. It’s written all over his face.”

“Maybe he is now. But that’s not where we started.” My stomach tightens again. Oh man, I am so confused.

“Okay, this is ridiculous. I need the whole story here, and you’ve obviously been holding back. Tell me what he said when you asked him about the notes. Did he deny it? Come clean?”

I swallow hard. “I didn’t ask him. He doesn’t know I know.”

“Wait,
what
? If you didn’t confront him, then what did you two fight about last night?”

I glance at the photo again and decide there’s no good in holding back. Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe Sara can help set me straight. Or maybe she’ll agree that he fucked me over big time and then I can move on in peace.

“We were finally going to have sex last night, Sara. He was ready. I’ve
been
ready. It was time. But then Robbyn sent that picture. She had told me about it at the after-party, but I chose not to believe her. But then when I saw it for myself, how could I not?”

“So you just walked out on him? Did he not see the picture, too?”

“He was gone when it came through, so he never knew I got it. When he came back, I didn’t know how to bring it up, so I just acted normal and we just kind of, you know, held each other for freaking ever and it was amazing. But then I decided that I couldn’t go further with him unless I knew the truth, so I said something to trip him up. And the way his body posture responded? I totally busted him. It was a dead giveaway that Robbyn was actually telling the truth.”

“Um, okay. So to recap . . . you’re telling me that he never saw the photo Robbyn sent you. At all?”

“No.”

“No, that’s not what you’re telling me, or no, he never saw it?”

“No, he never saw it.”

“And you never told him you received it?”

“No.”

“And you never told him what Robbyn said to you at the party?”

“No.”

“So, essentially,” she says, in her best psychiatrist voice, “you tricked him into nonverbally admitting something he didn’t know he was admitting to?”

Well, when she puts it that way.

“Good gravy, Kallie, listen to me. You need to talk to him about this. You are totally not being fair. He needs to know what you’re thinking so he can explain himself. Maybe it’s not what you think.”

I close my eyes, more conflicted now than ever.

“Sweetie, I know you’re confused, but here’s what I want you to do. Do not leave New York City today. Stay there. Take a long shower, get some coffee, clear your head. When you’re ready, invite him somewhere neutral. Don’t go to his place, don’t make him come to you. Meet somewhere out. Wherever you can go where you won’t get spotted. Then talk to him. Tell him what you know, how you found out, and what your concerns are. Let him tell his side of the story. You owe that to him, and if he really did what you think, he owes you an explanation, too.”

I sigh. She’s totally right.

“Honestly, Kallie? I can’t take my eyes off this picture. You look like you’re in your own little world. It seems so weird seeing my best friend in a photo with a celebrity and frankly, I am totally, totally jealous. But there is something there between you two, it’s so super-duper obvious.” I lick my lips and feel a smile spread across my face. “Give him a chance, Kal. If he doesn’t tell you what you need and want to hear, you can pull the plug then. But don’t give him the boot until you figure this thing out. Okay? Do you promise?”

“Yeah. I promise.”

“Keep your guard up. He’s still not off the hook. But you gotta let him speak. You have to get the whole truth and then decide how big of an issue it really is.”

I’m about to tell her I hear her loud and clear, but my call waiting beeps and I see that it’s him.

Oh my God, it’s him!

“Holy shit, Sara, it’s Niles! He’s buzzing in. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna talk to him. Thanks for everything, honey. I love you soooo much! Later!”

Before she responds I click over, which automatically turns my tongue into a jumble-up, tangly heap. Big surprise.

“Hi,” I squeak.

“Hi. How are you doing this morning?”

I want to say what I would normally say:
better now that I’m talking to you
. But I keep it cool instead. “I’m okay. How are you?”

“I think you know.”

I answer with silence.

“I know you said you need some space, and I’ll respect that if it’s still true. But I really want to see you. Can I see you this morning? Please?” His voice teeters on begging, and against my better judgment, my heart melts all over the place.

“Give me ‘til ten? I look a wreck.”

“Really? Ten? Okay, yeah, you got it.” His voice is suddenly smiling. “See you then.”

“Hey, Niles?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen
Page Six
this morning?”

“No. I don’t read that crap.”

“Well . . . you might want to today.”

***

              “I brought coffee,” Niles says, his outstretched hand clenching a Starbucks cup with my name scrawled across the side.

              I close my text messages—from a fuming Brad (“Nice to see you partying it up with your boy toy while I take good care of your daughters”), Katherine (“OMG, you two are hotter than hot! I need the scoop!”), my cousin (“Does your mom know you’re dating a rock star?!”) and a handful of others. I had no idea so many people were clued in to celeb sightings. I can’t believe I
qualify
as a celeb sighting.

              “I had a feeling you would.” I make sure my fingers don’t brush his as I take my cup. Avoiding our white-hot electricity is probably a good idea right now.

Despite Sara’s urging to meet him somewhere neutral, it looks like we’ll be powwowing at my hotel. But having him in the room with me is not nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. What’s awkward is the inner battle I’m having with myself to keep from plunging into his arms like I really want to. My heart is telling me to go for it, my head is telling me no way. Not yet.

              “So,
Page Six
, huh?” he says. “That was a surprise, right?”

              “Uh, yeah. A little.”

              “Did you like the picture, Kallie? Did you get a good look at it?” He sets his coffee down and slowly walks toward me.

              “Yeah. I did.”

              “I think it speaks volumes, don’t you?” His voice is low as he inches even closer, takes my coffee, and sets it on the table next to his. He takes my hands and wraps them around his waist, pulling me closer to him with a careful and deliberate touch. In a breath, I’m leaning into him, which pisses off my head, but is exactly where my heart wants me to be. My entire body catches on fire while my eyes close tight.

              “I’m still really, super pissed that you wouldn’t open up to me,” he says. “But I’m also sorry for whatever I did. Something obviously happened last night and if I hurt you, I never meant to.” He kisses me on the forehead, then tilts my chin up and looks into my eyes. “You don’t really believe this is too much, too fast, do you?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.” His shoulders visibly relax, as though someone just removed a piano from them. “So then tell me what really happened so we know how to fix this. Don’t close up. I’ve always told you not to hide with me.”

              I know what I need to say, but the words won’t come out. How do you tell someone they were busted red-handed? I mean, if I hated him, it would be easy. But I am out-of-control in love with him. Still. No matter what.

“What are you going to do about the
Page Six
picture? I bet your publicist is flipping out.”

              He steps back to look at me again and laughs. “Seriously? You’re going to try to change the subject?” He shakes his head and glares at me with a mock annoyed look. “Kelsey is thrilled. She’d love to see a million of those pictures out there. A gorgeous mystery girl who captured the heart of a very in-the-shadows front man. She just about orgasmed when she saw it. But that’s beside the point, isn’t it?”

              “What do you mean?” I ask, secretly giddy that his publicist approves.

              “I mean, this picture will be a one-off if we don’t get whatever’s bugging you fixed. So, let’s do that. Let’s talk.”

              He backs away to grab his coffee, and I look at him long and hard. He looks tired. So tired. He usually always has some faint dark circles under his eyes, but today they seem extra pronounced. And it looks like he’s taken a shower and haphazardly thrown some gel in his hair. It’s crazier than normal, but I love it just as much.

              It’s probably a good seventy-five degrees outside already this morning, but he’s wearing a cream-colored, baggy long-sleeved tee over top of another, presumably (hopefully!) short-sleeved, navy blue tee. The blue brings out the little bit of blue in his eyes even more. He’s wearing jeans and his ever-present Sperry’s with no socks. He is captivating.

              “I’m guessing that whatever happened had to do with Robbyn. I’m not sure how or when because in the cab, everything seemed fine.
More than
fine.” He takes a sip of his drink and turns back to look at me. “I’ve tried to explain myself so many times when it comes to her, but clearly I’ve done a shitty job. So the only way I’ll know how to fix this is hearing it straight from you. So let’s go. Gimme whatcha got.”

              Just as I’m about to start talking, his phone rings and, surprisingly, he picks up. I honestly can’t remember a time he’s ever done this around me, so this must be something big. Maybe it’s Kelsey or someone else from his team wanting to talk about the photo.

              “Hey, you’re early,” he answers. “No worries, though, she’s right here.” He looks at me with a childish smile, then squinches his eyes closed as he holds out his phone. “It’s for you.”

              I try to look at his screen to see who it could be, but it’s already gone dark. I shake my head in hopes he’ll take the phone back, but all he does is shove it closer. Defeated, I take it and hold it to my ear. “Hello?” I squeak.

              “Kallie? Hi. Aw, it’s great to meet you. You’re the one who stole my son’s heart, huh?”

              If my eyeballs weren’t attached, they would most definitely be falling out of my skull right now. Did he seriously just put me on the phone with
his mother
?
              “Listen, honey,” she says, “I’m going to get right to the point. I raised the kid, so I know he can be a dummy sometimes, but you gotta give him another chance, okay? Whatever he did wrong, I’m sure he’s truly sorry. He’s completely smitten with you, and I know he’ll make it right. Just tell him how he blew it and make him prove to you he’ll never do it again. You won’t be sorry. He’s a good kid, and he really truly lov . . . well, he really seems to like you. A whole bunch.”

              I have no idea how to respond, but I obviously need to say
something
, so I issue her a, “Thank you, it was great hearing from you,” and cast Niles a bug-eyed glance. He smiles in response.

              “Kallie, I’m going to tell you something,” she continues. “He’ll kill me if he knows I’m saying this, so just smile and nod and giggle as I talk so we don’t let on, okay?” I mumble my okay.

“All I have heard out of him the past few weeks is Kallie this, Kallie that. It’s a little weird because Kallie is his sister’s name, too, haha. So, it’s taken a little getting used to.” I giggle, hoping it doesn’t sound too fake. “The crazy thing is, he was with that Robbyn for a year, and she was nice enough, don’t get me wrong, but I only spoke to her twice. Just twice. And
he
only spoke
of her
when things were going wrong. But with you . . . you’re all he talks about. I’d never even know he was out on tour if I didn’t ask about it. Every time we talk, it’s always about you. You should probably laugh now.” As instructed, I laugh.