“Are you kidding me? She uses her body as a weapon against me, and her lips are like poison, numbing my brain. I can’t think straight when—”
“Ugh! Shut up. I can’t...” Kyle says, twisting his face in disgust.
“Well, don’t assume I have any type of control over her. I don’t,” I inform.
“Huh. So, you’re pretty much admitting to being pussy whipped before you’ve gotten any?”
If he calls me a pussy one more motherfucking time, it’s on.
“How would you know what I’ve gotten?” I wink, teasing him.
Kyle rushes me and pulls my chest to his by my shirt. “Tell me you did and I’ll cut your balls off and mail them to your mother,” he spits through his teeth as he threatens me.
“Ask her how much she enjoyed me,” I retort, taking his wrists in my hands and slamming them to his sides. “You need to realize, you aren’t the only one leaving them behind. This isn’t any easier for me, if that’s what you’re thinking. They’re the only family I have, and leaving Allie behind is torturing me both physically and mentally,” I throw over my shoulder as I exit the men’s room.
Once I get back to the booth, Allie and Lucille are standing up and gathering their purses. “Y’all finished already?” I ask.
“Yeah, we thought you boys fell in in there. Allie and I ate already. We’re going to give you two some guy time while we go gather some stuff for Kyle’s departure party,” Lucille informs. My smile falls, immediately. I had plans on spending the rest of my day with Al, but I can’t show my disappointment or she’ll suspect something’s wrong.
“Okay, cool. See you later, babe. You need any money for anything?” I ask, kissing her goodbye.
“If you’re dying to give me some moolah, yes. If not, I’m good. I don’t really plan on buying anything.”
I love giving her my money; everything I have is hers. And I don’t need it; I can’t use it once I’m gone. I went by the bank earlier this week and had her added to my account, just in case I don’t make it home. I reach into my back pocket and pull out my wallet. Opening it up, I reach in and pull out Ben. “Here, blow it well,” I urge, tucking it into her back pocket, copping a feel as Lucille pays the waitress.
“Wyatt,” Allie giggles. “Stop. Mom is going to see you, and then she’ll be sure to keep me occupied the entire day.” She pushes me away playfully. I glimpse behind Allie to make sure Lucille’s attention isn’t on us, and it’s not. She’s chatting with the waitress and some guy in a business suit.
I close the space between us and reach around her. I take her ass into my hands and pull her into me. I use my nose to push her hair away from the side of her face, and bring my lips to
rest against her ear. “I see, it’s okay for you to torture me under the table, directly in front of your mother, but I’m not allowed to get my fix? Doesn’t seem fair, baby,” I whisper.
I hear her breath hitch, and as I bring my face around to meet hers, her eyes close. “Ah- hum. Don’t make me go and get more ice water to cool you two off,” Lucille interrupts. Damn, damn, damn! “Come on, let’s go. We’ll see you boys later tonight.” Lucille takes Allie by the hand and leads her through the diner.
Allie turns around and crinkles her nose. “Sorry,” she mouths, puckering her lips. I blow her a kiss and sit back in the booth. I stare at the food in front of me, unable to eat. It’s cold, and watching Allie disappear to go shopping with her mother is bringing my leaving her closer to reality. Soon, it will no longer be pain from the thought of telling her goodbye; it’ll be real pain.
Seven
Rushed Time
TWO DAYS, TODAY
and tomorrow, that’s all I have left before I surrender myself to a bunch of cocky-ass sergeants, who’ll treat me no better than dog shit on the bottom of their boots. And no, I still haven’t told Allie anything. I’ve come to the conclusion that Kyle is right, and he has been all along. I have to break her heart, but I refuse to sit down and lie to her. There’s no way in hell I’m going to hold her hands, look her in the eyes, and tell her we’re finished. No fucking way. I am however, taking the coward’s way out. I’m going to leave, without an explanation. Does she deserve one? You bet your ass she does, but I can’t. Because if I see her cry, if she tells me she hates me, I’ll end up in jail. I won’t do my duty and serve. I’ll pack both of our shit up and we’ll go into hiding. She has one year before she graduates, but I’m sure she’d be fine with finishing somewhere else if it meant that we’d be together. But if I do that, Kyle will die. And I’ll still be here to watch her cry herself to sleep at night, again...
“Did you get everything taken care of?” Kyle asks as we drive back to his house.
“Yeah,” I nod. We just left the lawyer’s office. I may be only twenty, but I’m pretty damn intelligent. I just signed my will and made Allie my power of attorney. I don’t have much, but everything I have will go to Allie if something happens to me. There’s a little over ten grand in my account, thanks to my deceased grandfather, and my jeep. That’s all, nothing else. “You?” Kyle nods and grips the steering wheel tighter.
“Hey, your mom’s working tonight, right? What do you have planned?” I ask, hoping to get in some alone time with Allie.
“I pulled out some old home videos to watch with Al. Thought about throwing together a bunch of snacks, and munch on them as we take a stroll down memory lane,” he responds. This may seem somewhat selfish, but he’s had his entire life with her; he gets to come back home to her...I don’t.
“Do you think you could let me and Allie have some alone time?”
Kyle jerks his head back and looks at me, evilly. “For real?” he asks.
“Dude, eyes on the fucking road!” I yell as he swerves, missing an oncoming tractor- trailer.
“We only have two days together, and you want me to give all her time to you?” he asks, bemused.
“Pretty much,” I reply, seriously. I need this. I need to commit everything about her to memory. The memories of her that I’ll take with me
,
will help me conquer all things that come my way. Yes, I’m vanishing off the face of the Earth for the next four fucking years, but I’ll never stop loving her. No matter if death comes knocking at my door, I’ll think of her, remember her, and fight with all that’s within me to make it back to her. I will come home to her. I only pray she’s waiting for me, but if she’s not...well, I’ll think about what I’ll do when the time comes.
“Please, bro. I need this,” I plead. He raises his brows waiting for me to explain. “Look, I’m doing what you asked of me. I’m leaving her. I’m shattering her, and she’ll never forgive me. You, on the other hand, get to come home to her on leave, talk
with her every chance you get. That’s something I’m giving up, man. I love her, Kyle. I don’t think you comprehend just how much I fucking love her, more than life. And in case you haven’t realized it, I would die for her. In two days, when I walk out your front door, that’s it; Allie and I are finished. So please, give me some fucking time with her.” Please God, if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll agree.
He continues to stare blankly out at the road as he drives, contemplating my request. At least I made it sound like a request, but it’s really a nice demand. “Okay, but tonight only. Tomorrow I’m not leaving her side,” he responds.
“Deal,” I agree. I have a perfect night planned, and I can’t wait to get tonight started.
“But I will tell you now, you better not sleep with her,” Kyle demands.
I laugh at how over protective he can be. “I don’t plan on it, but shit happens,” I shrug. I’m not lying to him. I don’t have intentions of sleeping with her tonight, especially since I’m disappearing in less than 48 hours, but Allie is completely unpredictable. Does anyone ever plan on making love? If so, that’s fucking lame. It’s the unknown that makes love making memorable. Not that I’ve made love before, but I’ve been with several broads over the years, before Allie obviously. But each of the girls I fucked, it was never planned. No one does that shit.
“Dude, promise me you won’t bang my sister!” That is like setting a chocolate cake in front of a fat kid and telling them don’t touch it.
“I can’t make any promises,” I reply, honestly. Kyle punches the steering wheel.
“Don’t make me regret this, Wyatt. I mean it, dammit. If it happens, I never want to know about it.” Right, because it would be comfortable telling him how good his baby sis felt as I filled her?
“Would never mention it,” I assure.
The rest of our drive is silent. As we’re pulling in, Lucille is backing out of the drive heading to work. I’ve been thinking about the perfect night the entire drive, but I need Allie away from the house for at least an hour so I can set up. The weather is perfect for what I have planned. “Can you take Allie somewhere so I can get everything together for tonight?” I ask.
“I guess. I gotta go back to the store to pick up some roses and a card to give to Mom in the morning. I’m sure I can convince her to tag along.”
I enter the house, and as Kyle goes in search for Allie, I head down to the basement to grab some equipment. I grab two sleeping bags and some pillows. I hide out here until I hear their feet pad across the floor and the front door slam shut. Once I’m positive they’re gone, I head back upstairs. I go onto the back deck to grab the fire pit. It’s one of those small round ones you can build a small fire in close to the house without catching it on fire. I take the sleeping bags and fire pit down to the backyard. After going back up the steps that lead to the deck, I return to the kitchen to get the lighter and some dry wood for the fire.
After I haul everything down, I unzip the sleeping bags and lay them side by side on top of the grass. I stack the wood into the pit and set fire to it. I go back inside and make us some hot chocolate. I pour it into the thermos and take it outside. I walk over to the tree and break off two branches. Pulling out my pocketknife, I sharpen the edges of the sticks so that we can use them to roast marshmallows.
I sit down in front of the fire and analyze everything around me, making sure I
haven’t forgotten anything. Shit. We need a cover. I head back inside and grab a blanket that’s tossed over the back of the couch. As I step out the back door, I hear a car pull up to the house. I toss the blanket over the rails of the deck and head in to meet Allie.
She enters the door and I have to force myself not to run to her and scoop her up into my arms, where she fits perfectly. She’s wearing grey baggy sweats and a tight pink top, showing her tan flat stomach. Her hair is messy, thrown into a knot on the top of her head. She’s wearing her glasses, which I fucking love, and no make-up. Breathtakingly beautiful, all natural, all mine...for now.
“Why are you staring at me like that? All mushy looking and shit?” I open my mouth to defend myself, but then I realize I must look like a lovesick puppy. My mouth is hanging open and my head is cocked to the side, drool making its way out the side of my mouth as I admire her.
“Can’t help it, you’re gorgeous,” I smile.
“Pfft, whatever. I look like shit right now. I’m anything but gorgeous.” She rolls her eyes and walks to me. I open my arms wide and invite her in. She wraps her arms around my waist and I bend down to kiss her.
“
Mmm, I’ve missed you today,” she says, resting the side of her face onto my chest.
I place my hand to the side of her head and kiss the top of her head. “I have a surprise for you.”
She lifts her head and a smile invades her face, “Yeah?”
I nod. “Did you eat dinner?” I ask. I hope not, because I thawed the hot dogs for roasting.
“No,” she shakes her head. “But I’m starving,” she adds.
“Well, I’ve got a date with Kelsey. See you tomorrow?” Kyle approaches Allie timidly.
Her smile fades some. “You’re not staying here tonight?” Kyle shakes his head. “Okay, tomorrow then,” she replies, leaving me to go over and hug her brother. And as I watch them interact, I begin to feel bad for demanding my time with her, sort of.
“You guys don’t get too comfortable. You never know where I’ll be. Keep that
in
mind,” he says, glaring at me over his little sister’s shoulder.
“Please, Kyle. I’m an adult now. Plus, you don’t intimidate me,” she teases, holding him out at arm’s length.
“I’m sorry, but can you repeat that? Because I swear, it sounded like you said that you aren’t intimidated by me,” Kyle says in disbelief.
“No, you heard right.” Allie confirms.
Kyle cocks his head and stares deep into Allie’s eyes. “Yeah?” Allie places her hands onto her hips and nods. Kyle drops his arms to his side and pops his neck from side to side.
Allie turns away from him and begins to walk away, but Kyle captures her. He tickles her, causing her legs to become weak. Allie and Kyle crash to the floor, but he doesn’t stop tickling her. “Stop! Pa-
pleaseeee! Stop!” she pleads, laughing uncontrollably.
“Hell no. Not until you admit that I’m intimidating,” Kyle persuades.
“Ne-ver!” Allie breathes. I watch as they roll around the floor, laughing. Tears burn the backs of my eyes and I can’t stand here and watch them any longer.
I turn away and go back down into the basement. I take a seat on the steps and bring my head down to my knees. I take in some deep breaths and try to fight back my tears, but it’s hard, really fucking hard. I see her up there smiling, laughing, loving her brother, and excited to see what I have for her. She’s happy, not thinking about tomorrow or the day after, when her heart will be shattered into millions of tiny fragments. And to know I’m the reason she’ll probably never trust again, makes me feel like a complete piece of shit. Nothing but an inconsiderate asshole. But I can’t have her waste her life wondering if I’m safe, or if I’ll return home to her. She doesn’t deserve to worry; she’s worried enough over the last few years. And no matter how many times I tell myself I’m making the right decision by not telling her anything, it doesn’t make my leaving her any easier to bear.
***
“Wyatt,” Allie calls. I wipe my cheeks dry and stand to go back upstairs. As my hands rests on the doorknob it twists, but it’s not because I’ve turned it. “Holy shit!” Allie gasps. “You scared me. What are you doing down here, in the dark?” she eyes me curiously. She brings her hand up and splays her hand out over the side of my face, her thumb tracing my cheekbone. Her smile disappears as she cocks her head, “You okay? Something wrong, babe?”
Yes, my world is crumbling from underneath me, a big ass sinking hole pulling me into four years of nothing but darkness. I pull my hands up and place them on top of hers. “No, baby, I’m fine,” I assure, turning my face so that my lips can kiss the center of her palm. “I was looking for some fuel for the lantern in case we needed it later.”
“Why would we need a lantern?” she asks.
“I told you I had a surprise. Come on.” I take her by the hand and lead her into the kitchen. Walking over to the fridge, I grab some water and a pack of hot dogs. I nod my head to the island in the middle of the kitchen. “Grab that bag of marshmallows and follow me,” I instruct. Her face lights up as she becomes excited.
“I fucking love surprises,” she announces, bouncing up and down happily. “Huh, by your reaction I would’ve never guessed it,” I joke. “Just shut up and lead the way.”
I lead her out to the backyard, where I have the fire blazing and sleeping bags spread out. The thermos of hot chocolate with two coffee mugs is set beside our pillows, and our sticks are sharp and ready for use. I look to Allie as I lay the water and dogs to the ground. Her eyes are wide. She’s biting her lip, and rocking back and forth from heel to toe, excitedly. She loves camping in the backyard. We’ve had some great times back here, making out under the moonlight, play wrestling around in the grass. Moments no one should ever take for granted.
“Are we staying out here all night?” she asks hopefully.
I nod while spreading the blanket over the sleeping bags. “Look how clear the sky is. How bright the stars are shining. We are most definitely spending our night counting stars, babe.”
She walks over, squats in front of the fire and holds her hands out in front of
her. Her sweat pants hang low on her hips and the dimples on her lower back show, teasing my mind. Sexual thoughts begin to cloud my brain. “You cold?” I ask. It’s a pretty warm night, but she’s pretty cold blooded.
“Maybe a little,” she replies.
I walk over and stand beside her. I grab the bottom of my shirt and pull it up, removing it from my body, “Here, put it on.” I urge, holding my shirt out for her to take. She stands up and her eyes savor my bare torso. Her tongue glides slowly across her lips as her eyes glide down my chest and rest at my very prominent V. I reach out and tuck my fingers under her chin. “Eyes up here, Al.” I whisper, tilting her head back. Her cheeks flush.