All I Need (8 page)

“Yeah, I do.” I scrubbed my hand over my eyes and then my head. “I can’t do this anymore. I left you on stage tonight. I never should’ve done that. And I’m sorry. But I can’t watch you making eyes at other dudes for the rest of my life either.”

She snorted angrily. “I wasn’t
making eyes
at him. I was—”

“Okay, yes you were,” I said, smirking at her. “But even if you weren’t, how long until some other guy gets your attention? Until you start dating someone? You still going to sleep with me every night when you have a boyfriend?”

She glared at me, but I could still see the hurt. The confusion. I rubbed my hands roughly over my bare arms to try and warm up. The wind seemed determined to blow out the flames of this heated exchange between us.

“All I care about right now is the band, Jubb. That’s my main focus, what I worry about. Not my freaking love life.”

I glared back at her. “Oh yeah? So tell me what going to talk to some asshole that screwed you over last year,
literally
, has to do with the band. Please fill me in, because I don’t see the connection.”

“You’re being a jerk.”

I almost winced. She was right, I was. “Good. It’s a start. Turns out you like that in a guy, apparently.”

“Jubb…”

Fuck it. I had nothing to lose. I reached for her hand and pulled her closer to me. “Don’t go, Ev. Please? Just don’t. Stay with me tonight. We’ll talk. We’ll figure out what we both need to make this work. I get it that you’re not ready for all of this, but don’t run off to him and shut the door on us. Please.”

Great job, mangina. Say please one more time. Girls love when you beg like a freaking wuss.

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I saw the answer in her eyes. She’d already made up her mind. She was going.

“I just have to…” She looked away, and I dropped her hand.

“You have to? Really? ‘Cause last I checked, you were a
grown woman
.” She flinched as I threw her words back at her.

“Why are you being so difficult about this? You’re making a big deal out of nothing. I’ll go, we’ll talk, and it will be fine. Tomorrow night after the bonfire, me, you, and Dax will hit the road for Toledo and we’ll get back to work. Things will go right back to normal.”

Like none of this ever happened.
She was trying to blow me off in the nicest way possible.

I let out a deep breath, watching it steam up the air in front of me. “Check with Alex before he leaves town and see if he wants to fill in for me until you find someone else.”

“Stop being like this. You don’t mean it.” She squared her shoulders. I could tell she was waiting for this to blow over. But it wasn’t a lake-effect snowdrift. It was my damn heart, for fuck’s sakes.

“Yeah. I do. It’s freezing out here. You should go.” I pulled my keys from my pocket and turned to head inside my apartment. An ice-cold hand gripped my bicep.

“Why are you doing this?”

I sneered at her, pulling my arm out of her fragile grip. “Why are you?”

For a second, I thought she might cry. I ignored the pang in my chest at being the one to cause that hurt. Maybe I wasn’t being fair, but neither was she.

“Because I have to,” she whispered.

I stared at my door for a full minute before turning to face her.

“Then so do I.”

M
y eyes fought a hard battle with determined tears all the way to the lake. If I let them fall, they’d probably freeze to my face.

I couldn’t even begin to process how things had gone downhill so fast. Jubb had ditched me on stage, yelled at me—really
yelled
at me, for the first time ever, and then quit the band.

I knew I never should’ve performed here.

Nothing good came from this place with the exception of Bree. And she had apparently decided she needed to put an ocean between herself and Abbott Springs.

Add that to my list of things I’d screwed up. Bree was like a sister to me, always had been. But since last year, I felt like we’d barely spoken. With the band, traveling, and trying to keep my head above water while avoiding this damn place, I’d somehow let distance slip between us. And not just the physical kind.

She came to most of my shows. We hugged. But every conversation we’d had lately felt superficial. Forced even, like she was hiding something from me. But I had no idea what it could possibly be.

As I approached the sparsely wooded area that surrounded the lake, I tried to hold off the sheer panic I felt at the thought of losing both Bree and Jubb.

A single silhouette was sitting on the edge of the old dock.

“Thought maybe you stood me up,” Kennedy said, standing as I made my way toward him.

“Got held up.” Looking at him, I wanted to slap myself. Hard. He was just a guy. Tall-ish. Dark, slightly shaggy hair under the cap he wore to keep warm. So he was kind of a hot guy, but still, just a guy.

Whatever power I’d given him over me this past year was imagined. And gone.

“So, Pink. I get the distinct feeling you hate my guts.” He offered me an apologetic smile. “And I feel bad about the way things went down.”

“Me too,” I whispered. I’d left Jubb for this. Hurt him for no good reason. God. I was a complete fricking moron. “I messed up.”

He frowned. “It’s not like you killed anybody, Everly. Jesus. It was a hook-up. I thought you were fun to hang with. I was kind of in a weird place and didn’t really know you had, like…expectations.”

Closing my eyes, I shook my head. I knew what it felt like to not be able to meet people’s expectations. It was practically the theme of my life. “I think that was my problem, you know? I didn’t even know what I wanted or expected from you. And then it felt like you’d used me for sex.”

“Ouch. I seem like that big of a dick, huh?”

For a minute I just stared at him. “No. But it was my first time and—”

“What?” he practically roared, causing the few couples nearby who were enjoying the moonlight on the lake to glance over at us. “Why didn’t you tell—”

“Shh. Relax. I’m over it.” I waved a hand between us. Crazy thing was, I wasn’t playing it cool. I really was over it. We might as well have been discussing the weather. “I think I thought it would prove something to people in this town if we were together. Like I was worthy of their respect or something. Sounds pretty dumb saying it out loud.”

“Wow, now
I
feel cheap and used.” He nudged me with his shoulder, and I let out a small laugh.

“I’ve been carrying this stupid feeling of inadequacy around like a security blanket. It didn’t work out with you, so why bother with anyone else?”

“That doesn’t sound like the Everly Abbott I know.”

“Right?” I agreed.

“Naw, don’t beat yourself up.” He smiled at me as we walked back from the edge of the dock. “We all do that to some extent, I think. Use our past failures as excuses for not taking a chance on the future.” Even in the darkness, I saw his eyes light up as if he’d had a major epiphany.

“How do we stop?” I asked, suddenly feeling as if Kennedy Hale had all the answers to the many great mysteries of the universe.

“No idea,” he said.

“Well, what good are you?” I asked, playfully smacking at his arm.

“Not much good to anyone. I’m pretty much a giant jackass, screwing up like it’s my job lately.”

“Join the club.” I snorted. “My best friend decided to tell me he had feelings for me tonight. And I’m standing here with you.”

“Ah, Cohen finally fessed up.” Kennedy stopped walking and nodded thoughtfully. His hand fingered his jaw gingerly. “Well, that explains why he was hell-bent on kicking my ass today.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Sorry about the shitty remark. I haven’t exactly had the best year ever. But that was disrespectful as shit and I didn’t mean it.”

The tension I’d carried for so long that it was a part of me floated up into the star-filled sky above us. “Hey, Ken?”

“Yeah?”

“You think maybe we get do-overs in life? Like sometimes we get to make mistakes, pick the wrong major, the wrong job, sleep with the wrong person even, and it’s okay? Could it be possible that every little misstep isn’t the end of the world after all?”

A petite figure appeared at the end of the path we were on. I recognized it as Bree. I waved to her and she waved back but she didn’t come any closer.

“Hope so,” Kennedy breathed from beside me. I followed his gaze back in her direction.

Oh.
Oh.

It felt like someone had flashed high beams on me in the middle of the night. The guy Bree had been sledding with in Maya’s text. It was him. And now he was looking at her like a starving man might eye a seven-course meal.

I’d have to call Jubb as soon as I got home and beg for his forgiveness. But right now, I had to catch up with Bree and ask what the deal was with her and Kennedy Hale.

P
lease call me back
, her text said. It was the fourth one in an hour. Lying on my back in my bed, I stared at the glowing screen on my phone. There had been four beers and enough liquor in my apartment to ease the pain. It wasn’t gone completely, but for a little while it took the edge off. Until she started calling.

So far I had eight missed calls, six voicemails, four texts…three French hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

But no her.

She’d left. I’d put my heart on the line, basically tore it out of my chest and handed it to her, only to have it thrust back at me because she couldn’t wait to go hang out with Hale. Who had made it perfectly clear he didn’t give a shit about her.

This was why therapists stayed in business. Girls couldn’t just love the guys who loved them, could they? No, that would be too easy.

Much better to spend all your time and energy and emotion on some arrogant asshole who couldn’t care less. It was times like this I was glad I didn’t have any sisters. I would’ve had to kick so much ass it would’ve been exhausting.

After tossing and turning for what felt like an eternity, I gave in and listened to her voicemails.

Jubb, it’s me. About tonight. We really need to talk. I’m going to hang out with Bree for a while but then I was hoping I could come by. Call me when you get this.