All I Want for Christmas Is You (8 page)

She looked up at him and he saw a single tear run down the side of her cheek. He cupped that cheek with his hand and brushed the moisture away with his thumb. Her skin was silky and warm and Kyle knew without a doubt that he'd never felt so dizzy just being this close to a woman before. But Lauren Alexander wasn't just any woman.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

He expected her to swing around and give him the standard, "It's none of your business" routine, but her eyes held a heaviness that told him she needed to unload her feelings. He guessed that maybe it was burden she'd held far too long.

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Chapter Four

Lauren felt the muscles in her throat tighten. That damned noose! Pulling on the collar of her royal blue turtleneck, she walked to the beige leather sofa in the center of the living room. But she didn't sit down. Her nerves skittered through her veins as her mind raced.

The room, Kyle's home, felt warm and cozy despite being so large. The living room was square and wide open with a cathedral ceiling boasting wooden planks that soared towards the apex of the room. It was quite a contrast to the slanted walls of her attic apartment. On the far end of the room was an oversized bay window that looked out to the backyard of the main home. An antique pool table stood in front of the window. Along the wall was a stereo cabinet with CDs scattered about and a large screen television. Although it looked like a picture torn from the pages of Macy's furniture catalog, it lacked any kind of detail. The detail that a woman brings to a home, Lauren decided. It had her wondering about the women who had spent time here in Kyle's home, his bed.

She shook the thought aside. As abrasive as the thought was, it wasn't any of her concern, she told herself. Why should she care how many women had hung their panties on Kyle Preston's bedpost?

"There's really not much to tell," she murmured, nervously brushing her hand up against her other arm. The words of untruth left a bitter taste in her mouth. There was a whole lot to tell, she just didn't know if she could do it without breaking down for the umpteenth time.

"If that were the case, you wouldn't be avoiding it."

"I'm not avoiding anything, Kyle," she countered. "I just don't see any point in rehashing something that can't be changed. It's not worth it."

She heard him draw a deep breath. "It's at least worth a try."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she fought the threat of burning tears and desperately tried to keep her breathing even. "You don't understand."

"But I want to," he said softly. The deep timbre of his voice felt like gentle fingers caressing her soul.

She swung around to meet his gaze and found nothing but warmth and compassion. "I upset the apple cart by marring their perfect family image."

He made no move to come closer to her. The distance felt safe. But at the same time, it also felt lonely. So many times she had cried without any arms to hold her. The idea of Kyle's arms wrapped tight around her now seemed comforting, inviting.

He said nothing, but sat straddling a kitchen chair, resting his arms over the back.

She drew in a deep breath for courage, for strength, but could find none. "They had very high expectations for me. So did I."

"Most parents do."

"My parents aren't most parents." She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and fiddled with its end, twisting it nervously between her thumb and her index finger. "I was going to be an architect."

He nodded his head. "I remember seeing a copy of Architectural Digest in your apartment the other night."

She gave a weak smile. "Well, maybe someday. Anyway, I was the kind of kid who did everything that was expected of me because it was expected. You know, the perfect Honor Society student, the devoted and obedient daughter. I was so predictable. My parents are psychologists, very well respected members of the community."

"Sounds like something to be proud of."

"Yes, it is, until your only daughter suddenly becomes unpredictable and starts dating a boy you don't approve of, someone who is nothing but trouble. Except I didn't see Jimmy as trouble then. I saw him as the Prince Charming who finally noticed the mousy, shy me that none of the other boys noticed."

He gave a lopsided grin. "I doubt that."

"You didn't know me back then. I admit I was taken with the attention Jimmy showered on me. I ignored all the things people told me about how he was no good, that he'd never change." She saw him flinch, and her heart sank. Would he judge her for her past? "But it was all true, only the truth came too late for me."

"I can see how a parent would have a problem with their daughter dating someone who was trouble," he said in a low voice. "But that's no reason to break all ties with your family."

"You don't know the half of it." She bit her bottom lip before going on. "I don't know what they were more upset about, my jeopardizing a promising future by getting pregnant or having everyone in the community watch their pregnant daughter hobble across a stage to collect her High School diploma." Sadly, she always believed it was the latter. How else could it explain her father's reaction when she told him she wanted to keep her baby? How else would it explain the tension that continued to keep them apart now?

That day. That God awful morning she sat waiting in her hospital room, just two days after Kristen was born.

Waiting for her parents to come and take her home. Waiting for the nightmare to finally be over. The nurse came into her room repeatedly and asked her if she wanted anything for the pain. But she just said no. Nothing she could give her would make the pain in her empty arms go away. She wasn't allowed to be in the maternity ward. It was better that way, easier for everyone involved, she was told.

Easier for who? Lauren cried. Certainly not her. But everyone decided it was best to give the baby up for adoption. Lauren would go away to college, just as planned.

When she graduated and became a successful architect, her parents would eventually get over the "scandal" and everything would get back to normal.

Except nothing was normal. After tossing in bed for hours the night before, she did the unspeakable. She crept up to the maternity ward in the middle of the night and peeked through the wide glass window of the nursery to see the baby, her baby, wailing at the top of her lungs.

Her daughter was alone, all alone in a bassinet in the middle of the room with no one to comfort her. What was wrong with them? Why wasn't anyone taking care of her child? Lauren fumed. Why didn't anyone tell me my baby needed me?

Acting on pure instinct, she stormed into the nursery and scooped the baby into her arms. Kristen, so soft and warm, calmed down immediately and peered up at her mother with wonder shining in her wide eyes. It was then that Lauren understood the true meaning of unconditional love. But then the head nurse snatched Kristen from her arms and ordered her to leave. Another nurse called a security guard and Lauren was hauled away in tears. She tried to tell them it was her baby, but they wouldn't listen. She couldn't see her baby. It was not allowed. She thought she'd died that night.

When her parents finally arrived with a lawyer to have her sign the adoption papers, she couldn't tell them what she'd done. They said they'd stand by her no matter what, and they had. They supported her when she decided against having an abortion and when Jimmy disappeared from her life. They endured the pain with her when people stared and snickered about how their perfect family wasn't so perfect anymore. Surely they wouldn't desert her if she told them she couldn't give her baby away to strangers.

In the last second, when the lawyer put the adoption papers in front of her and asked her to sign her rights away, Lauren defied them. Twisting the pen between her fingers, she stared at the blank line marked with an X for what seemed an eternity. In the end, she knew there was no easy way to tell them that all she wanted to do was hold her baby.

"Everyone makes mistakes, Lauren. It was a long time ago," Kyle said.

"Yes, it was. And I don't regret any of the mistakes I've made because, if I did, it would mean that Kristen wouldn't be in my life. And I can't imagine that. But it doesn't change anything. I disappointed them and they've never forgiven me for it."

"How do you know that? Have you tried to contact them?"