All In (4 page)

C: Sigh. Okay.

M: Really? Really?

C: Well, I did insult your penis. That’s a pretty egregious offense.

M: True. Friday night. You’re mine.

C: Fine.

M: Now go to bed.

C: Mad, it’s 10pm.

M: Now.

C: Fine.

M: Sleep well.

C: XO

“
T
oph wants another chance
,” Lo grinned over the top of Cass’ monitor and kicked the door shut.

“No.”

“C’mon, Cass. He’s not the dick you think he is,” Lo whined.

“Lo, he asked me to fuck him after knowing me for what, an hour? Then, when I said no, he made a beeline for a blonde bimbo at the bar. Not my idea of a guy I need in my life.” Cass went back to typing, trying desperately to ignore the pout she was getting from Lo.

“Caaassssss.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Cass finally looked up at Lo, annoyed. She loved her friend, but Lo had to let this one go. Toph was an ass, and she had no desire to give him any sort of second chance.

“I just want you to be happy. Like me,” she pleaded.

“Dan asked you.”

“Fine,” she sighed, “Dan asked me. He said this wasn’t like Toph, and I know Toph. He’s normally so much better than this. I’ve been on other double dates with him, and nothing…”

“Like what he thought he could do with me?”

“Cass…”

“No, Lo. I love you, and I wish I could, but my ego is fragile enough as it is. Toph is decent enough looking, maybe he can call the blonde bimbo.”

“I mean, just come with us Friday night. Just movies. You don’t even need to really talk to him, and no alcohol,” she attempted one more time.

Cass smiled. “Oh, too bad. I already have plans Friday night.”

Lo’s eyes narrowed. “This is not one of your, ‘I have a date with Han Solo’ excuses, right?”

Cass laughed. She had used variations of that a few times.

“No. These are real plans.”

“With who?”

Cass got serious. She would tell Lo, but she couldn’t let her freak out and read more into the plans than what they were. “I’m seeing a movie,” she dodged.

“With who?”

“I mean, we’re just hanging out.”

“Cass!”

“I’m hanging out with Maddox on Friday.”

“Was that so hard?” Lo pursed her lips.

“I’m sorry, Lo. I know what you think of my relationship with Mad. You’re wrong, but I just…” Cass trailed off. She just couldn’t deal with Lo judging her, too.

“I wouldn’t care so much if I really thought you really were just friends.”

“We
are
just friends.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Lo, we are not getting into a fight here,” Cass warned through clenched teeth.

“Then where, Cass? You avoid talking about him no matter where we are. Stop it. Stop denying that you’re attracted to him.”

“I’ve never denied that he’s attractive. Never. But he’s my friend.”

“You use him.”

Cass stared at her, aghast. “What? Lo, we’ve never…”

Lo laughed. “Oh, I know that. How do I explain this? He’s your crutch.”

Cass’ brow furrowed. “What?”

“I have never, ever seen you interact with a man like you do Maddox. You touch him without thinking. You snuggle up against him like he’s your personal teddy bear. Your comfort level with him is through the roof. That’s where all the rumors came from—the Frigid Bitch Queen only thaws with him. But what those people don’t realize is that it’s your release.
You
don’t even realize it.”

Tears welled in her eyes as truth stung. “Lo, I-“

“It’s okay, Cass,” her friend hugged her.

“I don’t use him. I’d never take advantage…”

“Oh, honey. I know. And I want you to be happy. I do. And if this makes you happy, then so be it. Just promise me something.”

Cassidy pushed back a sob. “What,” she croaked, wiping away the tears pooling in the corner of her eyes.

“Just don’t shut yourself off to others. Don’t rely on him to always be there to comfort you, because one day he’s going to find himself a wife, and she might not be too happy with your cuddle sessions.”

Cass laughed. “Yeah, imagine that. Me, Maddox, and his wife curled up on his brown couch. What a trio we’d be.”

Lo giggled. “Kinky…”

“Shut up! You always have to go there!” she laughed, swatting at her friend.

“You okay?” Lo got serious again.

“Yeah. I’m okay. Really,” she checked out her mascara in the mirror she kept in her drawer.

“So?”

“No, I’m still not going out with Toph,” she laughed, and Lo stuck out her tongue at her before walking out of her office.

* * *

“
U
nmerciful Vengeance
? Again?” Cass whined as Maddox clicked the controller.

“It’s Rodrigo’s best, and I wouldn’t offer anything but the best for your punishment,” Maddox grinned.

“You suck,” she moaned, grabbing the popcorn and plopping down the couch.

He sat next to her and pressed play, reaching in for a handful of popcorn.

“C’mon? Really? A machine gun flies through the air and miraculously clicks onto his hand, firing as soon as it connects?”

“Watch and learn, little grasshopper,” he grinned, setting the popcorn back on the table. He leaned into her and laid his head in her lap. “Hair,” he demanded, placing her hand on his head.

She sighed, but ran her fingers through his silky locks as they watched the movie in silence. His fingers played along the bottom part of her leg, and she bemoaned the fact that she couldn’t hide the trail of goosebumps he left behind.

Her thoughts went to her conversation with Lo as she watched how his hair spilled over her fingers and how the soft hair on his ear felt along her knuckle. His soft sigh as his entire body relaxed into her pulled at her heart. Was she really using him?

She loved these moments. Just the two of them. She looked forward to them, and she felt their loss when he’d left her for San Francisco.

But did they keep her from being with another man?

Cass thought of her recent incident with Toph. At no point did she think of Maddox when she was talking to Toph, dancing with Toph, or telling the idiot off. When Toph leaned in to kiss her, she thought only of how his lips felt on hers. When he tried to talk her into going home with him, she didn’t balk because of Mad. She balked because of what she knew sex with Toph would mean.

Maddox had nothing to do with it.

Did he?

Sitting there with Maddox took the sting out of it, sure. He was easy to talk to. He took the edge off when she was feeling lonely. When she needed someone to boost her ego by flirting with her, she went to Maddox. Did that keep her from flirting with anyone else? She didn’t think so.

Lo had planted that doubt, and now she wondered.

She glanced down at Maddox, his soft, breathy sounds of sleep caressing her ears. He was so beautiful, it made her heart clench. Of course she loved him. She tried to tell everyone it was like a brother or like a friend, but it was more. She wasn’t sure what it was. She most certainly wasn’t in love with him. She was old and experienced enough to know that difference. She found him insanely attractive, and she loved having him in her life. She relished the comfort he gave her, and she valued his friendship above all else. But being in love was something different. If she was in love with him, she never would have considered Toph. Guilt was an old friend who would have kept her from kissing someone else, from even considering going home with him.

No, she wasn’t in love with Maddox. But she was something, and in that sense, Lo was right. Maddox was a bit of a crutch, but the small mewl he made in his sleep when she ran her finger along the outer ridge of his good ear told her she was okay with it. One day she’d have to give all this up. One day he’d find someone serious, and she’d have to hand him over to this other woman. She wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

“Maddox,” she whispered, running her hand along his cheek. “Mad, the movie is over,” she shook him a bit, and he stretched out.

“What? Oh, damn. Did I miss it?”

“Oh, yeah. You did. Not that you let me miss a thing,” she teased.

“Ah, yes. Perfect punishment, then?” He stretched his arms over his head, giving Cass a glimpse of the trail of hair leading from his six pack to the waistband of his sweats. Damn. She looked away, blushing at her thoughts of running her finger along that trail.

Stop. Just stop. Those were exactly the thoughts that Lo said would get her into trouble.

“Mad?” she turned to him as he changed the tv back to the news channel.

“Yeah?”

Do you think I use you as a crutch?
She wanted to ask. But she couldn’t do it. It would raise too many questions and make them have a conversation she suspected they were both avoiding.

“Do you think I should go out with Toph again?” she threw out the total opposite of what she wanted to ask, as usual. Deflect to avoid dealing with the real issue.

Maddox leaned back, rubbing the back of his neck—again, the hem of his shirt rising just enough to torment her.

“Toph?”

“The guy from the bar last week.”

“You didn’t tell me much.”

“What is there to tell. He seemed really nice, easy to talk to. We tried to talk over the awkward tonsil hockey going on between Lo and Dan, so he asked me to dance. We kissed. He wanted to take me home. I said no. He said he wanted to get laid and went off to flirt with another girl at the bar,” Cass explained, and something flashed across Maddox’s now serious face.

“How many drinks did he have?” he asked.

“I don’t know. Five? We’d been there a few hours. It was hot.”

“What was he drinking?”

“Some sort of whiskey. On the rocks.”

“So, he was drunk. And horny.”

Cass sighed. “Drunk yes, but isn’t horny a constant state of being for men?”

Maddox laughed. “True.”

“I mean, you were there with redhead girl who was, if I may say so, ready to jump your bones right there.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I went off with someone else when she said no.”

Cass blinked. “She said no?”

“Not every woman likes to be left at the bar while her man walks out the door with another woman, no matter his gentlemanly intentions.”

“I told you I could take care of myself. How could you?” She smacked his arm.

“I was making sure you were taken care of,” he defended.

“I was fine, and it’s been how long for you?”

“Not as long as it’s been for you.”

“I’m a woman. It’s okay.”

“Cass…”

“Fine, we’ll discuss your inability to close the deal later. Do I give him another chance? Lo seems to think…”

“Lo may not be the best person to listen to about this.”

“Mad, she’s just looking out for me.”

“Of that I have no doubt,” he said, stroking her arm. “But you’re not Lo, and she forgets that sometimes. What do you want to do?”

Cass thought for moment. What did she want to do? She wanted to lay there, snuggle in his arms, and forget the rest of the world.

Crutch.

“I’m not in the mood to be insulted again.”

“Did you like him?”

“Until that moment, yes.”

“Did you like how he kissed you?”

“It wasn’t bad,” she admitted. It was kind of good, really. Made her toes curl enough. She’d had better, but she could see that kiss being the warm up. It had potential.

“Then go out with him again.”

“But what if he expects…”

“So what? So what if he expects something. That’s on him. And if he gets mad, because you won’t give it to him, that makes him an idiot. A man should be willing to work for what he wants, and he went about it the lazy way.”

M
addox’s jaw clenched
.

Idiot. How could a guy be so dumb? He knew exactly how a guy could be so dumb. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done his share of stupid things on dates. But this was Cass. His Cass. He wanted to scream that she should most certainly not give this asshole another chance. He wanted to tell her there were better fish in her sea, but he knew what she was asking, and it wasn’t even about this dumbass, Toph. What kind of name was that anyway?

“I”m a lot of work, aren’t I?” Cass sat up and started cleaning the popcorn and drinks.

“Cass, that’s not…”

“It’s okay, Mad. I know I am. I try to think I’m low maintenance, but we both know I’m not. Sure, I’ll watch football on Sundays, love geeky movies, and I’m respectful of guy time and guy things, but emotionally, I’m a wreck.”

Maddox hugged her, pulling her in tight. “You’re not a wreck. This is just your thing.”

She laughed into his chest, and his heart warmed.

“Great. My thing is having sex,” she said without thinking.

“Well, technically…”

“Shut up, asshole.” She turned back to the sink started washing the dishes.

“If you think you can handle it, try going out with him again. If not, don’t. Don’t let Lo dictate it. Do it on your terms. You control this, not this Toph guy. He insulted you. He hurt you. He should come crawling on his hands and knees. You owe him nothing,” he lectured as she dried the glasses after she rinsed them.

“Yes, sensei,” she bowed her head.

“So, the redhead…”

“Give it up,” he groaned.

* * *

M
addox laid in bed
, staring at the ceiling. After Cass left, their conversation played over and over in his head. He wasn’t as concerned about the answers he gave, or that Cass had asked the questions, but his response to it.

He and Cass didn’t keep their dating lives secret. He felt bad sometimes talking to her about his, knowing she pretty much lived a celibate life. She didn’t date. Ever. In fact, this was probably the first time she’d brought up a man in the present tense. Their conversations about her dating life usually centered around her past and what a dry spell she was in.

And she always tried to make him feel better when she forced him to share by joking that she needed to live vicariously through him. But he could see the way she watched him with his dates. He saw the sadness flash before she could stifle it when Lo bragged about her latest conquest.

His heart broke for her. Over the past eight years, he hadn’t ever been able to get her to explain the reason behind her anxiety. She wasn’t sexually abused. She’d dated an asshole, but while he didn’t exactly do anything to make her less anxious, she told him over and over the idiot wasn’t the reason.

Maybe that’s why he’d felt so guilty when she saw him there with the redhead, and maybe that’s why he chose tequila over sex that night. He reminded himself again to avoid going out with Cass when he wanted to get laid. Maybe if this Toph guy worked out…

But then what? What if they did work out? There’d be no more late night texting. No more cuddling on his couch. What guy would be okay with how he and Cass talked to one another? No guy would tolerate him falling asleep on Cass’ lap the way he did tonight.

The thought of losing her…he closed his eyes and pushed it off. It would happen someday, but he didn’t have to deal with it now.

What he did have to deal with was what Lo was asking her to do, and the blind rage that had risen up when she told him how the idiot had said he just wanted to get laid and walked off. What the fuck? What guy did that?

Oh, yeah, he did that.

He bit his lip as shame made his face burn.

He’d been that guy more times that he’d like to admit.

But he had been younger. Stupider. Drunker.

He’d gotten savvier about the way he dumped women.

How old was this guy? Cass had said he was a professor. So, he had his doctorate, and she’d made it seem like he was pretty well established, so he wasn’t a boy anymore.

He growled and rolled over.

If this Toph guy broke her heart, he’d kill him. He’d rip is head off and shove it up his ass.

The only reason he capitulated was because she said she’d kissed him and liked it. If there was one thing he knew about Cass was that she didn’t give compliments about kissing. In fact, she was pretty picky. He’d asked her once about what made up the perfect kiss, and her answer…damn, he was getting hard thinking about it. If a woman kissed him the way she described, he’d be putty in her hands. It was way more than lips and tongue. There was stroking and tilting, and pulling and biting…

Fuck.

Just fuck.

His hand stroked over his dick as remembered her words. Slow. Smooth. Caressing. A lick. A nibble. Hands in her hair, back tilting, breasts against his chest.

He threw his head back and a low moan broke from his throat as he climaxed. He reached over to grab a kleenex to clean himself off.

Dammit, Cass.

It wasn’t the first time he’d jerked off to that description. It was porn worthy. It was, though, the first time he pictured her—kissing her, and the way she’d feel kissing him back.

What the hell was that?

* * *

H
e was
grateful for the flight he took on Monday. He’d be spending a couple days in New York working on a new deal. He’d miss home, but this was his favorite part of the job. He’s schmooze, flirt, bargain, and eventually close the deal. There wasn’t anything in between. This new technology deal was his to lose, and Maddox never lost. When he decided on something, he stopped at nothing.

He was grateful for the distance. Friday had been intense, and he couldn’t stop thinking all weekend about what had happened. Not the movie night. That was pretty normal for the two of them. But after, when he took his dick in his hand and jerked off to her. Her! His friend.

He shook his head and opened up his email. Nothing had changed. He still didn’t want to date her. He didn’t want to ruin what they had to satisfy his rogue dick. He loved their relationship for what it was, friendship. He smiled at the first message at the top.

His eyes widened at the screen. Date? What date? Oh, fuck, she must have given in to Lo and decided to give the idiot man another chance. He scowled.

He pursed his lips. Fine. He knew that he had encouraged it, but it didn’t make him happy. He pushed down his inner caveman and emailed back.