All In (7 page)

W
hat the fuck
is wrong with me?

Every time the phone rang, every time the door buzzed, she jumped, and not in a way a girl who just had a good date should. She’d stare at strange numbers on the caller ID, anxiety ripping through her, tearing at her heart. She should be ecstatic to answer, wondering if it was him, but instead she was doing what she always did. She was running…again.

The first kiss at the dance club had been good. The second kiss after the movie had been great. The third kiss, well, that was the one that should’ve sealed the deal.

Should’ve.

If she was normal.

It had been nice. His lips were soft, his hands firm. He took control like she said she wanted.

Then why was she shaking every time she thought of him?

Maybe it was the way he looked at her like a conquest. Sure, it could’ve been hot. It should have been hot, if she trusted him to want more than just to win. As she went over the events of the night before, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the night was more about him proving to himself that he was a good guy, that he could still get a woman to want him, rather than making amends.

She had to admit, though, it felt a little satisfying to be wanted—even if it was just to stroke his ego. It had been far, far too long since someone had even remotely shown real interest. That thought was probably the only thing not sucking her down her black hole.

It was just the way he went about everything, and she blushed as she realized she’d let him. It was a pretty big display of PDA for him to kiss her on the way to the bar, and she’d just let him do it. She’d let him kiss her again on the street, and she’d let him press that impressive length against her leg. That’s not what she’d wanted for the evening. She was so hell bent on proving something to Lo, that she’d ended up being the woman she didn’t want to be. She was that slut on the street who didn’t care who saw her in a wonton position. She’d given into him, stroked Toph’s stupid ego, for what? So she could refute Lo’s accusations about how she viewed Maddox?

Idiot!

She had her humiliated face in her hands when Lo stalked into her office.

“You’re avoiding him,” Lo whispered, and Cass peeked up to see her hard look and arms crossed in front of her. She was tapping her orange manicured toes on the carpet.

“Loooooo,” Cass groaned. She just didn’t want to deal with it.

“He’s a nice guy,” Lo pulled up a chair.

“I suppose.”

“And you enjoyed the kiss.”

Cass’ face was on fire. She had. Even if it wasn’t all she wanted it to be, and even if she denied his intentions, it had been nice.

“Then get your head out of your ass!” Lo slapped her hand on the desk, startling Cass.

“Who’s head is in who’s ass?” Dark eyes laughed at her from the doorway.

“Who else?” Lo motioned to Cass.

“Shut up, Lo,” Cass growled, turning back to her computer, her fingers banging a little too hard on her keyboard.

“Yeah, head up her ass,” Maddox plopped himself down in the other chair. “What’s the story?”

“Someone had a great date, a good looking guy who wants to go out again. A guy who, and tell me if I’m wrong, gave her a toe curling kiss…in public…where everyone could see.”

“Shut up, Lo,” she snapped, her jaw clenching.

“And now she won’t answer his calls. She won’t call him back. She’s doing it again.”

“Lo!” Cass finally broke, the painful lump in her throat breaking as she couldn’t hold back the tears.

“Admit it, Cass. Just admit it,” Lo leaned in.

“Fuck you, Lo. What do you know?” Cass turned away to stare at her blotchy faced reflection in the window.

“Fuck me? I’m not the one crying every night in my pillow because I don’t have a guy, but not willing to get over myself to get one. I’m not the one unwilling to give myself to a guy-“

“No, you’re willing to give yourself to every guy,” Cass whipped around and spat, stiffening when the words came out of her mouth, when Lo took a step back as if Cass had punched her in the gut.

“Lo, I-“ Cass reached out, but Lo pulled away.

“Get over yourself, Cass. Talk to me when you’ve grown up.” Lo turned and slammed the door behind her.

Cass began to sob.

“Baby girl,” the soft baritone startled her.

“Dammit, Mad,” she sniffled as he pulled her into his arms.

“It’s okay,” he soothed, smoothing the waves of her hair.

“No, it’s not. I’m ruining everything,” she hiccuped.

“She’ll be fine.”

No, she won’t, Mad. She won’t,” Cass pinched his lapel in her fists.

“She will. This isn’t your first fight.”

“It’s the first one where I called her a slut,” she pulled away, and he took her hand.

“It’s about time you did. I wondered why it took you so long to pull out that card,” he massaged her hand.

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “She’s not a slut, Mad!”

“No, she’s not. But compared to you…”

“Shut up. She’s not. She’s just…”

“Free. Cass, we know Lo likes to sleep with men. She’s free with that body of hers, and she loves it, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t struggle like the rest of us.”

“I know,” Cass moaned. “I know. I need to apologize.”

“Yes, you do. And soon, but I have a question for you,” he pulled up her chin so she looked into his baby blues.

“Why are you not answering this guys calls?”

She grabbed his hands and threw them away.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does, Baby Girl. It really does.”

She sighed. She knew he wouldn’t let this go.

“He doesn’t want me. Not really,” she explained, leaning away from Maddox.

He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know that? From what Lo was saying, it certainly seemed like he wanted you just fine.”

“There is a difference between wanting sex and wanting a person. I’m just a conquest. Something to boost his fragile little ego,” she started, and then it came pouring out, “And I let him. I let him kiss me. I let him touch me, I even let him tempt me. I touched him, and I played the game, and…” she trailed off, taking deep breath and looking at the flecks in the drop ceiling.

“And?” he asked, leaning forward.

She looked back at him. “It wasn’t worth it.”

He laughed. “Toes curled?”

“Yes, two out of four.”

“You touched him?”

“Not like that, but…”

“What did he do with it?” Mad’s face turned red.

“Calm down, Big Bro. It’s hard to hide when it’s pressed against your leg.”

He laughed. “Been there.”

“And you can’t just use him back?”

She gaped at him, horrified.

“Forget I said it.”

“It’s okay, Mad. If I was a normal woman, I’d do it. If my brain didn’t put up a giant warning sign, if my emotions weren’t always right there under the surface, maybe. But all it would do is fuel more guilt and insecurity, and I deal with enough of that on a regular basis.”

“You’re running.”

“Yeah. I tend to do that.”

He hugged her.

“I don’t think you’re getting as much out of the praying mantis books as you should.”

She laughed and pulled out of his embrace. “They’re not textbooks.”

He pursed his lips, “Maybe they should be.”

She smacked his chest. “She feels pretty guilty after she kills them, you know.”

“Ah, but not so guilty that she doesn’t move on.”

“No, not that guilty,” she looked at her feet.

“Go apologize to Lo. Take her over to McCallan’s. Take the afternoon,” he stood up.

“Mad, I can’t. The project-“

“Is probably weeks ahead of schedule, and Phil will be fine. Just go. Come back tomorrow better.”

She nodded.

“And Mad?”

“Yeah,” he looked back at her.

“Thanks.”

He smiled, but his eyes seemed a little sad.

* * *

I
t took begging
and pleading and offers of free drinks to get Lo out the door, and it may have only been the idea that they’d been given the gift of hooky that made the devil in her leave the office. Even then, it took until the second round of drinks before either of them spoke.

“I’m sorry, Lo. I didn’t mean it,” Cass apologized, running her finger along the rim of her glass.

Lo sighed. “I know.”

“I hurt you,” Cass whispered.

“Yes, you did.”

“Lo-“

“No, listen to me Cassidy Moore. Just listen. I’m your friend. I worry about you. I don’t expect you to be like me. I like sex. I like men. I love how I feel when I’m wrapped up in all kinds of pleasure. It’s my thing. I like men being attracted to me, and I know I only have that for so much longer. I’m not like you, Cass. I don’t get off on being at home, in sweats, reading and watching tv. And I know that’s what you need.”

She sipped her pink concoction before continuing, “So, when Dan introduced me to Toph, I thought he was perfect. Quiet, studious, and good looking. He liked some geeky things, and he was so nice. You’ve isolated yourself for so long and here was this guy that could be perfect. A guy who might be able to distract you from things you can never have. But he’s not what you want, is he?”

She stopped talking and looked at Cass, waiting for an answer.

“No,” Cass admitted.

“You can’t have him,” Lo said, and they both knew she wasn’t talking about Toph.

“Lo, please. Let’s not go there again.”

“You’re telling me Maddox has nothing to do with your not wanting Toph.”

Anger flared, but Cass pushed it down. This was about her apologizing, not making it worse, no matter how much Lo wouldn’t stop blaming Maddox.

“He doesn’t,” Cass told her, but lifted her hand when Lo started to protest. “Look, I love Maddox, and you’re right. He’s my crutch. I get it. I use him, and I’m okay with that. But I don’t use him as an excuse not to get close to other men. That’s where you’re wrong. If anything, I use him as a reason to want someone of my own. Mad treats me well. He looks out for me. His hugs are incredible, and it’s easy when I’m with him. He shows me how important those things are, not just in him, but in anyone I’m planning to spend my life with. Toph was an ass looking to boost his own ego. He comes off nice, and maybe a good portion of him really is, but he never actually wanted me. He wanted me to want him. It was like Blaine all over again.”

“Oh, honey,” Lo scooted over in the booth and hugged her and both women started to cry. They were a blubbering mess when the waitress came over to ask if they were okay. “Go away!” they shouted in unison.

“So, not Toph?” Lo asked, and laughed with Cass as she gave a resounding, “No.”

“Damn,” Lo sighed, wiping the stray mascara from under her eyes. “That’s just depressing.”

“Why?”

“Well, things are really progressing with Dan, and I had dreams of double dates and Christmas in the mountains with the four of us.”

Cass laughed. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself?”

Lo laughed.

“You really like him?” Cass softened.

Lo got serious, biting her lower lip. For all of Lo’s confidence and talk about men, she was different when she mentioned Dan. For the first time in years, she saw Lo’s insecurities on the surface. “Yeah. I really do.”

Cass grinned. “I’m glad. You deserve this, Lo. You deserve to be happy.”

“I am, girl. I really, really am.”

Cass hugged her best friend and laid her head on her shoulder.

“I want you to be happy, too.”

“Honey, I will. One day. One day someone will get through all my bullshit, work through the crazy, and just love me for me,” she smiled, but her heart clenched. Would that ever really happen? She may say those types of things out loud, because that’s what you do when someone wishes you the best. You tell them it will be okay, even when you don’t think it will ever really happen.

“
I
hate these things
,” Maddox grumbled as he and Phil made their way to the reception. He could already hear the party in full swing, the din of music and conversation wafting down the hall.

“You do not, idiot. You know you love this shit,” Phil rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. “I’m the one who hates this.”

“I’m not in the mood,” he sighed, and checked his phone—seventeen emails from people at the cocktail reception, all saying the same thing:
Where are you?

“Well, get in the mood, dammit. I need you on tonight.”

Maddox took a deep breath. “Fine,” he sighed, and smiled as they walked through the doors. The room was buzzing with energy as executives schmoozed and plotted with one another. Maddox and Phil went straight to the bar, ordering a scotch apiece.

Normally he loved these things. They tended to stroke his ego. If the men weren’t posturing to get in his good graces, the women were looking to get in his bed. Overall, these soirees usually turned out pretty well for him. But he was tired. His flight ended up being detoured because of some idiot on board getting too drunk and rowdy, so he had a four hour layover that meant he hadn’t gotten in until 9am, which also meant he’d had little sleep.

Then his sister called, crying hysterically over some guy breaking up with her. He probably could have been nicer, but it was Miss Drama Queen’s third breakup this year. He didn’t have the energy to coo and make her feel better, but he’d tried. She still ended up calling him an ass before hanging up. He reminded himself to send her cookies in the morning. She loved cookies.

“Maddox Paul!” Harry Baron shouted as he knocked Maddox on the back, almost causing him to spill his drink. Maddox scowled before looking over at the pudgy man.

“Harry, great to see you.” He put on his best smile before shaking the man’s hand.

“We have to talk, my friend,” Harry got serious and peered over the top of his glasses at him.

“About the internet deal?” Maddox guessed.

“Yes, about that god-forsaken deal.”

Maddox laughed. “Set up a time with my assistant. It’s a good deal, Harry.”

“For you, maybe.”

“For all of us. Promise.”

Harry waved him off and moved onto the next person he could complain to. Maddox smirked. Always the same.

“Fancy meeting you here.” A familiar giggle tickled his ears.

“Baby Girl, what are you doing here?” he smiled, for the first time genuinely happy to see someone.

She laughed. “Phil thought it would be good for the managers to schmooze a bit. So I got all gussied up.”

He looked down. She certainly did. Cass wasn’t exactly tiny, but that didn’t mean she lacked assets—and there they were on full display.

“Eyes up here, fella,” she grinned.

“Well, what did you expect when you put those things front and center?”

She grinned and shimmied, causing her breasts to jiggle just a little bit. Fuck.

“Down girl!”

“Hey, you’re standing there all sexy without a tie,” she lifted an eyebrow, her fingers brushing the bare V of this throat. “How come Phil let you come without a noose around your neck.”

“It’s a new thing. COO can do what he wants, including not being restricted by the tie. Like it?” he asked, putting his hand on her waist.

She pursed her lips, and stared at the open collar. “It’s…distracting,” she breathed, and then turned away. “Coming? I need a drink.”

He blinked. Distracting? What was that?

He followed behind Cass, taking in how her hips moved, and he caught the looks of a few men in the room. Sure, in a business suit, she might hide those ample curves, but tonight, she showed them off in all the right ways, and people were noticing. Not all of them, but enough that made his jaw clench.

“Are you Maddox Paul?” a tall brunette in a strapless, white mini dress stepped in his path, breaking him out of his train of thought.

“Yeah, and you are…” His eyes traveled up and down her lean form, the woman’s raw sexuality pushing Cass right out of his head.

“Cecily Porter. CEO of Porter, Inc.,” she grinned, her red lips framing her perfect white teeth. She looked up at him through long eyelashes, and touched his sleeve.

“Ah, yes. I heard you were working on some new software. Supposed to change how we view database management,” he grinned, leaning into her.

Her sultry laugh followed by her tongue stroking her lip stirred his dick. Whoa, boy.

“Yes. And it will. I’d love to set up a meeting to talk about it. Over dinner, maybe?” she stroked her hand up his arm, and he shifted to make his pants more comfortable. “I mean, it’s a pretty powerful thing.”

“Powerful, you say,” he grinned.

“And quite flexible. You’d be amazed what it would be willing to do. Skillfully,” she squeezed, and leaned forward. She was tasty, this one, and so so ready for the taking. He didn’t know how she did it, but she’d managed to maneuver him into a dark corner. Her grip on his arm loosened as she began running her hand over his chest.

Well, this could turn out to be a very, very good night, he thought as he leaned back into her as she went to work licking and nibbling the side of his neck.

A familiar giggle broke the spell.

“Mr. Jackson, please. You know that’s not the case!” Cass’ voice brought him back to reality. His eyes traveled over Cecily’s shoulder and watched his Cass touch the man’s arm. Laughing, genuinely laughing, with the shorter businessman. His eyes were glittering, as they traveled up and down her body, settling on her breasts. When the guy kissed her hand, a growl rumbled from his throat.

Unfortunately, Cecily took it as him being turned on by her slobbering on his neck. Not anymore.

“Cecily,” he pushed her away.

“C’mon baby, you know you want it,” she purred, and her hand slid down to the zipper of his pants, grabbing his length.

He placed his hand on hers, and pulled it away. “Not tonight, honey. But we’re still on for dinner?” he grinned, apologetically, and she pouted. He put his hand on her chin. “I’ve got business, babe. But I’ll take a raincheck.”

She grinned, leaned in and bit his bottom lip. “Can’t wait to collect,” she slithered away.

Maddox ran his hand across the back of his neck. Again. Fucking Cass. Always the cock block.

He composed himself, and strode over to where Cass was flirting with another businessman.
No one interested her
his ass. But not this asshole. He knew this jackass, and Cass couldn’t handle him. Not after all this recent shit with the idiot Lo tried to push on her. Chris was a fucking dick, known for stringing a host of women around. And he was proud of it. He preyed on the weak and needy, and right now Cass, as much as he adored her, fit the bill.

Time for some cock blocking of his own.

* * *

“
H
ey
, babe,” Maddox whispered in her ear, putting his hand on her waist. “Chris, great to see you,” Maddox slid around Cass and shook Chris’ hand. Darkness shaded the man’s face as he glared daggers at Maddox.

“Oh, you guys know each other?” Cass asked, sipping her drink wide-eyed and curious.

“Yeah, we’ve met a few times,” Chris grumbled, not missing Maddox’s familiarity with his target.

“How’s that girlfriend? What was her name? Sally? Betty? Jane. Her name was Jane, right? Blonde, big boobs?”

“Girlfriend? You didn’t tell me that? How long have you been together? Is she here?” Cass smiled and winked at Maddox.

That little minx. Of course she knew who, and what, Chris was. Who was the dumbass now? He remembered telling her stories about this asshole. Cass never forgot a good story.

“Uh, no. No. No girlfriend right now,” Chris denied and leaned into Cass. “I’ve got an opening, if you’re interested.”

Cass’ open and unfiltered laugh caused more than a few heads to turn. “Oh, sweetie. Thanks, but my heart is taken,” she smiled, glancing at Maddox.

Taken, really? She was kidding right? Did something happen with Toph? When did that happen?

His heart sunk.

Why was his heart sinking? He should be happy for her.

Then he remembered—this was Cass, Queen of Deflection. The tight grip on his heart loosened.

“But I’m sure some other woman here would be honored,” she consoled, putting her hand on Chris’ arm. “Let me help. Maybe her?” Cass started pointing at other women in the room. Okay, maybe she only cock blocked him.

Maddox put his arm around Chris, who looked a little taken aback. From what he knew about the asshole, he wasn’t used to being denied, and Cass’ nonchalant willingness to get him laid confused him. Hell, it confused Maddox most of the time, too. The woman wouldn’t have sex to save her life, but she wanted everyone else to hump like bunnies.

“Dude, inside scoop? I hear Cecily Porter is single and on the prowl tonight,” he whispered, matching like with like.

“Recent breakup?” Chris’ eyes sparked and he licked his lips. Maddox had to suppress an eye roll. Asshole.

“Think so. Might want to get over there before she gets her claws in elsewhere,” he turned the man toward the bar where Cecily was unashamedly staring at his ass.

Maddox and Cass watched in awe as Chris strutted over to Cecily, and within seconds the two were whirling off to their own dark corner.

Cass breathed out a relieved sigh.

“What were you thinking?” Maddox turned on her, anger burning hot. Cass backed up, confused.

“What?”

“Chris Jackson? Seriously, Cass?” he chastised.

“Maddox, I knew who he was. I had it handled,” she dismissed him.

“He’s a dickhead, and you let him…” Maddox lost his words. His hands fisting and flexing with his rising frustration.

“Let him what, Mad? Flirt with me? No big deal. People flirt. I wasn’t going home with him. I’m Frigid Bitch Queen, remember? And even if I wasn’t, I’m not that stupid. You’re not calling me stupid, are you?” Cass’ voice hardened and she put her hands on her hips.

“No,” Maddox pouted. “But I don’t like it.”

Cass laughed. “Always the big brother,” she smiled, putting her arm through his. Right. Big Brother. That explained his reaction. He just wanted to protect his Cass. That was all. Yes. That was it. Wasn’t it? That had to be it. This was Cass, after all.

“And sorry you had to give up your piece of ass tonight. You didn’t need to come to my rescue.”

“I-, I-“ he stammered. She squeezed his arm.

“Want me to find you a new one?” she grinned, scoping out the room again. “What about her?” She pointed to a tall redhead in a silver dress that barely covered her bits and pieces. “I know you like those redheads. And that one looks like she may be a real one. Maybe her curtains match the drapes??”

Anxiety melted off of him as he laughed. Leave it to Cass to diffuse his confused anger by trying to get him laid. “God, I missed you this week.”

“Missed you, too, love muffin.”

* * *

M
addox couldn’t concentrate
on the computer. He was randomly answering emails that mostly contained information he couldn’t give a shit about, and responding to people he couldn’t give a shit about was just making his edginess worse. His mind kept going over what happened at the cocktail reception.

Why did Maddox give up that easy piece of ass to go rescue Cass? He knew better. She’d never give into a dickhead like Chris. He’d been out with her a number of times and saw her take down her share of assholes who thought that, because she wasn’t some Victoria’s Secret model, she’d be an easy target. Little did they know the girl had a chastity belt made of the world’s strongest steel.

Fucking idiot. She was no damsel in distress.

He slammed the computer closed and leaned back on the couch, stretching out his tense muscles.

Still, it might have been worth it to see Chris taken down a notch or two. It wasn’t like Maddox wasn’t his own form of male whore. He liked getting laid, just like any other man. But he didn’t prey on women’s vulnerabilities, and he most certainly didn’t lie to them about what sex meant for him.