All of You (20 page)

Kat thought about Danny – without family, scared, and struggling to survive – in strangers’ homes, at a sterile juvenile facility with other unwanted, unloved kids, and, finally, out on his own…but still alone…

Kat had never had such a visceral, emotional response to anything in her life. It actually hurt to breathe.

She broke away from her musings to find Danny staring at her, that uncertainty behind his blue-green eyes again.

“Kind of a turn-off, right?” he asked.

“What?”

“Come on, Kat, no woman wants to hear the guy she’s messing around with was a weak, pathetic loser who depended on someone else to make it through. And I get it. It’s a fucking embarrassment and I have no idea why I just got into all that. Anyway, it’s all in the past. No use in dragging all that shit up, right?” He tried to smile. “Too bad you already messed around with me. No take-backs and all that.”

The insecurity in his eyes would have had Kat clutching at her aching chest if she hadn’t known it would make Danny feel pitied.

Instead, she said, “Don’t be ridiculous, Danny. None of that was your fault and I find it incredible, and impressive, that you made it out of those horrible situations in one piece. It makes me think better of you, not worse. And, by the way, you’re not the only one who needed defending.” Kat shook her head. “You wanna talk about having your ass saved? If it hadn’t been for my sisters, my school years would have been pure, unadulterated torture.”

Danny’s expression went even darker. “What do you mean-”

Kat’s cell rang in her purse, cutting him off. Kat ignored it, but Danny said, “Go ahead,” and moved off her lap. “You better get that.”

Kat dug out her cell and checked the screen.

“
Stella
,” she muttered. Kat hit the button. “Hey, Stell.”

“Kat!”

Kat held the phone away from her ear, wincing. “
Jesus
, Stella…yeah, it’s Kat. You called me, so of course it’s me. And stop yelling.”

“I was so worried about you! Where are you?”

“Uh…” Kat glanced at Danny, who was already looking at her. “At home?”

“Uh, no you’re not! When you didn’t answer my texts and phone calls, I made Nathan drive by the apartment! He said your car is there, but you aren’t answering the door!”

Kat put the phone back against her ear. “Stella, I swear to God, if you do not take your volume down a few notches, I am going to hang up on you. And then you’ll never be able to save me from the white slave trade I’ve been sold into. Got it?”

Stella huffed, but did tone it down a tad. “
Where. Are. You
?”

“Oh, I was on the couch…uh, sleeping,” she said, shooting Danny another look.

His lifted brow and sly grin didn’t help matters.

At all.

But they did make her nether regions tingle a bit.

“Nice try,” Stella said. “I made him go back later and you still didn’t answer.”

Damn Stella and her relentless nosiness and concern. And damn Nathan for loving her too much to tell her to chill out and knock it off.

“I must have been on my walk,” Kat said.

Stella snorted. “In the two-foot deep snow? With that neuropathy in your leg?” When she got quiet, Kat knew she meant business. “Kat, I want you to come over here right now. You sound weird and I need to talk to you in person. If you can’t drive, I’ll come pick you up.” She paused. “Wherever the hell you are.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop over. Just give me some time.”

So I can make sure I don’t smell like Danny anymore.

That thought stupidly bummed Kat out.

“You have an hour and then I’ll have Nathan put out an APB on you, got it? Not fooling around here, sister. Something weird is going on with you and I want to know what it is.”

Kat rolled her eyes. “Could you be any more dramatic, Stella?” She sighed. “Fine, yes, I will be there in an hour.”

She hung up without giving Stella a chance to respond. A second later, a text chimed.

Stella:
1 hour
. >Mad-face emoticon<

“Nut job,” Kat muttered.

“What’d she say?” Danny asked.

“I can’t believe I didn’t call her back or answer her texts.” Kat walked back over to him, head shaking. “I should have known better. Now she’s all suspicious and freaked out.” She dropped down next to Danny on the couch. “Typical Stella. No big deal. I’ll show my face and she’ll calm down.”

He gave her a genial, but sort of tense smile. “You’re probably itching to get out of here, anyway.” Danny stood up and walked into the kitchen. He grabbed his keys off the counter. “I’ll go warm up the car. Be right back.”

Kat hated that she missed him already.

See? Told you.

Not. Smart.

Kat told her inner voice to shut-the-fuck-up and tossed her cell back into her purse. She trudged up the stairs, found her shoes and socks on Danny’s bedroom floor, and sat on the edge of the bed to put them on.

She inhaled deeply, not sure when she’d get to sniff Danny again, and looked around his bedroom. Taking it all in was irritating, interesting, and confusing all at the same time.

Kat turned and stared at the mattress.

She could only imagine the sheer number of women who had been on it and probably
couldn’t
imagine the shenanigans that Danny had participated in with them.

It made her sick with jealousy, but also sad, because she had a pretty decent suspicion Danny hadn’t felt any less alone or any more satisfied afterwards.

Which, upon further introspection, actually made her deliriously happy. Not that he’d had all that mindless, soulless sex, but because he hadn’t felt anything for those women.

It was a thought that brought Kat a lot of selfish joy.

Then she thought about all of the mindless, soulless sex he would continue having and that killed all joy.

And made her want to vomit.

Kat headed back downstairs and found Danny standing in the hallway, hands jammed into his jacket pockets.

He glanced up at her expectantly. “Ready?”

Kat paused on the last step, wanting to say something about what had gone down between them, but finding herself totally unequipped to identify her feelings – let alone verbalize them.

“Danny…” she said, totally unsure of what her next words would be.

“Yeah, Kat?”

“I-”

His cell phone rang. After Kat gestured for him to answer it, Danny slid it out of his back pocket…

And Kat exhaled a long breath…because she had a sneaking suspicion that whomever was calling had just saved her from saying something very, very stupid.

Danny checked the
screen and inwardly cringed.

“Is it Nathan?” Kat asked.

“No…” Danny hit a button and slipped the phone back into his pocket. He smiled at Kat. “Nobody important. Now, what were you saying?”

“Hot date tonight?”

Kat’s tone suggested
teasing
, but the sudden stiffness of her smile screamed otherwise.

Lie to her. Or change the subject. Or, better yet, pin her up against that wall until you both forget ex-fuck buddies, ugly pasts, phones, relatives, jobs, and the ten million reasons any relationship would never work between you.

Danny headed in a different direction instead.

“It was a woman. Samantha. Someone I fuck around with when she comes to town. Met her-”

Kat lifted a hand. “That’s okay.” She managed a half-smile. “I think I get the picture. Don’t need all of the supporting details.”

Danny knew exactly why he was spewing shit again, but, unlike earlier, this time his revoltingness seemed to do the trick.

Kat stepped off the bottom stair and headed toward the front door. “I better get over to my sister’s or poor Nathan will be forced to form a task force and head a search party.”

Danny wanted to laugh. Or at least smile.

But all he felt like doing was punching something.

Or puking.

Or – and this was the weirdest urge of all – calling every woman he’d ever fucked around with and apologizing. Because it hadn’t really been him fucking them. It had been his body, but not his mind. Not his soul.

Those women had been fucking, and had been fucked by, a robot. A shell.

And, even though Danny knew not one single one of them would give even the tiniest shit, he still felt like shouting the profound truth he’d just stumbled upon to the world.

To Kat.

For Kat.

Because of all the crazy shit that had been going on between them since last night.

Actually, for the past year and a half since he’d met her.

But Danny did none of that, instead just silently following her out the front door, pulling it shut behind them, and driving her home.

They made polite chit-chat all the way to her apartment and even managed to laugh a few times, but things were different and they both knew it.

Their unexpected, surreal moments together were coming to an end and it was time to get back to the real world. To extract themselves from the emotional and sexual vortex they’d been caught up in for the past day.

When they got to her apartment, Danny insisted on doing a walk-through, just to make sure. After running out of valid reasons to stick around any longer, Danny finally left. Nothing profound was said and, really, what could either of them say?

Danny left her apartment, but not the parking lot. Not until he’d kept an eye on Kat’s apartment while she showered, dressed, and did whatever else she needed to before walking out to her car forty-five minutes later.

By the time she’d reappeared, Danny had made peace with his stalker-ish behavior.

He was worried about her and he wasn’t taking his eyes off her until he knew she was safe.

Period.

Danny watched her drive off in the direction of Nathan and Stella’s and fought a strong urge to follow her.

So when exactly
does
your watch end, officer? You gonna spy on her for the rest of her fucking life?

Danny pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward his condo.

Because Kat was not his to protect.

Because she was going to spend time with her family – a family Danny was not, and never would be, a part of.

Because he had to call Samantha and tell her he had a raging case of blue balls with her name all over it.

‡

K
at could affix
a tight mask when she wanted to or needed to. And the several hours she’d spent at Nathan and Stella’s had definitely warranted one hell of a performance.

Kat had managed to convince Stella she’d simply missed Nathan’s knocking both times. Never mind Nathan had fists the size of small cantaloupes and his knocking had probably woken up half the city block.

When Stella had pointed that out, Kat had countered it by saying she’d taken a muscle relaxer for her leg and zonked out. Thankfully, Stella seemed to buy it hook, line, and sinker. Oddly enough, Kat had caught Nathan giving her a weird, furrowed-brow look that suggested he wasn’t quite as convinced.

Good thing Nathan was the last person on earth who would pry.

Once Stella’s concern had been quelled and her curiosity satisfied (because Stella was the
first
person on earth who would pry), they’d ordered pizza, busted open a bottle of cabernet, and spent the evening eating, playing with Gia, and chit-chatting.

Well, Stella and Kat had chit-chatted.

And so had Nathan and Kat.

But, after a while, it became painfully obvious that Nathan and Stella weren’t speaking to each other unless absolutely necessary, which shocked Kat. And kind of worried her.

Despite their ginormous personality differences and penchant for silly bickering, Kat knew they hardly ever fought. And Stella very, very rarely – if ever – ignored anyone.

Not that she was above that sort of psychological warfare; it was just her huge mouth wouldn’t allow it. Stella would rather verbally assault and hound someone up and down than keep her thoughts and feelings to herself, so watching her freeze Nathan out was painful to watch.

And going by Nathan’s tense expression and defeated body language, pretty damn painful to take.

The few times he’d tried to touching her, Stella had shirked away, which was especially telling since Stella typically couldn’t keep her hands off Nathan. And the yearning on his face as he watched Stella’s every movement was
awful
. The man looked like a beaten, love-starved dog.

Around eight-thirty, Nathan warmed up a bottle for Gia and walked back into the living room. When he leaned in to grab Gia off Stella’s lap, Nathan tried to meet her eyes, but Stella was having none of it. Kat gave Gia some kisses and a squeeze and Nathan carried her to her bedroom.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Kat hissed, “
Stella, what in the
hell
is going on?
”

“What do you mean?” Stella picked up her glass and gulped down the rest of her wine.

“Why are you treating him like that?”