And what a man…
“Everything’s okay over there, right?” Fi asked, snapping Kat out of her titillating memories.
Kat decided not to get into the shooting situation with Fi because Stella would surely be giving her the details soon enough.
“Gia had a bad ear infection. Everything’s fine now, but I think they’ve been busy dealing with that,” Kat said.
“Oh, poor baby.” Fi sighed. “I miss Gia like crazy. I can’t wait to eat her up when I get home.”
Kat looked at the spot where their TV had sat and wished she could talk to Fi about everything – the burglary, the stuff with Danny, and the way she was feeling right now.
As if Kat knew what she was feeling right now.
Although stupidly sad, ridiculously lonely, and insanely jealous are coming pretty damn close.
“Hey, did Stella say anything about why Danny ran out of there so fast on Sunday?” Fi asked.
Kat’s brows dropped. “Uh, no, why?”
“Gigi said something to me about it earlier. She’s worried he felt uncomfortable or something. I told her he probably had a hook-up.”
“
Yeah, probably
,” Kat choked out.
“You know, it’s too bad Danny’s such player. I have a ton of single friends at work I’d love to set him up with.”
Kat didn’t say anything, because the thought of Danny being set up with any of Fi’s beautiful,
healthy
work friends was enough to make her barf.
Never mind he was probably doing a lot more than getting ‘set up’ with that girl who’d texted him earlier.
Kat wished she could scream. Or break something. Or…
“You okay, Kat?”
Kat cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She paused and then forced her next words out, trying – for some weird reason – to upset herself more. Almost like she wanted to punish herself for still wanting Danny.
For ever wanting him in the first place.
“Why not set him up with someone? Or maybe you could date him.”
Fi snorted. “Yeah, right.”
Kat fidgeted with an afghan tassel. “You don’t like him?”
“Not like that. The man’s hot as hell and he’s a great guy, but he’s not my type, you know that.” Fi paused again. “What’s going on over there, Kat? You sound weird.”
“Nothing.”
“Do I need to call the other sisters and get them over there to check on you? Or are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on?”
For a split second, Kat considered spilling her guts, but quickly reverted back to her typical way of dealing with things…
Keeping them to her damn self.
“Nothing’s going on. I was just thinking you and Danny might be good together, that’s all,” she lied through her teeth.
“Well, you can kick that thought out of your brain right now. I would
never
date Danny. Aside from him not being anywhere close to my type, he’s a total player. He wouldn’t be able to settle down with one person if his life depended on it,” Fi said. “While I think he’s a nice guy, I would constantly be worried about him cheating on me. Or that he’d always be looking for the next best thing. A guy that hot
and
he’s a cop? You’ve heard the stories Nina’s told us about all those Badge Bunnies. No, thanks.”
“Nathan’s a cop and he’d never cheat on Stella.”
Fi snorted. “Really, Kat? We’re comparing Nathan and Danny, now? Nathan, who wouldn’t look at another woman to save his life? Nathan, who would be too embarrassed to
say
the word ‘infidelity,’ let alone do it? Nathan, who’d beat the Pope in a morality contest?” She huffed softly. “Yeah, not really a valid comparison, babe.”
But he’s so much more than he seems
, Kat’s heart whispered.
He’s sweet and gentle and thoughtful and…different…
With me.
Said every other woman who’d ever fallen for a player
! Better Judgment screamed.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kat forced out, willing back the tears pricking her eyelids.
Because, if Fi heard anything close to emotion in Kat’s voice, she’d be on the phone with every sister so fast five heads would be spinning. Nine, when the in-laws and Pops got involved.
Kat plus emotion didn’t add up. She was the steady one. The logical one. The one everyone came to for math homework, objective advice, and reality checks. The one who was always “fine,” “okay,” and answered “nothing” when asked what was wrong.
It’s not like her family thought she was a robot (although Stella
had
tossed that word around quite a bit growing up), but no one ever expected Kat to lose her shit.
Because she never had.
She’d come pretty damn close a few times, but no one knew about those dark, lonely moments. The loss of her mother. Her MS diagnosis. Pops’ suicide attempt. Stella’s diagnosis. Stella almost dying. The psychological, and sometimes physical, torment of living with MS…
Kat had endured a lot in relative silence, while helping everyone else get by.
Not that she minded. Kat knew her gifts included being able to remain calm in any given situation, see the forest through the trees, formulate effective plans, and implement those plans in order to correct any issue at hand. Utilizing her abilities to help those she loved was one of Kat’s favorite things about being so different.
But that didn’t mean she hadn’t spent a lifetime wishing someone would occasionally hold
her
…comfort
her
…listen to
her
…promise
her
everything would be okay…
Wishing she had someone strong to cling to during her dark, painful times. Someone she could drop her mask with. Someone she could let down her guard for. Someone who wouldn’t expect her to be strong all of the time. Someone who wouldn’t judge her for her emotional weakness or feel burdened by her physical limitations.
Kat scoffed inside her mind.
Yeah, like who? Superman?
Nah, not Superman. He’s DC and every knows Marvel is the shit.
Captain America, maybe.
“You there, Kat?”
Kat jumped, so lost in her thoughts she’d forgotten to answer.
“Yeah, I’m here.” She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. “Hey, listen, Fi. I’m really tired. Can I text you in the morning?”
Fi paused. “You sure you’re okay,
cara
? I’m worried about you.” When Kat didn’t answer, Fi quietly said, “You can talk to me, Kat. I love you and I want to know if something is bothering you.”
Kat’s eyes burned with unshed tears. She fisted her free hand into the afghan, as her stomach and throat muscles tightened in an effort to control the sudden emotional uncertainty and physical exhaustion washing over her.
“Is it the MS? Do you think things are getting worse?” Fi asked.
Maybe.
“Or is something else going on?”
Yes.
And the two things have nothing – and
everything
– to do with one another.
“I had trouble sleeping last night,” Kat finally said. “You know how that exacerbates things. I’m sure a good night’s sleep tonight will fix everything.”
“I hate that I can’t look at you right now. I can always tell when you’re lying in person, but it’s harder to tell over the phone.”
“Well, unless you’re planning to fly home right now, you’re just going to have to take my word for it, Fi,” Kat said.
Fi sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you home alone.”
Kat’s temper flared. “You know what, Fi, I’m not an invalid! Or a child! I’m a twenty-eight year old woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself!”
After a brief, shocked silence, Fi said, “Oh, honey, I know. I was just trying-”
“Then I’d appreciate if you – and everyone else – would stop treating me like a fucking cripple!”
“
Kat!
”
Kat closed her eyes, inhaled a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.
Get your shit together.
Now.
“I’m tired. I need to go to bed. I will call you tomorrow morning, okay?”
When Fi began rambling about love, concern, and being sorry, Kat cut her off again.
“I’m hanging up now, Fi. Call the sisters if you want, but they’ll have to break down the door to get in.”
A few scenarios raced through Kat’s head involving Gigi with a screwdriver, Nina with her firearm, and Stella with her doting husband (who would break in just to shut her up).
Kat exhaled a long sigh. “I promise you I’m okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, bright and early, okay?”
“Yeah…okay.”
The hurt in Fi’s voice broke Kat’s heart.
“I love you, Fi. And I know you guys all mean well.” Kat sighed again. “Sorry I snapped at you. Maybe my period is coming, ‘cause I feel all sorts of bitchy right now.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Fi shot back and Kat smiled. “Okay, if you’re going to refuse to tell me what’s wrong, I’ll let it go for now. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Talk to you tomorrow,” Kat replied.
“Bye, Kitty-Kat.”
“Bye, Fifi.”
Kat hit the end button and tossed her phone aside. She stared at it unseeingly as she thought about what Fi had said…
For some stupid reason, the least of Kat’s concerns regarding the Danny situation was his past. It probably made her the most naïve human being ever to have lived, but Kat really didn’t think Danny would cheat on someone he was involved in. Or leave someone he was in a relationship with for someone “better.”
Danny might be promiscuous, but he wasn’t an amoral person. Or an unkind person. Or someone who toyed with people’s emotions and then tossed them aside.
Kat was woman enough to admit (to herself, anyway) that she’d been very wrong about Danny’s character. She’d judged him without really knowing him, which was unusual for her and something she wasn’t feeling very proud about right now.
Although, deep inside, Kat knew
why
she’d judged him so harshly…
Because she’d been insanely attracted to him from the moment they’d met and that had royally pissed her off.
And baffled her.
And scared her.
And made her feel very
less than
, because she’d known (or thought she’d known) that Danny wasn’t looking at her that way.
Knowing now that Danny had felt it, too…that he’d wanted her as badly as she’d wanted him…
Kat’s stomach flipped remembering the insanely intense way Danny had gazed at her all afternoon. The way he had touched her, tasted her, and listened to her like she was the sexiest, most interesting woman on earth.
It had been one hundred percent authentic, too. A person couldn’t fake what she’d seen in his eyes, tasted on his lips, and felt in his touch.
And Kat was right there with him. She’d never felt such a strong draw to anyone in her life, like they were connected by invisible strings that couldn’t be severed.
But Kat didn’t do
connected
. She’d hardly done it before MS and certainly didn’t do it now.
Besides, even putting the whole MS thing aside, the entire concept of she and Danny entering into a relationship was ridiculous. They might be wildly attracted to each other, but a relationship could not be built upon – or sustained by – pheromones, lust, and a general high regard for one another. Romantic entanglements were hard enough between two “normal” people, but between two people with as much emotional and physical baggage as Danny and Kat?
Starting something like that up would be ensuring lots of big, painful messes that would undoubtedly end very, very badly.
And they were not strangers; there were other ties to consider here, too. Kat was Gia’s godmother and Danny was her godfather. Kat’s sister was married to Danny’s best friend. There would be long years of endless interactions and all that ugliness would do nothing but make everyone’s lives uncomfortable, painful, and stressful.
Nope, best to sever the ties now. Before things went too far.
Kat decided, then and there, to get her head on straight. Shit needed to be gotten together. ASAP.
Danny was a nice guy. A decent, funny, sexy, jaded, tough, interesting guy Kat really liked. She understood now why Nathan had remained friends with him all these years and why someone as discriminating as Stella cared for him. Kat had witness first hand what a wonderful police officer he was and she totally understood the magnetism people experienced around him.
Now Kat could be friends with him, too. They’d gotten to know each other a little more and obviously liked and respected each other. It would be fun to see Danny at all the family functions. They could talk and laugh and…and…
Kat grabbed a throw pillow and buried her face, open-mouth sobbing into it until her throat was raw, her diaphragm ached, and her eyes were nearly swollen shut.
She cried for the years she’d spent feeling like an outsider, the depths of loneliness she’d never had the courage to face, the fleeting moments of acceptance and understanding Danny had given her, and the gut-wrenching pain of knowing she’d have to wake up tomorrow and go back to who she’d been before those moments – alone, misunderstood, and putting on a brave face, despite a near debilitating fear constantly swirling inside of her.
Kat let herself cry it out before until, with one last shuddering sigh and shaking hands, she reached for her phone again.
She spent the next hour taking care of business: texting Gigi (although she knew it was safe to assume Stella had already given Gigi the full rundown of Kat’s “disappearance” and “recovery”), texting Pops and telling him he was on for a Scrabble-fest tomorrow night, texting Giovanni and telling him she was free to help with his Physics project tomorrow after work, texting Carla and telling her –
yes
– she was free to babysit two weeks from Wednesday. She even sent Nina a brief note, even though Nina was not big on pointless chit-chat.
Kat’s finger paused when she got to the next text message. She hadn’t seen it earlier, but it was from this afternoon…right about the time she and Danny had been grinding away on his couch.
And it was from Ben:
Hey, Kat. Sorry you weren’t in today. Hope everything is okay. Assuming it is, I’m wondering if you like to go out this Friday? Normally I’d wait to talk to you in person, but I thought I’d work on making the reservations ASAP – assuming you’re free, of course. And assuming you are willing, of course. Anyway, this is about twice as long as my normal texts, so I’ll wrap it up. Let me know what you think about Friday. No pressure…