All That's True (16 page)

Other than the food, the formal night was sort of boring. Bridget and I start to think that maybe the cruise is not so hot after all. We quickly change our mind the next night when we meet these two guys. It starts out very innocently, which is how a lot of things begin. Consider World War I. One day people just didn’t up and start shooting at each other. The Archduke Franz Ferdinand was riding along in his carriage with the Duchess Sophie at his side, waving at his subjects and probably having a very nice day, and this guy Princip assassinates him. But that didn’t immediately start the war. There were other things that happened. A lot of people think that Germany started the war, but I know for a fact Russia was the first to mobilize troops and Germany had no alternative but to defend itself. Of course then they became evil. My point is, it all started with a little carriage ride. As for the war with my mother, it starts out when me and Bridget decide to go to the teen center. My mother and Vivian are going to take in the evening show.

“Make sure you’re back by ten, Andi,” my mother says. “That’s late enough for you to girls to be out wandering about.”

So we head to the third floor. After we get a cold drink we start dancing with a group of other kids that are out on the floor in a big circle. Before long Bridget is swirling around and around to the music likes she’s crazy and manages to land on her butt. I grab hold of her hand and end up flat on the floor next to her. These two guys come up laughing and asking if we’re alright.

“Let me help you up,” the tall one says.

“Thanks,” I say and hold out my hand. My heart is pounding and it’s not because I got thrown to the ground. This guy is gorgeous. He looks like Brad Pitt.

“What’s your name?” he says.

“Andi,” is all I can think of to say. I wanted to add something after that but my mind is a blank.

“Jason,” he says and pulls me to my feet.

The other guy is helping Bridget up. He’s not as tall, but sort of cute with a cowlick that stands up at the back of his head.

“That’s Gavin,” Jason says and jerks his head in Bridget’s direction.

Bridget stands up and straightens her sweater. It was pulled up around her midriff.

“Hey, you want to go to the club upstairs? It’s where the adults go,” Jason says.

“They play some cool music and there’s lights flashing everywhere,” Gavin says.

“Sure,” I say and look at Bridget. She just shrugs her shoulders and gives me a look like, “Why not?”

So it starts out without any trouble. It isn’t until later that things get out of hand.

We follow them up to the fourth floor where a small adult lounge is. It’s all very innocent. We each get a Coke, which you have to pay for, and Gavin and Jason treat us. It’s like we’re on a date. We start dancing and just goofing off and then Jason says his brother is at the disco on the third floor and why don’t we go there and hang out. I don’t see any problem with that. I mean, his brother must be an adult or what would he be doing in the disco, right?

We head down there, going past the casino on our way. There are people everywhere feeding the slot machines. Bells are ringing like crazy, so someone must be winning something, or maybe the machines do that to keep the gamblers excited and anxious to keep playing.

The disco is called White Heat. It has a floor that looks like glass and a ceiling that is one giant mirror. The walls are peppered with wall-to-wall television sets flashing the word White Heat on them. It makes me dizzy just looking at them.

Jason finds his brother. “Hey, Jerry,” he calls out. “What’s up?”

Jerry is every bit as good looking as Jason and a couple of inches taller. He has dark hair that hangs down on his forehead and dark blue eyes with longer eyelashes than an ad for Maybelline.

“How about getting us some drinks?” Jason says.

“How old are you girls?” Jerry says.

“Eighteen,” Jason says.

“Almost nineteen,” Bridget says. I stab her in the ribs with my elbow. “Well, we will be in a few years,” she whispers to me.

Try four and five years respectively. I’m not much into the idea of alcohol, but don’t want to be a dork, so I go along with it. Bad decision.

Jerry comes back one by one with drinks for each of us. I guess the bartenders are too busy to keep track of who orders what. What kind of nut orders four drinks in quick succession? Or maybe he asked different bartenders. There’s about six of them bustling about. I take a sip of mine. It’s something with orange juice in it and has a cherry and a slice of an orange with an umbrella resting on top. It doesn’t even taste like it has anything in it other than maybe orange juice and Seven Up. It’s good and I drink it down without any trouble. Jerry brings another round. That’s when Jason takes this flask out of his jacket and spikes our drinks. I can really taste the alcohol now. It isn’t long before the room shifts a bit before my eyes. Now there’s two of everything and my stomach feels like it’s on a roller coaster while my head is on a merry-go-round. Then the room starts to spin like it’s a top. I hang on to Jason to keep from losing my balance. Bridget is giggling and carrying on with Gavin. He has his arm around her waist and she’s wobbling back and forth like a whirling dervish on a stick.

“Whoooeeee,” she says. “I better sit down.”

Three rounds later I’m outside on the deck heaving my guts out over the railing. That is, I’m trying to keep it over the railing, but the wind keeps tossing back what I keep tossing up. Bridget joins in.

“I think I’m dying,” she says.

“I hope I do,” I answer.

Jason and Gavin bring us some towels they take from the pool deck and start wiping our faces. “Guess you two have had enough,” Jason says. “Come on, you can lay down in our cabin ’til you feel better.”

His cabin consists of adjoining suites with a queen bed in one room and twin beds in the other. Bridget and I sack out on the queen bed. Jason covers us up and says he’ll be back to check on us later. I lean over the bed and tell him to make sure it’s before ten. When later comes I’m not sure what time it is, but my head feels like it’s twice the size it’s ever been and the motion of the ship is making me sick all over again. Jason and Gavin are nowhere in sight. I consider getting up to go find our cabin, but the moment I get up all I can manage to do is head straight for the toilet. There’s nothing left in me to throw up. Regardless, my body keeps on trying to toss up my insides.

“Dry heaves,” Bridget says and joins me over the john.

“I’ll never drink anything again as long as I live,” she says. “Ever.”

I want to agree with her, but the thought of trying to form words is too much of an assignment. All I really want is my mother. I drag myself back to the bed and pass out. Bridget must have followed. When I wake up again, it’s morning. Bridget is sprawled on top of the bedspread beside me. Jerry is asleep on the sofa and Jason and Gavin are asleep in the twin beds. The door between the rooms is open. I peek in to see if they’re awake. They’re not.

I nudge Bridget. She opens her eyes like they’re connected to strings that don’t quite work. “Let’s get out of here,” I whisper.

Which is exactly what we do. It takes us forever to figure out where we are and where our own cabin is located. Finally we come to 7806. We know it when we get there. We run straight into the captain and his crew and my mother who are parked in front of the door to our suite. My mother spots us and sees the condition we’re in, which isn’t pretty. I don’t remember hearing such screaming since my brother died.

My mother has decided two things. First, she’s convinced I’ve been violated as in I’m no longer a virgin. I don’t care how much alcohol I had, I would have remembered something like that, or wouldn’t there be some evidence of it on my body in the morning? Exactly. But oh no, she’s calling the ship’s doctor and demanding an examination and I am having a complete hysterical nervous breakdown. The idea of a strange man poking around in my private spots has me wanting to jump overboard.

“I want these boys arrested,” my mother says. “Immediately!”

The ship’s captain explains that they are only sixteen years old. So they lied! There’s actually no crime other than furnishing the alcohol, which technically they didn’t. Jerry did. Jerry could be in some very serious trouble, but we don’t mention him.

The second thing my mother has decided is that Bridget and I are not to go anywhere for the rest of the cruise without them. I don’t blame her on that accord. If I were my mother I’d be having a hissy fit, too. Still, it will be the pits. Today we are in the Cayman Islands and are going horseback riding along the beach. Vivian is going, too. She loves horses. My mother’s going to watch. Remember she doesn’t like any type of animals or fish touching her. I can just picture her standing on the beach for two hours, melting under the sun—ridiculous. She should just stay on the ship and bite her nails.

I did not have to have an examination. My mother called my father and he said they would discuss it when we returned. I could just hug my father! I hate him for being with Donna, but I love him for not insisting I have an examination. Fortunately, my mother did not call Bridget’s father. She decided to let my father handle the entire situation. Good plan. Bridget’s father is out of the country anyway.

After we finish riding horses, my mother and I are in her cabin and get into a major battle. It starts when she tells me she is disappointed in my behavior and has decided no matter what my father’s decision is that I am to be grounded for the rest of the summer. This flips me out. There are some really cool things I planned on doing. Like taking a canoe trip down the Chattahoochee with Bridget and her church group and maybe hanging out at this new teen center that just opened.

But my mother insists I will not see the light of day. There are to be no exceptions. This gets me upset. Can’t a teenager make a mistake?

“It’s not fair!” I say. “We were wrong, and we drank stuff we shouldn’t have, but we got sick and we’ve been punished enough and you should understand. You were young once too, right?” I think I am making a great deal of sense. Does my mother think so? Absolutely not. She says, “Andi, this hurts me more than it does you.”

That is absolutely it. I’ve heard that before and it is a bunch of crap. I tell her that she is a total loser.

“A loser!” I yell. My voice cracks when I want more than anything to sound fearless.

“Andréa, you are to go to your room right now,” my mother says and her eyes are darts and I am the bull’s-eye.

“No!” I say. “I know I’ve disappointed you. I was stupid, but grounding me for the rest of the summer isn’t the answer!”

“Andi, I know what’s best for you,” she says.

“You do not!” I say. “You don’t even know what’s best for yourself.” I’m in very deep water here, but I can’t seem to get out of the boat.

“Excuse me?” my mother says and puts one hand on her hip.

I keep blubbering on. “You don’t know anything. You’re stupid.” I’ve lost all control. “You won’t even face the fact that your husband is screwing Donna!”

I can’t believe I just said that. My mother drops on the bed like a torpedo hit her in the heart.

We spend the next day at the pool on the ship. The sun and sand and wind have done their job. My body’s limp as a rubber band. My head hits the pillow and I’m about to drift off when I hear my mother on the telephone. At first I’m thinking she’s calling room service and then I hear by the tone of her voice it’s not an ordinary call. “Andréa,” she calls over her shoulder. “It’s your father.”

My mother has probably called my father and told him that I’ve told her about Donna and my stomach detaches itself from my intestines. My mother is standing in the door way between our rooms and holding the phone out to me.

“He needs to talk to you,” she says. I walk over and take the handset out of her hands and swing my hair away from my face.

“Hi,” I say weakly, then, decide I better tell him what I’ve done, so he doesn’t think I’d try to keep it from him. “I’m sorry,” I say, “I told mom about Donna, when I was all upset and now I can’t take it back.” There is dead silence on the line. “But I want to!” I add.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” my father says. “I thought we had an agreement.”

“Well, we did, but then—”

“Listen to me Andi,” he says, interrupting me. I’m going to get the lecture of my life. “I’m not concerned about that right now.” I’m thinking how can he not be?

“Something’s happened and you and your mother need to fly home. The ship will be in Labadee by morning. I’ve made your travel arrangements. A jeep will meet you at the dock. From there you’ll take a helicopter to Santo Domingo. You’ll fly back to the States from there.”

“What?” I don’t understand. Why are we cutting our trip short? That’s when I notice my mother is crying and I’m freaking out thinking something’s happened to Beth and sure I’ve never always liked her, but lately she’s been turning into a regular person you can do things with and it’d be just my luck that I never get a chance to make up for all my bad thoughts about her.

“Is it Beth?” I say, and my voice breaks down completely.

“No, no, no,” my father says. “Beth is fine. She’s here with me now.”

“Then what—” I’m trying to imagine why he’d be phoning ship-to-shore and insisting we have to leave our cruise and fly home.

“It’s Henry,” my father says. “He’s had a heart attack.”

“But he’s okay, right?” I say. There is a long silence that gives me the answer. “Daddy?” I say, feeling like I’m five years old again. I love Henry like you’d love a grandfather. “He’s okay and he’s just asking for us, right?”

“I’m sorry, Andi,” my father says. “Rosa found him in the garden. He’s gone.”

I drop the phone and look over at my mother. She reaches for me, but my knees collapse and I plop onto the floor before she can grab me. Henry, dear sweet Henry, who always does something nice before you even ask him to, is gone.

***

Vivian and I are having a heart to heart. She’s convinced I need one and I just love her so much that whatever she says is okay with me. She’s sitting next to me on the long narrow couch they put in all of the suites and has her arm around me.

“Andi,” she says, “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

She kisses the top of my head. I start blubbering. I tell her I’ve destroyed my mother’s entire world.

“I told her what my father is doing with Donna.”

“I know,” she says, which doesn’t surprise me. She and my mother are closer than lint on a sweater.

“Andi,” she says, “you haven’t spilled any beans. Your mother knew all along what your father was up to with Donna.”

“Of course she did. She found my notes!” I bury my face in my hands. I’m so ashamed that Vivian will now know I was destroying my mother’s world when all I really wanted to do was help her hit her bottom, like the AA book said was necessary in order for a person to recover.

“Silly girl,” Vivian says. “Your mother knew you wrote those notes. You used Beth’s stationery that I give her every year for her birthday. Your mother recognized it immediately.”

“She did?”

Vivian squeezes my shoulder and nods.

“But she had to know what I was writing was true.”

“She already knew, Andi. She was just very concerned that you knew and wondering how that could be. How did you know?”

Vivian peers into my eyes like the answers are resting in my pupils. I look away. I’m not going there. I shrug my shoulders and shake my head. Maybe she’ll think I just had a hunch.

“Why didn’t she say something to me? And why didn’t she confront my father if she already knew? She never said anything to him that I know of.” I stop and sniff and wait for her answer.

Vivian takes her hands and smoothes the sides of my hair. “If your mother had confronted your father he would have had to make a choice.”

“So?”

“Your mother was afraid he wouldn’t choose her. She still is. That’s why she doesn’t want him to know that she knows.”

I’m getting dragged into some very grown-up stuff here. Now I really start sobbing. In addition to Henry being dead, I’ve already told my father I told my mother. So he knows that my mother knows, but my mother just doesn’t know that he knows. What a mess. I need to tell Vivian. Somehow I know she’ll make this all better; about Henry, too. There’s just something about Vivian. When you’re feeling down she can just smile at you and lift you up. It must have something to do with her spirit; it’s so gentle and honest.

“I told my dad!” I say. “He knows I told my mother!” Now I’m wailing. Half of it’s still about Henry. I feel awful, like my body’s been hit by a baseball bat and is black and blue all over.

“Oh Andi,” she says. She turns me around and wipes my tears with a tissue. “You poor little darlin’—what a weight to carry.”

“And now what can I do?” I say, choking on my hiccups. “I’ve already told him.”

“You do nothing,” she says. “Now it’s your mother’s turn to step up to bat. It’s as simple as that.”

It doesn’t sound so simple to me. Our lives are at stake.

“All games eventually need to be played to the end, Andi.” She sits me up straight on the sofa and tucks her hand under my chin. “Winner take all.”