All the Pretty Hearses (22 page)

Judith shrugged off her jacket and sat in the captain’s chair staring out the window where heavy raindrops bounced off the deck railing. Renie was getting something out of the refrigerator. She appeared a moment later with a can of Diet 7UP for Judith and the ubiquitous regular Pepsi for herself.

“Okay,” her cousin said, plopping down into another captain’s chair on the other side of the table. “Start your tale of woe.”

“I don’t know where to begin,” Judith confessed. “What was happening when I last saw you?”

“Your mother tried to crash and burn in the kitchen,” Renie said. “Then the B.C. couple arrived. Addison was looking sage when he wasn’t looking uncomfortable. Then I made my exit.”

Judith nodded. “I can go on from there,” she said—and did, catching Renie up on everything that had happened in the past six hours. “I honestly don’t know if Joe can tell me what’s going on, but his attitude aggravated me. And then I had a sudden brainstorm.”

“Which blew you in our direction?” Renie shrugged. “Let’s hear it.”

“I . . . I can’t quite put it into words yet. You know it has to be logical and what occurred to me isn’t. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I’m sure I’m crazy.”

Renie looked disgusted. “You drove a mile to tell me what you
can’t
tell me? Why didn’t you send me a blank e-mail and save gas?”

“I know. It sounds stupid. But it also occurred to me that we should go over to the Eastside and try to find that barn where the horse is stabled.”

“ ‘We’? Now? Yes, you
are
crazy.”

Judith laughed nervously. “Okay, now that we’ve put my insanity on the table, I’ll admit I’m afraid to stay alone tonight.”

“Coz.” Renie looked shocked. “Oh my. This is serious. You’ve faced off with hardened killers, you’ve stared down gun barrels, you’ve confronted strangers who were mad as hatters, you’ve even gone one-on-one with your mother . . . and yet you’re afraid to stay alone in your own house? That really upsets me.”

“I know. It’s absurd.” She gazed at the random stacks of notepads and other work-related items Renie kept at hand on the main floor. “If I put all of these puzzle pieces on paper and tried to connect them in some way, would that make sense?”

“I won’t know until you try,” Renie said, pushing a legal pad toward her cousin. “Go for it.” Picking up a pen, Judith drew a house representing the B&B. Then she drew lines leading from the house that indicated all of the factors involved in the baffling occurrences of the past week. Renie sat quietly, sipping her Pepsi.

“What have I left out?” Judith mused. “Something’s missing.”

“Your artistic talent is one of them,” Renie noted. “Your printing’s not so hot either.”

“Never mind the idiotic comments. Just try to figure out what
is
on my primitive diagram.”

“Why did you include SANECO?” Renie asked. “Is that because you don’t think Zachary Conrad was the original person who was supposed to be bilking the insurance company?”

“That’s right,” Judith said. “If something serious had happened to Zachary, it would’ve made the news. Not a big story, but at least a few inches, since he was a city employee of some stature. Remember that the body had phony ID. I assume—always a mistake to assume anything—that Joe and Woody had been in contact with SANECO. The question should be what happened to the real person who was possibly trying to defraud the company? Or did he ever exist? And if he did, is his body somewhere at the bottom of the lake?”

Renie nodded. “I get it. But we have to assume SANECO is on the up-and-up, right?”

“The company, yes. One person who works there may not be, but I have no way of knowing. That’s something Joe and Woody would investigate. Which,” Judith went on, tapping her fingers on the table, “may mean that the whole situation was a setup. Maybe there never was an insurance-fraud attempt. How long did Zachary live in that condo? Who owns it? That’s what the police would know. And that’s what Joe’s not telling me. He says he can’t.”

Renie’s round face brightened. “A sting operation with Zachary Conrad as bait? Why him?”

“Because,” Judith said slowly, “he volunteered.”

“Wow.” Renie grinned at Judith. “That’s brilliant. Of you, I mean. Not so smart of Zachary, being dead. So why would he do such a thing?”

“That’s the problem,” Judith said, frowning. “It had to be very important for him to do it in the first place. Some sort of connection to whatever lead Addison is following at City Hall. What do we know about Zachary except his job and his connection by marriage to the Paines?”

“Not much,” Renie said.

“Same way with Addison.” Judith stared at her crude diagram. “Connect the dots—or lines. Horses. Hunt club. Gambling. ARBS.”

“You didn’t put the truck drivers down,” Renie pointed out.

“No, I didn’t. In my mind, they come under ‘Uncle Al.’ ” Judith made a face. “But I left out something else. ‘Sick kids at SOTS.’ ”

“Doc’s Burgers? We’ve been eating them for years,” Renie said. “You think they get their meat from ARBS?”

“Maybe,” Judith said. “Who’d know?”

“Ohhh . . . Martha Morelli, probably. She’s been involved in the hamburger lunch program forever. Want me to call her?”

“Why not?”

Renie flipped through the Rolodex. “Gee, maybe I can con Martha into using my Shrimp Dump recipe after all.” She tapped in the number. “She’s a slow starter, but she does tend to run on once she— Hi, Martha, it’s Serena Jones . . . Oh, really?” Renie shot Judith a beleaguered glance. “That’s a shame . . .”

Judith saw Renie slump down in the chair. Recalling her own phone conversation with the woman, she wondered if maybe it hadn’t taken Martha so long to get up to speed this time around.

“That doesn’t sound like my cousin,” Renie said, one hand to her head. “Judith is always . . . Yes, but I heard . . . No, of course, I wasn’t there . . . Gosh, that isn’t what Arlene told us about the ladder . . . Confused? I don’t think . . . But why would Alicia and Reggie need the ladder in the first . . . No, I told you, I wasn’t there when . . .”

Renie had slouched down so far in the chair that her chin was almost on the table. Judith could only imagine what the Beard-Smythes had told Martha and the rest of the parishioners about their stay at Hillside Manor. Come morning, it might be wise to avoid Mass at SOTS and attend the adjacent parish near the city center instead.

“Yes, yes,” Renie said, finally sounding testy as she pulled herself back up in the chair, “that’s a shame, but that’s not why I . . . Martha! Stop! This is important! Who poisoned the schoolchildren?”

Judith leaned forward, watching her cousin’s expression change from annoyance to puzzlement.

“Martha?” Renie frowned. “Martha?” she repeated in a loud voice. After a long pause, she disconnected. “I got dead air, then the fast busy signal. I think Martha passed out. Does that answer your question?”

“Why am I not surprised?” Judith said. “It makes sense, I guess. The school would want to contract through a hamburger place that buys meat from a parishioner.”

“It must’ve been a onetime only occurrence,” Renie remarked. “Doc’s Burgers has never had a problem I know of before this. Maybe we’re wrong. I wonder what went awry? Or could we be mistaken?”

“We may be jumping to conclusions,” Judith allowed. “I’ll call the health department Monday. Don’t you know someone who works there?”

“Yes,” Renie replied. “The son of a former neighbor when I was growing up. I keep in touch with the family. So does Mom. Rob’s worked there for years. He must be pretty far up the food chain by now. So to speak. Smart, nice, and probably would be helpful.” She began going through her Rolodex again. “I imagine Shrimp Dump won’t make it into the SOTS cookbook now that Martha either fainted or hung up on me. I gather she’s very tight with the Beard-Smythes.”

Judith nodded. “That’s how I got roped into having them spend the night. Good Lord, it seems like a long time ago.”

“I’m calling Rob now,” Renie said. “If he’s not home, I’ll leave a cryptic message. That’ll ensure— Rob? Hi. This is Serena. How are you?”

Judith stood up. She knew Renie would have to lay some groundwork before asking pertinent questions. Wandering through the dining and living rooms, she came to stand by the fireplace, where a single log was sending out a bit of extra warmth.

“Just in time,” Bill said. “The Russians won.”

“Again?” Judith responded.

“You bet.” Bill leaned forward. “No, Oscar, they didn’t cheat.” He turned back to Judith. “Oscar swears he had a friend who was a Swedish spy at Leningrad.”

“Oh? His friend must be quite elderly.”

Bill shook his head. “Oscar has no sense of time passing,” he said in a low voice. “He thinks all this happened today. Poor little fella.”

“Say,” Judith said, “what’s going on with the client who was being stalked? Has anything happened to him while Joe’s been out of action?”

“I don’t know,” Bill replied. “I won’t see him again until Tuesday.”

“And you wouldn’t tell me if it had, right?”

“Right.” Bill scanned the circled items on the TV listings. “Sorry, Oscar, we’re stuck with a bunch of bad movies. Saturday’s not much good for TV viewing. How about
The Godfather Part One
?”

“I like that,” Judith said. “It’s one of Joe’s favorites, too.”

“I know,” Bill said, getting up to take a DVD out of the cupboard by the TV. “Oscar has a pal who works in Vegas. Renie and I saw Jack at the MGM Grand when were we there the last couple of times. Nice guy. He just sort of hangs around in a jungle setting at a restaurant.”

“Does Jack get paid for . . . never mind, I think Renie’s winding up her phone call.”
Help me, Lord, I’m starting to sound as insane as the Joneses. They’re contagious.

Renie, however, was still talking to Rob. “That’s awful,” she was saying. “Did it make the news?”

Judith sat down and sipped her soda. Her cousin was looking more and more shocked by the second. “Yes, of course, I understand . . . No, I won’t say a word. Maybe he’ll still turn up . . . Okay. Thanks. I’m glad everything else is going so well for you and yours . . . I will. Bye.” She put the phone down. “That was more than worthwhile. Rob sent one of his inspectors to ARBS right after Christmas. The guy had some kind of accident there that put him in the hospital for several days and then he went home in a wheelchair. You’ll never guess where he lives. Or
lived,
since he’s disappeared.”

Judith stared at Renie. “The condo on the lake?”

“You got it. He hasn’t been seen or heard from since last Sunday.”

Chapter Twenty

A
fter taking in the thunderbolt of news, Judith had several questions for Renie. “Do they think he’s dead?”

“They don’t know.”

“Could he have been perpetrating an insurance fraud?”

“I’ve no idea.”

“He must’ve been seriously injured or he wouldn’t have ended up in the hospital, right?”

“Right.”

“How did he get hurt?”

“Nobody’s sure. Something apparently fell on him. He suffered severe damage to his pelvis.”

“That doesn’t sound like fraud, does it?”

“Not to me,” Renie agreed. “I didn’t mention anything about Joe and the surveillance. I just let Rob talk.”

“Good thinking,” Judith said. “So something fell on him . . . Do you suppose it was an accident?”

“That would be the job of the insurance investigators,” Renie said. “Rob told me they were looking into it, of course, but no report had yet been filed. There was a very brief item under the local news in the paper, but no TV coverage. None of the parties involved want to talk until the investigation is over.”

“Again, this would be something Joe and Woody would look into,” Judith said. “Damn! I wish Joe could tell me what’s going on. They must be way out ahead of what little we know.”

“We need a spy,” Renie declared. “Volunteers?”

“Us? How?”

“You’re the queen of liars around here,” Renie pointed out. “Think, coz. We couldn’t do this incognito. We know some of the players, such as Andrew Paine and the Beard-Smythes. That leaves Addison. He doesn’t need to be incognito. It’s his job. Call him.”

Judith grimaced. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Renie started to argue, but seemed to change her mind. “You look odd. What’s going on with you two? I’m getting some strange vibes.”

Judith went on the defensive. “Like what?” she snapped. “Are you joining forces with Mother and Arlene and insinuating that I’ve got a thing for Addison? That’s crap and you know it. He’s a nice guy, and I’ve been grateful for his help, but that’s it.”

Renie shook her head. “No, I don’t taunt you like Aunt Gert does and I don’t get peculiar notions like Arlene occasionally has. But I do know you and I kind of know Addison, or at least I can make some judgments about men like him. Widowed, lonely, not lucky in love since his wife died. You’re sympathetic, good-hearted, open with people, always trying to please. Two frustrated adults, permanently or temporarily spouseless, living under the same roof for a couple of days. Danger. Excitement. Sharing your thoughts about the investigation and God knows what else. He’s playing protector. You’re in the role of possible victim. What could possibly go wrong?”

“Nothing!” Judith shouted—and immediately felt foolish. “Really. I understand what you’re saying, but it’s . . . not true.”

“Bull. It’s true.” Renie smiled ironically. “I mean, the situation is. Obviously, you’re suddenly backing off. How come?”

Judith tried to find the right words to explain herself. And Addison. Or both of them. She jumped when she realized Bill was standing in the doorway of the nook.

“You two okay?” he asked.

Renie’s smile softened. “Sure. Just Coz here, trying to deny that she’s really hot. Guess I shouldn’t have sent that letter to AARP nominating her for the Bodalacious Babe Award.”

Bill shrugged. “Oscar signed it.” He turned and went through the other door to the kitchen. “Time for my snack. Got a napoleon from Begelman’s Bakery for tonight. Seems appropriate after watching the siege of Leningrad, even if it’s the wrong war.” Bill moved on to the refrigerator.

“Sometimes,” Judith murmured, “I’d really like to strangle you.”

“Right.” Renie stretched and yawned. “Bill feels the same way. Start with telling me why you won’t call Addison.”

“I think he may be onto something,” Judith said after a short pause. “I told you he left that odd message on the phone.”

“You didn’t say why you thought it was odd.”

“He sounded . . . odd. He’d gone to see Paulina Paine.”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t mention it, because it didn’t seem important to . . . to the rest of the stuff that’s been going on,” Judith explained, feeling awkward. “She and Andrew separated a while back and during that time, Paulina and Addison had a fling. I realized there was something between them when they saw each other last night and later they disappeared upstairs for a while.”

Renie couldn’t help but laugh. “Gee, you really are a sleuth. But that’s fairly intriguing, for more than obvious reasons. You think she’ll rat out Andy to Addison?”

“If, in fact, there’s any ratting out to be done,” Judith replied. “Paulina and Andy didn’t strike me as a very happy couple.”

“Paulina started out bitchy,” Renie said. “Maybe that’s not really her, but living with Andy has made her brittle and sharp-tongued.”

“Defense mechanism,” Bill called out from in front of the microwave, where he was warming his Sleepytime Tea. “The opposite of my wife, who’s treated like a queen and is ever cheerful and sweet.”

Renie leaned out of her chair. “Why don’t you stick your head in that thing and turn it on for two minutes? Your brain has stopped functioning, Dr. Bill.”

Her husband didn’t comment, but continued his nightly ritual.

“He’s right, of course,” Renie said as Bill exited the kitchen. “That’s another thing about the Paines. Are any of them happily married? How on earth could Hannah pretend the man who came with her was Zachary Conrad? And who was he?”

“That,” Judith said, “is a good question. Is it possible that she didn’t know Zachary was dead?”

“She should by now,” Renie pointed out, “even if the Paines have been avoiding calls from the police. Frankly, their attitude is beyond strange. It’s as if the whole family is running scared.”

Judith agreed. “That’s what I’ve been thinking all day. The youngest of Norma and Wilbur’s children, Sarah, isn’t Octavia’s mother. It was clear that Sarah and Dennis Blair haven’t been married very long. Octavia obviously doesn’t care for the rest of the Paines. If there’s any ratting to be done, I wonder if she’d be our best source. The only problem is, I don’t know where she works or even if she lives with her father and Sarah.”

“We could go retro and see if she’s in the phone book,” Renie suggested. “So many people aren’t these days, with all the cell phones. Let’s see if I can get a number from Directory Assistance.” She picked up her own phone and dialed.

Judith sipped at her soda while her cousin went through the paces of eliciting information from an operator. “Okay,” Renie said, after making some notes. “There’s an O. D. Blair who lives close to downtown, probably a condo or an apartment, judging from the address. I think I’ll give her a call.”

Judith was surprised. “And ask what?”

Renie was already dialing the number. “I got the impression she’s some kind of professional. Don’t ask me why, but—” She stopped, holding up a hand for silence. After a few moments, she spoke into the receiver. “Hi, Octavia. This is Serena Jones. I met you last night at my cousin’s B&B. I’m sorry for your family’s loss, but I’m a graphic designer and I understand you’re involved with a small press. I need your input about a project I’m doing. If you could give me a call at . . .” Renie slowly uttered the number, offered her thanks, and rang off. “How was that?”

“Very neat and tidy,” Judith said. “What if she doesn’t know about her family’s loss?”

“She may think I’m talking about their minds, which they all seem to have lost quite a while ago.” Renie shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. At least I established contact. We’ll see if she responds.”

Judith checked her watch. “It’s nine-thirty. I should go home.”

“You do have guests,” Renie remarked. “Do any of them look like ax murderers?”

“They seem normal,” Judith said, “at least the Chicago sisters and the Savannah couple. As I mentioned earlier, I suspect that Zoë Paine is selling Son of Scarlet to the Kentucky Arabs. Or Middle East guys. I think they may be buyers for some emir in Dubai.”

“It was the twins who brought the horse, right?”

Judith nodded. “They must’ve been helping their cousin. Now I know why Zoë disappeared during the evening. She may’ve heard what we thought were shots, but were kids—probably the Dooley bunch in back of us—lighting off New Year’s firecrackers. Zoë would’ve guessed they’d upset the horse and went out to check, tranquilized the poor animal, and had Abe Burleson haul him off to the barn.”

“So Zoë had bought the horse? Why put it in your garage?”

Judith took a last drink of soda and stood up. “That’s where my logic doesn’t factor in, but I don’t think she bought Son of Scarlet. I think she rescued the horse from whoever owned it.”

Renie was also on her feet. “A rescue animal?”

“Yes. I have to guess what it was rescued from.”

The cousins exchanged glances. “I can give that a shot, too.”

Judith knew they were on the same wavelength. “Right. Zoë didn’t want the horse to become horse meat.”

A
fter arriving home and collecting Gertrude’s dinner tray, Judith found Geoff and Cindy Owens making sandwiches in the kitchen. The sight surprised her, yet was reassuring.

“We didn’t get a chance to eat dinner,” Cindy explained. “I hope you don’t mind. We’ll pay extra for the ham and cheese and bread.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Judith said. “You can make it up to me with some information.”

Geoff gave a start, almost dropping the mustard jar he’d been putting back into the fridge. “Information? What about?”

“Animal rescue,” Judith said. “That’s why you came to town, isn’t it? I’m interested in your work.”

“Oh, that!” Cindy giggled, a false note in Judith’s ear. “It’s just something we feel is worthwhile to do when we have spare time.”

“Kind of a hobby,” Geoff added, closing the refrigerator door. “We don’t have kids yet, so we volunteer a bit.”

“Oh,” Judith said. “That’s generous of you.”

Cindy gathered up the sandwiches and a couple of bottled waters. “Better than just sitting at the beach getting a tan in the winter. Cheaper, too. See you in the morning.”

The couple headed out of the kitchen. Judith stood by the sink, wondering why they were lying. Or at the very least, being evasive. After she heard ten o’clock chime from the living room, she picked up the phone and dialed Addison’s number.

She got his brief recording and decided to hang up without leaving a message. But she felt uneasy. He seemed dependable. Considerate, too. Judith admitted to herself that she was worried. She was startled by the ringing of her fax machine next to the computer. Only rarely did she receive guest information via fax, but sometimes the machine rang and nothing came through. Junk mail she’d been told, filtered by her carrier. But what appeared to be a message was printing out. Judith waited anxiously until it finished.

To her amazement, it was from Joe. “I only now got back the photos I took while on surveillance. One is of Zachary Conrad in his wheelchair. The other is of the female caretaker. Thought you and your co-conspirator, Addison, might be interested. By the way, have I told you lately that I love you? I do.”

Judith was momentarily appeased. But it seemed to take forever for the first photo to print out, and when it arrived, the quality was somewhat grainy. The man in the wheelchair didn’t look familiar, but she’d never met Zachary, so it could have been anybody. He was a fairly pleasant-looking sort and she could tell that he was big in girth and probably tall as well.

The second photo finally finished printing. Judith didn’t know what to expect of an untraceable woman known as Beth Johnson, but she was stunned when she recognized her immediately. Grainy or not, the face of Sonya Paine stared back at her.

Sonya,
Judith thought, aware that her heart was beating faster. Sonya, Walter’s wife, who had become hysterical when their daughter, Zoë, disappeared at dinnertime. How many of the Paines were involved in whatever was going on? No wonder they were all running scared. She picked up the phone to call Renie.

“Sonya was Zachary’s caregiver?” her cousin exclaimed after Judith relayed the news. “You say she never showed up after going on her errands that day? Good God, did she murder her brother-in-law?”

“She might have,” Judith said wearily. “Though I can’t imagine why. If I’m thinking straight, it sounds more to me as if Zachary and maybe Sonya and who knows how many other Paines were setting a trap for someone or something. Obviously, it backfired horribly.”

“Have you told Joe who the woman is, or do you think he knows?”

“He wouldn’t recognize Sonya.” Judith paused. “Woody and Del wouldn’t either. They think she’s somebody who goes by the name of Beth Johnson, which is one of those common last names that’s all but impossible to trace. But they would have taken prints, fibers, whatever. For all anybody knows, Sonya’s never been fingerprinted.”

“Zachary Conrad would’ve been,” Renie said.

“He would? Why?”

“Because he worked for the lighting department. Don’t you remember that’s where I worked during the summers to put myself through college? I had to be fingerprinted, but it didn’t take. Once again, I proved to be a freak of nature.”

“Unarguable,” Judith murmured. “Your hair doesn’t turn gray, you can eat like a pig and not gain an ounce, you have no fingerprints. It’d be helpful if you had special powers. That’s what it seems like it’s going to take to figure this whole thing out.”

“Ha! You’re the one with those. Use ’em or lose ’em, coz.”

“I’m
trying,
” Judith asserted. “I’m going to see if I can get hold of Joe. He must still be at City Hall.”

“Go ahead,” Renie said. “How could he know who she is? This sounds important. Call me back and let me know how he reacts.”

“Will do.” Judith rang off and went through the process of trying to reach Joe, using the number that had shown up on the caller ID earlier in the evening. Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to jump through hoops to get through. But it wasn’t a direct number. After the second transfer, she got disconnected. Frustrated, she considered calling Woody’s wife, Sondra, to see if she knew how to reach either of their husbands without a hassle. But first she should lock the front door. She was in the entry hall before she remembered that she’d locked the door before going to see Renie. Maybe she should make sure the Owenses had locked it behind them when they entered the house.