All the Wrong Reasons (14 page)

He cursed under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “Damn. Irelyn, I’m sorry. I know …don’t go, okay? I don’t want her here – I want you here.”

“This is crazy,” I groaned. “This was just supposed to be a one-night stand. How did it get this far?”

I cradled my head in my hands and felt him move beside me. He put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “Irelyn, love, forget I said anything.”

“You’re right, Lucas. This isn’t fair to you,” I said.

“If this is how you want things, then we’ll keep it this way. No rules, remember? Don’t stress about it, okay?” I sighed, wanting only to keep things the way they were. I didn’t want to decide anything – certainly not tonight. I just wanted him. I needed him. He was like my drug. I nodded and snuggled into him. “Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

“Yeah,” I sighed.

He slid off the bed to undress while my eyes feasted on him. He’d upset me – hell, I’d upset myself- but my body didn’t care. It came back to life and I reached for him as he crawled under the blankets. He shut off the light, kissing me fervently as he removed the t-shirt and sweats he’d given me earlier. I didn’t care if what I was doing was dirty. I didn’t care if it was wrong. I wanted him and I refused to be denied.

Chapter 10

I woke with a start to a pitch black room. I leaned over Lucas and squinted at the red numbers on his clock. It was barely after two but I could still hear voices on the other side of the door. Scrambling out of the bed, I fumbled with the clothes on the floor until I found a shirt. It was Lucas’s but it didn’t matter to me at that point. I pulled my arms through the sleeves, buttoning it clumsily. I needed the bathroom but was a little afraid to open that door.

I pressed my ear to the bedroom door and listened to see if I could hear female voices. I heard a girlish chuckle that sounded familiar and my heart sang. Sinking to my knees, I crawled around until I located my bag. When I found my phone, I hit Bailey’s number. I grinned when I heard her ring tone in the other room.

“Irelyn? What the hell are you doing calling my phone?”

I sat on the floor, leaning against the bed as I smiled. “Who’s all out there with you?”

“Geez, girl, it’s clear. Amber left shortly after Lucas went to bed. It’s just me, Collin, and Spencer.”

“Thank God,” I sighed in relief as I got to my feet and hurried toward the bathroom. “Thanks.” I hung up and relieved myself. Once I finished, I went back to his bedroom to find the sweatpants, yanking them over my legs. I had to roll the waistband so I could walk without tripping, then I unlocked the door and stumbled into the living room. Collin sat on one end of the sofa and Bailey on the other with Spencer in the middle.

Collin took one look at me and laughed. “Oh, shit! This is so funny!”

“Yeah and you can just bite me,” I muttered as I perched on a chair. “How the hell did Amber end up here?”

“Well, after Morgan helped your drunk ass out,” Bailey said with a smug smile, “Amber came over to the table and asked where Lucas had gone. Collin told her that he was tired and went home.”

“But she heard me invite Spencer and Bailey over and I think she thought I’d extended the invitation to her,” Collin said. He smiled bashfully at me. “Sorry, darling. Didn’t mean to interrupt the love fest.”

Lifting a lazy brow, I smirked. “You didn’t.”

Collin and Spencer laughed as they bumped fists. Bailey and I just rolled our eyes.

Spencer casually placed an arm around Bailey, took a sip of his beer, and cocked his head at me. “Irelyn, darling, what is going on with you and Lucas, huh? I mean, why all the cloak and dagger?”

I rubbed my weary eyes, wishing I would have stayed in bed with Lucas – at least it was warm there and no one asked questions I couldn’t answer.

“We’re secret lovers – leave it at that,” Lucas said as he stood in the bedroom doorway, scratching his bare chest.

I whipped my head up and couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. Yawning, he stumbled toward the kitchen, taking my heart with him. My eyes remained on the doorway, waiting anxiously for him to return.

Collin noticed and snorted. “Yeah, right, that’s all you two are,” he mumbled sarcastically. But I heard. And I wondered – did he have a valid point?

***

The final weeks of the semester flew faster than Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve. My heart wrenched when I thought about ending things with Lucas. Unable to resist, I’d started hanging out in the old garage that was behind the two-flat where he lived to listen to him rehearse with Spencer and Collin on Thursday nights. I knew that it would only hurt more – for both of us – but I just had to see him. I guess I was trying to cram all the Lucas time in that I could.

But my thoughts would return to Dustin – against my will. And I wondered how the hell I could do this to him. He’d been my only friend at St. Catherine’s. When everyone else had frowned on me because I had no money and my mother wasn’t anyone well connected, Dustin hadn’t cared. He loved me because I was me. And how was I repaying him?

I cried many tears and wished God would strike me dead because I was an awful, evil person. Dustin was good and deserved better than me. But I just could not help myself. What was I to do? I longed to be the perfect girlfriend and love Dustin unconditionally but Lucas had worked his way into my life. I was helpless to dispel him. I wished fervently someone would please help me make everyone happy.

One Thursday night, I sat in the dusty, chilly garage listening to Lucas and the guys play and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him. He wasn’t the most handsome man I’d ever met but he was definitely beautiful to me. And his body…

I felt a blush creep up my neck and quickly changed my thoughts to how well I’d gotten to know him – thanks in large part to pillow talk. I knew all about his parents and how beautiful Australia was. I knew how much he missed it even though he loved living in the U.S. I knew that he did enjoy his job-but his first love was music. I knew how close he was to Collin and Spencer and how they all grew up together.

I also knew that I was developing real feelings for him. And how the hell it would hurt Dustin.

That Thursday, after they finished rehearsing and ate twice their weight in Mexican food, Lucas and I retired to his bedroom. He undressed me slowly, gently easing me to the bed. He kissed me tenderly and laced his fingers with mine; clutching my hand the whole time he made love to me. It wasn’t just sex this time. He was unhurried and attentive and I couldn’t speak when it was over. My heart was so full of him - more confused than ever. He’d been so sweet and so…loving. I just let him hold me and stroke my hair.

“So,” he whispered about fifteen minutes later, finally breaking the stillness. “Christmas is coming.”

“Mm hm,” I said, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“What do you want Santa to bring you?”

Snorting, I raised my head. “Santa? Really?”

“Sure, why not?” he asked, rubbing my back. “You don’t believe in Santa?”

“I haven’t believed in Santa since I was like five,” I said.

“That really sucks,” he said with a frown. “Why?”

“My mother didn’t have a lot of money and one year, she tried to explain to me that sometimes Santa couldn’t bring everything on a child’s list.” I shrugged and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I revised my list and only put one thing – this fancy doll that every other little girl wanted. It was the hot toy that year and my mother just couldn’t get her hands on one. She finally sat me down and told me the truth –that there wasn’t a Santa and that she wouldn’t be able to get me the doll until my birthday.”

“That’s sort of harsh,” he said with a furrowed brow.

“Maybe, but I didn’t wake up Christmas morning thinking Santa didn’t love me because I didn’t get the stupid doll while every other little girl in my class did. I knew the truth and sure enough, the next month on my birthday, I got one.”

“I guess I can see your point,” he said as he closed his eyes. He pulled me closer to his side. “But everyone should believe in Santa – or the spirit of Santa at least. It adds to the magic of Christmas.”

Sitting up, I stared at him in disbelief. He cracked an eye open as a smirk started in the corner of his mouth. “Lucas Newton – you’re a big softie, aren’t you?” I accused.

With a slight shrug, he yanked me back down next to him. “I just think little kids shouldn’t suffer because of adult problems.”

My heart warmed as I snuggled into his side. I closed my eyes as his arm tightened around me. “What do you want Santa to bring you?” I asked.

“Eh,” he contemplated. “Just you in silky lingerie. Red – no, black.”

I snorted and slapped his chest playfully as he chuckled. “What’s the point? You’ll just rip it off my body. Waste of money.”

“Nah,” he said turning on his side to situate me so that I was spooned against him. “I’d admire it for a few minutes. Take a picture or two.”

“Now you’re dreaming,” I said as I yawned. “But I dare you to ask the mall Santa for that.”

He buried his face in my hair. “I already have.” I laughed as he squeezed my middle. “Hey, Irelyn, um, when do I get to read some of your stories?”

My heart paused as did my breath. I was a little particular about them as most of them were fairly romantic. I let my mother read the more tame ones but I was sort of embarrassed. Oh, I had shared a couple of them with Bailey and Morgan and they enjoyed them - Bailey especially enjoyed the ones that Lucas had inspired lately.

“Well, I have a notebook in my bag,” I said hesitantly. “Um, I can leave it here for you to read. But, I have to warn you – most of them are sort of girly.”

“I don’t care,” he said in a whisper. “I’m a closet romantic.”

I giggled nervously as I nibbled my lip. Why not? He wrote music and had shared his latest songs with me so why couldn’t I share my stories with him? “Okay, but be nice.”

“I’m always nice,” he murmured near my ear. He kissed the spot behind it and I shuddered. He smiled against my skin, dragging his lips down my jaw. “Want me to show you how nice I can be? You know – in case you forgot.”

I sucked in a breath as he nibbled on my neck. “Yes,” I said as I released that breath and turned in his arms to find his lips. “Refresh my memory.”

***

I contemplated my deadline as I sat in Rusty’s the next night and watched him on the stage. So many times he’d catch my eye, smiling, and send my feelings all over the map. I tried to reason with myself that I should extend my deadline until after my January birthday – my birthday would really suck without him. So many excuses surfaced inside my head that by the time the guys finished playing, I had convinced myself that it was still okay to see him and that no one had been hurt so far.

Confident that I’d bought a little more time, I hurried to the stage to urge him to get a move on. I just wanted to be alone with him, wrapped in his arms.

“Damn, girl,” Bailey laughed behind me. She waved at Spencer and grinned when he blushed. “Don’t worry – he’ll do you tonight.”

It was my turn to blush. I hadn’t told her or Morgan about how sweet the night before had been – how my heart had swelled bigger than the Grinch’s after he discovered the true meaning of Christmas. I’d kept that locked inside and let it persuade me to postpone breaking things off with Lucas. It made me question whether breaking things off with Lucas was really the answer.

And I’d started to question my feelings for Dustin. I knew I loved him, still, but it wasn’t the all-consuming love that I’d felt while we were in high school. I just didn’t know how to handle it. Everything inside of me was a huge jumble of mixed up feelings that I envisioned to be like the jangle of necklaces in my mother’s jewelry box – the more you tried to untangle them, the more knotted they became.

Lucas draped a casual arm around my shoulders and pecked Bailey on the cheek. “You’d be in a hurry, too,” he said, giving her an arrogant smirk.

I snorted and earned a wider smirk from Lucas. Patting his stomach, I ducked out from under his arm. “Don’t be so sure of yourself.”

His eyes widened as his smirk slipped off his face. He lowered a brow and considered me carefully. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?” he asked. I leaned against the stage, studying my nails, giving him a nonchalant shrug. He stepped toward me. “Yeah, you are. You know you can’t wait until I take you home.”

“I can’t?” I said as I looked up from my nails. Bailey leaned next to me and laughed.

A mask of indifference slipped on his face but I could still see traces of amusement in his eyes. “Maybe I’ll go home alone – drink a few beers, eat some pizza, watch some porn…”

“Take matters in your own hand,” I added.

He folded his arms across his chest and grinned. “I’m not picky.”

“So it’s the left hand tonight?” Bailey asked.

“Whatever it takes, darling,” he said in a low, dangerous voice that kick started my pulse and made my temperature skyrocket. I pushed away from the stage to step toward him. His eyes narrowed and darkened and the air around us was stifling. He stretched out a hand and I took it, not caring who saw. His grin morphed into a smile as he tugged me closer. His eyes never left mine as he spoke. “And I’m guessing it won’t take much tonight – not with my woman.”