Il-sun nodded.
“For the first three minutes, you just tease the guy. Touch yourself through your underwear, offer glimpses, but nothing more. Then take your top off, just like in the pole studio. Draw it out for two minutes. Then the same with your panties. Make a show out of it and exaggerate your pleasure. Pinch your nipples, move your hips, make groaning sounds. There’s a live microphone hanging from the ceiling, so the client can hear you. Touch yourself with your hands, but don’t put your fingers inside until the ninth minute—”
“I have to put my fingers inside?” Il-sun was appalled. Nobody had told her to expect that.
“That’s what they’re paying for,” he replied, raising his voice. His eyes hardened for just a moment, and then quickly softened. “There is a dildo on the table next to the sofa. Don’t put that inside until at least the twelfth minute, okay?”
She swallowed dryly and nodded. She walked into the studio and looked around. She was glad that the bright lights blotted out the lens of the camera. She picked up the dildo on the table. It was made out of rubber molded to look like a penis. It was, however, extremely large, and the thought of putting it inside her caused her to panic. She did not think it would ever go in; at least not without considerable pain.
“It’s too big,” Il-sun finally said, turning her head to Mr. Choy. “I can’t use this.”
“Nonsense!” shouted Mr. Choy. He did not sound angry, exactly, but there was a rising note of displeasure in his voice. “You’re one of Gianni’s girls, so I know you’re not a virgin.” That comment stung Il-sun deeply. It made her feel cheap and dirty. “Guys want to watch you be stretched open. If it were any smaller it wouldn’t look right on video.”
“There is a bottle of lubricant in the table drawer,” said one of the technicians over the loudspeaker, trying to help, but it only compounded her embarrassment.
Il-sun doubted that lubricant would make it much easier, but it would be better than nothing. She opened the drawer and spread lubricant on the dildo. She realized that her nervousness was not going to help matters, but she could not control that.
“Going live in thirty seconds,” said the technician.
Il-sun knew that there was no point in obsessing over her dread. She took a position on the sofa and waited.
“Going live in five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one.”
Il-sun began to strip. She flirted with the camera in the way she knew was expected of her, following the timing bells. She could see Mr. Choy standing with his arms folded, observing her. She could not see his expression because of the lights, and his glasses reflected them like two glowing monster eyes. A bell rang and she began rubbing herself through her undergarments. Another bell rang and she removed her bra, and then after another bell, her panties. She felt herself flush with embarrassment as she spread her legs, opening herself to the camera, but she did not stop for fear of Mr. Choy’s fury. She continued to rub herself. She was too scared to feel pleasure in it, but she pretended all the same. A bell toned and she reached for the dildo on the table. The bell rang again, and she knew there would be no stopping. With one hand she spread her labia, and with the other she pressed the tip of the dildo into the entrance of her vagina. She took a deep breath, and on the exhalation she pushed it into herself. Her vagina started to give way, and for a moment she thought the dildo was going to slide in easily; but it quickly became too thick and she felt a tearing pain. She stopped and withdrew it, taking a couple of deep breaths. She tried again, pushing, but again she could not open enough to comfortably accept it. She tried one more time, determined, weighing the fear of pain against the fear of Mr. Choy. She pushed hard and she felt as if she was being ripped apart as the tip went in.
The pain awakened anger inside of her. She was no longer afraid. She hated Mr. Choy. She hated Gianni. She hated Foreman Hwang. She hated the Dear Leader. She withdrew the dildo, screaming, “Fuck you!” She then threw the dildo at Mr. Choy. Taken by surprise, his reflex to duck came late and it hit him square in the face, knocking his glasses askew.
Mr. Choy exploded. To be defied was bad enough, but to be outwardly attacked was too much. He picked the dildo up off the floor and ran at Il-sun, who lifted her legs and crossed her arms over her face in self- defense. Mr. Choy lifted the dildo high over his head, and began beating her with it mercilessly. Soft though it was, he hit with such force that it stung badly. She kicked and punched at him, but he was so much larger than she that it was useless. His eyes were wide and his lips set in a rabid snarl. He reached with his left hand and wrapped it around her throat, pinning her to the sofa. He then took the dildo in his right hand and forced it between her legs. She fought hard, and it was difficult for him to overcome her, but eventually she succumbed. He positioned the dildo over her vagina, and then thrust it with all his might. She felt a searing, ripping pain as the dildo entered her. He kept pushing and pushing until it was as far as it could go. Il-sun nearly vomited as she could feel the intrusive object all the way in her belly. She thought she might die, choked to death by the wild Mr. Choy. She hoped she would. The pain was unbearable, and she felt herself slipping from consciousness.
Mr. Choy released the death grip on her throat and her vision began to fade back in. She coughed. Mr. Choy stepped back from her and she rolled onto her side, tears streaming down her cheeks. She reached between her legs and removed the dildo, causing almost as much pain as when it went in.
“I want you ready in twenty minutes; and I want you to do what you’re told!” Mr. Choy screamed at her. He turned and stormed out of the studio.
Il-sun rolled her face into the cushion of the sofa, wrapping her arms around herself, and sobbed.
Several minutes later she got up, holding her lower abdomen, and started making her way toward the restroom, without even bothering to put her clothes on. It hurt to walk, but not as much as it hurt her pride to walk past the technicians who had all witnessed her being violated. She kept her head down.
She could hear the clack of high-heeled shoes running to catch up with her. She did not turn to see who it was. A moment later, an arm wrapped around her shoulder and she was accompanied to the restroom. Once inside, Il-sun looked up at her companion. It was a
Hanguk
girl she had met briefly a couple of times in passing. Like many of the women in Mr. Choy’s empire, she had chosen to go by an English name, Susie.
Il-sun stood at a sink, holding herself up with her hands, and broke down sobbing. Susie, without saying a word, rubbed her back and stood with her until the tears subsided. Il-sun turned the faucet on and washed her face, then she made eye contact with Susie in the mirror.
“He is such an asshole!” Susie said. “I can’t believe he did that to you.”
“What can I do?” pleaded Il-sun. “He scares me so much. I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“I know. I know,” replied Susie in a consoling way.
“When will this ever end? Can you tell me that? When?”
“We don’t always have a choice about what we do. I hate this business.”
“Then why don’t you leave? You’re one of the free ones. Not like me.”
“I may seem free, but I’m not. Not really.”
“Then how did you end up here?” Il-sun asked, wiping the remainder of her tears away with the back of her hand.
“When I was sixteen I had a boyfriend who was going to the university. I would have done anything for him. He wanted to have sex with me, so I let him, thinking he would love me if I did. He didn’t want to use a condom, and I was stupid and said okay. We did it once, and that was it. I was pregnant.
“I came from a good family; my dad is an executive in a big company. When he found out that I was pregnant, he went through the roof. He kicked me out of the house, saying I had shamed him. I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I lived on the streets. I begged for help, but I didn’t have enough to eat. I miscarried. I went back to my dad and begged him to take me back, but he wouldn’t have me. Said I no longer existed to him. I was crushed.
“Eventually, a man offered me money if I would suck him off. I was desperate, so I did it. I tried to find a good job, but I was only sixteen and no one wanted me. Whoring was the easiest way—in fact, the only way—I could find to make enough money to eat and afford a place to live. Then I fell in with Mr. Choy. He did not pay me as much per job as I was making on my own, but he could get me more clients, so I started working for him. And now there’s this Internet thing. So, now I’m stuck too.”
“How do you deal with this?”
“I’ll tell you. Actually, I’ll show you,” replied Susie, reaching into her purse. She withdrew a small glass object and a plastic bag filled with a white substance.
“What’s that?” asked Il-sun.
“This is
hiroppong
. It’ll make you feel great. Even after that shitty episode back there.”
“How?”
“We’re going to smoke some of it right now. Trust me, it’s what you need to get through this.” Susie took a small chunk of the
hiroppong
out of the bag and loaded it into the glass device she was holding—it was a kind of pipe. Susie then brought the pipe up to her lips. She took a plastic lighter out of her purse and then held the flame to the bottom of the pipe. In a few seconds, the
hiroppong
turned from solid to liquid, then began to bubble and smoke. Susie inhaled.
An odd smell, vaguely like burning plastic and ammonia, filled the restroom as Susie exhaled a long stream of smoke. “You take it in, and then hold your breath for a moment so that it gets into your bloodstream. You start to feel really good almost immediately,” Susie instructed.
“I’m not sure . . .”
“Trust me. It will take away the pain. You will feel like the most powerful woman in the world, and you’ll be able to get the job done. You heard Mr. Choy. He wants you back in there.”
Il-sun took the pipe and Susie loaded it with more
hiroppong
. “You won’t regret this, I promise you. Now hold it in your mouth. I’ll tell you when to inhale. Since it’s your first time, just take a little bit and see how you feel.” She held the flame of the lighter under the pipe. “Okay, now inhale.”
Il-sun inhaled and tried to hold her breath, but the smoke hurt her lungs. She felt like her chest was on fire and she went into a fit of coughing. Susie laughed. “I did that the first time, too,” she said.
The coughing subsided and Il-sun began to notice a peculiar feeling taking over her body. At first she just felt dizzy, but that was quickly replaced by a feeling like electricity shooting through her bones and out of her fingertips and toes. The pain in her body was replaced by a light, transparent feeling. She felt like she might even be hovering off the floor. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Colors became sharper, sounds became clearer. She felt like if she wanted to, she could jump and touch the ceiling. She was powerful. Infinitely powerful. She could do anything; in fact, she just might do . . .
everything
. Everything! She would do everything!
She looked down at herself and realized she was still naked. She was beautiful! Having a body was the most wonderful thing ever. It felt so good to be alive. She looked at Susie and realized that she was beautiful too. They were the most beautiful people in the whole world, standing side by side in the restroom. And they both could do everything.
Il-sun and Susie floated out of the restroom and back into the studio. They walked past the technicians, who looked up and then averted their eyes. They apparently felt bad about what they had seen Mr. Choy do.
“It’s okay!” exclaimed Il-sun to them. “I’m okay!”
Il-sun glided into her stall. She could do it, and it would be beautiful.
“Are you okay?” asked the technician over the loudspeaker.
“I’m great,” she responded.
“Are you ready to try again?” He sounded uncertain.
“I’m ready,” she said.
“Going live in one minute.”
Il-sun put her clothes back on and struck a pose on the sofa.
“Going live in five . . .”
Il-sun needed to move fast. She knew it would be better that way. The minute bell seemed to take an eternity to ring. She stripped forever, and the whole world was watching her. The whole world loved her. She was the most beautiful thing on earth.
The buzzer rang. The customer went offline. She had not even taken off her top.
“What was that?” asked the technician. “What’s wrong with you? Just do it like normal.”
“Wasn’t that wonderful?”
“No, it was awful. The customer thought so too. Do it right, or Mr. Choy will come back. You don’t want that.”
“Okay. Sorry. I’m really sorry. Sorry. I’m ready to do it again. Sorry. It’s hot in here. I’m ready. I said I’m ready! Why is everyone so fucking slow today?”
“Calm down, please. Just relax and do it like normal, okay? Going live in thirty seconds.”
“Okay. I can do it.
“I can do it.”
“Five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one.”
I
L
-
SUN
WOULD
NEVER
need to sleep again. She told the technicians that she could stay for another whole shift; but they would not allow her to. She went back to the apartment and paced until the others came home. They were exhausted. She watched them sleep, impatiently. The sun came up, and then the woman across the hall knocked on their door to tell them it was time to clean. Il-sun felt like she could clean all day.