Almost Heaven (16 page)

Her defenses destroyed, her shields nothing but wreckage, she could not hold back the dreams. Dreams she'd buried the next morning, when she'd opened her eyes in the recovery room, groggy and nauseous from the anesthesia. Dreams of little girls and a husband's unwavering love.

Dreams of everything that mattered in life. Everything she could never have.

Not because the Lord hadn't given her the opportunity. He'd led her to a perfectly wonderful man. Who could be better than Cameron? He was everything strong and noble. If she closed her eyes and imagined the perfect man, it would be him.

That's what your little girl will look like one day.
The trouble was, her dreams had changed. She wanted Cameron's love. Cameron's children. She wanted Cameron's steadfast love every day of her life.

She'd lost those dreams, too.

A knock at the back door startled her. Swiping at
her eyes, she prayed,
Please, let it be anyone but him.
She should have uttered another quick prayer,
Please don't let it be Gramma,
but it was too late. Her grandmother was waving through the glass panes in the old-fashioned door.

This wasn't going to go well. How could it? It was hard to fool Gramma.

“What are you doing here, practically in the dark?” Gramma bustled in and flipped on a few more switches. Light spilled over the kitchen. “Goodness, has something happened? Are you all right? Oh, Kendra, you've been crying.”

“No, I haven't. Just getting sentimental is all, over the photos. I need to hang baby Anna's picture.”

“I see. Well, where's your hammer?” Gramma set down her handbag, pushed her red fall of curls behind her ear and dug through the drawer where Kendra had pointed.

Just pull it together, Kendra. What she had to do was pretend nothing was wrong. “Gramma, I can do that. Why did you drive out all this way?”

Gramma set aside the hammer. “We had a dinner date, you and me. Remember? My treat. The Sunshine Café.”

“I totally spaced it. I can't believe I did that. I
never
forget.”

“I know, dear. I just wanted to come by and check on you. I've called and called, and you haven't been returning your messages.”

“I've been busy.”

“My precious granddaughter. What is troubling you?” Concerned, she rubbed the wetness from Kendra's cheeks with the pad of her thumb. “Only a man can break a woman's heart like this.”

“Only a man, but Gramma, I did the breaking.” Baby Anna's picture lay on the table between them. A reminder of what she wanted so much.

How much did she love Cameron? Enough to forge through her pain? To put her past aside forever?

“Gramma? When did you know that Willard was a man you could marry? A man you could trust with your whole heart?”

“Why, that's the easiest question in the world. You know, I've been a widow a long time.” Gramma wrapped her in a hug, gentle and sweet, and held on. “I know I can trust Willard completely. That he'll cherish me as I cherish him, because God put him in my heart.”

Tears blurred her vision, not tears of pain but of truth. “In your heart?”

“Yes. I can feel Willard's presence before he enters a room I'm standing in. I can feel his thoughts as if they were my own. See his dreams as if he'd taken a photograph to show me. A love like that, so great and true, can only be from God.”

That's the way it was between her and Cameron. It was too much to hope, too much to be wrong about. She'd mistaken true love for something else once before. “I suppose a person could just want to love and
be in love so badly, they could think that, but be mistaken.”

“God doesn't make mistakes. Only people do.”

“Exactly.” She felt as hopeless as the coming night. “You can't look into the future and see how things will turn out.”

“Yes, thankfully. Look at me. I never dreamed when Willard asked to share my table that I could be here, wearing his ring, happier than I've ever been. I want to see you happy.”

Had she been happy? No. She'd been content and satisfied. Her life here had been comfortable and at peace. But she loved Cameron, and whenever she was with him, the sky was bigger, the sun brighter.

She was better when he was around. “The happiest I've ever been is with Cameron.”

“Then open your eyes, honey. God is offering you the rare chance in life. I know you're dedicated to making your business a success, but don't be too busy to fall in love.”

“It's already too late.” She thought miserably of how she'd walked away from Cameron and left him alone.

Whatever chance she'd had with him was gone. She kissed her grandmother on the cheek, made plans for dinner later in the week. Alone, she sank to the top step, waiting, as night deepened.

Deer came close to nibble on the roses peeking through the lattice. The whoosh of Jingles exhaling as she bedded down for the night a few feet away.
Pounce crawled out his cat door and leisurely curled around her ankles.

A few stars popped out as clouds moved, only to disappear again. The soothing feel of night, of her horses nearby, of her cat's company, brought her no peace.

Was there any chance that she could take that leap of faith and love Cameron? And if she could, was it too late?

Yes.
She loved him. She wanted nothing more than to know his kiss and to share his life. Yet there was no way. She'd been afraid of getting hurt, but in truth, she'd been the one doing the hurting.

Her heart, like the night, turned cold. She shivered but didn't go inside. This was her world without Cameron.

It would never be the same again.

“I
might as well get this over with.” Kendra checked the lock on the tailgate. The big horse inside the trailer shifted his weight, restless. “I'd be nervous, too, getting a new home. Don't worry, big guy. Sally has a nice stall ready and waiting for you.”

Warrior swished his tail, as if in protest.

“Yeah, I know how you feel. I don't want you to go, either, but it's out of my hands now.” Sally had called first thing, and even though the morning was busy, Kendra needed to do this. She'd started this journey, and now she'd see it through to the end.

If she felt as if she were dying inside, well, no one needed to know that. She was a businesswoman. She would handle this professionally.

After a final check, including the tires, Kendra grabbed her wallet and her cell, answered a few questions for Colleen and headed out.

A quiet morning. Dew darkened the fields, and the earliest leaves were yellowing on the limbs, some showing a deep russet against the sapphire sky and amber meadows.

Kids huddled together in turnouts here and there along the main road to town, with backpacks and lunch boxes, waiting for the school bus. A few little girls from her classes recognized her and waved as she passed.

She waved back.

Odd how seasons changed. So gradual that she'd hardly noticed summer was ending and autumn had arrived in a quiet hush that left no doubt.

Just like her heart.

The main street through town was busy, for a small Montana town, anyway. She had to wait a few minutes while cars turning across the railroad tracks to the elementary school had to line up at the crossing for a passing train. While she sat there with a perfect view of the sheriff's office, she saw a figure move across the front windows. Cameron?

She imagined he was fetching more coffee as he worked at his computer this morning. Where was his cruiser? Maybe Frank was out patrolling the school zone.

The last toot of the freighter's air horn startled her. Traffic eased forward and she put her truck in gear. The deejay on the radio broke in to give the weather report—expect the first frost overnight—and she made
a mental note to pick the rest of the squash and tomatoes from her garden.

A strobe of blue-and-red light flashed in her side mirror. A cruiser was behind her. It wasn't Frank. She felt Cameron's presence like an ocean swell inside her, pure tender emotion that hurt as much as it sweetened.

She lowered her window, watching in dread in the mirror as Cameron marched toward her as if he were a soldier facing execution. He didn't look happy.

Why would he? He wanted nothing to do with her, after the way she'd treated him. Shame weighed on her weary soul. “Hi, Sheriff. I
know
I wasn't speeding.”

“Nope.” He crunched to a stop in the gravel beside her. “It's more serious than speeding. I haven't checked the law book, but horse stealing used to be a hanging offense in this state.”

“Like a hundred years ago, and I'm not stealing your horse.”

“Looks that way to me.”

Did he have to glare at her with his eyes so cold and hopeless? “I got the call this morning, and I assumed you'd approved the transfer. I should have called, but to be honest, I didn't want to talk to you.”

“Didn't want to, huh? So, you just stole my horse, instead?” Cameron turned away, controlling his anger. She was never going to get it. Never going to understand. “I'd checked into prices at Sally's. I was going to move Warrior if you were going to make me.
I see that you are. You didn't waste any time getting rid of us, did you?”

“You didn't ask Sally to take Warrior?”

“No. I believe
you
were the one. Didn't you call her?”

“I did.” Through the haze of another night without sleep and the day of emotional agony, she'd forgotten. First, dinner with her Gramma, and now this. “I'm falling apart. I
never
forget things like that, and now look at me. I'm a mess.”

“Me, too.”

She read the pain in his eyes, stark and deep. An echoing ache throbbed inside her. His pain was hers. She thought of Gramma's words.
I can trust Willard, because God put him in my heart.
And she knew God had put Cameron in hers, because she felt his pain. Bleak and hopeless.

It was impossible. He'd never want her now. God had changed her heart with the same quiet force of summer yielding to autumn, and as leaves swirled with the lazy wind along the empty park, she had to be honest with herself. Every dream that mattered to her was at stake. The rest of her life would depend on how she handled this moment. This last opportunity.

She trusted God with all her soul. If He'd put this bond with Cameron in her heart, then that was a miracle. Didn't all miracles come from love?

Cameron's jaw tensed. “Would you mind stepping out of the vehicle?”

“Sure.” Gathering her courage, she stepped down. He held the door for her, a gentleman to his core.

She led the way around the front of her truck to the privacy of the park. Every step felt as if she were marching closer to the edge of a cliff and the earth was crumbling beneath her boots. Would she fall? She didn't know. She could only have faith in God. In Cameron.

He fisted his hands on his hips. “What are we going to do about the horse?”

“A good question.” Her fear fell away like an old coat she no longer needed, and the broken places in her were gone. Like dew vanishing with dawn's steady light. “Do you remember the flowers you gave me?”

“The sunflowers? What about 'em?”

“They stand with heads bowed all through the night, waiting for sunrise.”

“Yeah. I know about that.” Cameron refused to get his hopes up one more time. This was too important. Losing Kendra had hurt too much. He didn't want to come crashing down.

“It's morning. Is there any chance you're still waiting?”

Her question lingered on the wind, and she shivered. It was too late, she knew. She'd been too afraid to believe, and now she'd lost him. It was over, truly. Forever.

Then he cleared his throat. The corner of his mouth
crooked into a grin. “There's every chance in the world.”

Joy surged through her, brighter than she'd ever felt. Made more sparkling by the bond connecting them, heart to heart, soul to soul.

“Come here, my love.” He opened his arms to fold her close.

She snuggled against his steely chest for the first time. Laid her cheek against his sternum. A sense of rightness surrounded her, the wonder of this man's unshakable love. She'd been alone for so long, and now she'd come home.

“I love you.” His confession rumbled through her, and when she met his gaze, she saw the enormity of it, the depth, the power of a good man's love. To protect and cherish and never to hurt.

“I know.” She laid her hand over his hand, where she felt the amazing bond of affection that, like the sun in the sky, would light her world for all her days to come. “As I love you.”

His kiss was tender and sweet, a warm velvet brush of his lips to hers. Their first kiss. A promise of a lifetime of kisses to come.

“Do me a favor?” He traced her bottom lip with his thumb. “Take my horse back to your stable. Take him home.”

“For keeps?”

“Forever.”

Cameron's second kiss left no doubt. Theirs was a forever love, forever strong and forever true.

“G
ood morning, beautiful.” Cameron's warm baritone lit Kendra's heart every time she heard him.

Love glowed inside her, soul-deep, as she turned in the chair, balancing her cup of decaf in one hand. The sight of her husband in his flannel pj's, sipping from his steaming mug, was something she'd never get tired of. To think this man was hers to love, this morning and for every morning to come.

“Hey, it's snowing.” He kissed her with a hint of passion and settled into the chair at her side.

“The first snowfall of the season.” She felt as peaceful as those delicate white flakes floating to rest on the branches of the trees in the forest. “We won't be quite this happy with the weather after we clear the driveway so we can get over to Mom's.”

“Baby, my Jeep has four-wheel drive. Nothing is going to keep me away from your mom's cooking.”

“It'll be our first Thanksgiving together.”

He cupped her chin in his hand. Affection shone in his eyes. “It's already the best one I've had so far. I get to spend it with you.”

“As wonderful as this morning is, do you know what can make it better?” She brushed kisses across his fingertips, carefully watching his forehead draw into a frown as he thought. “I took a test this morning. Guess what it said?”

Hope trembled through him. She felt it as his hand gripped her shoulder.

“Are you…” He sputtered and tried again. “Are we…is there going to be…”

“Yes. We're going to have a baby.”

With a victorious shout, Cameron abandoned his coffee and swept her onto his lap and into his arms. “I love you,” he said, kissing her the way a loving husband should kiss his adoring wife. “What a good life we have.”

“Absolutely.”

Gramma was right. A love like this, so great and true, could only be a gift from heaven. Kendra wrapped her arms around Cameron's neck and kissed him in return, happy, as she would always be with him in the snug warmth of their little home.