Alone (10 page)

My father’s shorts hang low on his hips, but he’s dry. Which was kind of the point.

“Sorry they don’t fit better,” I say, then have the urge to smack myself on the forehead. Why am I apologizing for that?

“They probably fit me better than your shorts would.” Roman lets out a little laugh.

I laugh too, picturing him in a pair of my shorts. A pink pair, of course.

Roman glances toward my bed and gives me a little wink. “Now, about that bed.”

“I think you misunderstood me,” I say with a laugh. Every time he makes me smile I get more comfortable around him, and I want to keep it up. I don’t like being this nervous around Roman.

“Really?” He fakes outrages as he spins around and heads for the balcony. “Then I’m out of here.”

“Roman!” I’m giggling like a little girl when I grab his arm and pull him back.

He grins down at me like he thinks I’m the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. “You know that’s not why I came up here, right?”

I focus on the wet towel still balled up on the floor when my face gets hot all over again. “I know.”

“Jules?” When I don’t meet his gaze, Roman tilts my face up so I’m looking him in the eye. His expression is so serious. “I’m sorry about what Kyle said earlier.”

The heat that spreads across my face this time isn’t welcome or sweet. It reminds me too much of who I was before all this. The person who always felt out of control and embarrassed. I hate that Roman thought of me when Kyle made the comment, but I can only blame myself. I shouldn’t have told Roman about it. I want him to see me for who I am now, not who I was back then.

I turn away and move over to the bed, plopping down like I don’t have the energy to stand anymore. “I just felt bad for Carmen.”

It’s a flat-out lie, and the look of sympathy on Roman’s face tells me he knows it.

“Kyle’s an ass.”

I let out a half-snort, half-laugh. “Funny, he said the same thing about you.”

Roman doesn’t blink.

He isn’t surprised. Interesting.

“Really?” he asks. “What else did he say?”

I pick at a string on my comforter. Should I tell him? By this point I’m pretty sure Kyle wasn’t telling the truth, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hear something that could ruin my good opinion of Roman.

“He told me why you two got into a fight,” I say elusively, hoping Roman will fill in the gaps so I don’t have to repeat what Kyle said.

I sneak a peek at him just in time to see something flash in his eyes, revealing a small crack in his casual exterior. His mouth scrunches up, and he looks like he’s going to spit. Then he lets out a little snort and walks over to sit next to me on the bed.

“I seriously doubt that,” he mutters, his eyes holding mine. “What did he tell you?”

I look back down at the string between my fingers, twisting it in time with the knots twisting in my stomach. “He said—He told me that you said something about me.”

Roman doesn’t say a word. I squirm and twist the string faster, my stomach tightening with each twirl. Finally, when I can’t take the silence any longer, I look up and meet his gaze. Trying to figure out what’s going through his mind. His eyebrows are pulled down and he’s studying me, but he’s so guarded that I don’t have a clue what he’s thinking.

“What exactly did I say about you?” he finally asks.

“He didn’t tell me exactly, just something sexual.”

Roman’s body relaxes, and he belts out a laugh. His hair has started to dry, and a few strands fall across his forehead when he shakes his head. He jerks his head to the side to move them away.

“Kyle’s a lying bastard.”

“So it’s not true?” The look on his face tells me it isn’t, but I want to hear him say it.

“He said something about Mac.”

Relief and admiration wash over me, and I smile. He was defending Mac. Can this guy get any better?

The corner of Roman’s mouth twitches, and he nudges me playfully. “I’ve never said anything sexual about you, although I can’t admit to never thinking it.”

I blush and look away. He’s trying to embarrass me, and it’s working.

We sit in silence for a few seconds, but it’s relaxing and nice. Roman is so close that every now and then our legs brush, making my skin tingle.

“So you and Kyle then?” he asks out of nowhere.

I’d totally forgotten that Kyle’s arm was around me when Roman found us earlier. It must have looked that way to him.

“No. I mean, Kyle’s hot but...” The words are out before I can stop them. I clamp my mouth shut and focus once again on the string. It’s a little ball now, so I start twisting it the other way. Unwinding it.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” he says with a chuckle. “You may be surprised to learn this, but I know I’m not very good-looking.”

I sneak a peek at him out of the corner of my eye. His face is twisted in mock hurt, and he shakes his head like it’s some kind of tragedy, forcing a smile out of me. When I finally tear my eyes away from the string, my gaze meets his, and his grin widens.

I roll my eyes, but my own smile hurts my cheeks. Roman is a goofball hidden in the body of a juvenile delinquent. “Have you known Kyle for a long time?”

“Oh, we go way back. All the way to kindergarten. He was the asshole in high school who picked on guys smaller than him and screwed girls before calling them sluts.”

My smile melts away, and I turn my eyes down once again. I knew there was something off about Kyle, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Still sucks to find out that someone is such a phenomenal asshole, though.

“Sorry if I’ve ruined your fantasy about him being some damn knight in shining armor,” Roman says, bitterness creeping into his voice. “That just isn’t him.”

I look up to find Roman watching me, once again expressionless. It’s like he put on a mask. “I’m not interested in Kyle.”

“So you’re saying there’s a chance?” His mouth turns up into a half-smile, but the mask is still there.

My heart skips like a little girl playing jump rope, and my mouth goes dry. “A chance for what?”

“A chance for me,” he says, and the mask slips away. Sincerity and hope swim in his eyes.

The butterflies in my stomach take off, only this time the feeling is pleasant. A soft flutter that is warm and inviting. I love how straightforward Roman is with me. Playing games seems stupid with things the way they are.

“You’re all I’ve been able to think about,” I say, giving him a shaky smile.

Roman returns it, but the grin he gives me isn’t unsure. It’s an adorable smile that’s full of confidence. It makes his brown eyes sparkle and my insides quiver.

Then he leans forward, and I suck in a deep breath.
This is it. Roman is going to kiss me
.

He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and moves closer just as an image of Roz flashes through my mind. I jerk back when Roman’s lips are less than two inches from mine. He frowns but doesn’t move, and when my eyes sweep over his bare chest, I almost give in. He’s so close that his body heat has begun to seep inside me, warming my blood. But there’s Roz…

I can’t be that person.

“What about Roz?” I suck my bottom lip into my mouth while I wait for his answer.

Roman leans back on his elbows and looks up at the ceiling, just as casual as ever. “I ended things with Roz.”

“Because of me?” A flutter shoots through me, followed by a twinge of guilt. Roz might be a gigantic bitch, but I can’t help feeling sorry for her.

“You. And me.” He purses his lips, his eyes still focused on the ceiling like he’s choosing his words very carefully. “I don’t want you to think less of me—or Roz—but I want you to know that we were never actually together.”

“But you two…” The words don’t come out, but he has to know what I’m asking. Plus, I already know the answer. I’d seen it written all over her face…then there were the condoms he gave Mac.

Roman shifts so he’s facing me, and the expression of concern on his face almost makes me smile. “Is that a problem for you?”

So far, Roman has been nothing but honest with me, so I don’t believe he lied to Roz. If anything, she was probably lying to herself. My only real worry is what his expectations are for
me
. I’m not Roz, and I have no intention of turning into her.

“I’m not going to give you the same thing,” I say with a sinking sensation in my stomach. Why do I have the feeling Roman is about to walk out the door and never talk to me again?

The corner of his mouth twitches, but his expression doesn’t change. He doesn’t seem surprised or even disappointed. “I didn’t expect you to.”

Disappointment twists in my stomach, along with another, more familiar feeling: rejection. “You mean you don’t want to have sex with me?”

“That isn’t what I meant.” The words come out like a growl, sending a shiver down my spine. “I meant that I want something more from you.”

My breath catches in my throat, almost making it impossible to answer. “What?”

“You. All of you.”

This time when he leans in, I don’t stop him.

Roman grips the back of my neck and pulls me forward until I’m less than an inch from him. It isn’t gentle. It’s urgent. As if the outcome of our lives depends on this moment, on the two of us being together right now. His mouth crushes into mine, and I’m instantly lightheaded. It’s like an out-of-body experience when his hot lips begin to move. His tongue brushes my bottom lip, and I open without thinking, moving closer, bringing my hands to his firm chest as Roman’s tongue sweeps across mine, exploring my mouth.

Tentatively, I wrap my arms around him. Pressing my body closer to his as he moves his free hand down my side, lifting my shirt. His fingertips brush against my bare skin, moving over the curve of my waist to my back, making me tremble. Then his lips leave mine, and he kisses his way down my chin and my neck to the base of my throat. My eyes roll back, and I sigh, totally powerless in his arms.

He kisses his way back up to my mouth, his teeth nipping at my bottom lip just once before pulling away, a half-smile on his lips. “I’ve been dying to do that.”

My cheeks burn, but I can’t look away from him. He has me now, and he knows it. Good or bad, I’m his. Forever.

“Why’d you stop?” I ask, flushing at the breathless way the words come out.

Roman smiles as he rolls away from me. “How many guys have you kissed?”

I sit up straight. Why is he asking me that? Did I do something wrong?

“Why? Was I bad at it?”

He laughs, and my cheeks burst into flames, but the humor disappears like he can sense how freaked out I am. Roman grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “No, Jules, that wasn’t what I meant. That was...amazing. Believe me, I didn’t want to stop.”

My shoulders relax, and I let out a sigh. Thank God. “Why did you then?”

“I don’t want to push you. I get the impression this may be new to you.”

He’s being considerate. A gentleman! I could kiss him again.

“What about you?” I ask, wanting the focus off me.

He raises his eyebrows, and they disappear under his almost dry hair. “What about me?”

“You know.” I look down at my hands. “How many…”

“How many girls have I kissed?”

That isn’t what I’m asking, and he knows it.

I glance up to find him smiling, but his eyes are full of concern. “There’s something you need to know about me. I’ve made it my mission to do everything I could to make Rick’s life hell. That meant getting in trouble any way I could.”

“So a lot?”

He sighs and shakes his head, and I’m dying to know what he’s thinking, but I’m too afraid to ask.

“No, not a lot. I was only sixteen when the infection hit and there hasn’t been a lot of variety since then. Do you need to know?” The silence stretches out between us until Roman finally scoots over and puts his hand on top of mine. “It’s okay, Jules.”

I force my eyes to meet his, but there’s nothing in his expression that makes me think he’s upset I asked. He doesn’t look embarrassed, just a little worried. Otherwise, he’s as relaxed as always.

Roman’s eyes move down to my lips, and he lets out a tortured sigh. “Will you stop chewing on your lip? It’s driving me crazy.”

My body tingles under his gaze, so I keep chewing on it.

Roman looks away. “So what’s the deal with your dad?”

“What do you mean?” I have a lot to say about my father, but I’m not exactly sure which part Roman is referring to.

He leans back on the bed, rolling onto his side and propping his head up with his hand so he’s looking at me. “It’s not like I spend a lot of time talking to Rick or anything, but I’ve overheard a few conversations. Rick isn’t thrilled to have him here. Apparently, he had a pretty big reputation. Even before all this zombie bullshit.”

I lie down on my back and stare up at the ceiling. Where do I begin with my father? “When they decided to turn D.C. into a prison and started relocating people to the Maryland settlement, my father requested a transfer. They sent him here, hoping he could get your dad to cooperate. The council and Regulator in Atlanta have been trying to work with him, but apparently he doesn’t want to follow the rules. They’re hoping my dad can get Rick to adjust. If not, they’ll send someone in.”