Authors: Aubrey Rose
“I think that Keats is saying that the clouds in the night sky are love—well, symbols of love, because love isn’t something you can grasp tangibly. Like clouds.” The TA looked at Julia with pity, and Julia stammered on. “And love is magic. Some of it is due to fate, and some to chance, but Keats is saying that he might die before he gets to know love. ”
“Can anyone here tell me the definition of a romance?” the TA said.
A blonde girl who looked like she was in high school raised her hand. The TA called on her.
“A romance refers to a medieval narrative,” the girl said smugly. “It usually follows the epic struggles and exploits of the romantic hero.”
“Which means that this isn’t about love,” the TA said. “Or at least, not when you look below the surface. Anyone else?”
Julia flushed hot as she slumped down in her seat. She was relieved to hear a boy behind her whisper to someone sitting next to him: “How the
fuck
were we supposed to know that?”
The class wore on and Julia was surprised to find herself looking at the clock to see if it was time to go. When the TA finally dismissed the group, Julia waited for Katherine outside.
She looked at the students passing by. They all looked so young. Then she scented Katherine through the crowd. Turning her head, she saw the younger woman with a broad smile across her face.
“Julia!”
Julia was so relieved to be back with someone from the pack. She hadn’t thought of it during class, but now her muscles went relaxed, as though she’d been tensing up.
“Hi Katherine!” Julia gave her a quick hug and they walked alongside the sidewalk.
“How are your classes going? Do you like it?”
“Yeah,” Julia said.
She said it without thinking—but after she’d said it, she did start thinking. Had she actually enjoyed sitting through her classes? Hell, she’d struggled to stay awake during that last section.
She’d probably just built college up in her mind to an unrealistic extent, and she would have been a little disappointed no matter how good her classes were. Maybe it was because it was only the first week and none of her classes had gotten to the interesting stuff yet.
She’d wanted to go to college so badly for so long—of
course
she liked it.
“How’s that poetry class you were so excited about?” Katherine asked.
Julia couldn’t even pretend to herself that the poetry class was not disappointing. She sighed.
“Not as good as I thought it’d be. The material’s interesting but I’m not crazy about the professor or my TA. And the discussion section…well, there’s really not that much discussion. I don’t think many people in the class really want to be there.”
Katherine frowned. “Then why are they there?”
“To get jobs.”
That made Katherine look even more quizzical. “Humans have poetry analysis jobs?”
Julia laughed. “No, not really. Poetry analysis is just one part of the English degree.”
“Ah. And the English degree gets you a job, right?”
“Well…theoretically. How do you like your class?”
“Class
es
,” Katherine said, clearly proud. “I decided to take two.”
“Good for you,” Julia said. “Which two?”
“Human anatomy and physiology,” Katherine said. “And intro to algebra. I’ve never done much math; it seems fun.”
“That’s one way to describe it,” Julia said. “I thought you were considering botany?”
“Human anatomy sounds more interesting,” Katherine said. “Learning all of the differences between humans and shifters. Jordan was talking to me about it the other day. Maybe I’ll end up being a doctor, like him. That would be good for the pack, to have another doctor.”
Julia nodded and continued walking. Students brushed past them, walking fast or running to class. Julia put one hand on her stomach and tried not to move as clumsily as she felt.
“What’s it like?” Katherine asked, looking over in a somewhat awed hush. Julia nearly laughed out loud at the sight of her staring at Julia’s belly.
“What’s
what
like?”
“Having a baby in you.
Two
babies.”
“Well, right now it feels a lot like having the stomach flu.”
They both laughed.
“Physically there’s not much difference yet, other than the morning sickness,” Julia continued. “But everything else is different.”
“What do you mean?”
Julia thought about it. She could feel the difference so thoroughly and vividly but she found it was hard to articulate.
“It’s like, I suddenly don’t matter anymore. In a good way. The best way. Does that make sense at all? My life is them now.” Her hands gravitated to her belly without her realizing. “Everything I do, every choice I make, even everything I eat…it’s all for them. It’s this sense of purpose that’s stronger than anything else I’ve ever felt. In fact it’s weird now to think that I didn’t always have that purpose; it’s like…what did I even do all day when I only had myself to worry about? It’s kind of scary how much it takes over your life, how quickly, but it feels completely right, and wonderful. And it’s scary—it’s really scary—to care so much. But that’s a package deal with love.”
“I’m so happy for you,” Katherine said, and Julia knew she meant it.
Then Julia noticed that Katherine’s eye were glistening. There was empathetic happiness in her face, yes, but there was pain, too.
“Are you okay?” Julia asked.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Katherine said, and swiped impatiently at a tear that slipped down her cheek.
“What is it?”
Katherine gave a tremulous exhale. “Kyle and I have been trying. It’s not working so far.”
Julia’s heart plunged, weighted with unreasoning guilt. God, what could she say to that? “I’m so sorry. And here I am bragging—”
“No, no, it’s good to hear, really,” Katherine said quickly.
A long moment passed in silence.
“It’s probably better anyway right now,” Katherine said, mostly to herself, it seemed.
“What do you mean?”
For just an instant Katherine seemed stricken with discomfort. “Oh, I just mean our den isn’t finished yet. We’re still kind of unsettled, you know.”
But Julia knew that Katherine just didn’t want her to feel bad. It wasn’t hard to deduce what she’d really meant.
It was not a good time to conceive because they were in danger.
And they were in danger because of Julia.
Julia pressed her lips together. She barely remembered what she said to Katherine the whole walk back. When she finally got into the house and back into her room, she shut the door behind her. Damien was sitting on the chair next to the window, and when she came in, he stood up to hug her.
“Damien, we can’t do this,” she said.
“What?”
“Wait for them to attack us. Everyone’s on edge, scared. I am too. I don’t want to feel that way.”
Damien’s expression was dusky. “What do you think we should we do?”
Julia took a breath.
“Leave,” she said.
Damien’s lips parted in surprise. Then they pursed in brooding.
“It’s not that simple,” he said.
“Then what? Sit here and worry?” A lump rose in Julia’s throat. “I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.”
“I can’t ask the rest of the pack to pick up and go. Not after two years of wandering.”
“Then we go on our own,” Julia said, softly but firmly.
On the surface Damien barely reacted, but Julia could sense him stiffen.
“Dee can come with us,” Julia said. “If Kyle and Katherine want to stay, they can. Same with Jordan. Or Mara.”
“I don’t…”
His mouth kept working but no more sound came out. He looked lost. Torn. The idea of breaking up the pack was horrible to Julia; she couldn’t even imagine how it felt to him.
“We have to leave, Damien,” she said, taking his strong, rough hands in hers. “Together.”
And though his expression was still heavy with worry, Damien nodded.
That tiny gesture of assent unleashed in Julia a roaring outpour of love for her mate. A shaky little exhalation escaped her and she pressed herself against him and kissed him fiercely, her hands clutching the back of his shirt.
Her burst of passion set him off. With a nearly soundless growl he pushed back against her, enveloping her, running his right hand up her spine and plunging his fingers into her hair.
CHAPTER TEN
Damien
Damien backed Julia against the wall, her full lips locked in his, so soft. He brushed the tip of his tongue along her lower lip and her body squirmed. Her fingers traced the waistline of his jeans—the light touch made him dizzy—and then worked at the button. Her frantic hunger for him pulsated from her.
Then, out of nowhere, she bit his lower lip. Not just a nip—a bite. She’d never done that before. The surprise gave him a surge of masculine aggression. He tightened his fist in her hair, tugging at the roots and jerking her head back. She gasped in both pain and pleasure. He put his lips right up to hers, not quite touching. She strained forward against his grasp to either kiss or bite him.
“Oh, no,” he whispered softly. He held her head back, teasing her. He could feel her presence flowing toward him from all directions, a tornado of emotion. In it flew mixed frustrations and desires, angers and passions. She wanted him and loved him and hated him and was frightened—
Julia put both her hands on his chest and dug her nails into his skin. With a growl he knocked her arms up and pressed her backwards onto the bed, clambering on top of her before she could move. Her back arched against the cool sheets into his broad chest. Warm hands caressed his back, pulling him closer. He slid his hand up her smooth thigh, under her dress, and tugged her panties down.
Then she raked her nails across his back. The pain sent thrills through his back, a burning that mixed with his burning need, and with hers. He grabbed her wrists and slapped them down on the bed over her head, pinning her down.
Careful, careful
. The word beat like a drum in his mind as he tangled his limbs over hers, the small bump on her belly nearly invisible but so
present
. Every motion of his was deliberate, even when he was rough. He would never hurt them. No. And she knew that.
Julia was spread-eagled beneath him now, her body hot under his and her scent tinted brightly with desire. She reached her head up off the bed and kissed him softly, once, on the lips. Slowly, painstakingly, her lips brushed his chin and she lowered her face.
Tease
. The abrupt back-and-forth between rough and sensual drove Damien nearly crazed with lust. He wanted her like he never had before.
He kicked his boxers off just as she bit his lip again. He tugged her hair back at the same time that he thrust into her and kissed her again, just below her ear on her exposed neck. She shivered underneath him.
“Oh, Damien!” she said in a half gasp, half moan.
Her warm wetness wrapped tightly around his length. As he drove inside her again, he put his teeth on her exposed neck as if to bite her but then closed his lips gently. Her nails scrabbled over his back. He realized with her sharp inward breath that she wasn’t being rough.; she was simply spasming in her climb to ecstasy. The connection between them throbbed with passion. Her panties were still around her knees, her heartbeat thudding in his ears.
“Harder,” she gasped.
Careful, careful.
He bit his lip, resisting the urge to drive into her too deeply. Still, she knew her limits—and she was pulling him into a faster rhythm. Soon he was pounding her, faster and faster. Every thrust rocked her whole body, rocked the bed, probably rocked the walls. A part of his mind worried he was hurting her, but her hands kept clutching at his back, urging him on.
“Ohh!”
Her cries were getting gradually louder and higher in pitch. Hearing her beginning to rise toward her climax made the feeling build in him as well. They approached the bliss in a deep synchrony of body and mind. Their connection sang with electricity.
Suddenly, Damien saw.
There was no build-up at all. One instant his world was black, just as it always was, and the next instant everything was light and shapes and colors just as it had been long ago. He saw his own face, from Julia’s eyes but as if through his own. He saw his expression as he pumped his hips, a determined, almost angry look. He saw his stubble, accentuating his jawline. And he saw the knotted scars across his eyelids.
Then, just as Julia cried out, his mind went blank with ecstasy.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Julia
“What do you think?” Damien asked Mara. Julia tensed in her chair at the words.
They were sitting around the kitchen table. Mara had been silent the entire time. Now, as Damien asked her, she lifted her head up and looked at him, then at Julia.
“Me?” Mara asked in surprise. “I don’t… I shouldn’t have any say in whether we leave. I’ve just arrived.”
“You’re just as much a member of the pack as any of us,” Katherine said. “We’re all pickups. Odds and ends.” She waved her hand. “You get it. And you’ve lived with these wolves—you know how they would attack better than any of us.”
Mara looked away and gnawed on her lower lip in thought before speaking.
“This place is good territory. But the wolves here are dangerous. Especially now that their leader is dead. They’ll be fighting among themselves to find a new alpha, and they won’t want us around. Whoever wins, they’ll want to beat out Damien and take over this pack. They’ll want to take Julia. They’ll want to take her babies.”
A black coldness swept over Julia and she crossed her arms over her belly. Obviously she was well aware of the danger, but hearing it said aloud so bluntly somehow made it more real.
“So we’ll find a new place to live,” Katherine said. “Kyle and I can go looking.”
Damien shook his head, the guilt etched clearly into his features. “You’ve just about finished your shelter—”
“We want to do whatever’s best for the pack,” Kyle said. “Just give us the word and we’ll go.”