Always Rayne (The ALWAYS SOMETIMES NEVER Rock Star Romance Series) (7 page)

Six

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Raven eyes me like she usually does with equal parts contempt and suspicion. “It depends.”

“On what?”

“Are you talking to me as a reporter or just talking?”

“Just talking.”

She heaves an exaggerated sigh. “Sure, why not. It’ll be my fun for the day.”

“I’m glad I can entertain you.”

“So what’s up?”

I’m not sure how to ask what I want to ask. I’m not even sure why I want to ask it. But I want to know if she’s sleeping with Nic. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much. Nic sleeps with a lot of girls. But I know he doesn’t care about them. I can tell he cares about Raven. All of the guys do. I’m not even sure why that makes a difference.

“Why do you do
—what you do?”

She gives me a sly little smile. “And what exactly is it that I do that you’re so curious about?”

I had a feeling she was going to make me say it. Kind of like
Risky Business
. How are you ever going to do it if you can’t say it?

“Why do you sleep with
the band?”

She laughs.
“Because I can.”

Not exactly the answer I was looking for. I’m actually not sure what I was looking for but I feel like I’ve made a big mistake even thinking that Raven would have a serious conversation with me. “Maybe I’d better go.”

“Sit down.”

Raven isn’t laughing anymore. She’s dead serious. I sit on the bed next to her.

“I’ve been with the band since they first got started. That was twelve years ago. Before anyone knew who Nic Rayne was and nobody ever heard of Always Rayne. We’ve all been together since we were kids. We all grew up in the same shitty neighborhood. We all had even shittier parents. We basically all raised ourselves. The guys all had musical talent. I was talented in another way, if you know what I mean. We all use the talents we have to get where we want to go.”

“But why all of them?”

“Because I love all of them and they love me. I know it would be really disgusting to tell you I’m like their little sister because I fuck all of them but that’s how much we all love each other.”

I really want to ask her about
Nic but I’m really not sure why. It’s not like I’m actually considering having sex with him? Am I?

“Do you still sleep with all of them?”

“You’re allowed to say fuck you know. Your mouth isn’t going to spontaneously combust the minute the word escapes your lips.”

I try to say the word but it just won’t come out of my mouth. My lips are just moving without any sound like a badly dubbed foreign film.

“You want to know if I’m fucking Nic?”

I nod.

She shakes her head. “Not in a while.”

Of course I wonder how long
a while
is. A while to me is the two months I’ve gone without sex since Jackson left for Harvard. For Raven a while could be days or even hours for all I know.

“I’m not sure why I’m telling you this. I don’t do friendships and e
specially not with girls. I’m close to the guys because they’re like my family. They’re actually the closest thing to a family I’ve ever had in my life. When I’m not sleeping with one of the guys, I screen the girls they hook up with. Not just anyone gets inside a hotel room with them. I keep track of everyone they’re with. If I don’t like someone, if I smell trouble, I tell the girl to take a hike. And the guys listen to me. They trust me. Like your friend who hooked up with Leo. Brooke. She’s pretty cool. I could tell Leo was into her right away. And I could tell she’s a classy college girl. She’s not some skanky little whore.”

I’m sure to Raven there’s a compliment in there somewhere but I think we’re on completely different planets when it comes to how we think about sex and relationships. “I’m sure Brooke would appreciate that.”

“Nic is the smartest guy I’ve ever met in my life. If he didn’t have such a fucked up family life, he probably would have gone to college. Maybe even some place like Harvard. But then he probably wouldn’t have started Always Rayne and he wouldn’t be Nic Rayne the superstar.”

“He hasn’t told me anything about his family or what his life was like growing up. He kind of avoids the subject.” At least now I know why.

“He’s never had anyone he could really trust, except for Xander, Leo and me. But I know he wants someone special. He’s almost thirty. I know he wants a family. A real family. His own family. Something that he’s never really had. The problem is that he’s never found anyone who didn’t bore the shit out of him.”

I furrow my brow. I’m not sure where this conversation is headed but it’s kind of making me nervous.

“Until now.” She stares at me like I’m supposed to understand what she’s talking about.

She laughs. “You don’t really think you’re here to write a story about the band?”

That’s exactly what I think. But if I’m not here to write about the band what exactly am I doing here?

“
Nic Rayne can have any woman he wants. Literally. Actress. Model. Professional athlete. Anyone. And he’s tried. Believe me. But he hasn’t found anyone who is able to keep up with him. He hasn’t found anyone who stimulates him where he needs it the most.”

She points to her temple. “Up here.”

“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen it,” she continues. “The same scenario thousands of times. A beautiful girl who Nic finds attractive. Girls rarely have any trouble stimulating his little head. And I can see it in his face. A glimmer of hope. Like maybe this will be the one. That maybe this girl will be different. And he’ll toss a few balls to her. Maybe ask her if she’s read the latest Pulitzer winner. And one of two things always happens. Either she’ll laugh and say she has no idea what a Pulitzer is and then try to change the subject. Or she’ll stick her breasts in his face in an effort to change the subject. And I know they never see it but I do. The look of disappointment on his face. They’ve dropped the ball and don’t even know it. Then his eyes just glaze over like he’s so fricken bored he wants to kill himself. And then he gets drunk and has some fun and tries to forget that he’s brilliant because he can’t find another person on the planet who can keep up with him and his giant brain.”

I gulp. “Donna
Tartt.”

“What are you babbling about?” She looks confused.

“She won this year’s Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. For
The Goldfinch
.”

“And that’s why you’re here.”

“Because I write about books for an online arts and entertainment magazine and I read a lot?”

“Because you don’t bore the shit out of him.
Not only do you catch every toss but you toss the ball right back. No girl has ever done that before.”

“Okay. I can talk about books.
And a lot of other things.”

She nods.
“Because you stimulate his little head and his big head. You’re exactly what he’s been looking for practically his whole life.”

“No.” I shake my head in disbelief.

She raises an eyebrow. “Yes.”

“I get the whole book thing. I read a lot. He likes books. We do have a lot to talk about. But I think you’re wrong about the—um—other thing.”

  She laughs. “You can say it. The little head. He doesn’t just want to talk to you, Harper. He wants to fuck you too.”

I swallow.
Hard. “That’s not possible. I mean. Look at me.”

She looks me up and down. “I’m not sure why you look the way you do. Honestly, you look like a hurricane blew through Goodwill and a bunch of random clothes just landed on you.”

I’m used to people insulting my wardrobe choices but that’s by far the most creative insult I’ve ever heard.

“I actually borrowed these clothes from my roommate.”

“Brooke may have purchased the clothes you’re wearing but I don’t think she bought all of those things at the same time, and I definitely don’t think she wore them together.”

She’s right.
I don’t have fashion sense. I just couldn’t remember which pieces went together.

She’s eyeing me again.
But at least not with contempt. This time it’s more like sympathy. “You’re like one of those beautiful girls that they always have in teen movies who they try to make into an ugly duckling by throwing on a pair of thick glasses but it never quite works. You can still tell she’s gorgeous even with the glasses.”

“I don’t wear glasses.”

She smiles. “You know what I mean. You try to hide behind these ridiculous clothes like you’re trying to make yourself less attractive.”

I’m beginning to freak out just a little bit. No
one has ever used the word
beautiful
to describe me before. Someone who looks like her can’t really believe someone who looks like me is beautiful. And I never thought I was trying to hide anything.

“You kind of remind me of Katie Lawrence.”

“You know Katie Lawrence?”

She looks at me like I’m stupid. “I know everyone in Hollywood. They all want to be with Rayne like it’s some kind of status symbol to sleep with him.”

“He’s slept with Katie Lawrence?” It doesn’t seem possible. She’s America’s sweetheart.

“Oh, hell no.
Katie would never sleep with Rayne. She doesn’t date actors. And she’s getting married anyway. To a cop. As if I could love her anymore. She basically told everyone in Hollywood to go fuck themselves. The point I was trying to make is that she’s a great-looking girl but she kind of hides behind this girl-next-door kind of image. Like you hide behind this hippie librarian image. Anyway you’re way better looking than Katie Lawrence.”

Everyone adores Katie Lawrence. She’s as big a star as
Nic Rayne. Raven can’t possibly think I’m more attractive than Katie Lawrence.

Or that
Nic Rayne finds me attractive.

He may find me interesting. That I can buy. I like to think I can e
ngage in stimulating conversation. But sexually attractive? Unlikely.

“Are you questioning me?” Raven looks pissed.

I shake my head. “Why would you say that?”

“I’m not brilliant like you and Rayne but I know people. And I know the look of doubt on your face.”

I heave a sigh. “I think you’re wrong about the little head part.”

“I’m never wrong about that, Sweetheart.
Nic definitely wants to fuck you.”

I’m starting to feel a little lightheaded. It’s probably a result of the massive confusion I’m experiencing. 

“Can I be really frank with you?”

As if she hasn’t already…“Sure.”

“I’ve never seen Nic want anyone the way he wants you.”

I can feel my chest begin to tighten and I feel like I can’t breathe. That’s not possible.
Nic Rayne can’t want me…can he?

“Harper.”

I must have zoned out for a moment because Raven is giving me a dirty look.

“Sorry, what?”

“Nic always gets what he wants.”

***

“Yes, sir,” I say as I end my call with Luke.

He’s definitely not happy with me right now.  We’re in Phoenix and I was supposed to have an outline to him already. Unfortunately, I haven’t even started working on it.

Maybe because I still have no idea what I’m going to write.

Luke said the investors are getting nervous. They’re not sure I’m g
oing to get the exposé they want. Luke doesn’t want them to bail.

I get it. He’s running a business. But I feel like all I’m doing is cha
sing my tail…and starting to spout cheesy clichés just like Nic. I know there’s only one remedy for the mess I’m in.

I need to find
Nic and nail him down on the outline for the story. But I have no idea where he is. And trying to nail him down on anything is worse than trying to nail Jello to the wall.

At least there’s no shortage of bad clichés in my future…

I knock on Leo and Xander’s door first. Leo answers. He’s wearing nothing but boxer briefs and he’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes

The guys had another long and busy night with the concert in Pho
enix and the after parties.

I notice Leo’s got a lot more tattoos than I ever imagined. There’s actually not much skin on his upper body that isn’t inked.

“What time is it?” He yawns.

“Past noon.”

“I guess we better get up. Maybe get breakfast. Are they still serving breakfast? Maybe we’ll get lunch.”

He’s obviously quite comfortable standing half-naked in front of me even though I’m not.

“Have you seen Nic?” I ask trying to keep my eyes on his face.

Leo shakes his head. “He wasn’t with us last night.”

Raven comes to the door wearing a bed sheet wrapped around her and I assume nothing else underneath. “Nic’s not here.”