Always Remember (Memories) (19 page)

“Do you like my bed, Samuel?” I look up at him sternly.

His eyes twinkle with a mischievous spark. “Fuckin’ right I do, Jennifer.”

I put my finger against his lips. “Then I suggest you shut your
piehole, or the only person sleeping in my bed for the foreseeable future will be me. And me
alone.
”

“You don
’t mean that.”

“Don
’t be so sure,” Lexy says with amusement.

“Samuel, you buffoon, Ann Summers is just down the road from me, and I have no problems paying them a little visit.” I raise my eyebrows, and he visibly swallows. “So yes, I would do that.”

Lexy snickers and walks into my front room, sitting on the sofa and turning the television on.

“If you
’re gonna do that,” Bing whispers lowly. “Then I absolutely want to be in your bed with you.”

“That
’s kinda kinky.” My lips quirk. “Who knew?”

He leans forward and drops a kiss to my lips. “Don
’t tempt me, Jennifer, or I will kick my sister out of your flat and show you the fucking definition of the word kinky.”

I lick my lips slowly. “Then it
’s a shame I like you right now, isn’t it?” I move towards the sofa and hear him grumble to himself. I grin.

I will never, ever get tired of winding him up.

“If I didn
’t know better, I’d say you were a fuckin’ girl, Mitch.” I laugh and wipe my sleeve across my forehead. “You have Saturday night planned?”

“Beer. Red. Beer.” He shrugs, hammering some nails into the wall. “I thought it was pretty simple.”

“Oh, and I wonder why we have to go to Red. Nothing to do with the fact Saph will be out.” I smirk wryly at him.

“Nope,” he snaps. “Just
wanna get out, and since you won’t be attached to Jen’s naked body this weekend, I thought we could have a night like we used to. Y’know, all boys.”

“Yeah, yeah. When you got it, mate, you got it. I most definitely have it.” I check my watch. “
Talkin’ of Jen, I gotta go meet her.” I drop my tools by the bar, giving Mitch a playful punch on the shoulder as I leave.

“Twat!” He yells after me. I laugh, practically sliding down the banister. I wink at
Saph, grab my coat, and step out into the slightly warmer air. Since the snow disappeared – much to Jen’s delight – it’s started to warm up. A little.

Since her flat is closer to Red, and that
’s where I left from this morning, I have to walk to hers. Shit. I wish I’d thought of how bloody tired I’d be after work. And hungry. I’m fucking starving.

I fumble in my pocket for my phone to text Jen as I enter the park outside her house. I shoot off a quick message, telling her to meet me here and we
’ll grab chips. I whistle under my breath – and walk straight into someone.

“Shit, sorry, love!” I grab the person
’s arms. And drop them like they’re on fire when I see Heidi looking up at me. My jaw clenches.

I
’m beginning to wonder if she has a tracking device on me, because she just pops up at the most convenient times. She just “bumps” into me every fucking time.

“Oh, Bing.” She flutters her mascara clad eyelashes at me. “What a coincidence.”

“What is?” I grind out.

“That I should just happen to bump into you.”

“Yes, Heidi. In the largest city in the country – on the side of the city you don’t live – I’m sure it’s a coincidence you just happened to bump into me,” I say dryly. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and meet my girlfriend.”

Her eyes flick over my shoulder, and she puts a hand against my chest. I knock it away.

“Heidi. I fuckin’ mean it. Enough!”

She pushes herself against me and I take a deep breath in to calm myself, tilting my head back slightly.

Her lips touch his neck softly, her eyes icy and focused on me. Bing jolts, shoving her away, and she smirks at me. I nod at her once.

She wins, because I can’t keep fighting that losing battle with her. I’m only twenty, but I’m too damn old for petty school girl games.

I step backwards as Bing
turns, and I hear him yell. The words all run into each other, and that’s what I need to do. I need to run – even though it’s not his fault, it’s all her, and I know he’ll chase me, but I need to get away.

“Jen!” he yells, and I shove my way past people to get out of
the park. I glance at the road and run across the empty street. I slam the code into the keypad, yank the door open, and move straight past the lift to the stairs. I take them two at a time and I can hear his footsteps thundering after me.

I push my front door shut behind me, walking across the room to the window. The door opens and closes.

“Please leave,” I say quietly.

“Jen…”
He crosses the room to my side and raises his hand to move hair from my face. I shake my head, and step back.

“Please don
’t,” I whisper. “I can’t-”

“It was all her. Not me. Believe me, Jen.”

“I know that.” I step back again. “I know it wasn’t you, but I can’t do it. I’ve tried, Bing. I’ve tried so fucking hard to deal with her and all of her bullshit, but I can’t anymore.”

Each word is killing me slowly. It
’s snapping off a piece of my heart, breaking it and shattering it. I don’t want this. I don’t want to walk away. He’s become everything so quickly.

“Maybe…” My breath hitches. “…Maybe what we had was never meant to be anything more than sex.”

“What we had?” he asks, his voice more vulnerable than I’ve ever heard. “No, Jen, it hasn’t just disappeared because you decided you can’t do it anymore! It’s always been there, and maybe it always will be, but what we have is more than just sex. Every time I watched you fly apart in my arms, every time we played, joked, laughed, that was more than sex, babe. It was more than sex when I promised you forever.” Tears fill my eyes and I look down. “When I promised you forever, Jen, I fucking meant it. I mean every goddamn word I said.”

He moves from me, and I hear his footsteps in the direction of the door.

“Obviously you didn’t if you’re walking away so easily.”

“I
’m not the one walking away!” he yells. “You are, even though it’s breaking your damn heart, you’re still walking away. Where’s
my
Jen, huh? Where’s my Jen that would have walked right up to Heidi and put her on her ass for what she did?”

I shake my head and turn away. She got lost. She got lost when she did something stupid like give Samuel Edwards her heart.

“I’m not walking away from us, Jen. I promised forever and I’m gonna give it to you. I just can’t stand here and watch you cry, watch you push me away, because it hurts too much. I can’t stand there next to you and watch your heart break because it breaks mine, too.”

“Bing-”

“My name isn’t Bing. It’s Sam,” he says firmly. “I stopped being Bing the second I met you. A real man gives up one night stands for the one girl he can’t live without, and you’re that girl, babe. I gave it all up to give you forever.”

The door slams, and I sink back onto the sofa, tears spilling over my eyes. Shit.

I shove the front door open, kicking it shut with too much force. I storm past the front room, and Mum appears in the doorway.

“Sam? What
’s wrong?” she asks, her eyes following me.

“I can
’t, Mum. I can’t.” I shake my head, moving towards the basement.

“Sam?”

I shake my head again, like it’s the only thing my body can remember how to do, and fly down the steps into the basement gym. I head straight for the old punching bag in the corner, forgoing any gloves, and slam my foot into it.

Anger. I don
’t know if I’ve ever been so pissed in my life. The way she just walked away. The way she just stood there as if our relationship was water running between her fingers. Like there was no possible way she could hold onto it, no matter how hard she tried.

Like she didn
’t even fucking care. And that’s bullshit. Because she does care. And that’s why she can’t do it – she cares more than she’s ever admitted.

What if I
’d admitted it? What if I’d come out and just said “Hey, remember when I said I was falling for your crazy ass? Well, here’s an update: I’ve fallen for you,” would she have admitted it?

‘
Cause that’s the truth. I’ve fallen so far for her I don’t know which way is out. For some reason I’m in love with her, and I have no idea how to deal with her walking away.

“
Fuuuuuuuck!” I yell, slamming the punching bag into the wall. It swings back to me and I grab it, leaning my forehead against it and breathing heavily.

“Something has your boxers up your ass,” Lexy says from behind me.

“Don’t, Lex. Fucking don’t,” I warn, standing up straight and pushing off from the bag.

“This isn
’t good,” she murmurs, sitting up on the small table and swinging her legs below her. “Wanna talk?”

“
Wanna tell me why some girls are such vindictive bitches?” I throw back.

“What
’s she done?”

I sigh, rubbing my hands across my face. “She played her usual tricks. Jen
’s had enough. Said she can’t do it anymore. Shit.”

“What did you say?” Lexy asks softly.

“I told her I wasn’t walking away from us. I told her everything except what I should have.” I sigh again, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands, and I sink onto the chair behind me. “Shit, Lex. I dunno what I’m supposed to say to her.”

“Sounds like you said everything you could have, Bing.”

“Sam,” I correct. “My name is Sam.” I look up at her, and she smiles knowingly.

“Sounds like you said everything you could have,
Sam,
” she repeats, patting my shoulder.

“Like I said. I said everything except what I should have.”

“Mmm.”

“Should have told her I love her. Hell, I should have said that at the same time I promised her forever. I should have said it a long, long time ago.” I drop my head down. “And now look. Heidi
’s got her claws in and ripped everything down, everything I worked so damn hard to build between me and Jen. It’s gone, just like that, and I have absolutely no idea where to start in putting it all back together.”

“What you need
is the romantic version of superglue.”

“Isn
’t that a ring?” I raise my head back up.

Lexy
’s eyes widen. “I was gonna say roses, but okay, I guess that works.”

“Roses are good.” I look out of the
window. “She likes roses.”

“You
’re the one that’s supposed to buy them for her.” Lexy smirks. “I just show up with wine and chocolate.”

“Do that tonight. She needs you. She was… I don
’t even wanna think about how she was when I left.”

“So why did you go?”

“Because I couldn’t look at her like that. It was easier to leave her than not be able to hold her, Lex. I couldn’t do it. Watching her cry was almost enough to make me cry, and if that makes me less of a man, then fuck it.”

“I don
’t think it does.” She picks at a bit of fluff on her jeans. “I think it proves how much you do love her. I think it makes you more of a man if you cry.” She shrugs a shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Mum told me that. Crying is good for you.”

“I
’m not gonna cry, Lex, because then that’d mean I’d lost her. I haven’t – not yet – and if I have my way, I won’t lose her.”

I commend whoever created the onesie. Also, if you are the creator of Ben and Jerrys and wine, your names should be put on a fucking plaque on the street of every capital city in the world.

I might also be singing the praises of salt and vinegar crunchy sticks right now, too.

What’s a girl to do?

A small knock on my front door is followed by
it opening quietly.

“I don
’t care who you are, you should go away,” I mumble.

“One, it
’s a good job I’m not a serial killer, and two, you should learn to lock your front door if you don’t want visitors,” Lexy calls. The door swings shut.

“Oh. I suppose you can stay.” I watch as whoever it is leaves whatever show it is on my television. I don
’t care. I don’t even know what I’m watching.

“I have wine and chocolate?” she offers, waving two bags in the air. I smile weakly, letting my head rest against the back of the sofa.