Always Us (The Jade Series #8) (4 page)

“Frank said you’re a nurse,”
 
I say to Karen as we sit down.

“Yes, I work in obstetrics. Delivered two babies today.” She smiles. “Well, the doctor did, but I assisted her.”

“Do you like being a nurse?”

“I love it. And I love working with new moms, especially first time moms. Some of them are convinced they’ll never make it through labor, but they always do. And once they see their babies, they forget all about the labor.”

That’s another reason I’m scared to have kids. Being pregnant and going through labor. It sounds horrible. And I’m sure these moms Karen’s referring to don’t forget about the labor part. How could they? You’re in excruciating pain for hours. That’s not something you’d forget.

“Do they scream a lot?” I ask her.

“Newborns sleep for most of the day, so no, not really.”

“Not the babies. The moms.”

Garret starts laughing. I don’t know why that’s funny. I really want to know the answer. On TV, women are always screaming during labor.

Karen smiles. “They don’t usually scream. We have ways to deal with the pain.”

“I would scream. I can’t handle that kind of pain.”

Garret puts his arm around me. “You’d be fine. You’re tough.”

“Are you two planning on having children soon?” Karen asks.

I feel like there’s a giant spotlight on me as Karen, Garret, and Frank all await my answer. I decide to keep it vague. “No, not anytime soon.”

“The steaks have arrived.” Ryan walks in with the platter and sets it on the table next to the side dishes.

Frank starts passing the food around while Ryan sits down and says something about the weather. I’m not really listening. I’m just glad he showed up when he did. We needed to get off that childbirth and kid topic. One, because thinking about labor and delivery while people are trying to eat is gross. And two, I didn’t want Karen asking more questions about Garret and me having kids.

When Garret and I were in the bedroom earlier, I hinted that I want kids. And although I usually joke about it, this time I was serious. A few weeks ago, I started talking to Jennifer about my mom and my childhood and my fear of having kids. And we’ve continued to talk about those things at every session.

What I’ve realized is that I
do
want kids someday. I proved that to myself when I thought I was pregnant. I was scared and I wasn’t prepared for it, but part of me was happy about it. And ever since that happened, I’ve felt this strong desire to have kids someday. I love being around Sara’s baby and being around Lilly, and even that little girl I helped at the swim lesson.

I’ve thought about this a lot, and I know it’s what I want. But I don’t want to tell Garret until I’m absolutely, 100% sure, and I’m not quite there yet.

Dinner continues and Garret and I tell everyone about our classes and the town we live in. Karen keeps asking us questions, which makes Frank smile. He really wants me to like her. And I do. I think she’s really nice. She seems smart, too. And she’s pretty. Most of all, she seems to really like Frank. She keeps smiling at him and touching his hand—in a loving way, not an I-want-to-have-sex-with-you way. Although if she
was
touching him that way I wouldn’t notice because I’m blocking those thoughts from my head.

Karen brought over a pie for dessert. We all have a slice, except for Garret. He rarely eats dessert so that’s not unusual, but what
is
unusual is that he didn’t eat much of his dinner. He hasn’t eaten much at all the past few days. Maybe he’s coming down with something. There was some kind of respiratory virus spreading around campus before we left. Maybe Garret caught it. He never gets sick, but his lack of sleep the past week could’ve lowered his immune system.

“Well, I should be going,” Karen says when we’re done with dessert. “I need to get some sleep. I have to be up early for the race and I have to work tomorrow night.”

“You have to work on Thanksgiving?” I ask her.

She nods, smiling. “Babies arrive every day of the year. But I don’t mind working the holiday shift. I always volunteer to work Thanksgiving so the other nurses can be with their families.”

Karen seems like someone who doesn’t complain much. She’s very positive. Frank needs someone like that because sometimes he can be kind of negative. She’s good for him.

We say goodbye to Karen, then watch TV. Everyone goes to bed at ten because we have to get up early. The race starts at eight but we’re getting there at seven-thirty to check in.

When Garret and I are in bed, I put my hand on his face to see if he’s warm. He’s not.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Checking to see if you’re sick. I know you wouldn’t tell me if you were.”

“I’m not sick, Jade. Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because you didn’t eat much at dinner and you haven’t eaten much for days. And you’re not sleeping and you look really tired.”

He kisses me and pulls me against his chest. “Stop worrying about me. I’m fine.”

He’s not. Something’s bothering him. He just won’t tell me. I’ll have to figure it out myself.

“So what did you think of Karen?” I ask him.

“I liked her.” He laughs a little. “And Frank
really
likes her.”

I jab him with my elbow. “Don’t start talking about them that way.”

“I’m just saying. He couldn’t take his eyes off her all through dinner. And she couldn’t take her hands off him.”

“She was just holding his hand. That’s it.”

“I’m pretty sure they do more than that when there isn’t a roomful of people around.”

“What are you saying? You think they’ve had sex?”

“Just forget it. Let’s go to sleep.”

I flip back around to face him. “They haven’t even dated that long! They can’t be doing that yet. You’re wrong. They’re definitely not doing that.”

He’s smiling. “Yeah. I’m sure they’re not. Now would you go to sleep?”

I lie against his chest again. “I’m starting to freak out about Saturday.”

This Saturday I have to talk about myself in front of a group of women. I’m supposed to inspire them with my story. My high school algebra teacher asked me to do it. He and his wife volunteer for an organization that helps young women who are struggling. Most of them grew up in bad homes, like mine, and some have been in abusive relationships or are trying to get over addiction. My teacher thinks I could be a role model for them. I’m scared to death of public speaking so I didn’t want to do it, but then Garret talked me into it.

“Jade, you practiced your speech a million times. There’s nothing to freak out about.”

“I don’t want you to go to the speech.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you to see me screw up.”

“You’re not going to screw up. You’re going to do a great job.”

“See? You’re putting all this pressure on me and now I’m afraid I’ll screw up.”

“Stop worrying about screwing up. This isn’t a performance. Nobody’s going to be grading you. This is about you helping other people. Think about the women in the audience. Think about what they’re going through. Think about how you felt when you were just a kid, living with your mom. How did you feel back then?”

“Hopeless. Like nobody cared. Like I’d never survive. Like I had no future.”

“So pretend you’re talking to your old self. What would you say to that Jade to give her hope? To make her believe things would get better? That’s what you need to be thinking about when you’re up there giving your speech.”

He’s right. I need to focus on the audience and not myself. I keep making this about me, thinking I need to give a perfect speech as if I’m back in high school and need to impress my teacher. But this isn’t about that. This is my chance to maybe help someone see just a hint of light in the never-ending darkness that they think is their future. I lived in that darkness for years, but I made it out and these other women can, too.

“You think you can sleep now?” Garret asks.

“Yeah. Goodnight. I love you.” I don’t go to sleep right away. Instead, I lie there awake, replaying the words of my speech in my head. I have it memorized, but now I might change it a little. It sounds too formal and too much like the speech I gave when I was valedictorian, which was supposed to inspire my classmates, but really just bored them. It bored
me
and I wrote it. I start reworking my speech in my head and eventually fall asleep.

The next morning we arrive at the race at seven twenty-five. Luckily, it’s not too cold. It’s about 45 degrees, which is warm for November in Iowa.

Karen sees us and comes over. She’s wearing tight black running pants and a bright green workout jacket. I see Frank checking her out. She
does
have a good body. He gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Garret gives me a sideways glance and smiles. He needs to stop this. I cannot think of Frank and Karen together that way.

“Should we get our registration packets?” Karen points to the long line of people at the registration table. I’ve never done one of these races, so I’m not sure how they work. I follow her to the line while Frank and Garret wait by the race course.
 

It’s kind of awkward being alone with Karen. I’m not sure what to talk about.
 

“Thanks for doing the race with me,” she says. “It’s hard to find people who like to run.”

“Yeah, I don’t run as much as I used to because I don’t have anyone to run with me. Garret doesn’t want me running alone.”

“Do you two ever go running together?”

“We do, but he doesn’t like running. He only does it for me.”

“I just recently convinced Frank to start going on walks with me.” She glances back at him and waves. “I don’t think he likes it, but he’ll do it if I ask.”
 

“Yeah, he doesn’t like to exercise.” We inch forward in the line.

“He needs to, though.” Her tone turns serious. “It’s good for his health. I’m trying to get him to be more active at home, as well, and not sit so much.”

“How’s he doing? Does he tell you? Because he never tells me anything and I’ve noticed he seems more tired than normal.”

“People with MS have good and bad days, and the past few months he’s had some bad days, but he’s doing better now.”

The past few months? Why didn’t he tell me this? Why didn’t Ryan say anything?

“What was causing the bad days?” I ask her.

“His doctor thinks it was stress. Selling the house and moving to the new one was good, but stressful. And he worries about you and Ryan.”

“He does? Why?”

She smiles. “Because that’s what fathers do. They worry about their children.”

“He doesn’t need to worry about me.”

“He doesn’t as much anymore. He knows Garret takes good care of you. He really likes your husband.”

I look over and see Frank and Garret talking. Garret keeps glancing over at me, like he’s checking on me. He did this at the airport, too. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight, except when I went to the bathroom. And even then, he waited outside the door. I like that he watches over me, but sometimes I think he’s a little too overprotective.

I turn back to Karen. “So why is Frank worried about Ryan?”

“Because Ryan won’t move forward with his life. He thinks he needs to live with Frank so he can take care of him, but Frank doesn’t want that.”

“I kind of thought that was going on. The two of them were fighting about it last July when they came out for my wedding.”

“They were fighting up until just last month, but it’s better now. They came to some type of agreement. I don’t know what. I didn’t ask.” We step forward in the line and her hand brushes my arm. “Jade, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all of that to you. It’s really not my place.”

“Frank would never tell me this stuff, so I’m glad you did. And it’s good to know Frank’s feeling better. I wish he’d tell me when he’s not feeling well.”

She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’m doing whatever I can to make sure he stays healthy. Even though I’m a nurse, I didn’t know that much about MS until I met Frank. But since then, I’ve done a lot of research and I’m trying to help him have more good days and fewer bad.”

I watch her face as she says it. She seems determined, like she really wants to help Frank get better.

“You care about Frank, don’t you?” It’s a stupid question. She obviously does and yet my mouth just spit out the words before I could think.

“Yes, very much so. I love spending time with him. He’s very smart. And funny.” She looks back at him. “And handsome.”

The way she’s talking about him, it’s almost like she’s in love with him. Holy crap! What if she is? And what if he’s in love with her? Would they get married? How did this happen so fast? I’m overreacting. They may be in love, but they’re not getting married. Frank moves at a snail’s pace when making decisions. Then again, he didn’t take long to decide to buy that house, so who knows?

“Name, please.” I wake from my thoughts and realize we’re at the front of the line. Two high school girls are handing out packets.

“Kensington, Jade,” I say to one of the girls as the other girl helps Karen.

“Kensington.” The girl flips through a stack of papers, finds my name, and checks it off. “Did you watch that show?”

“What show?”

“That reality show. Prep School Girls.” She hands me my registration packet. “Every time I hear the name Kensington, I think of that guy who was on the show. Garret Kensington. Do you know who I’m talking about?”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“I’m totally in love with him. I stalk him online, trying to find out where he is so I can go find him and ask him to marry me.”

The girl next to her at the table overhears and says, “She’s not kidding. She’s totally stalking that guy. She has a boyfriend and yet she’s still stalking some guy from TV.”

The girl shrugs. “It’s not like I’ll ever meet him. My boyfriend has nothing to worry about. Anyway, what size t-shirt do you want?”

“Small.” I check to see where Garret is so I can warn him about this girl.

She hands me the t-shirt, then Karen and I bring our stuff back to Frank and Garret.

“Hey.” I pull Garret down to talk in his ear. “That girl checking people in told me she’s stalking you online and wants to marry you, so you might want to move so she can’t see you.”