Amnesia (33 page)

You got a Tigger, she said.

That’s correct, a Tigger. He had a walnut face and all sorts of knocks and blemishes on his pate. He grinned and showed a bright gold tooth.

I’m here to see Miss Aisen, she said. (The snake’s head had been bashed.)

Did you meet him down the creek?

He was looking for a tête-à-tête. He asked, You know what that means?

Yes.

Of course you do.

He had comic eyebrows and bandy legs, sun-brown on both sides.

I got bitten by a taipan once, he said, opening the door for her.

I bet you did. (She had learned to talk like this by listening to her dad.)

Mervyn’s thongs slapped against the morning light. The girl could smell burned toast, fresh-cut grass, water sprinkling on hot soil.

I thought that would be a bit fatal, a taipan.

Old wives’ tail.

Did you use a tourniquet?

Beer and a Valium.

By the time she arrived in the kitchen she was smiling. It was a small room, painted a wild bright yellow, filled with sunshine, hanging herbs and garlic, high stacks of newspapers along the walls, a blackboard with rosters of names and dates, a laminex kitchen table with three odd chairs.

Mervyn continued out the back, through the flywire.

Your visitor is here.

The familiar computer was in front of her, the IIx that she knew from school.

Take it down the creek, Miss Aisen called, before it starts to pong.

Next to the computer was a modem, a bright red cradle. This was probably the only surviving coupler modem in Melbourne, but I didn’t have a clue. I understood that you took Miss Aisen’s normal everyday phone off the hook and placed it here, and I could, if I ever dared, if I ever got a sneaky chance, get onto Altos.

Miss Aisen wore short shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt and gardening gloves. She had a shiny sweaty face.

So, she said, you want to learn to code.

All I wanted was to get online. But I insisted on the code. Not baby language, I said.

BASIC is a proper language. The fun bits get you to the hard bits.

So I could write a program in BASIC?

And what did you want your program to do?

Fool around, I said, yearning for that bright red cradle.

Do you know what that is there?

What?

What you’re staring at.

Is it a modem? I asked.

Have you seen a modem before?

Can you teach me?

Listening to the tapes, it was comical how Gaby highlighted her deceitfulness. She was her mother’s daughter after all.

I’ll teach you to program, Miss Aisen said. We can do that as a project, but we are not going to give up on BASIC.

I don’t think I want that, no.

If you want to be serious. BASIC is exactly that.

Maybe not.

Was Miss Aisen intrigued by this resistance? Surely, yes, she was a teacher, but then her father was demanding a jar to put his snake in. He had thirty-four bottled snakes which he planned to bequeath to the Melbourne museum. She dealt with this issue and then returned to her pupil.

Gaby, what is it you really want?

Yeah, right.

I beg your pardon?

You’ll get crabby.

I think we should trust each other a bit more than that.

When can I come back?

We haven’t even started.

Yes, when could I come back?

You don’t want a lesson now?

No.

Tomorrow morning if you like. But why?

I need to get something.

What do you need?

Can I really come back tomorrow morning?

Then Mervyn was demanding attention.

And so, of course, Miss Aisen went, as per usual because, as she told him, she was his doormat. And she gave up her bean jar and he coiled the snake inside it and poured the illegal formaldehyde and he finessed the coils with a piece of dowling. When he was finished she returned to her pupil but now with her father right behind her, polishing his horrible jar with his clean white tea towel.

What do you think of this, young lady?

The child became beautiful.

I brung a gift for you, he said.

The girl reached for the bottle and rubbed her index finger at the place where the snake’s crushed head lay against the glass.

It’s a beauty, she said.

I’ll get you a little Super Glue to keep it safe.

Miss Aisen watched her father glue the lid and saw how the girl was filled with light. She watched her leave, that summer car-park hop, as she carried the bottled snake, dancing across the gravel. Who would not want, with all their heart, to be a teacher?

OF COURSE
the fugitive was on the Hawkesbury and never once laid eyes on the astringent little Aisen or inhaled her hallway, her kitchen floor polish, Stove Black, or 1950s plastics heating in the sun. Regardless, it was clear to him, inarguably so, that it was not merely an antique modem his subject had found, but surrogate grandparents who would, in their own ways, be prepared to love her unconditionally and thereby provide her with a history she had not even known she lacked.

Her first recollections of Darlington Grove are of soil, loamy, clay, dry, wet and are only interesting because they are so clearly disconnected from anything she could have experienced until that time.

All her language describing Mervyn Aisen (an “old shoe” for instance) indicates a comfort she could not have felt when first meeting him. Indeed, on entering their kitchen, her intention was to deceive them both, something she pointed out not once (fast forward) but many times. She fled from her first lesson in order to fetch her collection of passwords and access numbers. You can’t understand, she said. You can’t possibly understand what I felt. I did not have to die. I WAS GOING TO USE AISEN’S MODEM. It was as if Frederic had anticipated this very moment and had made a stash of everything I would need when he wasn’t by my side.

He already saw the shit ahead of us, and if our files were to be wiped or arrested we would store them where no-one would ever look. On paper. You’ve seen the Federal Police leaving those suburban houses with their cardboard boxes, floppy disks, hard drives, cables, modems. Did you ever see them with
The Lord of the Rings
?

Frederic stole two copies from Mark Rubbo in Lygon Street and we turned them into paper brains. We assigned numeric values to the ten most common letters a-e-i-o-u-h-n-r-s-t. (a=1 and t=10). Do you think the Australian computer crime squad would even open
The Lord of the Rings
? Would they see the pinpricks? Do they even know now, years later? A single volume held as many 800 numbers as there are blackberries growing beside the road to Eildon. In any case, the Altos twelve-digit NUA was in there: Book Three, Chapter Two, “The Riders of Rohan.”

Gaby returned to Darlington Grove on the Sunday but then lost her nerve. She begged another lesson, ten more guilty dollars, lost her nerve again. It was stinky hot, she said, summer holidays. My mother was cast in a movie and was filming at Mount Macedon. I waited three days in an empty house then came back to the Aisens’ so early in the morning that I was given the job of collecting the woodchips for their bath heater. My face was still bruised and yellow from the accident but they decided I was a good girl when I was actually a thief and burglar. I made lethal black tea the way they liked it, and two grilled cheese sandwiches. The old fellow went to see a man about a dog and I sat and waited, watching Miss Aisen swallow her dark brown tea. It got thundery. Then she went out to draw the shadecloth across the lettuce, almost enough time, not enough. Those early Macs took a long time to boot up.

I had to endure one more lesson in writing BASIC about which I had only second-hand opinions i.e. BASIC had a fat arse and took up too much space. Aisen could not grasp how I could be at once so desperate and so bored.

She taught via games, she said. She compelled me to choose what my game would be.

Doctor Who on Mars, I said, because I was a show-off. She forced me to start dividing things up in classes. I came up with “World classes” and “Actor classes.” I was so impatient. Mars was a “world,” Doctor Who was an “actor.” I had to make Doctor Who move but not all actors would need to move so she got me to invent the subclass “Movers.” So on, forever. I was so so bored.

I tried to trick her into leaving me alone. I said I would work on this by myself and show her what I’d done.

She was, OK, continue. And would not leave my side.

Finally, it was “nature calls”: she was going to the “library” i.e. the dunny out the back. By the time the screen door slammed shut the thunder
was overhead. Her phone was on the desk beside me. All I had to do was drop it on the modem which clasped it tight like sex. 800. Remember that old-time dial-up signal? Then I was like IN. Minerva. And I had the Altos NUA out of my pocket. Then IN again: that intro page at ALTOS I had first seen in my honey’s bedroom, now so sweet and familiar. I hoped he was waiting on the bridge.

WELCOME TO THE ALTOS HAMBURG CHAT SYSTEM!

What’s your nickname?

Fallen Angel

Where are you from?

Undertoad, where are you? Need 2 dialog

You’re a tricky little thing, Miss Aisen said.

And I was going, Ah, I don’t know. What is it?

But she saw exactly what I had done. She asked me how I got there, and I began to cry. I’ll pay. It’s a local call.

Local call to what?

Finally I told her it was called Minerva.

She had clamped my shoulders with her strong little hands, but when I said Minerva she released me. OK, log off. She watched, her arms folded across her chest, her head cocked.

Now, log on.

I thought she had no right. I thought Frederic would kill me. She watched me while I went through Minerva and introduced myself on Altos. I was almost at the limit of my skills.

Speedball: Welcome back Fallen Angel. Wassup? WTF with Undertoad?

Aisen asked: Who is Undertoad?

I would not say.

This is the boy who was in trouble?

I glared at her and she touched my head like someone who never had a pet before. She said, Show me what else you can do?

Will you let me use the modem still?

If it’s a local call, yes.

She had a way of looking at you I can’t describe, as if there was an error in your genetic code and she was searching for it, line by line.

You’ll find him, she said. Her eyes were pale and brown, too clear to hide a thing.

How do you know?

You will.

She could not have known. Actually, he was with hippies in Nimbin and could not get online. But I believed her.

The lightning was raging but the line noise was OK and I tried to take my five-foot teacher travelling. I wanted to show her I could do it, but I didn’t want to give anything away.

Good heavens, she said. Look at you.

God knows what she was thinking. Then, jeez Louise, the bitch logged me off. I sort of shouted at her, not thinking where I was. She goes, Do you really want to go to jail?

It’s not illegal, what I did. I dialled a phone number. That’s not wrong.

And the password, did you steal it?

A baby could have guessed it.

But those same eyes were on me. She could be a scary old dame. You better go home to your mother now, she said. I will not help you to break the law.

You promised I could find my friend.

Yes, but now you should go home.

I understand now that she liked me, and that she was afraid of the police like everybody but at the time I was outraged, deceived, betrayed. Also, completely inept.

You’ll still teach me BASIC? I said. I have to know BASIC, which was a lie of course. But she was in love with teaching, so I faked it, never thinking my lie might one day become my life.

She said I won’t help you to break the law.

Well what am I going to do? I said, and I was really crying because I could not find Frederic without her. I have to learn BASIC I cried. I bawled and bawled to make her sorry for me, so she would let me back and I could have another chance.

OK, she said, I’ll think. You better go home for now.

Back home the rooms were dark and empty and loud with rain. I did not know what I would do. I was angry, and I was frightened I had shown her Frederic’s secrets. There was cask wine on the fridge and I filled a tumbler. It was red and bitter and I didn’t like it but afterwards I slept and dreamed. I was writing in some amazing language which was also, somehow, music and a kind of graph. The object was to make the
graph go high. I was actually programming and playing the game as well and suddenly I understood it was all so easy and the graph started to go high, then it went higher and higher and I felt something so maximum, elegance, perfection, perhaps I gasmed, it was like that. The graph went off of the top of the screen and a voice said, You have broken through!! And I thought, I have got him back again, I have found my hedgehog boy. And I woke up, so sad and disappointed to learn I had killed Peli and it was all crock, crap, disgustitude inside the empty house.