He was avoiding her – as she’d known he would.
‘OK.’ Nalisha clapped her hands again. ‘You’ve all been brilliant. And if you’ve got those new moves fixed in your head, I’ll put the music on again, and we’ll just have one more dance. Ready?’
Everyone nodded.
Gina just went through
the motions.
On either side of her, Dora Wilberforce and the Blundells and most of the Yee-Hawers were really moving well, twirling and crossing their hands, and pointing their toes and shaking their hips in a multicoloured swirl of silks.
Gina tried really hard to copy them but her heart simply wasn’t in it.
The gods and goddesses on her side of the hall, particularly Durga and Shakti, seemed to be frowning down at her.
‘Don’t look at me like, that,’ Gina muttered. ‘I feel bad enough without you being all po-faced.’
‘Talking to yourself, Gina?’ Dora Wilberforce puffed. ‘First sign, that is. And this is great, isn’t it? Much better than Zumba.’
‘What? Oh, yes, lovely.’
‘Shame young Jay and Kam aren’t here tonight. We could do with some nice young Indian men to show us how it’s done, eh?’
‘Er, yes.’
She wished her heart didn’t lurch when someone mentioned his name. How juvenile was that?
‘All this Eastern stuff is so exciting.’ Dora twinkled. ‘I simply can’t wait for the wedding, can you?’
‘No.’
‘It’s just what the village needs, isn’t it?’ Dora continued, flexing her hands in and out above her head as well as her rheumatism would allow. ‘New ideas and lovely young people.’
Gina stared after her as
Dora shimmied away in sync with Mary Blundell, bending and sweeping and toe pointing to the music.
Young people, Gina thought, completely losing her choreographic thread and just shuffling on the spot. That’s what everyone thought of Kam. A
young
person. Which of course he was. Not to mention exceptionally beautiful and clever, and too damn sexy for his own good.
Daft cow.
Gina watched Erin and Bella and Sophie across the room, dancing amazingly with those
boys
and shook her head.
‘Not yer head, Gina love –’ Sam Duncan shimmied past her ‘– you got to shake yer booty like Beyoncé.’
Gina shook.
And then mercifully it was all over.
‘OK.’ Nalisha switched off the music. ‘That’s it for tonight. You’ve all been absolutely amazing. I hope you’ve all enjoyed it.’
The roar of approval confirmed this and there was a huge Nook Green round of applause.
‘And you’ll be happy to make it a regular thing?’
More whoops of agreement.
‘Good. But of course I’ll be leaving the village soon.’
Catcalls and boos.
Nalisha laughed. ‘I know – but London won’t wait for ever – so I’ll be looking for someone to take over. If anyone’s interested, then come and have a word with me and I can pass on all the CDs and the saris and give you some DVDs as well.’
There was a universal shaking of heads and reluctant groans of refusal.
As the rest of the Nook Greeners shed their polychromatic garments and found their discarded shoes and socks and chattered happily and noisily, Gina noticed the two boys who had been dancing with Erin and Sophie and Bella, approaching Nalisha.
They’d certainly been
brilliant dancers, Gina thought, returning her swathe of turquoise and lilac silk to the suitcase. They’d be great replacement teachers.
And so young. Of course.
Pffft. She sighed crossly.
‘We’re all going back to the pub, Gina,’ Dora Wilberforce announced. ‘Well, you must be as well, We always had a last couple of drinks after we’d Yee-Hawed, didn’t we? And we certainly all need one tonight. Who’s working in there?’
‘Just Sam and Pearl,’ Gina said. ‘And maybe, er, Kam. I hope they’ll be able to cope with the rush, but I’ll be back in a minute.’
‘Pub, everyone!’ Sam Duncan yelled. Then he looked at Gina. ‘You’re being a bit of a slowcoach tonight, duck, and I’m gagging for a pint. Can I give you the keys to lock up here?’
‘Yes, of course.’ Gina took the village hall keys. ‘I’ll give them back to you when I get to the pub.’
‘Ta, duck.’
The Nook Greeners left the hall in a tidal wave.
Gina looked across at Nalisha. ‘You can go, too. I’ve got the keys to lock up here. I’ll see to everything. You were brilliant. It was really great.’
‘Thanks.’ Nalisha beamed. ‘I’m so glad you enjoyed it, and it all went so well. Shame Kam didn’t make it after all. He’d have had such a laugh. And thanks for locking up here.’
‘No problem.’ Gina smiled, wondering if Nalisha was rushing off to see Doug and finding that she didn’t give a stuff. ‘See you later.’
Youth, again, Gina thought wearily,
as Nalisha rushed out of the hall. Oh, to be that young again.
She started to check that no one had left anything behind prior to switching off the lights and locking the door.
OK, no lost property, most of the lights were off, the plugs were all unplugged, the windows all closed.
‘Have I missed it?’
Gina jumped at the voice echoing from the shadows.
Kam uncurled himself from the wall just inside the door.
Her heart, thundering anyway, went into overdrive. ‘Yes. As you well know. You must have watched everyone leaving?’
‘I did, yes.’
Gina didn’t look at him. She was grateful to him for coming here, waiting until they were alone, to have the conversation.
Kam walked into the hall. He glanced up at the statues. ‘They really are impressive, aren’t they?’
‘They are, yes.’
Gina pretended to be packing up some non-existent last minute items. She really didn’t want to look at him, tall and lean and spectacularly sexy in his jeans and T-shirt, or even to listen to that soft, caressing voice.
‘Did you enjoy it tonight?’
‘I did, yes,’ she muttered again, knowing that she sounded irritable and hating herself for it. ‘It was a huge success.’
‘Good. And no one mentioned anything about our little conspiracy?’
‘They didn’t, no.’
‘That’s OK then.’
God, this was ridiculous. Gina sighed. Why didn’t they just get it over? He could say that he knew, and she could apologise for being stupid and promise it would never happen again, and then they’d go their separate ways.
Kam would probably move out of the pub,
of course, and she’d berate herself for ever.
But, hey, the story of her life.
‘Do you know the stories of the gods? Their qualities? What they do?’ Kam had stopped in front of Ganesh. He didn’t wait for her to reply. ‘Ganesh, the elephant god, the master of intellect and wisdom.’
Ganesh hadn’t been on her side then.
‘Saraswati, the goddess of creativity and music. Very suitable for tonight. And next to her, Shakti. She restores balance and gives energy. She probably came in handy for the dancing, too. And Durga – my favourite – he destroys poverty and suffering and injustice and cruelty.’
‘Durga sounds like my sort of man,’ Gina murmured. ‘Don’t you have a god or – more likely – a goddess, for silly, delusional women who seem determined to make a complete mess of their lives?’
Kam laughed. ‘Not one that I’ve heard of. Why? Who needs one?’
Gina didn’t dignify the question with an answer.
‘Gina, look at me.’
She looked.
Kam smiled. ‘That’s better. Are you avoiding me?’
‘Me? Hardly. You were gone before I opened up this morning. I haven’t seen you all day. Even Nalisha noticed you didn’t turn up here tonight. You
know
where to find me – so, no I think it’s the other way round, don’t you?’
‘I’ve been working. Mrs Alexander, over at Daisy Bank, who runs the horse rescue place, had taken in a new consignment. Poor things. They were in a terrible state – but at least they’ll all be happy now in their new home. It took all day to check them over, register them, prescribe medication and carry out whatever immediate treatment was needed. I’ve only just finished.’
‘Oh, sorry.’
‘Stop bloody
saying sorry.’
‘Sorry – oh, sorry.’ Gina laughed despite herself.
Kam laughed too. ‘So, did it all go well? Really? The Bollywood dancing? You weren’t just being polite?’
‘Yes, it did and no I wasn’t.’ Gina nodded, relieved at the change of subject, although she knew it was merely delaying the matter that had to be raised sooner or later. ‘Even better than I’d thought.’
‘Good. Gina –’
‘Everyone enjoyed it tonight. It’s going to become a regular fixture. Even when Nalisha’s left the village. She’s got a couple of willing apprentices lined up.’
‘Good. I’ll come and watch next time.’
Next time.
Gina groaned to herself. How silly she was to feel a little leap of excitement at those two words. Silly, sad, delusional woman, indeed.
‘And did
you
enjoy it?’ Kam asked. ‘And dress up?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘I did. Both. Why?’
‘Because –’ Kam walked across the hall towards her and caught the ends of the lilac and turquoise dupatta ‘– you’re still wearing this.’
‘Oh.’
Kam was close. Too close. Gina moved away and he let the dupatta fall.
‘Kam.’ She
looked at him. ‘I know you don’t want me to say sorry again. But I have to, because I am. I behaved stupidly. I’ve behaved stupidly all my life it seems to me.’
‘Hardly.’ He frowned. ‘You’re funny, clever and work harder than anyone I’ve ever known. You’re independent, intelligent, incredibly sexy and very, very beautiful.’
‘And you –’ she smiled sadly at him ‘– have all the words that you think women like me want to hear. You’re a flatterer, and a practised seducer.’
Kam chuckled. ‘And you’re reading from the PR sheet put about by my family.’
‘Deny it then.’
‘God … no, well … OK then, I’ve spent most of my life – well, for as long as I was aware that girls, then women, found me attractive – playing around, because I could. I studied hard, worked hard and played even harder.’
Gina nodded. ‘Exactly. And I’ve spent my adult life loving the wrong men.’
‘Tell me. About the wrong men.’
Was he mad?
‘No. It’s all pretty boring and you’ll have heard it all before.’
‘Not from you. Go on – please, tell me.’
‘OK. There was one wrong man, actually. For a very, very long time. I felt very ashamed of what I did. I hated myself. When I came here, to Nook Green, I was determined to never do it again. But then of course I fell for Doug, who thought I was fun for a while, but not a keeper. History repeating itself.’
‘Go on,’ Kam said gently. ‘I’m listening.’
‘Like I said, it’s a sad old story. Too, too familiar. Too, too boring.’
‘I want to know why
you’re on your own. I can’t understand why.’
‘Because I’m crap at relationships. I’m rubbish at them. OK?’
‘Tell me,’ Kam said again.
‘You really don’t want to know.’
‘Yes, I do. Please tell me.’
‘OK, I was at college. Only an FE college, mind you – not uni – I was doing business studies. He was my one of my lecturers. I was completely besotted. He was married, of course. I didn’t know that to start with, but by the time I did, it was too late for me. I was head over heels in love.’
‘Did he tell you he was married or did you find out?’
‘I found out. Eventually. He never kept me a secret, our love affair was very public, so I really didn’t think he had a wife and three children tucked away in the next town.’
Kam shook his head. ‘Is that when it ended?’
‘I wish.’ Gina frowned. ‘No, he assured me he was only staying with his wife until the children grew up and left home and so on, that they led separate lives – the usual story, you know the kind of thing. Everyone told me I was mad and that he’d never leave her, but I didn’t listen.’
‘No, you wouldn’t.’ Kam nodded. ‘Nothing more potent than first love. Nothing more painful than first heartbreak.’
Gina laughed bitterly. ‘And there speaks an expert? No doubt you’ve played that role many times. Anyway, as our affair was common knowledge, I reckon his wife knew all the time and didn’t care much. He’d probably done it all before. But I hung on and it went on for years. Long, long after I’d left college.’
‘Really? You believed him and trusted him that much?’
‘Yes, sadly, I’m
a very trusting person. And a fool. And of course he was part of my life. A huge part of my life. I really thought we’d one day play happy-ever-after. But, of course, I was simply his mistress – his bit on the side – and that’s all I ever would be. By the time I realised it, I’d wasted half my adult life on him. So I moved away and came here and swore it would never, ever happen again.’
‘And then there was Doug? But he wasn’t married, was he?’
‘No. And never likely to be. Another waste of time. Another opportunity for me to get it very, very wrong, to make a compete fool of myself, and end up being hurt.’
‘And me?’
‘You?’ Gina laughed. ‘Oh, you’re more than both of them put together.’
‘Meaning?’
‘You don’t need me to interpret.’
‘Did you kiss me?’
‘Yes.’
‘And then you walked away?’
‘Yes.’ Gina knew her face was burning. She was so glad that the village hall was only dimly lit. ‘It was a mistake.’
‘The kiss or the walking away?’
‘The kiss, of course. Kam, I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again.’
‘Bugger.’
‘What?’
‘Bugger. I was just so knackered. Half asleep. Thought I was dreaming. By the time I was awake, you’d gone. I can’t believe I’ve missed not only my opportunity to tell you how I really feel about you, but also to kiss you.’
Gina said nothing.
Kam moved closer again. ‘You’re driving
me insane.’
‘
What?
’
‘I think about you all the time. Right now, you’re driving me completely crazy. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.’
Gina thought she must have misheard him. ‘You can’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you don’t really know me.’
‘I know enough. I just want to see you, to touch you, and listen to you talking and laughing.’
Gina blinked at him. ‘But, well, you’re … well … you. You could have anyone you wanted. And I’m older than you, and I’ve got history, and I’m all jaded and faded really. You want someone young and beautiful and –’