This had to be done and it had to be done now.
Erik set his own empty glass next to Keegan’s. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you Monday morning.”
Minutes later, in his room, he heard Keegan’s car start then drive away.
He sat on the edge of his bed and stared at the wall for minutes before he threw off his clothes and crawled under the covers.
Chapter Two
“I didn’t expect to see you this morning. Is everything okay?”
Sitting at the kitchen table, Jules had her head propped on her hand, staring out the window into their tiny backyard. It looked so desolate out there without the flowers her mom cultivated spring through fall.
Her mom said digging in the dirt helped her work out a lot of her anxieties during her cancer treatment.
Jules did the same with bread dough. Which was why, at 8:30 in the morning, she already had a loaf in the oven and had just put another in a bowl to rise.
“No, I don’t think it is.”
“Okay.” Her mom poured a cup of coffee and joined Jules at the table. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“I think…I might not be seeing Erik anymore.”
Her mom’s expression didn’t change. “And why do you think that?”
“Because last night he and Keegan had a fight.”
“About what?” her mom prompted when she paused.
“Keegan accused Erik of being broken. And I’m not sure he’s wrong.”
Her mom frowned. “Broken how?”
“Like maybe he’ll never be able to live a normal life. Maybe the psychological damage is too severe. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to move on with his life.”
Her mom nodded, as if she understood completely. Jules certainly wished she did.
“And what if he is? Would that change your feelings for him?”
“No,” she answered immediately and truthfully. “But I’m not sure my feelings will change what he wants.”
“And what is that?”
“To get back at the people who caused the explosion.”
Horror plainly showed on her mom’s expression. “Someone actually tried to kill him? Oh my god, that’s awful.”
“They didn’t want to kill him. They only wanted to damage the lab. They didn’t know he was working. But…yeah, someone set up the explosion to look like an accident.”
“Well, I can certainly understand why he’d want to punish whoever did it. If I could’ve blamed someone for my cancer and taken out my anger on them, you’re damn right I would have.”
“But this isn’t cancer. It’s a crime. Keegan wants Erik to give the information to the police. Erik wants to handle it himself.”
“And that’s what they’re fighting about?”
“I think that’s only part of it. They just seemed so angry at each other for something they should’ve been able to talk out. I don’t know how to help.”
Her mom shook her head. “Honey, I’m not sure you can. These men have known each other for a lot of years. They own a business together. They have a relationship you might never be able to be part of.”
Wincing, Jules realized her mom had put into words exactly what she’d been worried about. “So what do you think I should do?
“I think you need to give them a few days. Let things cool off. If they come to you, that’s great. But…”
Her mom sighed.
“But what?”
“But I think you should be prepared.”
Her mom’s sad, apologetic smile made Jules’s heart hurt but she didn’t need to ask what to be prepared for.
It would be nothing good.
* * *
“Carol?” Jules stuck her head through the open office doorway Monday morning. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Her friend’s head popped up from behind her laptop screen, a smile curving her lips. “Sure, Julianne. Come on in. What’s up?”
Jules walked into Carol’s office behind the kitchens she’d built for her catering business. She loved the open work space, the granite countertops, and the professional-grade ranges. When she was here, she felt like she was in her element. Like she belonged.
“I’ve been thinking about something and I wanted to run it by you.”
Closing the laptop, Carol leaned back in her chair and gave Jules her entire attention. “Absolutely.”
Even though she’d rehearsed exactly what she wanted to say, it was still difficult to get the words out. Sliding into the seat opposite Carol gave her an excuse to stall just a little more but finally she couldn’t any longer.
“I’m thinking about attending the CIA in the fall.”
Carol’s eyebrows arched higher as her smile spread. “Oh, wow. That would be great! I mean, I’ll be sorry to see you go but it’s a great school.”
The Culinary Institute of America was one of the leading culinary schools in the country. Jules had never even considered applying because she knew she wouldn’t be able to afford it. It’d been nothing more than a pipe dream.
Now…
She had the money. But it meant she’d have to move to New York.
Away from her mom, her friends, her job. Away from Keegan and Erik.
“I’m not sure yet,” she hedged. “But my mom’s doing really well and now…now I have the money.”
More than enough to pay her tuition and room and board. Thanks to Keegan and Erik.
Who were the reasons she hesitated.
“And the problem is…?”
Carol’s tone suggested she knew what the problem was.
Sighing, Jules propped her elbow on the arm of the chair and let her head fall into her hand. “I’m not sure I want to leave.”
Carol nodded, her expression sympathetic. “And does that have something to do with a couple of mutual friends?”
Jules bit her lip, knowing this was exactly why she’d come to Carol, but afraid to discover that maybe Erik and Keegan had already moved on. It had been three days since Keegan had said goodbye after that night. Both men had promised to be in touch. Neither had.
She’d gone from upset to pissed off to depressed and back to pissed off.
Today, she was just worried.
“Have you seen them lately? Or heard from them?”
Carol shook her head. “Not for a few weeks. I…thought they were busy. With you. Did something happen?”
“Yes. And no. Jeez, everything is just so screwed up.”
Carol’s face twisted in sympathy. “And so much of this is my fault. I’m sorry, Jules, I never should’ve—”
“No, Carol. No. It’s not your fault. I could have said no.”
Carol grimaced. “But I knew you wouldn’t. I knew you needed the money. And I knew I couldn’t loan you that much. I knew you and your mom had gotten all the credit you were going to get. I knew this was such a screwed-up situation to begin with and I did it anyway. But I honestly thought…”
Carol’s eyes closed as she shook her head, taking a deep breath.
“Thought what?” Jules prompted.
Carol stared straight at her. “I honestly thought you’d be good for them. I’ve known them for years. I’ve seen how Erik’s situation has affected them both. I know you didn’t know them before but…Erik was one of those people who had a good time no matter what he was doing. He genuinely loved life and he dragged Keegan out of his shell.”
Leaning back in her chair, Jules listened, nodding at Carol to go on.
“Erik’s accident changed them both at a fundamental level, and I really thought they’d never recover. That it would tear apart their friendship and their business. But what it did was draw them tighter together and alienated everyone else. I couldn’t bear to watch. Then they saw you and I saw a spark of that old life come back into Erik’s eyes.”
Jules shook her head. “Did you honestly think one night with me would solve all of Erik’s problems? Because I think everything’s gotten so much worse.”
“So tell me what happened.”
As Jules told her about the previous night, she saw Carol’s expression become more and more distressed until finally she held up her hand. Jules had just gotten to the part about the accident being rigged.
“Oh my god. Poor Erik. He must have been devastated. And Keegan… Jesus. So what are they going to do?”
“I’m not really sure. I haven’t seen them since early Sunday morning.”
Carol fell silent for several seconds, her gaze boring into Jules’s as she sorted through what Jules had told her. And what she hadn’t.
“So let me guess. Erik said something stupid, Keegan tried to smooth it over, and they ended up pissed off at each other and not talking. And now you’re caught in the middle.”
It was close enough that Jules nodded. “Pretty much, yeah. I haven’t heard from them since then. And I’m afraid I won’t.”
“Do you want to? Hear from them again, I mean. Or is that why you’ve decided to finally move on with your life and go to culinary school?”
Jules’s nose wrinkled as she grimaced. “I guess it would be nice if I figured that out, hmm?”
Carol smiled. “Yes, it would probably make your decision much easier. But then, I’m not sure anything will make this decision easier.” After a short pause, she said, “Jules…can I ask…do you love them?”
Jules didn’t answer right away. She didn’t want to blurt out “Yes” and have Carol doubt her. She took her time to think.
“Honestly, I don’t know. What I feel for them is so wrapped up in how we first met and the sex and the emotion and, truthfully, the money just complicates everything.”
Grimacing, Carol nodded. “Money usually does.”
“It’s just…I think I do. Love them.” And just saying the words out loud made her heart thump in agreement. “But what if…”
She couldn’t finish the sentence because she wasn’t sure she knew what she wanted to say.
What if they don’t love me back? I’ll be heartbroken twice.
“Yeah, that’s a big ‘what if,’ isn’t it?” Apparently Carol understood. “I honestly don’t know what to tell you. I love those guys like brothers but I know how they can be. They’re stubborn as hell and they both think they’re right about everything. Being in the middle of that is difficult, I’m sure. Just…don’t let it scare you away. Not if this relationship is something you really want.”
And is it?
Was it worth fighting for? There was just so much involved, from Erik’s scars to Keegan’s guilt, from the money that would allow her to leave this place behind to her guilt at wanting to leave her mom.
And that didn’t even take into account what people in their community would think when they found out she was sleeping with both of them. Some of them already had a less-than-good opinion of her.
“It just seems like there’s too many hurdles.” The words came out in an almost whispered hush, and shame curled in her gut. “And that sounds like I’m taking the easy way out.”
“Honey, no one could ever accuse you of running from a difficult situation. And even if they did, they don’t know you and you shouldn’t give a shit about what they think.”
Jules nodded. “But you know it’s just not that simple. Erik and Keegan have a business. A hugely successful business. They have to deal with people from all over the world—”