“Now wait a sec. Are we talking about the same men?” Carol’s amusement shone through her wry smile. “Keegan hates that aspect of the job, dealing with the boardroom stuff. Erik used to handle it before the acci—well, before the explosion. But even he didn’t really have the patience for it. Yes, he loved the party aspect of it but he hated the actual business aspect of it. Now, you know he won’t go near a cocktail party. Keegan does some of the social appearances when it’s absolutely necessary but he hates it even more than Erik, I think. They hire people to handle that stuff.”
“But their reputation—”
“May be slightly dinged if a few narrow-minded people decide to stick their noses in other people’s business. But they are
way
too good at what they do for people to discount simply because they both choose to love the same girl.”
“And what if they don’t love me? What if I never hear from them again?”
Carol huffed. “Then they’re idiots and I’m going to go smack them. I honestly don’t see that happening but, Jules, the relationship has to be right for you, too.”
Carol paused, as if she could tell she’d hit a nerve. And she had. Jules hadn’t really thought about the situation in those terms before. In how it affected her personally.
“The guys already know how to deal with each other,” Carol continued as Jules’s head continued to spin. “But you have to deal with both of them and that could drive any woman over the edge. Have you really thought about what your life’ll be like if you make this relationship permanent? About the reality of living and loving two men day in and day out?”
When Jules just stared at her, Carol’s lips quirked.
“Sometimes what we want isn’t what we need. Sure, a buffet is great but you know if you gorge, you’re going to make yourself sick.”
* * *
By Thursday afternoon, Keegan was ready to climb the walls.
He and Erik hadn’t spoken since Saturday night. Erik had deliberately evaded him at the lab and Keegan had let him. And if he were being the least bit honest, he’d admit he hadn’t gone out of his way to run into Erik.
So they were both in avoidance mode.
Great.
What sucked was that Keegan didn’t know what to do about it.
Sitting in his office, which he rarely used unless he wanted to make a phone call away from the noise and general chaos of the lab, he stared at the wall.
He and Erik had hired the best people they could find for the jobs they’d created but they’d also hired people they could get along with. The three developers had come from Princeton, were a few years younger than he and Keegan and just as brilliant. To a degree, they all shared Keegan and Erik’s sensibilities and their slightly offbeat approach to science.
They also had an additional five technicians and an office manager who kept them all on a short leash. They’d hired Sandra Keating five minutes into her interview when she’d told them she’d raised five boys with her Navy husband around the world and had never seen a group of people more in need of a drill sergeant than this building of misfits.
When Erik had been in the hospital, she’d been one of the first people to visit. She’d sat by his bed, held his hand, and kept him informed of everything going on at the office. She’d never once cried in Erik’s presence, but Keegan had caught her sobbing in her husband’s arms when he’d come to pick her up.
Keegan had still been in shock at that point, going from the hospital to the lab with absolutely no purpose or direction. Seeing Sandra, who always looked so calm and collected with her perfectly styled blond hair and polished nails, break down had knocked Keegan out of his free fall.
The office had needed someone to step up and pull them all back together. Keegan had managed it. Barely.
Now Sandra entered his office in her sensible shoes and her khaki pants and white blouse and stared at him with the same look in her eye she’d given Erik when he’d first come back to work and refused to go to a staff meeting. Erik had been there minutes later.
“All right, I want to know what’s going on and what’s going to need to happen to fix it.”
Keegan blinked before he could stop himself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sandra cocked her head at him, eyes wide, and Keegan braced for the snark attack. “Oh really? So you haven’t noticed that you and Erik haven’t been in the same room together at this entire week? Or that you haven’t spoken to him all week? Or that the staff is starting to wonder if they’re going to have jobs next month if you two don’t figure out your shit and kiss and make up or whatever the hell you need to do to fix whatever happened?”
Her husband might’ve been the one in the service, but Sandra was the family’s commanding officer. And TinMan’s, too. He and Erik owned the business, but she kept it running like a well-oiled machine.
Since Sandra appeared to want an answer and didn’t look like she was going anywhere until she got it, Keegan nodded. “We’ll figure it out. There’s nothing to worry about.”
Sandra’s eyes widened even farther. “Okay, that was the lamest bullshit I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, Keegan.” Her hands went to her hips and Keegan sat a little straighter in his chair. “What the hell is going on? And don’t tell me nothing. I certainly know that’s not true.”
“It’s…complicated.”
“Son, life’s complicated. Did you two have a lovers’ spat?”
Keegan sighed, knowing Sandra didn’t mean her question literally. She’d asked point blank when she’d taken the job if he and Erik were a couple. She’d quickly pointed out she wasn’t homophobic. She made it clear she believed everyone had a right to love whoever they wanted, so long as it wasn’t a kid or livestock. She only wanted to know because working with a couple was a completely different dynamic than working with two friends.
“We’ve had a…disagreement. I’m sure we’ll be able to work it out.”
“You know your Irish comes out when you’re lying. Surefire tell, kid.”
He grimaced before he could hide it. Sandra, of course, saw it. Turning, she shut the door behind her then sat in the chair opposite him.
“Now, you want to tell me what’s really on your mind? You know I don’t blab and you both looked like you got kicked in the nuts this past week. I’m cracking you first because you’re easier but I’ll be going after Erik next. Now spill. I don’t like to see my guys bleed.”
Keegan thought it over for barely a second. Sandra had worked with them for more than five years. She knew them almost as well as she knew her own children, and he trusted her implicitly.
“We’ve been seeing a woman.”
She barely batted an eye. “We? As in, you’re both seeing the same woman?”
“Yes.”
A pause. “At the same time.”
That wasn’t a question but he nodded anyway.
“And how’s that working out for you?”
Sighing, he shoved a hand through his hair. “It was working fine until about a week ago. Or so I thought.”
Now her eyebrows lifted. “Seems to me it wouldn’t work at all, but knowing how connected you two are… Maybe you want to walk me through what happened.”
So he did, laying it all out for her.
At first, he couldn’t hide the blush that flooded his cheeks. He never talked to anyone but Erik about relationship stuff. Hell, even he and Erik didn’t talk much. They just barreled ahead and damned the consequences.
But the more he talked, the easier it got. He and Erik often relied on Sandra to see things they didn’t, especially things that dealt with interaction between multiple parties.
Of course, for Sandra, that sometimes involved knocking heads together, figuratively and literally.
When he finally finished, she cocked her head and looked at him for several long seconds. “So let me get this straight. You bribed this girl with half a million dollars to sleep with you and Erik. A girl who needed that money to pay for her sick mother’s hospital bills. A girl you knew couldn’t really say no.”
He sucked in a sharp breath as her words slapped him. Every one of them was true. “Yes. We did.”
“And when that night was over, what happened? Did you call her?”
“No, I went to see her.”
“You? Alone?”
“Yes.”
“And…?”
“And we had sex.” He had to force the words from between his gritted teeth.
Sandra sighed. “And after that?”
“I left her. I fucking left her to deal.” Exploding to his feet, he began to pace. “I let Erik pick up the pieces with her, but when I walked in on them together… I was a total ass.”
“And what did she do?”
His turn to pause. And think. “She forgave me.”
“And you and Erik have been, uh, dating her since then. And by date you mean actually taking her out and buying her dinner? Unless you’re using the word ‘date’ in a completely different way than I’m used to.”
“No, Erik and I actually took her to dinner at Judy’s.”
Sandra’s eyes widened in true surprise. “Erik went along? Actually
went
to the restaurant when other people were there?”
“Yeah. I thought…”
“You thought he was fixed.”
Keegan grimaced. “No, not fixed. But maybe, just… Fuck, I don’t know.” He shoved a hand through his hair and yanked, letting his scalp burn. “Yeah, maybe I thought he was finally fixed.”
“So this girl has some magical power to heal all of Erik’s wounds
and
fix your terminal case of the guilts?”
“Shit. I know it sounds ridiculous. I’m not stupid. But I thought, maybe…”
“He was starting to believe he could live again.” Sandra’s compassion bled through every word. “I get it, Keegan. Really, I do. And I’m encouraged to hear he actually went to the restaurant. Hell, I would’ve thrown a damn party if I’d known.”
“Yeah, well, don’t throw that party just yet. After that night, he told me he wanted me to take her out by myself. His excuse was that he didn’t want people to talk about her. He didn’t want her to have to deal with the gossip.”
She made a face that indicated she agreed. “Sounds reasonable.”
“No, it wasn’t. He only suggested it so he could go back in his safe little cave.”
“Is that all?”
He considered telling her about the explosion, but they hadn’t decided exactly what they were going to do with that information yet. Hell, they hadn’t talked period. It was stupid but talking about their three-way affair was easier than talking about the fact that the explosion had been rigged by one of their biggest competitors.
Or maybe his priorities were just totally fucked up.
“Keegan?”
“Jesus, am I being a complete and total ass?”
“No.” Sandra’s concise answer made him breathe an immediate sigh of relief. “But…for three years, Erik’s considered himself the monster in the closet. That’s not going to change overnight because he’s fallen in love or because you want him to be fixed.”
“I know that. I do. I just…”
“Don’t want him to be broken anymore. I get it, Keegan. I want the same thing. But Erik has to want it even more than you do. And I’m not sure he’s there yet. You pushing him might set him back.” She shrugged. “Then again, if you don’t push him, he might never move forward. You have to find a healthy balance.”