“We are not having this conversation.”
“Indeed we are. When do I get to meet him?”
“Over my dead body, Dad.”
“Aw, come on. I need to ask him about his prospects.”
Her eyes widened. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“It’s my job. It’s in the job description every father gets when a daughter’s born. They give you a shotgun for the wedding and everything.”
“Dad…”
He laughed and kissed her hair. “I’ll leave you to it.”
He walked back up the lawn toward the house, enjoying the bright sunshine. A couple of rabbits silflayed on the grass on the far side, and a bevy of quail scurried down the bank by the lake, their feathered plumes bobbing in the breeze. It was a peaceful, tranquil scene, but his insides were churning. He needed to meditate. He had a private reading later on that afternoon, and he wouldn’t be any good to anyone in this state.
When he reached the decking, he turned and sat on the step, looking down at his daughter. He supposed he should have a talk with Jodi about contraception. He’d had the basic “facts of life” talk with her when she was ten, and again when she entered puberty, and he’d tried to show her there was nothing to be embarrassed about when it came to bodies and their functions. And she’d always been open with him, perhaps realising that, as there was only the two of them, there wasn’t really any purpose in hiding anything. He’d been putting off the discussion about contraception, though, telling himself she was only fourteen, and it wouldn’t be necessary for a couple of years yet, but of course, he was just sticking his head in the sand. All it needed was for her to hook up with a boy a year or two older than her and begin experimenting, and he’d be a grandfather by the end of the following year. The thought horrified him. He was only thirty-four, for Christ’s sake. He and Angela had been so young when they’d got married, and she’d got pregnant immediately. At the time, he’d thought it would last forever. He’d not foreseen this.
His head was hurting. He got up and went inside, poured himself a glass of water and took it into his meditation room. He sat on the mat in front of the window and forced himself to breathe deeply. His mind wandered to Grace, but he didn’t force it to come back. She relaxed him, he realised. Just the thought of her being there, holding him in her arms, brought a feeling of contentment, as long as he didn’t think too hard about her sexy stocking tops.
Chapter Eighteen
For the next three weeks, Grace continued to go around Ash’s house at the weekend, although she didn’t stay over when Jodi was at home. The thought of one of her year ten students seeing her with no make-up and in her nightie gave her the shivers. Jodi was nice, but girls talked, and Grace didn’t fancy the boys in her form class knowing what she wore to bed at night.
Ash didn’t bring up the event at the Michael Fowler Centre again. And they didn’t discuss anything more serious than what they were going to have for dinner that night. She sensed that Ash didn’t particularly want to talk about either his job or where they were going. The thought made her slightly uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to press him.
All in good time.
Mia’s words echoed continually around her head, and Grace kept trying to adhere to them. They were only having fun—it was far too soon to have the discussion on What It All Meant. The sex was fantastic and they enjoyed being in each other’s company, and she knew she had to content herself with that for a while. Never mind that her thirtieth birthday was approaching at a rate of knots, and the tick of her body clock was starting to sound like Big Ben in her head.
It was now the last weekend in November, and the weather was starting to heat up. Grace turned up at his house on the Sunday as usual, wearing a pretty pink vest and a white skirt with pink flowers on. It was getting too warm for silky bodies, but she wore a nice matching white lacy bra and panties. He liked white. She wore white a lot.
“Chocolate-fudge brownies,” she said when Ash opened the door.
“And hello to you, my little cupcake.” Ash stepped back, letting her enter the hall.
She handed him the box she was carrying and dumped her bag and books on the floor. “No, idiot, I meant I’ve made you both some brownies. I don’t want you to think you’ve got total domination of the kitchen.”
“I didn’t.” He took her coat and hung it up, caught her around the waist and nuzzled her neck. “Total domination
in
the kitchen, maybe.”
“Ash!” She batted him away, clearing her throat as Jodi came into the hall from the living room. “Hi, Jodi.”
“Hi, Miss Fox.” Jodi smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m all ready when you are.” She turned and walked back into the living room.
Grace met Ash’s eyes, her cheeks growing hot. She raised an eyebrow but he just shrugged and rolled his eyes.
Teenagers.
He didn’t have to say it but she knew what he was thinking.
She picked up her stuff, frowning as she followed him into the living room, concerned at the girl’s behaviour. Ash had told her that Jodi was apparently happy they were seeing each other, and indeed Jodi hadn’t indicated anything else, but there was still something bothering the girl. Grace hoped it wasn’t her relationship with Ash, but there was no way of telling when Jodi refused to talk about it to her father.
Even though she taught teenagers for seven hours a day every day, she was uncertain how to proceed with his daughter. She didn’t want the situation to turn into a bad re-creation of a Dickens novel, with the stepchild forced out of the blossoming relationship between the father and his new doxy. Equally, she didn’t want to pretend to the girl that she was the perfect answer to the lack of a female role model in her life, discounting Ash’s sister for the moment. Grace had no idea whether she would make a good mother, especially to a girl who wasn’t naturally her own. She suspected there were worse possible stepmothers out there—she wasn’t particularly old, for a start, and even though she was a teacher, she wasn’t the sort of person to walk into a relationship and start demanding loads of rules. Equally, she’d never had children of her own. Who knew what mistakes she’d make?
She sighed as she put her bag and books on the table. Here she was again, worrying about the future, when she’d promised herself she wouldn’t get all serious on him. She was determined to take this slowly.
Ash put the brownies in the kitchen and came back into the living room. “I’ll leave you two ladies alone,” he said, ruffling his daughter’s hair and smiling at Grace. “See you in a couple of hours.”
Jodi nodded and seated herself at the table, and Grace joined her. “Okay, where were we?”
“Organ systems,” said Jodi.
“Cool. Right. Off we go.”
They studied for an hour and then took their customary break, but whereas normally Jodi chatted about what she’d been up to that weekend, this time she was quiet, answering monosyllabically, lapsing into silence and staring out the window as Grace sipped her tea.
Grace studied her, noting the dark patches under her eyes that she’d tried to cover up with concealer, and her pale complexion. The girl wasn’t sleeping well and probably wasn’t eating well either. Grace never saw her with a bar of chocolate or a packet of chips, and although Jodi occasionally joined her and Ash for a meal, she ate like a sparrow. And she refused one of Grace’s chocolate brownies. They were good brownies. It didn’t make sense.
“Everything all right?” Grace asked cautiously.
“Fine,” said Jodi, her standard answer.
Grace bit her lip. Usually she never went further than this. She’d spoken to Ash about her, but she didn’t consider it was her place to question the girl. However, clearly something was wrong, and Jodi wasn’t able to talk to Ash about it.
“Jodi…” She took a deep breath. “I know something’s bothering you, and I know you won’t talk to your dad about it. I don’t know what it is—I don’t know if it’s to do with me seeing your dad, or if it’s something different, but I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me.”
“I’m all right,” Jodi snapped, pushing her chair back and going over to the sink. Her hands gripped the edge and her knuckles were white.
“Clearly, that’s not true.” Grace stood too. Her heart pounded, but she knew she’d reached a point where she had to go on. “Jodi, love, why won’t you talk about it? Your father’s so worried about you and so am I, as your teacher and as your friend.”
“You mean as my dad’s lover.” Jodi looked over at her for the first time. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes were hard.
Crap. So the gloves are off, then.
“Yes, that as well,” Grace said carefully. “Does that bother you?”
Jodi stared at her, jaw clenched. But she didn’t say anything.
“Bottling our feelings up doesn’t do any of us any good,” said Grace. “I expect you’ve realised by now that I don’t believe in that. I believe in saying what you think. I’d much rather you be honest with me if you have a problem.”
“Fine,” said Jodi. Her eyes looked unnaturally bright, feverish even. “I want you to leave Dad alone. I don’t want you coming around here anymore.” She turned and walked out the kitchen.
“Fuck,” said Grace, a wave of sickness sweeping over her. This was what she’d dreaded. Equally, however, it was what she’d expected, wasn’t it? Had she ever really thought Jodi would accept her as her new mum?
She followed the girl into the living room to see her standing in the centre, hands jammed in the pockets of her jeans. “I think we need to talk about this,” Grace said cautiously.
“What’s to talk about?” Jodi tossed her head. “I’d like you to go.”
Grace folded her arms automatically—her classic teacher’s pose. “Not until we’ve talked about this.”
“Don’t go all teacherly on me!” Jodi yelled. “I’m not in the classroom now—you can’t tell me what to do.”
“I know that. It’s just the way I stand, love.”
“No it’s not—you want to imitate me.”
“I’m guessing you mean ‘intimidate’, unless you mean acting like a fourteen-year-old, and neither of those is true.”
Jodi’s eyes blazed. She was clearly close to tears. “You asked me what was wrong, and I’m telling you—I want you to leave!”
Rising desperation made Grace take a step forward, but she stopped as Jodi moved backward. “I understand. But you have to think about your father. Have you thought about what he wants?”
“A quick shag once a week,” Jodi said nastily. “I get that.”
“Jodi!”
“Well, it’s true.”
“No, it’s not.” The reply came from Ash. Grace turned to see him leaning on the doorjamb to the hall, watching them. “I expect twice a week at least.”
Jodi flushed again. “That’s gross.”
“And it’s also none of your business.” Ash’s blue eyes were hard. “I think you should apologise to Grace now.”
“It’s okay—she’s just upset,” Grace said hastily, but Ash held up his hand, looking at Jodi expectantly.
Jodi lifted her chin and said nothing.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Father and daughter stared at each other, playing chicken.
“I should go,” said Grace, but they both ignored her.
Ash tipped his head. “You want to tell me what this is really about?”
“I don’t want you to see her!” Jodi flung the words at him like stones.
“You want to tell me why? I thought you liked Grace.”
“I do.” Now Jodi looked upset. “But I don’t want another mum.”
“Oh, honey, I’m not trying to be.” Helplessness fluttered in Grace’s chest. “That’s the last thing I want to do—replace your mum.” She looked at Ash, expecting to see him softening, but he was frowning as he studied Jodi, his blue eyes flinty.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing.” Jodi set her jaw.
“I’m getting tired of this, young lady.” Ash pushed himself off the doorframe and came into the room. “I asked you weeks ago how you felt about me seeing someone, and you were quite clear you didn’t have a problem with it.”
“So, I’ve changed. I’m allowed.”
“Not without an explanation. You’re not making sense. I know something’s bothering you, and you haven’t wanted to talk about it. But I’ve tiptoed around you long enough. I want you to tell me now.”
Jodi refused to look at Grace. “I just don’t want you seeing her.”
“Why?”
“It makes me sick.” Jodi had gone white. “The thought of you screwing her in Mum’s bed.”
Grace nearly passed out and put a hand on the nearby chair to steady herself.
Ash stood in front of his daughter, glaring at her. “You know damn well I bought a new bed after Mum died.”
“I’m being metaphysical.”
“-phorical,” said Grace before she could stop herself.
“Shut up!” yelled Jodi.
“That’s enough.” Ash pointed to the other side of the living room. “Go to your bedroom now, young lady. I won’t have you talking to guests like that.”
“Don’t worry—I’m outta here.” Jodi stormed into the hall, shoved her feet into a pair of shoes and picked a jacket from the hook by the door. “I’ll walk down to Liv’s.”
“Come back here!”