My brother wiped some tears away from his eyes, and then continued with his story.
“We went to therapy and tried to come to terms with what the doctors were telling us. ‘Some babies were just not meant to be born.’ I heard that before when Nicolette lost her first child and nearly her life. Fuck! Just talking about it still makes my stomach sick. We got through it, Jake. And after some time, she handed me another white pee stick with two lines on it. We were here again with new hope in our hearts, but also fear. And then that baby went away. Another loss we endured, and it nearly destroyed us. Jake, when I showed up at our spot, I didn’t know what Nicolette would say to me. My heart was bleeding out from our losses, and at the end of the day, all I wanted was my wife. I walked up to the dune, and there she was waiting for me on a blanket, candles lit, and wearing a smile that would bring the toughest men to their knees.”
Simon talks about his heart bleeding out? How did I not know all of this?
Simon wore his heart and feelings on his sleeve for the world to see, where in my case, I hid and shut down. We had a few spaces between us. I could see the anguish on his face as he relived the past. I still hadn’t told him why I was here, and a part of me wanted to never tell him, but I knew I couldn’t do that.
“Hey Simon, we don’t have to talk about this anymore. Again, I’m just so sorry for not being here when you needed me to.”
“No, it’s okay Jake. I want to tell you the happy part. It’s good, so listen. So back to the beach. I was completely blown away by her romantic gesture, but then I shouldn’t have been surprised. We knew our love could conquer anything that challenged it, so in the end we put our trust not only in each other, but to God himself. We made love under the moonlight in our special place, where we sealed our love for each other all those years ago back in high school. I had my Nicolette back, and we promised nothing would ever come between us again. And now here we are, big brother. I’m going to be a father to twins. It is truly a miracle. And yes, it’s going to be a surprise. We don’t want to know the sex of the babies.”
“That’s amazing, Simon. Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry for yours. We loved Minela, you know that.”
“I do, and she felt the same way about all of us Paulsons.”
“Are you okay, Jake? I get that there is no timetable on grief, but have you finally been able to accept her death? Are you seeing anyone? Are you happy?”
“Yes. Maybe. And I’m getting there. I won’t lie, Simon, my personal life has been a shit storm for the past few years, but I’m fighting my way back to the land of the living, and I promise I will never stray too far away again from our family. I can’t believe I’m going to be an uncle.”
We talked for what seemed like hours. How did I think I would be able to just quickly stop by and be on my way? I had re-scheduled my flight for first thing in the morning. I still hadn’t told them about Michael, and once dinner was over, I had to find the courage to do so.
Simon started a fire in the massive pit they had in the corner of the deck. Over the years, they added some upgrades to this amazing beach house. It was going to be a great place to raise their family. We chatted some more about our brothers and how well they were doing on their teams.
Simon was so animated when he talked about his work and their recent trip on the discovery. He was diving off the reefs and collecting samples for his latest research. Nicolette just smiled with pride at her husband. They were so much in love, which made it hard for me to say what I needed to say.
Hearing Simon relive parts of his past that caused him so much pain was difficult to listen to, but now time had run out and I had no choice. My face had fallen a bit, and I knew they could tell that something was weighing heavily on my mind.
“What’s on your mind, Jake?”
Simon leaned down onto his knees and looked at me with seriousness in his eyes. None of us Paulsons ever could hide anything from the other. It was our connection as brothers.
I needed a little liquid courage to get through this conversation. I cleared my throat and took the last gulp of my drink. Simon was still staring at me, and then Nicolette rubbed her hand on her belly.
Fuck!
This was going to be hard.
“I’m actually out here for work. After I wrapped up my case in New York, I was excited to know that my next assignment was here in California. The thought of seeing my family made me very happy. It was my intention to surprise all of you, and to make amends for time lost, but then plans changed. Next to you, I’ve only seen dad, and I’m asking you both not to tell mom that I was here. I’ve already delayed my flight, and I have to leave in the morning. I have no time to see her, unfortunately.”
“What’s going on, Jake? Why did your plans change with this assignment?”
“This case is different from anything else I’ve ever taken on. Typically, I can keep my personal feelings out of my work life. It’s how I’m able to do what I do so well and stay focused. But this case…it’s very complicated and personal. This case involves someone directly connected to you, Nicolette, and I’ve been asked to take the lead on this investigation—well, more like it’s being forced onto me with no out clauses.”
“Who, Jake? I can’t imagine anyone I know could be in trouble,” she asked, and then her eyes shifted and her hold tightened in Simon’s hand. “No! It can’t be.”
She began to cry, as if she already knew what I was going to say.
Simon jumped in, “Baby, calm down right now. You don’t even know what’s going on, and you getting excited is not good for our babies. Take a deep breath, and focus on your breathing.”
After a few moments, she was calmer, and then Simon turned back to me and asked me to explain.
“Simon, Nicolette, there is no easy way to say this, and I am sorry for any pain it will cause you…Michael St. Clair is dead.”
I watched Simon and then Nicolette for some kind of sign, but they just remained silent where they sat and stared blankly back at me. There was nothing…absolutely no reaction. Were they in shock? Did they even care?
“Did you hear what I said? Michael St. Clair is dead.”
“Oh for fuck sakes, Jacob! We heard you the first time. You don’t have to say it again,” Nicolette screamed out, taking me by surprise. “I’m sorry, but what do you expect me to say? I would never wish this on anyone, and I’m sure his father is grieving over the loss of his son, but believe me, Jake, I have had my share of grief and I am so over it. I put him and what he did to me away and buried them deep into my past. I will not allow him to hurt me again, not even from the grave.”
Simon took Nicolette into his arms and just held her as she cried, calming her the best way he knew how, while I just sat here with many questions.
“Nicolette, I’m not here to hurt you, although I knew the news would. Your reaction to the news surprised me, as well as the outburst that followed. I can understand that this is painful, but this case involves someone else connected to you.”
“Back off, Jake. I’m warning you.”
Simon gritted his teeth, but I wasn’t a brother right now. I had to be a cop if I was going to protect them, and right now I needed information.
“Nicolette, because this crime was committed in prison, it has caught the attention of the FBI, and they have a suspect in mind. It’s your Uncle Jack. Although they don’t have anything on him yet, they do have a timeline—one that matches up to when Michael was murdered. Jack was here in California at the time of the murder.”
She stepped out of my brother’s protective embrace and walked over to the railing, looking out to the ocean.
“What are you saying, Jacob? Because my uncle was here in California, he had to be the one who killed Michael? His entire family lives out here, so he has a perfectly good reason to visit. How could he have known that Michael would be killed at the same time he was here?”
“That may be true, but I still have to investigate it.”
“He didn’t do it, Jake!” she shouted at me.
“And what makes you so sure, Nicolette?” I countered.
“He promised me, that’s how I know. God! I can’t believe this is happening.”
I watched her pace the room. Something in her eyes shifted from confidence to doubt.
Does she know more?
She covered her mouth to stifle her cries. I looked back to Simon, who wasn’t doing a great job at hiding his contempt for me at the moment. His fists were balled at his sides, and he looked ready to pounce if necessary to protect his wife.
I chose my life when I became a cop and accepted that sometimes I would have to do what was necessary to seek the truth, but I never wanted this right here, seeing my family hurt by my profession. Although she was a cop and fully aware of the risks of the job, Minela became collateral damage with a bullet that was meant for me, and I could do nothing to save her. Here I was again, putting my family in a precarious position because of my job, and hurting my brother and his wife. Nicolette looked pained, and Simon wasn’t calming down. He and I already went one round tonight. I didn’t want a repeat of what happened between us on the beach.
Nicolette wiped her eyes and reached for my hands as she said, “Jacob, you must understand that after Michael raped me, Uncle Jack nearly killed him by slicing his throat when we were both in the hospital. But he stopped himself because of me, my aunt, and my father.”
Her voice dropped low and more tears were falling. God! My heart couldn’t take much more.
“So I know he didn’t do this. He promised he wouldn’t. He promised me, Jacob.”
I wanted to comfort her, but she flinched when I went to touch her.
“Nicolette, you don’t have to do this,” Simon said as he walked over to her and made Nicolette look at him.
“Simon, what’s the point of hiding it? Uncle Jack is already a suspect, and the truth always comes out eventually.”
“And what truth might that be?” I asked.
“I swear to God, Jake, shut the hell up or I will punch you again.”
“It’s okay, Simon,” she said, now calmer and wiping away the last of her tears.
“No, it’s not. He comes here pretending to want to make amends with his family, but all the while he’s really here as a cop? What the fuck, man! This is not cool, and I want you to leave before you upset my wife any more than you already have.”
“Simon, you know I can’t do that. And you are wrong. I came here to reconnect with you, and everything I said was the truth. Dammit! You have to believe me that I would give my life for anyone in this family. I am more than just a cop. I am your brother, and you damn well are going to trust me.”
They both looked lost but knew deep down that I would never intentionally hurt them, so they walked over to me, and we just embraced, reveling in the fact that our family is stronger together than apart.
Nicolette finished telling me that she vaguely knew about Jack’s mafia connection back in Chicago. While she was recovering, Jack visited and swore that he would never hurt Michael, because it would ultimately hurt his own family. She explained to him that she only thought that because who else would be connected to a crime but Uncle Jack? She felt horrible for even second guessing their trust with each other, but it was understandable.
I didn’t go into any more details with Nicolette. She was exhausted, and Simon put her to bed.
“Is she asleep?” I asked.
“Yeah, down for the count. How did we get here, Jake? Why are we still being haunted by fucking Michael St. Clair! We survived him, Jake, and came out stronger than ever before. I can’t even process how I feel about his death, but Nicolette was right about one thing: he will not hurt us again, not even from the grave. Dammit! We are so happy and about to become parents. Why is this happening now?”
“I don’t know, bro, but there’s more.”
“Yeah, I figured that. Tell me everything.”
“It’s not just any case, this is complicated for many reasons. The two higher ups in charge have a hidden agenda. If we get a conviction, then one gets a step up in his career, and the other…revenge. You see, back in the day when Jack ran with a crew out of Chicago—little Italy to be exact—he was known as an enforcer. To our knowledge, he never killed anyone…more like he served as a messenger. He was the one that was sent out when something needed to be explained, and it wasn’t with words, get what I’m saying?”
Simon shifted in his seat and downed his beer. He quickly grabbed another one for himself and one for me too.
“There was this boy who ran parcels for the big guy that was in charge. I really know no other way to explain it. The kid was skimming from the top and enjoying a pretty good side business. Anyway…all good things come to an end because the big guy, Johnny, finds out and is pissed. He sends Jack in, and what we have left is a kid with a broken back, never able to walk again.”
“Holy shit! I don’t even know what to say to this. I can’t believe what I am hearing about Jack. Yeah, he’s a scary fucker, but he’s undoubtedly devoted to his family. I can’t even begin to comprehend him hurting Nicolette in any way…well, other than that one time. Um…anyway.”
“You mean about him hiding that he was Nicolette’s bio dad?” I said, earning a surprised look from my brother.
“You know? How?”
“Dad told me. It slipped out when we were talking the other day. He didn’t mean to betray your confidence, and he thought I knew. Which brings me to my next question: why didn’t you tell me? Dad was kind of surprised when he discovered I didn’t know.”
“What can I say, Jake? You weren’t here. You had checked out. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s alright. I guess I deserve that.”
“It’s in the past, bro. But just tell me more about Jack.”
“So this kid with the broken back, Mikey, was sent away to do some time, and he couldn’t hack it. He was already confined to a wheelchair, and to be in prison without the use of your legs…well, do I have to paint a picture for you? He concocted a makeshift shiv and sliced his wrists during the night. He was found the next morning dead in his cell.”
“Unbelievable! So what does this have to do with the other guy and revenge? Who is he, and what does he have to do with this?”