Authors: Felicite Lilly
Kellan
Someone poked my foot. If they kept at it, I would happily show them the bottom of my shoe. I heard a familiar snicker and knew exactly who was pestering me.
“If you touch my foot again, I’m going to kick you Tonio,” I said, not opening my eyes.
“You’d kick a man while he’s down?”
I saw the mock expression of hurt when I finally decided to end the weird half-sleep conversation we were having and opened my eyes.
“Only you.”
“So you came all the way here just to see little ole me? Well I do declare.”
My brother was putting on his best Scarlett O’Hara accent. I laughed. It had been too long since I’d laughed with my brother. I guess he’d gotten the humor defense mechanism, too.
The laughter was quickly cut off when Antonio grabbed his stomach and pushed himself back into the pillow, the pain etched clearly.
“How’re you feeling?
“What, the hospital bed isn’t a dead giveaway? I’m great.”
I flinched at the word dead. That was my biggest fear, even though he wasn’t using it to describe himself. This was all too new for me. I was trying to adjust and Tonio wasn’t willing to help.
“So what did they have to fix?”
“They had to take part of my intestine out. Turns out having Crohn’s is pretty serious.”
“No kidding?”
“If only I was.”
“How long’s recovery going to be?”
“There’s isn’t a recovery. It’s going to be constant. But the surgery recovery, about four weeks.”
“Okay.”
I felt powerless and I hated that. I hated not being able to do anything.
“What can I do, Antonio? What do you want me to do?”
“What is today?”
I looked at my cell phone.
“Thursday, March 17
th
.”
“Be home for Mother’s Day.”
“Stay until then?”
I felt trapped. I asked him what I could do for him, though, so if that is what he wanted I would stay for as long as he needed me to.
“God, you’d drive us all crazy. No. Just come back. Visit. You know, things a normal family member would do.”
My brother was staring me down. I couldn’t have told you the look on my face. I just knew the thoughts running through my head. Would they end up roping me back into the
family business
? Would I even see it coming? Did I want to stay away anymore? Could we ever be a normal family?
“I’ll be here.”
Tonio’s disbelief was clear, but he would see. I’d be there. If I was nothing else, I was a man of my word.
“Take care of yourself. If you need anything…don’t call,” I said, smiling broadly at him.
“Still the ass you always were.”
“I learned it from you.”
I left Tonio in his room flirting with a cute nurse that was batting her eyelashes at him and her body language just asking for a little lovin’. My brain flashed back to Mac.
She had never shown me with her body what she wanted. But her eyes and her willingness to let me anywhere near her had told me she wanted something, even if she wasn’t sure, not yet anyway. I’d help her along with that.
I had the impulse to grab another flight back to Vegas. I quickly beat that back. There was no way I could do that right now. There were too many balls in the air and not enough hands if I left Jake to catch them all by himself.
I pulled my phone out to call Jake and tell him I would be on my way back home shortly. I saw a few e-mails and scrolled through them. One from our brew master, Logan, totally pumped about getting the account with The Strip Brewery, one from Jake asking how everything was going and one from an e-mail address I didn’t recognize.
From:
[email protected]
Kellan,
I haven’t heard from you, and needed to check some numbers with you before I order. Should I just call Jake?
-Mac
Hell no. She was going to call Jake? What was she trying to pull?! I’m out of her sight for a day and she’s running to Jake with questions.
I walked quickly outside. The second I was clear of the hospital and knew my yelling wouldn’t disturb many patients, I hit call for the phone number I already had pulled up.
“Hello?”
Mac sounded so timid. I almost lost my anger completely. Almost.
“What. The fuck. Mac.”
“What’s wrong Kellan?”
Oh, she was going to play dumb.
“Mac, who is your boss?”
She was quiet for so long, I wondered if she hung up. I pulled my phone away from my ear and saw she was still on the line. I pushed further.
“Don’t pretend you’ve forgotten, you won’t let me. Who’s your boss Mac?”
“Lynn.”
“And?”
I wanted her to say it. I don’t know why, but I wanted her to say it.
“You. You are also, in a very minor way, my boss.”
Who was she trying to talk into that? Me or her?
“Did you end up contacting Jake with your question?”
“No.”
“I’ll call you in a few hours. No Jake contact.”
Like I said, I wasn’t ready for that conversation and all the questions it would drag up. I kept telling myself that, since the thought of her calling Jake had been what really set me off. I wasn’t a jealous person. Normally.
Mac
I could work with jealousy. At least he sounded like himself. Was it bad that a little anger from him was attractive? But I wasn’t scared of him. He was always so controlled. I liked him a little out of control. In fact, him being mad about me calling Jake gave me a good indication that I was still not in the employee category and put little flutters in my stomach.
I had to duck back into the freezer when Kellan called. I was cold, but I wouldn’t have missed his phone call over a few chills. I’d been carrying around my phone with me since the day I’d started as manager at The Strip. I couldn’t be out of touch for long since issues had already been brought to me, even though I’d only been in the position for two days. The line was still connected but was quiet after Kellan’s command, so I finally answered.
“Yes, sir.”
I heard him groan on the other line. I had meant to antagonize him, not turn him on.
“Please behave.” I could hear his breathing, it was uneven. “Would you consider coming to see me in Maryland? If I promised to never leave your side. I need to have you meet Jake since part of our business proceeds are going to be paying you.”
He was tripping over his words and his excuses and reasons for me to come and visit him. Could I do it? I needed to pull my boat out of all this crap I had covered myself in when I left Maryland. Would it help me move on if I went back? I couldn’t answer that until I was there. I knew I wanted to say yes. It was on the tip of my tongue.
“Where are you?” I asked. I was a master of avoidance.
“Columbia Medical.”
“In New York? Is everything okay?”
“My brother had to have surgery. He’ll be alright.”
“Good. Glad to hear everything’s okay.”
“Right,
everythin
g
would be better if I had you here.”
Kellan had said that so quietly I didn’t know if I was meant to hear it. I wanted to be there for him. I knew he needed someone on his side, someone he didn’t have to guess if they were trying to get him back in the
family
.
I laughed at myself. I was being ridiculous. No matter what their jobs, they still never mistreated him or hurt him. If anything, Kellan had probably hurt them far worse than he was ever hurt by them.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to them.”
I want to be there for you. I want to come to Maryland. Things I wanted to say but couldn’t.
“I’ll call you when I get back to Maryland.”
At least I didn’t flinch, sweat or cry when I heard the word Maryland anymore. It was a place I was indifferent to now. Mostly because it held the person I hated most, and a person I cared about. It evened out.
“Sounds good. I’ll mock up some figures for you, for the brew amount, and you can adjust them if you need to.”
“Thanks.”
He hung up.
I knew he was stressed. I made my way to Lynn’s office to put my phone away when it dinged.
From:
[email protected]
Mac,
Think about what I said. I’d love to have you. You could stay with me (as I’ve shown I can behave myself). I really need you to see the brewery. Maybe Lynn can come with you?
-Kellan
It couldn’t be that bad right? I just didn’t want to see the monstrous face that had haunted me for so many years. But who’s to say he wouldn’t come to Vegas? My phone dinged again.
From:
[email protected]
P.S. I know this is asking a lot, but I need to know…can you send me the name of that asshole? I don’t think I need to specify who I’m talking about.
-Kellan
Why would he want that? What difference would it make?
From:
[email protected]
Why do you want it?
-Mac
I waited for a few minutes, wanting to see what his reason was.
From:
[email protected]
Call me curious.
Call him curious? Call
me
curious. What the hell? But what could it hurt? He couldn’t really do anything with just a name. And maybe I wanted him to do something, I just wasn’t ready to admit that to myself.
From:
[email protected]
Curiosity killed the cat.
Richard Cintas
Kellan
I read the guy’s name several times. Committed it to memory, and then deleted the e-mail. I had a name. Of course his name would be Dick.
Should I drop the guy’s name with my father? See what he could dig up? Maybe he’d disappear. I hadn’t been home in so long, but I knew my family would have my back on anything I needed. What I needed right now was this guy’s head on a platter.
I went back in the waiting room and found my dad.
“Pop, can we talk for a minute?”
Maybe it was the crazy look in my eyes or the fact that I couldn’t stand still, shifting from foot to foot, but my dad saw something that made him smirk.
“Sure, wanna go for a ride?”
Mac
I had tossed and turned most of the night. I was unsettled. I still hadn’t gotten over the weird email exchange between Kellan and I. I thought he would’ve joked after I sent him the name. Something to lighten the mood, but I hadn’t heard from him since. I debated calling him or emailing him, but I didn’t want to pester him while he was with his family. At the moment, I really wanted inside his head. Why in the world did he want the name?
The only thing I had perfected over the last three years, was the ability to get myself off with a fantasy here and there. I was damaged, but I was also still a woman with wants and needs.
I closed my eyes and saw Kellan’s strong face. I imagined his smile. I felt myself heating up. I slid my hands over my body. I had imagined his face in my last fantasy too. I heard him whisper in my ear,
Mine
. God, his voice was amazing. My fingers found their way to the crease between my legs. In my mind, I pulled Kellan’s shirt over his head. His body was perfect. There was a sprinkling of dark hair over his chest that led down his six pack, to the bulge in his jeans. I rubbed the bundle of nerves between my legs. I was wet. I could feel it dripping onto the bed. I panted. I was close.
Come on, Come on, Put your hand into the fire…
My phone was singing. Thirteen Senses,
Into the Fire
. It was the ringtone I had set for Kellan. Shit! I snapped out of my lust haze and grabbed my phone. What was he doing calling me at 4:00 am?
“Hello?”
I tried to sound as normal as possible.
“Mac? You okay? You sound outta breath.”
“Fine. Just working out.”
It wasn’t a lie. I was working out, probably just not the way he thought. But now I was frustrated, too.
“Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You do realize it’s 4:00 a.m. here, right?”
“Shit! I was headed into work and was going to go over the numbers with you. I forgot about the time change. I’ll let you get back to….working out,” He paused for a second. “You’re really working out this early?”
Okay, so maybe he did know what kind of exercise I was doing.
“Why not? I couldn’t sleep.”
“Why couldn’t you sleep?”
You.
“A lot on my mind. For instance, why would you want that name?”
“I’m going to look him up. I want to protect you.”
No one had ever told me they wanted to protect me. All of my friends had shown me they would and had, but never outright told me that. No one had ever told me they would protect me, and I felt another little piece of my wall falling. He had no idea what he had given me.
“Why would you want to do that?” I whispered.
“Can’t I just want to keep you safe? Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I don’t know.”
I wanted to believe him. I did. And I knew deep down that I believed him to some degree. But he barely knew me. My parents hadn’t wanted to protect me, the man who raped me wanted to take, not give me anything…why would this wonderful person want to do anything for me? I wasn’t special.
“You don’t see yourself, do you?” He said, like he had read my thoughts over the phone.
“Sure I do – I’m short, skinny, my ears are pierced three times, my bellybutton is pierced, I don’t have any tattoos, I rarely work out –”
“You are the woman who came with a stranger on an ambulance ride out of the goodness in her heart. You are the woman who gave me a chance to prove myself to Lynn who wouldn’t give me the time of day without your backing. You are the woman who called me to check on me and my family. You are the woman who is stronger than anyone I’ve ever met.”
I cleared my throat. My eyes were burning. He saw strength in me, when I had been nothing but weak. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to see what it would be like. I wanted to go to Maryland. I wanted to be the person he saw me as.
“I’ll come to Maryland.”
Kellan
I felt complete and utter astonishment, followed quickly by anticipation. She was coming to Maryland. For me. What had I done to deserve that?
“Is Lynn coming with you?”
I was half hoping she wasn’t, half hoping she was. I knew that it’d be more comfortable for Mac if she had Lynn with her, but I wanted her to myself. I was a selfish prick where she was concerned.
“Don’t know. Kind of a spur of the moment decision.”
“Send me your information and I’ll book you and Lynn’s flight.”
“When do you want us to come out?”
“The sooner the better.”
Now is what I wanted to say. But I also knew that she was taking a huge step coming back to Maryland. I rubbed my eyes. They were bleary.
I had taken another red eye back to Maryland after the conversation with my dad. I promised my ma I’d come back for Mother’s Day. She told me it’d be the best present ever.
I hadn’t slept in a bed in three days. I was dead on my feet but there was too much going on to stop and sleep.
I knew it was illegal to text and drive, but I needed to get this done before I got to work and got busy. I put Mac on speaker and texted my assistant, Bren, to get her ass to work. She texted me back and said she was already there, that Jake was working her into the ground. I knew he would, but I couldn’t stop him when I wasn’t there. I promised her a bonus.
“How about Wednesday?” Mac asked.
Wednesday was my birthday.
“Done.”
I texted the date to Bren and the names. She asked what time and I said the earliest possible flight that wasn’t a red eye. I wanted Mac to get some sleep.
“So, those numbers.”
“They’re good. I would raise the shandy beer number by 20%, since we don’t carry one and we’re going into the spring and summer months.”
I could hear rustling on the other line. I imagined her sweaty from her work out and got hard. I rubbed my dick through my pants. God I needed relief. I needed a distraction. But there was no way I could get it with anyone but Mac. I was sure I would get her out of my system at some point. Even if we ended up in a relationship, I was never one to stay long. My family and the endless line of women I’d left in my wake could attest to that.
Jake and Bren were the people who had been around the longest. But that was because Jake was my best friend and Bren was my assistant. She had no interest in me, nor I in her. She had an attitude and gave as good as she got.
“Kellan did you hear me?”
Nope, I’d been busy trying to rub myself off while on the Key Bridge.
“No, sorry. What?”
“Any other changes?”
Only that I needed to get Mac in my bed – against a wall, in a back seat…I wasn’t picky. I just felt an acute need, but I also needed to keep an eye out for her. I needed to make sure that when
that
happened that she was completely ready for it. She hadn’t slept with anyone in years.
What kind of world would that be? I had only gone without sex for four days and I felt like I was in the midst of a dry spell.
“Nope. Everything looks great. I’ll send you the flight information.”
“Alright. Thank you for that. I’ll let you know about Lynn.”
“Anything for you.”
And I found that wasn’t a lie. I would do anything for this girl.
I hung up my phone and made my way into work. I tucked my boner into the waistband of my khakis. I didn’t need to walk around with a tent after I’d been gone for almost five days. I hoped the place hadn’t burned down without me there.
Jake was great at the business side of things, but sucked managing our people. My strength was his weakness, and vice versa. I was a good businessman, but Jake was a genius.
Mac
I cradled my phone to my chest. I loved hearing his voice, even if it was four in the morning. It calmed me. Surprisingly it turned me on, too. The real thing was better than my imagination. I slid my hand between my legs and finished what I’d started.