An Unthymely Death (16 page)
Read An Unthymely Death Online
Authors: SUSAN WITTIG ALBERT
IN Pecan Springs, the big event of the summer is the annual Adams County Fair, which is held in late July and early August at the fairgrounds a couple of miles outside of town. The weather during fair week is al- ways hotter than a string of firecrackers, but folks don’t seem to mind. They look forward all year long to the Cowboy Breakfast, the carnival, the calf-roping, and the big country music concert in the Pavilion, not to mention Barnyard Babies for the kids, performances by the Cowgirl Cloggers, and the best old-time fiddlin’ contests in the whole state of Texas. Now, those of you who live in the city and are used to sophisticated entertainment—off-Broadway shows, foreign film festivals, opera and ballet—may find these down-home doings just a little too simple and folksy for your taste. But for people who live in Pecan Springs, this kind of entertainment seems exactly right. It hits the spot.
Mustard: The Herb
Mustard is an annual herb that belongs to the genus
Brassica
(the same family that includes cabbage, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts). It is usually described in terms of the color of its seeds: black mustard (
Brassica nigra
); brown mustard (
Brassica juncea
); and pale yellow mustard (
Sinapis alba
). The black mustard plant can grow to nearly twelve feet high, but the more restrained brown and yellow mustards top out at three feet. Black mustard seeds are the smallest, brown are middle-sized, and yellow are the largest. In terms of intensity, however, the smallest (black) seeds are the hottest and the largest (yellow) the mildest. Black mustard seeds are very difficult to find, since they must be harvested by hand and are less viable commercially than brown and yellow mustard seeds.
Brassica
(the same family that includes cabbage, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts). It is usually described in terms of the color of its seeds: black mustard (
Brassica nigra
); brown mustard (
Brassica juncea
); and pale yellow mustard (
Sinapis alba
). The black mustard plant can grow to nearly twelve feet high, but the more restrained brown and yellow mustards top out at three feet. Black mustard seeds are the smallest, brown are middle-sized, and yellow are the largest. In terms of intensity, however, the smallest (black) seeds are the hottest and the largest (yellow) the mildest. Black mustard seeds are very difficult to find, since they must be harvested by hand and are less viable commercially than brown and yellow mustard seeds.
And what especially hits the spot for most Pecan Springers is the Mad for Mustard competition, which takes place at the fair on the first Saturday in August—which just happens, of course, to be National Mustard Day. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? National Mustard Day has been on the calendar since 1991, when it was first officially sponsored by the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum, in Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, the World’s Mustard Mecca.
Here’s how the Mustard Museum describes itself: “The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum began when its founder, Barry Levenson, started collecting mustards on October 27, 1986. His beloved Red Sox had lost the World Series to the New York Mets that night and Barry was very depressed. He went to an all-night supermarket to wander the aisles. He turned down the condiment aisle and heard a deep resonant voice as he passed the mustards: ‘If you collect us, they will come.’ Barry bought about a dozen jars of mustard that evening and resolved to amass the world’s largest collection of prepared mustards.” From this inauspicious beginning, the collection has grown to more than 3,700 mustards. You can see them all at the Mustard Museum, 100 West Main Street, Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, or enjoy a virtual visit at
www.mustardweb.com
.
www.mustardweb.com
.
What makes this particular contest so interesting is the fact that many of the people who settled this part of Texas originally came from Germany, and Germans are notoriously fond of their mustard. A great many families have closely guarded heirloom mustard recipes. What’s more, they don’t just
make
homemade mustard—they
cook
with it, too. Which is why the Mad for Mustard competition is divided into two sections. In Division One, Gourmet Mustards, you can enter your home-cooked mustard in five different categories: classic mustards, sweet-hot mustards, herb mustards, spirit mustards (made with beer, wine, and hard liquor), and fruit mustards. In Division Two, Mustard Cookery, you can enter your favorite mustard-flavored dish in six different categories: appetizers, soups, main dishes, vegetables, salads, and desserts.
make
homemade mustard—they
cook
with it, too. Which is why the Mad for Mustard competition is divided into two sections. In Division One, Gourmet Mustards, you can enter your home-cooked mustard in five different categories: classic mustards, sweet-hot mustards, herb mustards, spirit mustards (made with beer, wine, and hard liquor), and fruit mustards. In Division Two, Mustard Cookery, you can enter your favorite mustard-flavored dish in six different categories: appetizers, soups, main dishes, vegetables, salads, and desserts.
Now, the prizes in Division Two are always fiercely contested by quite a few very good cooks, and you can find several entries, each one unique and different, in any one category. (I can tell you this with confidence because Hark Hibler always asks me to write a Mad for Mustard story for my regular Thursday Home and Garden page in the
Enterprise
—which means that I get to sample all the entries.) But Division One is different. While the competition is every bit as fierce, it is concentrated between two people, Homer Mayo and Pete Hitchens, a pair of cantankerous senior citizens with temperaments as tart and tangy as their mustards.
Enterprise
—which means that I get to sample all the entries.) But Division One is different. While the competition is every bit as fierce, it is concentrated between two people, Homer Mayo and Pete Hitchens, a pair of cantankerous senior citizens with temperaments as tart and tangy as their mustards.
These two fiery old geezers, now in their seventies, have come out on top since the contest began, although if you count up the ribbons, you’ll see that Homer has won about twice as many as Pete. In fact, the two of them have won so many times that nobody else ever bothers to enter the Gourmet Mustard Division, leaving these two to divvy up the prizes between them. You’d think that this would be discouraging, and that maybe there’d be a move to get these winners to step aside and let other people have a shot. But while this has been hinted at a time or two, nobody seems to want to spoil the fun.
A Mini History of Mustard
For centuries, mustard has been one of the most widely grown and used spices in the world. It was cultivated in China some seven thousand years ago. In ancient cookery, the seeds and oil masked the off-taste of spoiled meat and added zest to an otherwise bland cuisine. The Romans were the first to make prepared mustards by grinding the seeds and mixing them with honey, vinegar, oil, and an unfermented grape juice called
must
—hence the Latin name
mustum ardens
, “burning wine,” which eventually became the word
mustard
. In addition to flavoring food with mustard, the Romans used it as an all-purpose cure for everything from hysteria to the bite of mad dogs and the plague. Roman soldiers, who were especially fond of the condiment, took it with them to France, and Dijon, the ancient capital of Burgundy, became the center of the mustard world. In Tewkesbury, England, during Shakespeare’s day, ground mustard seed was mixed with honey, vinegar, and horseradish. The thick paste was formed into balls, which were sold in London markets. (In
Henry IV
, Falstaff snorts, “His wit is as thick as Tewkesbury mustard.”) To serve, the dried balls were broken apart and mixed with more liquid—vinegar, beer, wine, cider—along with sugar, cinnamon, or honey. This method of managing mustard seems to have fallen into disfavor around 1800, when a Mrs. Clements, of Durham, began grinding and sifting mustard seeds to produce a fine flour. She was followed by Jeremiah Colman, who marketed his ground mustard in the still-familiar yellow tin.
must
—hence the Latin name
mustum ardens
, “burning wine,” which eventually became the word
mustard
. In addition to flavoring food with mustard, the Romans used it as an all-purpose cure for everything from hysteria to the bite of mad dogs and the plague. Roman soldiers, who were especially fond of the condiment, took it with them to France, and Dijon, the ancient capital of Burgundy, became the center of the mustard world. In Tewkesbury, England, during Shakespeare’s day, ground mustard seed was mixed with honey, vinegar, and horseradish. The thick paste was formed into balls, which were sold in London markets. (In
Henry IV
, Falstaff snorts, “His wit is as thick as Tewkesbury mustard.”) To serve, the dried balls were broken apart and mixed with more liquid—vinegar, beer, wine, cider—along with sugar, cinnamon, or honey. This method of managing mustard seems to have fallen into disfavor around 1800, when a Mrs. Clements, of Durham, began grinding and sifting mustard seeds to produce a fine flour. She was followed by Jeremiah Colman, who marketed his ground mustard in the still-familiar yellow tin.
And fun it is, because Homer and Pete put on quite a show—the Grumpy Old Guys, people call them. They’ve been feuding for years, although I suspect that, down deep, they really like one another. All through the competition, they trade exaggerated glowers, glares, and insulting stares, like a pair of aging wrestlers showing off for the TV cameras. All this goes on behind the judges’ backs, of course—they’re all smiles and sweet as stolen apples when the judges turn around. Last year, Homer’s cheering section (the regulars at Baker’s Barber Shop) showed up with mustard-yellow T-shirts emblazoned with HOMER’S MUSTARD MAVERICKS in fiery red letters. Pete’s backers, most of them members of the Pecan Springs Horseshoe Team, wore yellow
MUSTARD HAPPENS caps and carried big yellow signs that proclaimed MUSTARD SI, MAYO NO.
A Little Mustard Lore
Mustard, which is traditionally thought to be ruled by the planet Mars, has long been considered an aphrodisiac and a symbol of fertility. In northern Europe, mothers sewed mustard seeds into the hems of their daughters’ wedding dresses in order to ensure the groom’s desire and enhance the bride’s ability to bear children. The Chinese, too, thought that mustard (like other spicy herbs) was an aphrodisiac. In India, mustard seeds were spread on door- and windowsills to repel evil spirits, and in Denmark mustard was grown around barns to protect the animals. In biblical times, mustard seeds symbolized faith and endurance, an idea that perhaps arose from the fact that mustard seeds, which have a hard outer shell, may lie dormant for decades, even as long as a century, before conditions are right for sprout
ing.
ing.
But all their energies were to no avail. For the third year in a row, Pete took first prize in only one category, while Homer took first prize in four, bringing his fans to their feet in frenzied celebration and causing Pete’s fans to swear that next year, their Mustard Mogul would sweep the field. Pete showed his displeasure by shoving his one blue ribbon and four red ones into his back pocket and stomping out of the judging tent in disgust, while Homer and his friends danced off to celebrate at Bean’s Bar and Grill. This entertaining rivalry has turned an ordinary, ho-hum mustard contest into one
of the big events of the year, and people line up early to get good seats.
of the big events of the year, and people line up early to get good seats.That’s why Ruby Wilcox was so pleased when she was asked to be one of the judges in the Gourmet Mustard Division, the very first woman judge, in fact. “At last,” she said, “I’ll have a chance to see what all the shouting is about.”
“Better you than me,” I replied, with feeling. While I always look forward to the spicy mustard-flavored dishes that show up in Division Two, I do not have Ruby’s taste for great bowls of fire—or rather, hot pots of fire, since we’re talking mustard here.
“I’ve always been curious about Homer and Pete,” Ruby mused. “Are they really as good as everybody says they are?”
The Strange Case of the Mistress of Mystery and the Mustard Club
Mystery fans are sure to recognize the name of Dorothy Sayers, the much-acclaimed author of the Lord Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane mysteries. In 1922, as a young advertising copy-writer, Sayers helped to create the Mustard Club, an advertising campaign for Colman’s Mustard. Members of the fictional Mustard Club included its president, Baron de Beef; Master Mustard, Lord Bacon of Cookham; and the club’s secretary, Miss Di Gester. Among the elements of the campaign: a filmed spoof in which a man is tried for allegedly attempting to eat a ham sandwich without mustard (he is found guilty and sentenced to be dunked in a mustard bath); and the “Recipe Book of the Mustard Club,” also written by Sayers, an excellent cook.
“Well, I guess you’ll get the inside story,” I replied. “I hope you’re ready, Ruby. Last year, I saw smoke curling out of the judges’ ears. You’ll need an asbestos tongue.”
In answer, Ruby only gave me an anticipatory grin and rubbed her hands together. I sighed. Anybody who can come up with a recipe called Hot Lips Cookie Crisps, made with habanero chiles, deserves anything she gets.
The next day, I ran into Homer Mayo in the checkout lane at Cavette’s Grocery. He was buying honey, several different kinds of vinegar, garlic, cloves, and allspice, and chile peppers.
“I see you’re getting ready for the mustard contest,” I remarked in a neighborly way.
Homer is a lean, leathery old man with a mane of white hair and very blue eyes—a blue which was intensified by the blue jumpsuit he was wearing, the zipper unzipped to show curling white hairs on his chest. He gave me a pitying look. “This ain’t fer the contest,” he said. “I cooked up my contest mustards a couple months ago. They gotta age, doncha know? You like yer mustard medium nippy, let it sit fer six weeks ’fore you put it in the fridge. You like it hot, give it four weeks, and double that for a good mild herb mustard.” He frowned. “You oughtta know that, China. It’s the secret to good mustard.”
Mustard by Any Other Name . . .
Mustard is also known as
rai
in India,
chiehi
in some areas of China,
biji sawi
in Malaysia,
sanape
in Italy,
Senf
in Germany,
moutarde
in France, and
mosterd
in Holland.
rai
in India,
chiehi
in some areas of China,
biji sawi
in Malaysia,
sanape
in Italy,
Senf
in Germany,
moutarde
in France, and
mosterd
in Holland.
“Oh, I do,” I said hastily. “Absolutely.”
He waved an arm, waxing eloquent. “Mustard needs to settle down, hang out fer a while, get mellow. Folks don’t think about that. They think, you cook up a batch o’ mustard, it’s hot to trot right that minute.” He leaned closer and grinned flirtatiously, showing a gold tooth. “Mustard’s like us old coots. Better when it’s been around.”
I grinned back, liking the sparkle in his eye. “There’s something to that,” I agreed.
“Want some o’ my mustard?” he asked. “I give a lot away, y’know. Fam’ly, friends, anybody that asks.” He put his hand on my arm, leaned closer, and whispered, “I spesh’ly like to give it away to pretty girls.”
“I’m flattered,” I said.
Mustard for Health
Like many other spicy herbs, mustard stimulates appetite and digestion. It also stimulates blood circulation and has for centuries been used in chest poultices to ease lung congestion and as a rub to warm chilly hands and feet. Some people still shake mustard powder into their socks in cold weather, and it is sometimes recommended as a warming foot bath. Native Americans found the herb useful for headaches and colds (they sniffed the powdered seeds as an inhalant); as a poultice to ease back pain; and to bring on menstruation. Because mustard’s volatile oils are potent, herbalists caution against its indiscriminate use.
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