An Unthymely Death (18 page)

Read An Unthymely Death Online

Authors: SUSAN WITTIG ALBERT

Two Gourmet Mustards You Can Make
PETE HITCHENS’S BLUE-RIBBON BEER MUSTARD
 
1 cup dark beer
¼ cup yellow mustard seeds
¼ cup brown mustard seeds
1½ cups apple cider vinegar
1 small onion, chopped
6 cloves garlic, minced
½ cup mustard powder
2 tablespoons icewater
1½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons sugar
½ teaspoon ground allspice
½ teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
 
Pour beer over the mustard seeds and let soak overnight. In a nonreactive pan (glass or stainless), place vinegar, onion, and garlic. Simmer until liquid is reduced by two-thirds. Strain and chill. Mix dry mustard and icewater and let sit for 20 minutes. Stir in cold vinegar, salt, sugar, allspice, cumin, ginger, and soaked mustard seeds. Place in a blender container and blend until mustard seeds are coarsely ground, scraping sides often. Pour into a saucepan and simmer over very low heat 10 to 15 minutes, until it thickens. Cool, place in a glass jar with a tight lid, and let sit in a dark cupboard for 4 to 5 weeks before using. Refrigerate after opening. Makes about 1 pint.
HOMER MAYO’S HORSERADISH MUSTARD
½ cup mustard powder
½ cup hot water
½ cup white wine vinegar or rice vinegar
2 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon prepared horseradish
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1 teaspoon sugar
teaspoon black pepper
teaspoon ground allspice
Additional vinegar, if necessary
 
Mix the dry mustard and water and let stand for 20 minutes, stirring once or twice. In a blender container, combine the vinegar, salt, horseradish, garlic, sugar, pepper, and allspice. Process until the garlic and horseradish have been pureed, then strain through a fine-meshed strainer, pressing out the juice from any pulp in the strainer. Discard the material in the strainer. In the top of a double boiler, combine the strained liquid with the mustard-water paste. Cook over simmering water for about 5 minutes, until the mustard has begun to thicken (it will continue to thicken as it cools). Remove from heat and allow to cool. If the mustard is too thick, thin it with a few drops of additional vinegar. Place in a glass jar with a tight lid, and let sit in a dark cupboard for 4 to 5 weeks before using. Refrigerate after opening. Makes about ½
But I have a totally different idea. I think Pete did it because he knew that if the shoe was on the other foot, or the mustard was spread on the other side of the bread, Homer would’ve done the same for him. Deep down under their surface rivalry, Pete Hitchens and Homer Mayo shared an abiding respect, admiration, and, yes, even
love
for one another. When push came to shove, Pete just couldn’t stand to see Homer go down to defeat by default, any more than he could stand to see himself come out on top by default.
And that’s it. A true story of Mustard Madness, on National Mustard Day in Pecan Springs. But if you’re sad that the story is over, don’t be. Just make it a point not to miss next year’s Adams County Fair. You can stuff yourself with flapjacks and bacon at the Cowboy Breakfast, enjoy an evening of live country music in the Pavilion, and admire the Cowgirl Cloggers as they clog up a storm. And you won’t want to miss Homer Mayo and Pete Hitchens, going up against one another, no holds barred, armed to the teeth with some of the finest mustards you’ll find anywhere in the great state of Texas.
“A tale without love is like beef
without mustard, an insipid dish.”
—Anatole France
For more about mustard, read
The Good Cook’s Book of Mustard
,
by Michele Anna Jordan, and
Mustard: Making Your Own Gourmet
Mustards,
by Janet Hazen.
In the meantime, though, you might want to make some of Homer’s and Pete’s gourmet mustards for yourself. It’s not hard to do, and once the word gets around, you’ll find yourself and your mustards invited to every weenie roast in town.
THE PENNYROYAL PLOT
THANKS, China,” Mary Burnet said as she gathered up the plastic bags of teas she had just finished blending. “That was a great workshop. I learned more than I ever expected to know about herbal teas—and about real tea, as well.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Mary,” I replied with a smile. “I did, too.”
Of all the classes I teach at Thyme and Seasons, the workshop on herbal teas—called From Garden to Teacup—is my favorite. We all troop out to the garden and look at a variety of tea plants: mint, scented geraniums, lemon verbena, pennyroyal, lavender, and many more. We talk about how to grow the plants and how to harvest and dry the leaves. Then we go into the tearoom and I demonstrate how to blend and brew the teas, using a variety of dried herbs. We sample the brewed teas, then everybody gets a chance to create their own original blends, or purchase some I’ve made.
The black, green, and flavored teas that we think of as “real” tea come from an evergreen shrub (
Camellia sinensis
) native to China. The plant is closely related to the camellia and magnolia, and it is the young leaves and leaf buds that are used as tea. The Chinese began brewing tea some two millennia ago, and it rapidly became an important part of Chinese culture. “Black” tea and “green” tea are both made from the same plant; the only difference is in the processing. The only commercial tea plantation in North America is located near Charleston, South Carolina.
Mary smiled and held up a plastic bag full of herbs. “I can’t wait to brew some of your Sweet Thyme tea. And I’m hoping the DreamyThyme tea will cure my insomnia.”
“Well, I don’t know about curing insomnia,” I said. “But it’ll make falling asleep a lot easier—and more pleasant.”
I said good-bye to Mary and the others, and began cleaning up. I was putting the dried herbs back on the shelf when Ruby came in from her shop next door. She was wearing a crazy-quilt broomstick skirt and a black top, and her orange Orphan Annie curls were a frizzy mop all over her head.
“I just got a phone call from Paula at the Teen Center,” she said sadly. “Old Mr. Pennyroyal has died.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, with genuine regret. I re- placed a big jar of dried sage. “He’d been sick for a long time, hadn’t he?”
Herbs for a Tea Garden
Strictly speaking, all teas are herbal, since the tea plant that gives us our black, green, and flavored teas is also classified as an herb. But when we talk about “herbal teas,” we’re usually referring to teas made from the leaves or seeds of garden herbs, brewed for simple pleasure or good health or both. Most tea herbs enjoy full sun, a not-too-rich soil, and a non-competitive environment—meaning that they’ll appreciate it if you pull the weeds now and then. (For more details, read
Tea Gardens: Places to Make and Take Tea,
by Ann Lovejoy.)
Ruby nodded. “I think he was ready to say good-bye.” Her smile was crooked. “We’re sad to see him go, but there’s a bright side. He left his house to the Teen Center.”
How to Brew a Pot of Herbal Tea
Begin with pure water (spring or distilled water), heated just to boiling (overboiling reduces the oxygen). Meanwhile, half fill the teapot with hot water, to take the chill off. Be sure that you know how many cups your teapot holds, so you’ll know how much tea herb to use.
Put the loose herbs into your teapot, one level teaspoon of dried herbs per cup. Pour boiling water into the pot and allow to brew for up to 15 minutes. Set a timer for 10 minutes and taste your tea. If you’d like it stronger, brew for 5 minutes more. Pour through a strainer into a pretty cup and sweeten with honey. Here are some other teatime tips.
•
To avoid a metallic taste, heat the water in a glass, enamel, or stainless steel pan, and use a ceramic teapot with a lid, to prevent the loss of the herb’s aromatic oils.
•
If you’re using fresh herbs, use 2 teaspoons per cup. Fold the leaves in a paper towel and bruise with a rolling pin to release the oil. If dry, use 1 teaspoon.
•
To reduce bitterness, strain out herbs immediately. To enjoy the tea later, refrigerate in a tightly capped jar and warm it gently in a nonreactive pan (glass or stainless).
•
If you use a tea ball or infuser, choose one that’s stainless and don’t pack it too full. These are best used to make one cup of tea, rather than a whole pot.
•
Many herbs have their own natural sweetness, but if you like sweet tea, add honey. Dip a spoon into the honey to film the spoon, then into your teacup. Stir and taste.
CHINA’S SWEET THYME TEA
½ cup dried pineapple sage leaves
½ cup dried chamomile flowers
½ cup dried rose hips
½ cup dried lemon thyme
½ cup dried lemon balm leaves
CHINA’S DREAMYTHYME TEA
 
½ cup dried chamomile flowers
½ cup dried lavender flowers
½ cup dried catnip leaves
½ cup dried strawberry leaves
 
Blend herbs and store in an airtight container. To brew, use 1 teaspoon herbal blend to 1 cup boiling water. Steep 4 to 5 minutes, strain, and serve, sweetened with honey.

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